


The Lottery of Life

by IBACULLEN



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Homelessness, Older Man/Younger Woman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 06:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 115,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15791049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBACULLEN/pseuds/IBACULLEN
Summary: Bella has been blessed with the finer things in life. She has always been focused on what she has and never understanding that money doesn't buy you everything. It will take one stupid bet and a homeless man to teach her what really is important in life. Can Edward get through to snobby Bella Swan and show her what she has been missing? AH HEA Mature.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I can change even one persons perspective with this story. I hope you will enjoy it!

CHAPTER ONE

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan…but the card declined again."

"That's impossible, there is like a hundred thousand dollar limit on that card." I snapped.

I didn't like snapping at sales people but sometimes they just…needed to learn their place.

"Don't worry, Bella. I've got this one." Lauren walked up and handed the sales woman her credit card and then whispered, "If you were having money issues…you could have told me."

I shrugged off her hand on my shoulder, "I am not having money issues. I'll pay you back."

The sales girl handed my bag to Lauren as if to note that I didn't pay for it and all I can think is how when I get home, my father will hear an earful about this. I snatch my bag from Lauren before she even has the chance to say one more thing and stomp out of the boutique.

"So…I will see you still for brunch tomorrow?" Lauren questioned.

"Yes, Lauren…I will have your money and for the inconvenience today…my treat. You can pick the restaurant."

"Okay…but just call me if you need to cancel." She finished suggestively.

Without another word I turn around and stalk off to my car. What a fucking day. I was so embarrassed; I can't even imagine anyone having a worse day then this. I see my car a couple of feet away and some rent-a-cop checking it out.

"Excuse me, do you mind?" I ask as I throw my bag into the backseat of my hot red Mercedes convertible.

The rent-a-cop rips something off his pad and hands it to me. "Meter expired."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I was like a minute late."

"Actually a little more than that." He replied.

"Whatever….put it on my tab, fake cop." I snatched the ticket from him and get into my car. I hadn't even asked the universe how my day could have gotten worse but like the tragedy of my life, it answered.

I loved driving down Wilshire with the top down on my car but in the summer months of California, the temperatures managed to rise a little too much for comfort. I turn on my A/C and it reminds me of my stupid brother, yelling at me last week for wasting money on gas to air condition myself while the top is down on my car. All the money in the bank and I have to be the one to end up with a penny pincher brother. Sometimes I wonder how we are even related.

I arrived home and threw my bags down to go over and grab the phone. I began dialing my dad's work line since I know at this time of day that is where I'll catch him. It rings and rings.

My father travelled often for business and it wasn't uncommon to not even know if he was in town. He had a house over in Malibu but when I was eighteen and he finally got tired of me complaining about the ocean weather damaging my hair among other things, he bought me my first house in the Hollywood Hills. This house was just a few miles from all the greatest clubs, restaurants and shopping places. My dad understood what a young girl needed apparently.

Of course sometimes it could be a little lonely living by oneself. I didn't even have a staff except for a cleaning lady who came twice a week so I was pretty much roughing it. But, sometimes I missed living at home, just knowing my dad was there and he could make everything right in my world. Now at days I was lucky to even get him on the phone.

"What is it, Bella?"

"Ugh…could you put dad on." I groaned.

"What is this about?"

"Dammit Michael, just put him on the phone." I yelled.

My stupid brother.

"What went wrong in your fairy princess world now? Your manicurist make your nails a little too pink?"

"No asshole, my credit card was declined. How is that even possible?" I huffed.

"Well, let me think…you went to Paris fashion week with Lauren and Jessica." He started.

"It's fashion week." I defended.

"You have been sleeping at the Beverly Hills hotel a lot lately." He continued.

"It's closer to the club…"

"You're house is like five minutes further."

"It doesn't have room service." I pointed out.

"Do you even hear yourself? You are the most irresponsible person on the planet."

"Well, big bro…we can't all be Yale grads." I sniped.

"Yeah, like dad would ever waste his money sending you to college. Doesn't take a financial analyst to know that would be a poor investment."

"Just put him on the phone, Michael." I ordered.

That college remark was a low blow and he knew it.

"I will have our accountant make a payment right away. I know it would pain you if you missed a sale at Nordstrom's."

"Let me talk to dad." I demanded.

"Bella, he's a busy man. Someone has to work hard around here to maintain your lifestyle. You'll see him on your birthday."

Michael hangs up and I'm so infuriated I throw my phone across the room and it smashes to pieces after hitting the wall.

"I am in serious need of a long soak in a nice hot bath." I said to no one.

The bath feels amazing and I can feel as each one of my muscles relax. I watch the facet as it continues to drip and think about my conversation with my brother. My birthday was in just a week and at least he had confirmed that my dad would be there. It was times like this when I really missed my mother. She passed away when I was seven and life just seemed to get a little worse after that.

My dad became obsessed with his father's company and traded in our family time for work time. The year she passed was when we got our first nanny and ever since then it had been a treat to even have a dinner with my dad.

Michael overcompensated greatly and wanted to do any and everything he could to get my father's attention. He went to Yale, majored in business and followed in my dad's footsteps so much you'd think his nose was surgically attached to my dad's ass.

I didn't go to college. Instead I was given another option.

"Bella…you just don't meet the criteria. You would never be happy in a college setting. I'm not going to spend money on you living it up at fifty-thousand dollar a year school when you could be much happier experiencing life in other ways."

"But…I thought you wanted me to go to Yale. I have the grades. That was your school; don't you want me following your footsteps like Michael?"

I didn't understand why he was saying this to me. I had my worked my ass off in Bellingham Academy because I knew that Yale was in my future. I didn't want to disappoint or embarrass my father if I didn't get in.

"Some people aren't cut out for school. Your young and you should see what else life has to offer you. You'll make a good wife someday and I'm sure you want to live your life before you settle down. I know how much you hate it here in Malibu so I promise on your eighteenth birthday, my gift to you, any house you want."

Not only did I lose Yale that day but my home. I fought to believe that my dad loved me and only wanted me to be happy but sometimes if I really stopped to seek the answer to that question...

So I did what he told me to do. I went out and lived life. I partied and shopped and had my choice of men. I would find a guy and take him back to the Beverly Hills hotel because I didn't want strangers in my home. I guess I have been staying a little too much at the hotel lately. I should probably ease back on the gentleman callers.

I pull the plug from my bath and watch as the water spirals down the drain. A metaphor for my life.

Lauren wouldn't let me forget of her charity. She didn't hesitate to tell Jessica all about it the next day at our lunch either.

"I don't even know how you were able to handle yourself with such grace, I mean if that had been me standing there in the middle of Marc's with a declined credit card….I'd…I'd…I'd probably be in jail or something because I'm pretty sure there would be a homicide. But not you Bella…you worked through it like a real champ."

"Stop being such a bitch, Lauren. Geez, my accountant fucked up. Big deal. It's fixed and will never happen again." I stated determined.

"Didn't they cut up the card…in the movies they always cut up the card in front of you." Jessica shuddered.

"No, they didn't or else Lauren's right, there would have been a homicide."

I have no idea how I ever became friends with these two. Lauren, Jessica and I had a love hate relationship. We were in love with ourselves so much that we hated each other but it is so hard to find good people these days that know their way around a decent wardrobe.

"Eww!" Jessica gasps. "What is that man doing here, near a place like this?"

"Yeah, Lauren, why would you pick a restaurant frequented by bums? Where's the class."

I couldn't help but rub it in a little. Payback for yesterday. The man outside the restaurant window looked like he had never seen the inside to a decent shower. His clothes were tattered and probably ten shades darker than they were supposed to be from all the dirt and god knows what else. The man turned briefly to look at us and I was taken aback by how young he looked. I was expecting some old geezer but this man was probably not much older than thirty. He had strange brown locks that sat in disarray and he was in desperate need of a shave. Hello, the Castaway look has never been in.

"Excuse me." Lauren snapped her fingers at the waiter. "Would you please call the authorities or something. There is a man panhandling outside your restaurant. We are not paying good money to have to watch that while we eat."

"I'm sorry miss…I'll deal with it right away." The waiter scurried away quickly to his manager.

"It's so sad." Jessica commented looking out toward the man on the street.

"Sad? I don't feel sadden, I feel…dirty." Lauren trembled at the thought with a sneer on her lip. "I swear, I must have been such a great person in my previous life."

"Why would you think that?" I asked waiting for what I'm sure will be a very enlightening conversation topic.

"Well, you have to figure that people like that must have done something horrible in their past life to deserve a life in dirt and grime. I live in an amazing home; I have money and anything I could ever ask for or want. I read about it in a magazine, reincarnation or whatever the fuck which would make me a prime person back in my former life."

"Reincar…what?" Jessica's still working that one out and I can't blame her.

We see an officer approach the homeless man outside our restaurant window and talk him into moving on.

"Taser him!" Lauren stood up and yelled while shaking her fist at the window.

"Lauren, he hasn't done anything to warrant that." I declared.

"So." She looked at me like I'm crazy, "My tax dollars pay their salary, I think I have the right to tell that officer how to do his job."

"What tax dollars? You don't even have a job." I pointed out.

"I pay taxes all the time. Hello? We just went shopping and paid like over a hundred dollars in taxes." She argued.

"That's sales tax…not exactly the same thing as federal and state taxes."

"Whatever, who died and made you the President." She huffed and sat back down.

"So…Bella, what are we doing for your birthday? Which club did you decide to go to this year?" Jessica asked trying to steer the conversation.

"I was actually thinking of maybe…having a party over at my dad's place. On the beach or something."

"Like a bonfire…or maybe a yacht? Yacht would be cool." Jessica suggested.

"I don't know. I still have to ask my dad and I won't know if it's a go until I can talk with him. Michael said that he was coming to my birthday dinner so I'll ask him then."

"Michael?" Jessica always turns red whenever she hears me mention my brother. I roll my eyes and look over at Lauren and see that she hasn't taken focus off the window where the man stood before being ushered off.

I said farewell to my friends and leave the restaurant. I now had a whole day to myself and no plans in sight. Probably a great day to catch up on my Tivo.

"Can you help me out?" A voice startled me out of my planning and I practically jump out of my skin.

"Holy shit, what the fuck? You scared the shit out of me." I clutched my chest and look down at the very same man who had just been escorted away from our restaurant window.

"My apologies." He replied sincerely and for just a second I am caught off guard by the color of his eyes. A shade of green I can't even begin to describe. "So…do you think you can help me out?"

"Help you do what?" I huffed.

He raised his cup and shook it about making the change inside clang around.

"I don't carry cash…and now I know why." I smiled briefly down at him, "Besides, my father always told me one should always help themselves before…"

"Really, and what exactly do you do for a living where you're able to help yourself without asking for help?" he argued with a sly smile.

And he has me.

"Well, excuse me for being loved and well taken care of. Why don't you just go and ask your parents for help?"

"Can't…they're dead."

For a second my heart drops and I actually feel sorry for him but I quickly stow those feelings.

"I don't think you're allowed to be here…this kind of area really frowns on panhandling." I stated before walking past him.

"I love this area because it reminds spoiled brats like you, that there is more to life than just money."

I paused and look down at him. "Funny, since that is what you want from me."

"Actually I am enjoying our conversation. Just human interaction is worth more than…my next meal. Plus just knowing that you will go home tonight and think of that ruggedly handsome man you met on the street, who if your friends even spotted you this second, you'd probably die from embarrassment is truly…" he began laughing as he sees my face turn red when I think about what Lauren and Jessica would say if they saw me now.

He is mocking me. Making fun of me.

"Try being a better person and maybe in your next life you can come back with more in your pocket and a cup you use just to drink out of." I snapped.

I can't believe I just said that. That damn Lauren poisoning my mind.

"Wait a second." The man with his dirty brown hair and green piercing eyes jumps up from off the ground. "Did you just make reference that I deserve this…because I wasn't a good person in my last life?" he points to himself.

I don't know what to say.

"I may not be Richie Rich but at least I'm not Richie bitch." He added.

My jaw dropped but I recovered quickly. "Better to be a bitch then to be alone and homeless."

"I may be homeless but I am far from alone…I have you to keep me company." He teased with a wink. I gasped in disgust and this time I keep on walking even when he yelled after me.

"Come on Richie Bitch…I'm just playing. No need to credit your credit card twisted."

And that's what I get for engaging with someone like that.

I finally get home and slide into something comfortable before throwing myself on the couch with a quart of Ben and Jerry's. I turn on the television practically pounding on the buttons of my remote and for the first time I realize that something has upset me and indeed I can't help but think of the homeless man on the street. Ruggedly handsome? I think not.

"Ugh, I hate when people make me think." I complained out loud once again to no one.

I sigh and stuff my face with Cherry Garcia and he is right because I do think about him and I was wrong because I may not be homeless but I am definitely alone.

My twenty-third birthday finally came and no more thoughts were to be had of that dirty man on the street. My dad was coming today. We were going to have dinner at the Roosevelt hotel tonight and I would ask him if he would consider having my birthday party with a few friends and acquaintances at his house this year. I spent all day getting ready for this dinner and I knew that my dad was king when it came to birthday presents.

Tomorrow, Lauren and Jessica and I had are normal birthday plans at the Ivy where we would sit and enjoy brunch while keeping a keen eye out for celebrities. I had been to many a Hollywood party and celebrities were always the scene but being as talented as a crow, I just never really got into them except when scandal followed. Hence the reason I practically lived and breathed the E! Entertainment network. All scandal, all the time.

My car arrived at six pm sharp to come and take me to the restaurant. I knew that Michael would come and even though he was a little weasel, I guess it was the right thing to be surrounded by family on your birthday but I would much rather have a night with my dad to myself.

"Swan reservation." I announced as I entered the restaurant.

"Good, evening. Is the whole party here?"

"My father should be here soon. If I could just go ahead and be seated…my heels have a time limit."

"Of course, follow me."

I sat there enjoying a glass of red wine while I waited for my family to show. I was on my second glass when I finally texted Michael for their ETA. Just as I hit send, Michael walked in.

"Happy Birthday, baby sister."

"Where's dad." I disregarded the greeting.

"Bad news…he had to fly to New York. Very last-minute, he feels like shit. Asked me to give this to you." Michael handed me an envelope and I felt as my eyes began to water. I was thankful for the dark atmosphere so I have enough time to compose myself.

I pull open the envelope and take the card out, inside a generic Happy Birthday card that I know my dad's secretary signed it because this isn't his writing.

Happy Birthday Isabella.

-Charles A. Swan

A thousand dollar bill next to the forgery. I throw the card onto the table and stuff the cash into my mini before turning to leave.

"Bella, might as well have dinner…it's on dad."

I whipped around, "Tell dad to save his money, I wouldn't want to put him out."

I feel my blood boiling as I try to save some grace for my departure. I jump into my hired car for the evening and think of what will help me feel better.

"Take me to the Troubador." I told my driver as I look out on the street and see it filled with happy wanders. Guess tonight I'll be staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel after all. I had been so good but what other way should I spend my birthday then with some stranger and hopefully a nice strong fuck to help me forget.

The car pulled out into traffic and I look down at the obscene bill sticking out of my purse. I wanted to rip it up and throw it out the window as we continued forth. I take the bill and held it between my fingers just about to rip but the car comes to a sudden stop and I hear my driver curse.

"What happened?" I asked after I had finished bracing myself.

"Damn vagrant. Just stepped right out into traffic." He replied.

I practically push my face up against the glass and strain to see the person he speaks of but it isn't the man I thought it would be. The man who called me spoiled and that name…Richie Bitch.

"Hold up." I stopped my driver from continuing. I jump out of the car in a second of sheer insanity, I chase after the homeless man. "Excuse me…excuse me."

I called out again and the man turns around startled.

"Here, take this." I shoved my birthday present in the man's hands and he looked down and is completely taken aback. A car honked its horn and before I can get out of the street the homeless man grabbed a hold of me and starts squeezing me tight. He smelled of piss and sweat. This is what I get for trying to do something nice.

"All right, all right." I shrugged him off and ran back toward my car. Now there is no way I can go to a bar, I smelled like a garbage truck.

"Home. Just…take me home." I sighed and the car continues on. No better of a night to turn in early. I had my birthday brunch in the morning with the girls and I needed to be rested to be on top of my game with those two.

"So no birthday at the beach? No yacht?" Lauren asked just after I had just finished telling of my disastrous dinner the night before. Of course I left out the part about the homeless man and the traffic jam I caused on Sunset.

"No Michael?" Jessica added.

I sighed and shook my head.

"So…then where are we going to celebrate your birthday?" Lauren asked.

"I don't think I want a birthday party this year. It's always the same old thing. I just want to not be reminded that I am another year older." I sighed.

Or reminded that another year has passed and I am still the same person with no advancement in her life.

"You're so depressing, I like need a Prozac just to talk to you." Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Oh my god, look who just walked in. Jacob Black. Man, Bella you have all the best celebrity sightings on your birthday." Jessica's eyes glossed over and both Lauren and I careened our necks to get a look at the hottest actor in the world.

Jacob Black, Hollywood's bad boy and the sexiest man on the planet. He was only twenty-five and already on everyone's radar. His perfect black hair and don't even get me started on that body. I could roll sushi on those abs. I smile just picturing it for a second.

"Damn he is fine." Lauren drooled.

"He's not with anyone…that's surprising. Why would you come to The Ivy to be seen alone?" Jessica pondered.

"I am looking exceptionally hot. I think I'm going to go for it." Lauren perked up her boobs and does a once over in her compact. "You don't mind, do you Bella?"

"Why would I care? I would love to see you make an ass out of yourself in front of Jacob Black. This is like the best birthday present ever." I laughed.

"We'll see who's laughing when I land a date." Lauren stood up and exited our table. I wish I had her self-confidence but then again there is such a thing as too much self-confidence.

Both Jessica and I watch as Lauren shakes her ass over to Jacob Black's table. She tries all her best moves and within less than a minute she is escorted away from the table by one of Jacob's security team.

Jessica and I are both laughing as Lauren sits back down. She is not happy.

"Rejected?" I asked.

"Whatever, Bella…let's see you make it past the velvet rope. He's obviously here on business and doesn't want to be disturbed." She makes excuses.

"That's okay…I don't need validation from Jacob Black, I already know I'm hot." I replied.

"Because you know you can't get on his radar either…you may be rich but you're not famous…I bet that you couldn't get Jacob Black to even notice you were alive."

"I feel a bet coming on." Jessica sang.

"I don't need to make a silly bet." I assured.

"Because you know you would fail." Lauren incited.

Fail. I hated that word. I was Isabella Swan. I don't fail. Anymore at least.

"What's the bet?" I took the bait.

Lauren thought for a second while she looked over at Jacob Black for inspiration.

"I bet…that you couldn't get Jacob Black's attention. Let's say you have to be in his presence for at least one hour and thirty minutes of that time has to be full on conversation." She began.

I sit there and think about it.

"And…you're not allowed to use money as a way to get to him." She added.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"It means that you can't bid on some celebrity auction to "win a date with" or you can't buy you're way in to one of his events or even buy you're way into a club that he attends. You have to access him without using daddy's credit card."

"That's like impossible." Jessica noted.

"You'll have to rely on your looks and charming personality, Bella." Lauren mocked.

It was impossible. How the hell was I supposed to get on Jacob Black's radar without using money? But seeing that smug look on Lauren's face made me want to say yes just to shock her shit so bad that I'd wipe the "C's" of her favorite lambskin Chanel purse.

"If I win this bet...and you lose then…you are not allowed anywhere near fashion week for the whole year. No Paris. No New York. No Milan. Not even L.A."

I knew I hit the motherlode. Jessica's jaw dropped and Lauren, I could tell suddenly didn't think this was such a good idea. She closed her mouth and I could practically see her makeup working overtime due to perspiration.

Lauren swallowed before answering. "And if I win?"

"Name your terms."

"If I win…I want your dad's yacht."

"I can't give you something that isn't mine." I laughed.

"No but you can talk him into letting me take it for a spin during the summer for my vacay down to St. Croix…which you will pay for, if you can afford it…"

She went for it. She knew that my dad and I weren't on great terms and this would be the salt in the wound but then again I did threaten the holy of holies, fashion week. The one thing Lauren lived for in life. It's what separated her from the commoners.

"You have yourself a bet, Miss Malloy."

It was such a stupid bet. I didn't have one idea of how I would ever get to Jacob Black without being able to buy my way through but I wasn't going to give up. Who knew that the homeless man with his weird brown colored hair would be my meal ticket to shutting up Lauren for good.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

The terms were simple; get to Jacob Black, have a conversation with him for at least thirty minutes and I wasn't allowed to use money in anyway. That last part was the tricky term and I had until Christmas Eve to conquer this feat.

I arrived home and went straight to work. I was determined and rejuvenated with a sense of purpose. No more Ben and Jerry's reality television couch days for me, I had a job to do. My first task was to find out anything and everything about the celebrity in question.

I fired up my computer and spent my day looking over articles, interviews and TMZ to find out what Jacob Black like to do, where Jacob Black ate and just who was Jacob Black. He was partier that was for sure. No problem there. He spent the bulk of his money apparently on fast cars and gambling and his big scandal was that he has had two DUI's in two years. Dumbass! I may drink and party but at least I call a cab.

Upcoming projects has him in town till the end of the year, thankfully working on a sequel to his last film, Everybody Kills. This film is entitled Everybody Dies ans was set to start filming at Paramount this month. Maybe I could get a job at Paramount, or better yet maybe I could get a job working for Jacob Black.

Reality hits me in the face when I realize how impossible it will probably be to get a job when I have no skills and just a high school diploma. I'm not allowed to use money so there is no way I can buy my way in.

I sighed and sat back in my chair, my computer screen littered with Jacob Black. I'm only two hours into this stupid bet and I already saw myself failing. I click mindlessly through the image gallery on Google, picture after picture of perfect Jacob Black with his perfect smile. Pictures of him at premieres and parties. Pictures of him doing charity work. Pictures of him jogging through Griffith Park…jogging! That's it! I can get a hold of him through jogging.

I jumped up from my computer and it became clear to me. I printed the picture out and raced out of my house. We need to do some shopping. I had no clothes to go jogging in or shoes for that matter so I tapped into my phone and found the nearest sporty store.

I am incredibly excited as I entered the store, thinking that this whole messy bet could be over as early as tomorrow morning. Based on the sky in the picture it looked as if Jacob Black jogs early in the morning. I probably over bought since I can't decide what outfit I want to wear when I finally make contact so I decided to leave that for later. I found matching tennis shoes in all sorts of colors. Who knew they had so many workout shoes, it's like they made them to match every outfit so that even when you worked out you could be color coördinated.

I arrived back at my house and laid out all the different outfit considerations to try to get ready for the morning. I have a cute outfit, check. I have a bottle of water, check. I have my phone good and charged and a photo of the place Jacob Black had been seen jogging and now all I needed was a good night sleep.

"Tomorrow, we go hunting."

I probably should get a cat or something to talk to but even my loneliness can't hold me back today because I had a mission.

I woke up at six am the next morning and I had forgotten what it is to have to be up before the sun. I shower, get my makeup all applied and put on my cute pink and black jogging outfit with my new cute pink puma's and headed out for Griffith Park. I have never jogged before in my life. I have never even been to Griffith Park so I am a little overwhelmed when I finally got there and stepped outside of my car.

Now what?

I tentatively walked toward the trail and I saw a few people already getting going. I looked at my picture and noticed that this looks like it could have been taken anywhere. How am I ever going to find the point of origin? I tried jogging a little but after a few minutes I am already winded and my makeup has melted down my face especially since the sun is up now and beating directly down on me. I look around and try to find a good place to rest. Maybe I should just stay in one place and have Jacob Black come to me.

I wasted the better part of my day out there in that god awful sun waiting for that bastard. By noon I had enough and decided to call it quits. My makeup made me look like a damn Picasso and I was sure I smelled as bad as the trash can near the exit.

I needed to regroup and come back with a better plan tomorrow. I got into my car and put the top down, not wanting my stench to stink up my car. I'm drove down Sunset and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes, standing next to the Mobil station is my homeless man…well not my homeless man but the guy who called me names.

I pulled into the Mobil station and jumped out of my car.

"Hey you." I called.

I got his attention and he cautiously walked over to me.

"Is that you…Richie Bitch?" He looked me over, "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

Why am I here talking to this guy? Why did I pull over?

"You just look like a box of crayons that's been out in the sun too long." He smirked.

"Screw you, dude. I have had a really bad morning. You have no idea how hard it is to work all morning in the hot sun and still have nothing to show for it."

Homeless dude shook his cup at me, "No…I have no idea how that is. Please enlighten me."

"That's not what I mean. Ugh…never mind, anyways I just wanted to stop and tell you that you're wrong about me. I'm not as big of a…Richie Bitch as you thought. I gave a homeless man a thousand dollars the other night. He didn't ask me for it, I just gave it to him…on Sunset Boulevard, in the middle of traffic…so there."

"Really?" He asked taken aback.

"Don't believe me?"

"No…I believe you…I know that man you gave that money to. He came into the soup kitchen with tears in his eyes and then gave that thousand dollar bill to the owners."

"What? Why would he do that? I gave him that money so that he could do something with it." I exclaimed.

"He did do something with it. He gave back because…the soup kitchen has always been there for him and he wanted to repay the debt."

I slumped against the car completely flabbergasted shaking my head.

"You don't think he did the right thing?" he asked.

"No! I mean, he could have rented a cheap motel for a couple of days and had a real meal instead of some slop from a soup kitchen. I should have given it to someone else."

"Most people would feel happy hearing that their money went to a good cause…most people think that you give a homeless man money, he'll just go and spend it on liquor."

"Yea, I suppose that liquor would be worse. Anyway, I have a lot of work to get done…I should get going."

"Work? Finally decided to not live off your parents?" he questioned.

"No…I just…have a project I'm working on. I'm sure to you it's stupid but to me it's…personal."

"What project? Is that the reason why you look like a paint pallete?"

"I don't want to tell you, you'll just think it's stupid and shallow. I've had enough judging from you for a day."

"Uh…Miss, that's all you do of me. Just tell me the project. I will try not to make you feel bad about yourself."

I rolled my eyes and still don't know why I am standing here talking to this man, especially out in the open where we can be seen.

"I made a bet with a friend and the stakes are really high." I sighed.

He waits for me to continue.

"I have to meet Jacob Black and hold a conversation with him and I only have until Christmas to do it."

"The actor?"

"No, the president. Of course the actor." I mocked.

"So…why don't you just have your daddy buy you a part in his next movie or…something."

"Because…I can't use money." I huffed dramatically.

The homeless dude stood there staring at me for a long second and then flew into a fit of laughter.

"I love it. Oh my god do I love it!" he said through tears, "It's like the perfect irony."

"Hey, you said you weren't going to make me feel bad." I reminded him.

"Sorry…so what is up with the workout gear and Jackson Pollack painting on your face?" he waved a hand at me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to look away, "I saw that he jogged in Griffith Park…I worked really hard on picking out the perfect outfit and shoes to match and that bastard didn't show. I waited for like five hours on that hot horrible trail and the only thing I'll probably catch is skin cancer. Fucking unreliable actors."

"Did you know he was going to be there? Did you like call his assistant and check before waiting out in the sun for five hours?"

"Do you really think that his assistant is going to tell me that information?" I rolled my eyes at his stupidity.

"Maybe you should have tried his publicist. Tell them that you're a photographer wanting to get a great shot for the Enquirer and wanted it to be him jogging since those always sell well. Most publicist, you'd be surprise sell out their clients whereabouts if they know there is good publicity in it."

I stepped back kind of astonished. "That's…actually a really good idea. How did you know that?"

I could see that I struck a chord, homeless dude stepped back a smidge and then tried to brush it off.

"Common sense…I guess." I looked at him sharply trying to figure him out but then he changed direction, "If you really want a chance to meet Jacob Black, you could try the soup kitchen."

I crinkle my nose, "Uh…no offense but he can afford a decent meal."

Homeless dude shook his head and rolled his eyes at me, "I meant that he comes every year to do his annual goodwill publicity tour. He always stops in on Thanksgiving at the Horizons Soup Kitchen to shake a few hands and serve a couple of bowls before dosing his hands with sanitizer and jumping into his Lamborghini to jet off. Personally, I think he's an asshole but…go get him. I'm sure you and him would make perfect money-grubbing babies."

"Fuck you, homeless dude!" I pulled open my car door and slide into my seat. "Maybe if you were a tad nicer, you wouldn't be standing there with a quarter in your cup."

I started the car and I can see him look down to his cup, "A quarter and nickel for you information. Mind helping a homeless dude out before you choke him with your exhaust fumes?"

"Suddenly I have something better to do."

I sped off in my car making myself not look back in my rearview mirror. I didn't want to feel any kind of guilt for leaving him once again without even a penny. I thought back over our conversation and for a quick minute it saddens me that even though I was thoroughly pissed off and disgusted by homeless dude, I kind of… actually…maybe…liked talking to him. Even though he was horribly rude and obscene sometimes, he never lied to me at least.

I was headed toward home knowing that the rest of my day was going to be me talking to my walls as I tried to figure out my next move for Jacob Black. Don't get me wrong I was much happier after I had showered and changed back into normal clothes but I didn't want to spend my afternoon and evening thinking about homeless dude.

I needed help. Someone who could point me in the right direction and give me some strong advice. There was only one person who I could think of that would actually want to see me. I changed clothes again knowing that my grandfather never liked seeing me in "club" clothes. That was what he would call clothing that he deemed unprofessional or too short. I dressed appropriately because my grandfather lived near the Calabasas Country Club and that is usually where I would find him.

With my churchy clothes on I drove the distance to go and visit my dad's father. Grandfather and I actually had a pretty decent relationship. He never turned down a visit from his only granddaughter.

"Is that my little Belly?" He stood up from a table inside the club restaurant.

"Grandfather." I greeted with a hug. "I'm so happy I found you."

My grandfather wasn't anything like my father. He was kind and patient. He had spent the better part of his life building his company but when he reached fifty, he retired and left it in the hands of my dad. He always said that the gates of heaven would be lost to the men who spent their lives looking down for quarters in a sidewalk crack. Meaning that he didn't want to always be looking at his bank account when there were far better uses of his time.

"What do I owe this pleasure…it's been far too long." He said taking my hand and sitting me beside him at his table.

"Well, I know that it's been awhile and…well…you're the only one I can go to when I have problem. It's a stupid problem I warn you but…you always had the best ideas."

"There is no problem that is stupid. If it matters to you then it's not stupid at all."

Just wait until you hear it.

"Why don't we order up some dinner and you can you can tell me all about it." He suggested.

"Dinner? It's like four o'clock."

"Yes, and at my age I have to get a full night's sleep if I'm going to make tee time at seven a.m. You have no idea how hot it can get out here during these late summer months. I can't wait for autumn other than that nasty wind always wanting to blow my ball into the damn pond."

"Oh grandfather, you crack me up."

We ordered a meal and while we waited for it to arrive I told him all about my stupid bet.

"Your father will never lend out his yacht to your friend I'm afraid. This is a pickle…which means you have no choice but to win."

"It was stupid for me to agree to this, wasn't it?"

"Awe…bets can be fun but it's always good to have your ducks in a row. So tell me what have you tried so far."

"Well…this morning I spent the better part of my morning at Griffith Park trying to find Jacob Black but all I ended up finding was two mosquito bites and really great tan." I sighed. "Homeless dude told me I should go to the soup kitchen on Thanksgiving because he always shows up there."

"Homeless dude? What is a homeless dude?" My grandfather asked.

"He is…just a…"

"Spit it out, Belly." My grandfather is always quick to the point.

I sulked, "He's this guy I met on the street…he's a homeless…dude." I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know what to say about him, other than he is rude and insulting and he calls me Richie Bitch."

My grandfather started laughing.

"Hey." I complained.

"Richie Bitch…that's a good one."

"Grandfather." I chastised.

"I'm sorry sweetheart but were you acting like a Richie Bitch at the time?"

I looked down at my plate. "It's not my fault…he was panhandling and I told him about what dad always said about helping yourself…"

"Oh Bella." My grandfather smacked himself on his forehead. "Your father, my son is a twit. Don't turn to him for advice about humanity." He paused for a moment and reflected before continuing. "Do you want to know my biggest mistake in life? You should listen to this because I don't want this to be yours. My biggest mistake was ever taking money seriously. I wish I had never made that company."

"But why? It…you were successful. You made something of yourself and if it wasn't for that company, you wouldn't have had the things you have…my father wouldn't have the things…"

I wouldn't have the things I have.

"But you know what I would have had?"

I shook my head.

"My family." He looked out the window to the golf course and I can see him swiftly wipe his eyes. "All the money in the world…it's not worth the price. Your father…I could have been a better father and then maybe I would get a visit instead of a bottle of scotch for Christmas. Now the bastard makes so much money that I can't even bribe him to come see me."

I don't know what to say because I feel exactly the same way about my dad. I didn't even get a visit; my bottle of scotch was a generic card with a thousand dollar bill inside.

"You should apologize to this…homeless dude. I think you could learn a lot more from him then from a lot of people. So about this soup kitchen…"

"Well, Jacob Black uses it as his "charity" he shows up and shakes a couple of hands and gives out some soup…for the cameras of course. Apparently he does this every Thanksgiving for the past…couple of years or so."

"Then I think that is where you should focus your efforts." My grandfather declared.

"Soup kitchen? I'm not homeless…I don't think it would be right to walk in with my Fendi bag and eat the free food just to get near Jacob Black."

"No Bella…of course I don't think you should go undercover as a homeless person. You should go and volunteer." He stated matter of factly.

"Volunteer?" I gasped.

"Take that look off your face. I refuse to believe that my granddaughter is too good to volunteer her time to a worthy cause." He replied harshly.

I instantly try to wipe the horror off my face at his proposal.

"You don't have a job…I think it would be good for you to see the other side of the fence."

Somehow I don't think it will be greener though.

"Isn't it just as wrong to go and volunteer for something when I have a self-serving hidden agenda?" I asked.

"Well…I doubt anyone would care as long as you really put some effort into it. The people who run those places are usually just happy for the help. You have no idea the amount of work that goes into a place like that and I really think that this is the best way to win your bet and maybe you'll even have a…revelation."

I sighed and focused on the table-cloth. Was I really even contemplating this?

"Also if I were you I'd start volunteering now because they usually only invite the volunteers who have been there awhile to something like that. You'd be surprised how many people will show up on Thanksgiving ready to help out but then will go back to their lives the moment its over patting themselves on the back the whole way for a job well done."

"I'll think about it." I replied softly.

"Please do, Bella. I know you'll do the right thing. I have always had faith that you would be the one in our family to really…be someone."

I barked out a laugh. I of all people would never be "someone." I didn't have Michael's fancy education or my father's work ethic. I was starting to wonder about my grandfather's senility.

I went straight home after I promised my grandfather that I would think about what he said and keep him abreast of my progress. It was such a stupid thing for him to be involved in but I think he kind of got a kick out of it.

I practically walked straight into my personal sauna just so I could clear my head before any thoughts were to be had. The steam always helped me relax and pull out everything negative from my mind. It was perfectly cleansing.

I tried to rid my mind of Jacob Black and my grandfather's ideas. That seemed easy but the one thing I wanted to go away just stayed there nestling itself good and deep into my brain; homeless dude. I looked around at my mini sauna and wondered where he would be sleeping tonight? Would he go to a shelter? Would he sleep in park or under a bench? Did he make enough money to at least buy himself some dinner?

Probably not and that's your fault Bella. You could have at least given him a couple of dollars. You gave a complete stranger a grand and you won't give the man who may have sent you on the right path for your bet, a fiver?

The sauna did not work at purging my thoughts. Sleep was my only salvation now. I went to bed deciding to leave any and all decisions aside for tomorrow when I was better rested. I crawled into my amazing bed and settled down in.

Sleep came quickly but it wasn't the sleep I needed. Nightmares. Lots and lots of nightmares of my homeless dude. Nightmares of him starving. Nightmares of him freezing. Nightmares of him getting hurt. I had the opportunity to help out another human being and instead I chose what I always chose; myself.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

I haven't the first clue on what I should even wear to a place like that. Maybe I should go and shop at Walmart to find something appropriate. But then I would be in those itchy clothes all day long...I shook my head and took a deep cleansing breath in. What does a person wear when they go and volunteer at a soup kitchen?

I laid in a pile of clothes in my closet as I stared into the void. This was a lot harder than jogging. I needed to do some more research to get me on the right track so I went and grabbed my laptop settling myself back in the closet as I searched for inspiration. Maybe if I could find a good movie about homeless people I can see what the volunteers wore when they worked there.

I started tapping into Goggle, "movies about homeless people" and of course a thousand different searches come up. I looked though a list and I hadn't seen a one of these movies. The all looked really boring too.

Annie? But I'm not working at an orphanage. Do they even have orphanages anymore?

"Curly Sue!" I cheered.

I loved that movie when I was a kid. Oh yea...she was homeless. I remembered a scene when she and her dad and had to share a cot or something at a shelter and the next morning she woke up and her necklace was gone. I don't remember seeing volunteer's though.

You're making this way too hard, Bella. Jeans. Jeans are like a staple in American fashion. Jeans a black shirt, flats, can't go wrong with that. I'm just another regular Joe. I dress out and stare at myself in a mirror for ten minutes while I decided if this is was the right outfit. I finally realized that it doesn't matter what I wore, I was just stalling.

I don't want to do this.

Stupid bet! Stupid Lauren.

Without another glance at the mirror I forced myself to leave my comfy home for what my grandfather called the other side of the fence. More like the other side of the ten freeway. I drove myself using my phone to help guide me. I went down past the ten freeway and I was pretty sure I had never been this far south before in Los Angeles. Suddenly I'm worried about my car in a place like this. Oh well, I have excellent insurance.

I parked when I finally arrived at a rundown building with a giant yellow sign plastered on the front of it that said, Horizons. I parked but I couldn't turn off the engine, so I sat there as my air-conditioner worked overtime. I felt my underarms as they began to sweat and I itched just thinking about it. Maybe I should come back tomorrow. This was far enough for today.

I started to think on this stupid bet and then I thought about my grandfather and I'm finally able to turn off the car at least. I cautiously got out of my safe haven convertible and held my purse close to me as I walked across the street to the building.

I opened the door and it seemed pretty quite inside not at all what I thought it would be like. I had pictured screaming babies and crying people. I walked in a little further and see the whole room is cleared out. Not a soul in sight. There were probably ten rows of tables and a serving line. The walls were beige and the floor was checked pattern. Just looking around made me depressed.

"Hello?" I called out.

"We're not open for lunch until one." I heard someone call back.

"Is that when volunteers come too?" I asked into the void.

Suddenly I heard a bunch of ruckus come from behind the serving area. A door swung open and a person so tiny she could practically be a midget hopped out.

"You want to volunteer?" she practically flew over to me and then stopped as she gave me a look up and down while holding some kind of tool. "Is this for school? Or community service hours that you need to fulfil."

"Uh...neither? Do I need to be registered at a school to volunteer?" I asked perplexed.

"No!" She exclaimed. "So...you want to volunteer...just to volunteer?"

I was so confused.

"Is that...wrong?" I asked.

"No, of course not. It's just we don't get many people around her who want to volunteer unless they have a reason. We have a lot of groups that come through for a day or so. Then we have people who have legal issues and need to fulfill community service hours to satisfy their parole. Um...were you planning on volunteering for just lunch or dinner too?"

"Well, I don't really know how all this works...I've never done anything like this before but I don't have a job and very few commitments. How many days would you like me to volunteer for?"

"Days?" The small girl with her spikey black hair, eye's popped out, "You plan on coming back?"

"If that's okay?" I didn't know who felt more awkward in this room. I never thought this would be so hard. I honestly just thought I could show up and be handed an apron and shown a place to stand.

"I'm really sorry...where are my manners? I'm Alice Whitlock. I'm sorry for not introducing myself sooner...I was just busy trying to fix the fryer in the back and it's not often we have someone who wants to sign up for...days...but we are happy to welcome you aboard."

Suddenly it's like sunshine is shooting out of her ass. She is peppy and smiles all around.

"I'm Bella." I said as I shook her hand.

"Well Bella, how about I show you around and if you would like to work the lunch shift, we can start there before we talk about a schedule."

"Sounds good. Hey Alice...am I dressed appropriately?" I stood there wringing my hands as she appraised me.

She smiled and bit her lip. "You look great but I'll give you an official Horizons shirt to wear and...you might want to take off any jewelry and stow it in your purse. A lot of the people who come through here are good but some might...steal those from you." She replied pointing to my diamond hoop earrings.

"Right...I should have known that."

"It's no problem. I'm always happy to help."

She took me through the entire facility and told me all about the Horizons foundation that she and her husband started five years ago. She brought me to her office and handed me an official Horizons shirt which was bright yellow. Suddenly I felt like I was a part of a R.E.M. song. I put the shirt on in the bathroom and give myself a look over in the mirror.

"This yellow does nothing for you." I sighed and shook my head.

I left the restroom to rejoin Alice in the kitchen as I could feel the fabric already starting to itch my body.

"And last but certainly not least...the kitchen." She presented.

I was surprised because it was a lot cleaner then I had imagined.

"It's...big." I replied.

"Well, if you wouldn't mind getting started now, I have a lot of pots and pans that need to be washed if you would like to help with that." She said as she brought me over to this enormous sink filled with dirty pots and pans.

"Uh..." I exhaled. "Sure..."

She handed me some gloves and I awkwardly put them on. I felt my heart as it accelerated because...I've never done this before. When I imagined volunteering at a soup kitchen, I thought I would just be serving soup.

I walked over to the sink and grabbed a sponge while Alice stood there watching me.

"So...how should I do this?"

"Like normal...I know that the pans are probably a lot bigger than the ones you have at home but just a bit more soap is all."

I nodded my head slowly and it was sheer fate when I heard a phone ring somewhere and Alice excused herself. I didn't want an audience for my first time.

I turned on the facet and watched as it began to fill. Every once in a while I would squirt some soap at the stream and I felt really proud of myself because there were lots and lots of soap bubbles so I must have done something right.

When the sink was filled I cringed grabbing my first pot. I dropped the pot into the water and the water splashed up going over the sink and it splattered my new shirt.

"Ew!"

I must have got the sink too full. I looked for a sponge to start rubbing this thing down and I'm so overly concentrated that I hadn't noticed my sudden audience.

"Richie Bitch?"

I jumped back at the intrusion and nearly slipped on the soapy water below my feet.

"Homeless dude?" I gasped. "What the fuck...why do you always try to scare the shit out of me." I threw the sponge down in the sink.

"Sorry." He apologized.

"What are you doing here?" I asked annoyed.

He looked around and then back to me. "I think that's more of an appropriate question for me to ask you."

Alice walked back into the kitchen cutting us off from any further conversation.

"Have you met Bella? She's our new volunteer." Alice's perky voice announced.

"Bella...Isabella." Homeless dude said my name all creepy.

"No, just Bella. Only my father gets to call me Isabella." I corrected.

"Well Bella this is my b..." Alice began.

"...best customer and chef..." Homeless dude practically yelled placing his arm around the midget and pulling her closer. "Alice, Bella's the girl I told you about."

Oh shit.

Oh fuck!

I started to worry, what did he tell them about me? Did she now know of my horrible reasons for being here?

"Ohhhhh....Bella, is the girl you've been going on about?" Alice looked over to me like she had the world's biggest secret on her overly smiley lips. "Crap...I have to...go...need to make sure Larry pulls the right amount of food for today."

She buzzed out of the kitchen leaving me alone with homeless dude.

"What did you tell her?" I snapped.

"Whoa, calm down." He put his hands up in surrender.

"Did you tell her why I'm really here?"

He furrowed his brow and thought real hard. "Jacob Black? You're here to meet Jacob Black?" He laughed. "For a second I had thought you were just trying track me down."

I rolled my eyes in disgust. "Are you going to tell her?"

Great, only here for an hour and already I'm going to be kicked out.

"No." He smiled, "If you're really willing to put in all this work just to win your bet, then why would I want to miss this."

"Whatever, homeless dude." I scoffed and turn back to my pots and pans.

"You probably should call me Edward...not that I don't love the way homeless dude rolls off your lips but if we're going to be friends..."

"Friends? We are not friends." I stated adamantly.

"Just wait." He teased.

I turned my focus back to the pot I was cleaning and picked my sponge back up.

"That's quite a bit of soap you got there. You really want to make sure those things are sparkly."

"I didn't know how much to use. Alice said a little more than I would at home." I huffed.

"Just how much do you use at home?"

I stopped what I'm doing to look back at him. "I've never done this before so why don't you just get off my back." I dropped my hands back into the sink and tried to wash out the pot with my sponge.

I heard him sigh behind me, "Just...here let me do it." He started to push me out of the way of my sink and I pushed him back.

"I didn't ask for your help. Leave my sink alone."

"Your sink? Didn't get the memo that daddy bought you your very own soup kitchen." He mocked.

"Homeless Barbie...don't you know she comes with her very own soup kitchen and change cup." I stuck my tongue out at him.

He laughed and put a hand out toward me. "Let me wash your dishes...you can wipe down the trays."

"Why are you trying to help me?" I questioned his intentions.

"Well for one, if I leave you to do this, we won't have pans until next Saturday and two...it's what friends do."

"We're not friends." I stated again.

"Not yet."

"Not ever!"

Alice walked back in, "Edward, hamburgers and mac and cheese today."

"You got it, boss." He saluted her with my sponge. "Can you show Bella how to clean the trays? I just think that pots and pans are a little much on her first day. Wouldn't want to scare her away, I know how important it is for her to be here."

He gave me a look and I stiffened.

"Sure, follow me." Alice grabbed a spray bottle and extra sponge and showed me to the tables. "The trays are right there, you can grab a few and then bring them to the table and then just spray and wipe. Easy peasy."

I sat there scrubbing down trays for the better part of an hour. It was easy peasy and I didn't want to but I really should thank homeless dude...I mean Edward for taking the harder work away. At twelve-forty I was done with the trays and Alice asked me to help with loading up the bays with the food. I walked back into the kitchen and saw Edward at the stove and grill.

"You're cooking?" I asked.

"Why? Does it turn you on?" He smirked holding up his pincher thingys.

"No...it's just...is that even sanitary?"

"I've had all my shots, Bella." He scoffed.

"No offense, but you're like...you were dirty..." I cringed realizing that probably wasn't the best way to phrase it.

"And you can tell that I've showered." He pointed out.

"Where?" I asked curiously.

He put down his tool and started to walk toward me. "Come on, let me show you something."

He leads me out the exit door back onto the street. "You see that building over there? That's Good Will, they give out the clothes that they can't sell or don't need. Then that building over there is a shelter. You can go there for a nice shower or to sleep at night. They also have counselors there too; they help with almost anything from psychiatry to finding a job."

"Wow." I marveled impressed.

"Yea...wow."

We walked back into the kitchen and a few more people are there to start with serving the lunch. They put on aprons and then walked back out toward the serving line. I hung back feeling awkward and not really knowing what I should do next.

"So...you want to try the best burger you'll ever eat?" Edward said from the grill.

I scoffed and gave him a look. "I highly doubt that is the best burger I will ever eat."

"Just because it came from a soup kitchen?" he taunted.

"No...I just...I've eaten at like every five-star restaurant there is in L.A. and many more around the world. No offense to your little cooking show over there."

He sighed loudly and began to cut a piece off from his plate. "Come on. Try it."

"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm not going to steal food from homeless people. I'm not that big of a bitch."

"You won't be stealing. This is from my burger and I'm giving it to you." He held up his fork to me.

"That's okay. I'm good. I definitely don't want to take food from you."

"Bella, I can make myself another burger. Just try it." He waved his fork in my face and I took a step back.

"No."

"Try it." He advanced.

"Would you stop? I'm not going to eat your burger."

Edward pulled away from me and gave me a sad look before walking back to his grill.

"Why don't you just go and get in line." He murmured.

"You don't need to get all butt hurt. It's just a burger."

"It's my burger and since you've never tried it, you don't get to call it "just a burger." I made it and I'm damned proud of it. In fact you walk out that door and ask anyone here just how good it is and they'll tell you. That is if you could stop sticking your nose up long enough to realize the peons below you."

"Give me the fork." I huffed.

He stared at me for a minute and then handed me his fork.

"Do you have a chaser? Something I can wash down the taste with if I don't like it?"

"Just eat that damn burger." He exclaimed.

"Fine! All right. All right." I cut off a small portion and held it up to my mouth. I took a small whiff and it didn't smell that entirely vial but then again, how could anyone possibly fuck up a hamburger. I placed the bite in my mouth and began to chew.

He's right. It is the most amazing burger I've ever tasted. I tried to keep my expression blank but all I want to do is stab him with this fork and take the rest.

"It's okay." I shrugged.

"I heard a little moan come out of you." He taunted.

"It wasn't a moan, it was...my stomach growling because all I've eaten today was a Starbucks." I turned swiftly and walked out of the kitchen with my fork in tow before he can question me further.

I stand at the fruit section and my job is to tong half a banana onto people's plates. Apparently this place couldn't even afford to give a whole banana. I hate to see what would happen if they had strawberries. Most people gave a polite thank you but some just stared down at their plate and moved along the line. I watched as a mother with two children walked up and both the kids who couldn't be older than ten are begging for more.

"You can't have anymore. We just have to wait until dinner."

I gave them the full banana. The woman looked up at me surprised and she tells her kids to say, "thank you." They continued on toward the water line.

"Bella, you can't give out more than a half...we can't afford that." Alice walked up and told me.

"I'll pay for the banana." I replied.

"That's not the point...if you give one person more than they'll all want more and...we wouldn't last. Please just stick to the food rules." She gave me a half-hearted smile and I felt anger rise up in me. So what if I gave two kids a full banana?

Suddenly, I didn't want to be here anymore. I mean more so than before. I put the tongs down at my station and walked away. I went straight back to my locker which is right next to the kitchen and started to put my key in. I grabbed my purse and black shirt and closed it back up.

"How's it going out there, Bella?" I heard Edward call out to me but I didn't engage, I just kept on walking toward my closest exit.

I reached the outside world and for the first time that day, I felt like I could breathe.

"Bella." I heard Edward call after me.

But I keep on pushing toward my car.

"Would you wait up?" Edward caught up to me and stood between me and my getaway vehicle.

"You...were doing so well. What happened?"

I don't even want to look at him because then all I will see are those two hungry kids. All I will see is a homeless man.

"I can't do this...I'm just...it's just too hard. This was a stupid idea."

"Did someone say something to you? Just tell me what happened."

"No...I don't know. I just wanted to give these poor kids an extra half of banana and Alice...thinks that she is like the fucking banana queen ...I told her I'd pay for it. I mean how much can a banana cost anyway. What is wrong with giving a person a whole banana....they're kids for god sakes."

"I don't think there is anything wrong with that but Alice and Jasper have a limited amount of funds for each meal and if they give out more to one then pretty soon there will be a child that doesn't get anything. I know it's hard. I think that's why a lot of people don't come back after they volunteer because...it can be heartbreaking and it makes a person feel guilty for what they have."

He sighed and looked around for a minute. "Just try to stick it out for a day. Lunch is almost over and then it's all about cleaning...the easy part."

"That's the easy part?" I asked incredulously.

"If don't come back you won't get the special burger I made you." He sung.

"That's supposed to get me back in there?"

"You can lie to me all you want but you can't lie to yourself; it was the best and you know it."

Damn that burger was pretty good and I felt my mouth begin to water as he spoke of it.

"Come on...I even promise to keep you away from the banana queen." He baited.

I didn't want to go but I didn't want to be a quitter either. Being a quitter was being a failure.

I sighed and turned to start walking back to the bright yellow building. I saw people stream out of the building and l guess that meant that lunch was over. I pretty much made it through one meal. How many more to go to get me to Jacob Black though?

"Can I ask you a question? Just how many days a week do you think I would have to work here to get in good so I can work Thanksgiving?"

"Well, the kitchen is open six days a week." He started.

"I have to work six days a week?" I screeched.

"No." He laughed. "But, I'd say...maybe two a week would get you in good with the banana queen. Of course I could always put a good word in for you...if we were friends."

We walked back into the kitchen and I saw a whole new stack of dirty pots and pans. Does it ever end? I'm afraid not.

"So...what do you do with the money you make? You go to Goodwill for your clothes. The shelter for a shower and here for your food...what do you spend your money on that you make from working the corner?"

"I'm not a prostitute, Bella." He shook his head.

"You kinda are." I teased.

"If you must know I use the money...for transportation, buses and such. I give some to Horizons...."

"Are you shittin me?" I cut him off. "But you're like needy...why would you give your money to a company that's already government-funded and receives tax breaks?"

"Wow, look at you Miss Smarty Pants. Using your big words." He mocked.

"I don't have to be smart, I'm rich." I winked. "Anyway I read an article about the Kardashians and apparently they created a fake church so that they could funnel some of their money into it and not pay taxes. It's actually pretty smart but I would not want to have to explain that to the big J.C. when I arrived at the pearly gates."

"The big J.C.? Don't you mean the big S.P.? I'm pretty sure Saint Peter is at the pearly gates and he has to give you the big O.K. before you can enter and meet the big J.C."

I stared at him with my brow fully furrowed, "You are so weird."

He shrugged and gave me a goofy toothy grin.

"So how much do you make at your...day job?" I asked shaking off his weirdness.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just curious. Geez what's up with the big secrets, it's not like I'm going to turn you into the I.R.S."

"On a good day...a hundred or so." He finally answered.

"A hundred dollars?" My jaw dropped. "Tax free? After a week you could buy a pair of shoes."

"Yes, Bella good job at always putting things into perspective."

"To think all this time I was actually feeling bad for not giving you money."

"You've been thinking about me...all this time?" his grin was pronounced.

"No...I mean sometimes but that's only because you are entirely too rude."

He handed me a plate with a burger on it.

"Why don't you pull your foot out of your mouth long enough to feed that tummy."

I dig into the burger and my tummy is very thankful. If I'm going to have to work here two days a week, I am going to have to start bringing a lunch.

"If I ask you something...you promise you won't judge me?" I asked after finishing half my burger.

"Tall order but I'll try." He rolled his eyes.

"Do you....think..." I exhaled not wanting to do this but I needed to ask. "If I'm going to work here...do you think I can just stay in the kitchen and not be on the serving line?"

"Can't get enough of me?"

"No, I don't mind working anywhere else just...I don't want to work out there. It's depressing."

"Of course it's depressing. You want to know what's even more depressing."

I waited for him to finish.

"How no one seems to give a shit." He picked up his and my plate and dumped them in the garbage. "I see kids on the street and they never had a chance. People look at the news and see a teenager who knocks over a liquor store or joins a gang and they just write them off as disgusting unproductive members of society. The rich get richer and the poor have to do whatever they can to survive." He scoffed. "I'll get you off food line; I wouldn't want your eyes to be opened up to what really is going on in the world."

He looked so angry and disgusted by me. I hopped down from my stool and walked over to my purse and pulled out a twenty. I laid it on the counter.

"Tell Alice, this is for the banana's."

I backed up and turned to walk out of the kitchen. The door swings shut behind me and hear a bang followed by a loud "FUCK!"

I can't do this. I can't go back. I hurry to my car, fumbling for my keys. It roars to life and I sped out of there far away from that bright yellow building. I didn't even realize that I was crying until I get to a stop light and look down at my yellow Horizons shirt and see it stained with my eye liner.

I don't know why I'm crying but something about the way Edward spoke to me, turned me into this mess and or the first time it made me realize that Edward, was dangerous for me.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

"I will take a pair in the blue and...what the hell another in the black." I marveled at the gorgeous heels I had just found at Barney's and I had hoped that a small shopping tour would help me forget the mess from yesterday.

I walked aimlessly around the shoe section hoping that this would help perk me up because in the past there was nothing like a good shoe and purse day to help lift my spirits.

"Would there be anything else, Miss Swan?" The polite sales girl asked me.

I shook my head in response and walked over to the register to hand her my card.

"All right, your total will be sixteen hundred and thirty-one dollars." She announced.

Sixteen hundred dollars. That would be like Edward working really hard for sixteen straight days. The two young children's faces from the soup kitchen flashed into my mind. How many bananas could I buy with sixteen hundred dollars?

"Miss Swan." She prompted me waiting for payment.

"You know what...never mind. I...uh...forgot I already had these." I stepped back from the register and it was like an outer body experience, I was walking away from shoes. "I have to go...now...away from here."

I briskly walked toward the exit and didn't stop until I reached my car. I sat in my car in the dark parking garage of Barney's just trembling. What was the matter with me? Shopping has always made things right in my world.

Fucking Edward! Fucking homeless dude. He had to go and ruin the one thing I lived for. The one thing I was good at. I turned my thoughts quickly to anger as a way to deal with my shit. It was easier blaming someone else.

I started up the car; I had enough shopping for today. I now needed to start refocusing on my mission. Jacob Black, you are going to keep my mind busy.

It took a little while but I finally was able to track down a phone number for Jacob Black's publicist. I even looked up a photographer in the National Enquirer so I sounded legit.

"This is Miss Blake's office." An overly perky receptionist greeted.

"Hi, Is Miss Blake in? I work for Roger Hudson over at the Enquirer and I was just calling to confirm with Miss Blake on...something he's working on."

"What is this regarding?"

"Well...my boss...Roger Hudson who as you may know is a prized photographer for the Enquirer, he asked me to call because we need a great shot of Jacob Black...particularly one of him jogging if at all possible. Those always sell really well and can't hurt Mr. Black's fan base if you get what I mean..."

God, I should have practiced this before calling. I sounded like a complete moron. I doubt this girl would give me the whereabouts of Mickey Mouse.

"Of course...anything for Roger. I have him scheduled for a run tomorrow morning at six am before he heads to the studio. I will be sure to tell him to dress accordingly."

Dress accordingly? What did that mean?

"Great! Thank you so much. You have no idea how much...Mr. Hudson appreciates this."

I hung up the phone and exhaled a sigh of relief. I swear I could feel my eye balls sweat. Tomorrow morning at six am it is.

"Mr. Black, you have a date with destiny...meaning me." I said aloud.

I ran off upstairs and spent the rest of my day finding the right outfit once again. Six in the morning was earlier than I was hoping for but I'd take it. It just meant that I would have to be in bed extra early. At ten pm., I settled myself down beneath my covers and closed my eyes.

I heard my phone chime indicating I had received a text and I pulled the phone over to see who it was from.

Oh great, Lauren.

Hey bitch. You've been like totally M.I.A. Let's go dancing tonight.

Well with an invitation like that, how could I refuse?

Sorry. Can't. I have to get to my beauty sleep. I have to wake up extra early for my date with Jacob Black. ;-P

Let's see how Miss Lauren feels about that.

Liar! I call bull shit!

I shrugged and didn't even dignify that with a response. I knew not answering would just drive her even more insane. I flipped my phone to mute and reveled in the fact that Lauren was probably tearing her hair out worrying over next year's fashion shows and wondering if there was a chance she wouldn't be attending.

The alarm going off the next morning made me think if Lauren could see how hard I have had to work for this, she'd be on cloud nine for years. I forced myself awake so I could go through the perfect grooming procedures and get ready. This time I would not have to wait all day on a hope. I had validation that Jacob would be there on that damn trail.

I pulled into the very same parking spot and threw on a light jacket and got ready for my moment. I had to calm myself a couple of times because I wasn't used to meeting with celebrities and having to talk with them.

"You can do this, Bella." I cheered myself on.

I started a light jog and got to this point in the path where I thought it was the perfect rendezvous point for me and Mr. Black. What should I say when I meet him? Should I try to flag him down or maybe I should act like I'm lost and I just need a guide on the trail. I looked at my watch and it was already six-fifteen.

I paced up and back watching as various people jogged past me but still no sign of him. I decided to try to climb on the side of the hill, a little to help boost me up. I was always a shorty so any help I could get was much-needed. I held onto a tree branch to help hold me up as I scanned around the trail. My eyes zeroed in on a perfectly built man wearing no shirt and the tightest shorts ever made came pouncing up the trail.

That's him. That was Jacob Black! I let go of the tree to get back in place and I tripped over my own two feet and went tumbling down the hillside, landing on my ass in a muddy pile. My knees were all scrapped up and I was covered from head to toe in dirt. My wrist hurt from where I landed on it.

"Ow." I cried softly.

I saw Jacob approaching me and I felt relief that he was here and going to help me up. I began to hold my good hand out to him, as he finally reached me and the bastard just kept on jogging. Um...hello? Did you not see your fellow man...uh woman down here needing your help?

I can't believe he just jogged on by. What an asshole!

I huffed and started to try to pick myself up by my wrist hurt like a bitch so it wasn't a party, that's for sure. My legs were all skinned and bloody as I hobbled down the trail sniffling as I went. I wasn't sure what I was crying for more, the pain I was in, the fact I was this close to Jacob Black or the fact he just passed me by like I didn't even matter.

"Bella?" Edward ran up to me and startled me from my thoughts.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped.

"What happened to you?" He looked me over disregarding my question.

"Just go and leave me alone. I can't deal with you right now?"

I was thoroughly pissed off. First I was thwarted once more and now I being accosted by homeless dude. I don't think so.

"Can I at least help you to your car? You don't look in the best shape."

"Are you going to help me to my car?" I asked petulantly. "Or are you just going to yell at me some more for being the world's biggest bitch."

"You're right...I'm sorry. I...I...lost it and I took it out on you. All these feelings I've been dealing with lately, I took them out on you." He shook his head and I paused long enough to hear my much deserved apology.

"What are you even doing here? You're a long way from Horizons."

"I came here...looking for you. I figured you would be back to square one on that whole Jacob Black thing so I've been holding out in this area for the past couple of days hoping you would return to the scene of the first crime." He explained.

"Why would you be looking for me? I was under the impression that all I did was disgust you." I shook my head and pressed on toward my car.

"You don't disgust me, Bella...I'm just...I've never encountered anyone quite like you. Besides, I thought I disgusted you."

I swung around as best as I could, "Don't you go turning this around on me. I didn't go off on you in a kitchen and throw away your lunch."

I finally reached my car and I hobbled the rest of the way toward my driver's door.

"Can I at least help clean you up? You're bleeding all down your legs." He offered.

"I don't have a first aid kit. I'll just have to get my car detailed later."

"Do you have some extra clothes in your car? You can use them to help wipe you down."

"I am not going to use my good..." I looked in the backseat and there it was still sitting there from the stop light two days ago. My yellow Horizons shirt. "On second thought."

I pulled the bright ass yellow shirt out the back seat. "Will this work?"

"Uh...yeah...you sure you won't need it?" he asked awkwardly.

"Oh, I'm positive. I think we can both agree that I should never have stepped foot in that soup kitchen."

"I don't agree with that at all...not only did you do a fantastic job at cleaning the trays, you also would have never been introduced to the best hamburger in the world."

"The world." I scoffed, "what do you know of the world?"

"A lot more than you'll ever know. You know I wasn't always homeless, Bella."

That peeked my interest. "I guess I never really thought about it. Well...what happened...to make you...this way."

I cringed wondering if that was going to set him off again.

"That's a story for another time." He took the shirt from me and pointed toward the hood of my car. "Why don't you hop up and I'll try to clean you up as best I can. And then you can tell me all about what went wrong this time with Jacob Black."

I hobbled over to the hood of my car and started to try to pull myself up by my wrist was still too much in pain. Suddenly Edward placed his hands above my hips and lifted me onto the car.

"Hey!" I complained.

"You were going to do it?" He questioned with his perfect greeny eyes.

I crossed my arms over my chest and he opened my yellow shirt up.

"What's with the smudges of black?" he asked.

I shook my head irritated. "None of your business. Are you going to do this or not?"

He rolled his eyes at my attitude and then took my water bottle and dosed the yellow shirt with it.

"So...you gonna tell me?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you care? It's just a shirt." I growled.

"Not the shirt. Are you going to tell me about Jacob Black?"

I sighed and thought back over what went wrong.

"Once again I was waiting like an idiot and so I tried to climb on the hill a little so I could see further down the road to know when he was coming. The moment I saw him coming, I tried to get back down the hill and I tripped and fell down it instead. I landed straight on the path and yes, I looked like something the dirty cat dragged in but that asshole didn't even stop to see if I was okay. He just kept on jogging past me like I wasn't even there."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Edward shook his head.

"You know the way you talk about him; you'd think you knew him." I narrowed my eyes at him.

Just then he applied the wet towel to my legs and I let out a shriek.

"Dude what the fuck!" I screamed. "That hurts!"

"Just for a little bit. Come on, don't wuss out on me."

I cringed as he slowly wiped off the dirt and blood from my legs.

"You need to put on some antiseptic when you get home. Let me see that wrist." He held out his hand to me.

"No." I pulled my wrist back toward my chest, cradling it. "You're not exactly a doctor. I don't want you fucking it up even more."

"I'm not going to hurt you. Would you stop being a baby and let me take a look. I just want to see if you need it wrapped before you try driving anywhere."

"I can drive with one hand. I do it all the time. This is my texting hand so worst case scenario I won't text while I drive."

"Who knew that your little tumble would save lives?" He replied dryly.

He pulled my hand away and gave it a closer look. I could see just how dirty his hands were and I couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. "Haven't been to the shelter lately for your shower?"

"I told you I have been here waiting for you. It's a little hard to commute up and back."

"Oh that's right...my very own stalker."

"I wasn't stalking...I just needed to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" I shook my head, "Why would you ever need to talk to me."

He let go of my wrist and stepped back. His foot playing with the dirt below. "I wanted..." he sighed. "I just wanted you to know that I think you should come back to the kitchen."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because you're no closer to meeting Jacob Black today and the kitchen is a sure-fire way to win your bet. I didn't want to be the reason you left the kitchen. I know that this bet is important to you but having you at the kitchen is important to me."

"Why would it matter if I was there or not? I'm like a walking charity disaster. I need to stay far far away from that place. I don't belong there."

"But that's just it...I think you do. I think that you have the opportunity to really make a difference. Don't you want that Bella? Don't you want to know that you made a difference other than winning a bet? I know that you have it in you Bella. I know you're a good person."

"You don't know me at all. I only met you a few days ago and every interaction I have had with you has been...hostile. I think you want me to be this person that you believe I am but I'm not. I really am this shallow." I hopped off the car and pulled my shirt from his hands. "I'm sorry if I ruined your...homeless world."

I pulled open the car door and sat down in the seat, throwing my dirty yellow shirt into the passenger seat beside me.

"I don't believe that and I'm not going to give up on you. I really hope that you will come back to the kitchen because as depressing as it may seem to you...there are also a lot of really happy moments there too. I wish you could see the good and not just the bad."

"That's just it, Edward...I don't see good in anything anymore."

I started up my car and without looking at him I drove off.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Bella. We already made a deal that we would not engage with Edw...homeless dude any more. His words rattled around in my head and once again I knew that I would have a restless night ahead. Damn that dude!

Instead of going home where I would be surrounded by silent walls, I drove around aimlessly instead. I should have gone home and showered but I didn't want to see my home right now. I wanted to go shopping but I was afraid of another mental breakdown. It was incredibly obvious that that is what happened to me last time. I may have to see a therapist just to get me on the right track again.

With all this thinking it wasn't until I found myself at the off ramp to my grandfather's country club that I realized how powerful my subconscious must really be. I had no idea where he would even be this early in the morning. It wasn't even nine yet.

I walked into the club and went straight over to guest services. The gentleman behind the counter gaped as I strolled up.

"Is Charles Swan here?"

"Uh...are you a member?"

"Would I be here asking for Charles Swan if I wasn't?" I wasn't technically a member but he didn't need to know that. "My grandfather, I need to speak with him straight away. It's an emergency."

"Oh...of course Miss...Swan." He looked at his computer and replied. "He's on the green probably around hole thirteen. Do you need an escort?"

"That would be helpful. Thank you."

I waited for my escort to be arranged and then we headed off in a golf cart through the greens. I looked down at what I was wearing and hoped my grandfather wouldn't believe this was club clothes.

"There he is." I pointed out for the driver.

"Grandfather." I yelled from the cart and he just about fell as I called after him right when he was just about to swing.

I jumped from the cart.

"Isabella! You almost messed up my swing." He grumbled.

"I'm sorry but this was an emergency."

He looked me over and saw me covered from head to toe in dirt and grime.

"Yeah, I reckon it is. How did you even make it through the club like that?" He shook his head.

"I've had a really rough day. No one was going to mess with me." I told him.

"All right so let's hear it. I imagine this has to do with your bet."

"For starters I woke up extra early this morning because Jacob Black's publicist assistant told me that he would be on the jogging trail at six am. I get all cute which you know is a miracle at that god awful hour and right when he is coming down the path I fall down the mountain and land practically in front of where he is jogging. I'm all bloody and...well just look at me." I huffed, "anyways the point is that no good hack actor didn't even stop to see if I was alive so basically I am up shit creek with a yellow shirt for a paddle."

"Wow, that is some story. I thought you were going to go and try the soup kitchen."

"Don't even get me started on that disaster, grandfather." I kicked the ground.

"Don't go messing up my green." He scolded. "What happened at the soup kitchen? You might as well get that out of your system too."

"First they wanted me to wash dishes which I can't even begin to explain what a poor idea that was. Then I get in trouble for giving two small starving kids a whole banana and to top it off, homeless dude was there and he yelled at me for not wanting to work the serving line. I'm just not cut out for manual labor."

"Oh bite your tongue. You are a Swan and that is what Swan's excel at. You are not above hard work and I refuse to be related to a lazy Swan."

"Great, now you're disowning me?" I nearly shrieked. "Did you not just hear me? Hard work is all I have been doing since I took on this stupid bet. I look like a muddy buddy, I smell like a vagrant and I can't even shop properly anymore because something mental is going on upstairs."

"Something mental is correct." He replied giving me a look like I was crazy.

"Are you going to help me or not. I thought you were like my partner in all this."

"You want my help? Then you are going back to that soup kitchen and give me an honest job of it. I don't want you back here until you have completed at least four honest day's work there. If you still are having trouble coping then I will help you with your next move but my god, Isabella." He shook his head in disappointment, "Don't let me be wrong about you. The Swans are counting on you."

He took his golf club and swung it toward me, "Now go and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Wait to feel sorry when you have real problems to deal with."

My grandfather literally chased me a couple of paces with his club until I got going. That daft old man really was going senile. He has never spoken to me like that. I walked my way back toward the club house since I had no cart to carry me and I still couldn't believe him. What the hell did he mean; the Swans are counting on you? Nobody counted on me in this family for shit.

I hated how disappointed he seemed of me but maybe I just didn't explain myself properly. If I had gone in-depth about what homeless dude said to me, maybe he would have agreed with me and told me to stay far away from that damned kitchen.

I finally arrived back to my car and if it were at all possible, I think I stank a little more than before. The whole drive home I kept weighing my options. I could always just continue onward and not listen to my grandfather but it was kind of nice having a partner in all this.

"But I don't want to go back to the soup kitchen." I whined out loud.

One things for sure, all of this could be blamed on one person and one person only. Homeless dude. If it wasn't for him telling me about Horizons I never would have gone there and I wouldn't be in this mess.

Damn that homeless dude.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

I wasn't able to return to Horizons for a couple of days. Unfortunately between the dirt, blood and black mascara, my bright ass yellow shirt was anything but bright ass. I had to send it to the cleaners and I decided right then that if the cleaners couldn't get the stains out then I would take it as a sign to not return to the soup kitchen.

"Great. Just fucking perfect." I shook my head, "You got all the damn stains out."

I huffed irritated while inspecting the shirt. I slammed my money down on the counter and grabbed the shirt, "Thanks for nothing." I grumbled to the cleaner lady.

Now there were no more excuses.

Once again I found myself sitting in my car in front of that heinous yellow building. It was nearly one p.m. when I arrived and I did that on purpose. The plan was to get in the serving line, don't look at anyone, just do my job and get out. Easy peasy, as Alice would say.

I went through the back exit since I didn't want to disrupt the line already forming outside.

"Bella!" Alice gasped. "Uh...I didn't think you were coming back."

"Oh...well...I never said that. I just...forgot to say goodbye last time. I had an emergency come up and I had to...go...and...do...that." Was I like the world's worst liar? Even I wanted to call bull shit on my bull shit.

"Oh...well great! I could really use you today. I had a whole group cancel on me at the last-minute so it's just going to be the three of us."

"Three of us?" I asked hoping she wouldn't say homeless dude's name.

"Yeah, you me and Emilio will take the serving line. So I hope you don't mind covering two stations."

"NO! GREAT!" I startled her with a scream. "I am just...way pumped to do this."

Alice took a step back from me and looked me over once again, probably checking if she could see any sign of drug use to explain my sudden upper.

"Okay...great!" She shook her head and walked toward the kitchen. I went to the lockers and locked up my things before going to join her. I kept telling myself over and over to just chillax but I didn't know what my nerves were for. It's not like I didn't know what to expect.

I walked through the swinging door and there was Edward. Never mind I'll take the long way around. I literally walked in and then did a wide circle to walk back out the door I came from.

"Bella."

He doesn't exist. Don't engage.

I went all the way down the hall and back out toward the cafeteria to the serving line. I grabbed my apron and started putting it on.

"Bella, you came back."

You're not there. Homeless dude doesn't exist. He is just a figment of your imagination. Concentrate on tying your damn apron strings.

"Is everything okay?" He pressed.

I turned and walked toward the serving area.

"Really? You're silence treatmenting me?"

I stared ahead not responding.

"Have I done something wrong? Did I...breathe in your personal air space?" he walked closer. "Did I...hold you up from a sale at Barney's or something?"

YES YOU DID!

I felt my hands squeeze tight thinking back to those gorgeous heels that fell out of my grasp.

"Ugh...I can't keep up with you. You are something else, Swan." He sighed.

"Hey! How did you know my name?" I instantly thawed.

"What? Is someone speaking to me now? It sounded like a noise but...that can't be right." He mocked.

"Edward, how did you know my name?" I demanded.

He stood there with his arms folded over his chest and tightened his lips together. He gave me an all-knowing superior look and then turned on his heel to walk away.

Oooo that homeless dude really burns me up.

"Who is this, hottie?" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned and was greeted with a new vial creature, liking his lips and practically wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Ugh." I turned back to my station not even bothering with that.

"I'm Emilio...what did you do baby to end up here?"

"End up here?" I asked peeved. "I didn't do anything. I'm not homeless. I am not a baby and I am just here to volunteer. I don't want to talk to you so I suggest you step back, homeboy."

This was so not my day.

Edward walked through the kitchen door carrying a large heavy tray.

"You are saucy. How bouts you and me go and get a drink after this." Emilio pushed.

Edward dropped the tray down on the table right in front of me and my apron was splashed with the days special.

"Dude, what the fuck!" I screamed.

"Sorry." He shrugged and started walking back toward the kitchen.

"All righty people. I'm going to open the doors. Are you ready?" Alice chirped.

Let's just get this over with.

I did what I had planned. I didn't make eye contact with anyone this time. With my right hand I just dropped a roll onto their plates with my tongs and served up the spaghetti slop with my left. I could hear Emilio making kissy noises at me from nearby but I never responded. Alice was all over the place. She was on waitress duty or something. If she thought we were going to have more of a certain item, she would go out with a tray and serve leftovers. Thank god, I didn't have to do that.

The line was finally dying down and I hadn't seen or heard any more from Edward until it came to closing time. He came out to start collecting the dirty pans to bring them back to the kitchen.

I felt a hand on my ass and it didn't take me two guess on whose it was.

"Emilio." Edward shouted but I already went into action.

I shoved Emilio straight up against the wall with my forearm as hard as I could.

"I have had a very bad fucking day, you touch me again and I will shove your hands so far up your ass, you will be able to tickle your lungs. " I let him go and stepped back my eyes glaring.

"What the fuck, bitch!"

Edward grabbed Emilio by the back of the neck and walked him toward the exit.

"Edward! What's going on?" Alice gasped when she came in from locking the doors.

"This asshole got handsy with Bella. I'm kicking him out." He barked.

"Oh...uh...Emilio! You know I'm not going to sign off on your hours now. Now get going before I call your parole officer." I was surprised the little sprite had it in her to be so gruff.

Alice walked over to me, "Are you okay? I am so sorry."

I shook it off, "I'm fine. It's cool." I pulled my apron off and started to go and hang it on the wall.

"I hope you won't quit again. I could really use the help." She pleaded.

"Quit?"

"Well, Edward...told me that he...lost his temper with you and that's why you left last time. Edward is a really great guy, I want you to know that but he gets passionate about the things he loves and he didn't mean to hurt you."

"He didn't hurt me. You have to care about someone for them to hurt you and I don't even know him so...I don't care what he has to say to me."

"I made sure he was off property." Edward announced as he walked back into the cafeteria.

"Thank you, Edward. I better go and call his parole officer and inform him that he is no longer working here." Alice sighed.

I however had pots and pans to wash.

"Are you okay, Bella? I mean I know you...handled yourself which I have to say was pretty incredible but are you okay?" Edward asked sincerely.

"Yep. Fine." I turned and walked toward the door to get started on pots and pans.

"Well when you leave tonight, I'll walk you to your car. Emilio is part of a street gang and I wouldn't want him to try to retaliate." Edward followed me.

"Don't sweat it. My father has more money than his silly little street gang. He wouldn't dare." I replied putting my gloves on.

"That's...just ignorant." Edward remarked.

I felt my back stiffen but I kept my cool, "Fine, I'm ignorant."

I squirt the soap into the basin of the sink and forged onward.

"Bella, did I...do something to upset you? Can you at least help me out over here?"

I used my sponge and grime in the pans to take my anger out on.

"You are really pissed off at me...I don't know what I did but I am sincerely apologizing for...doing whatever it is...if I have wronged you in any way...."

"I just want to be left alone. I'm here for three more days work and then I can finally leave and put this whole...nightmare behind me." I lashed out.

"Three days?" Edward questioned.

I didn't respond.

He slowly nodded his head, "All right...I'll leave you alone."

He sighed and then turned back to his stove to start cleaning up the mess there. I was still trying to get the disgusting grease or whatever the hell I had my arms elbow deep in, clean as well. I didn't want to be a bitch to him but I just needed him to keep his distance from me.

Edward had that annoying ability to make my head hurt with...thoughts and refection. If my grandfather wanted me to spend four days here before he would help me out then that is what I was going to do but I wasn't here to make friends. Besides what kind of friends could Edward and I really be? He was...well wherever he was in his life, sleeping around town under park benches or whatever the fuck and I was completely opposite. Being friends with him would just make me feel guilty all the time. I could quite literally let him stay in one of the wings to my home and never actually have to see him but why would I allow a complete stranger to stay at my house. And that is what Edward was; a complete stranger.

I could tell that he was watching me even though my back was turned slightly to him.

"How's it going in here, guys?" Alice's perky voice was for once a welcome relief.

"I'm all done but maybe I should help Bella out on dishes...she's only been able to get the one pan done." Edward remarked.

"Hey, I'm working as fast and efficient as I can. I don't want to serve these people on dirty gross dishes. Is that a problem for you, Edward?"

He looked taken aback by my tone but then I saw the change in his eyes. Just like before when he threw my hamburger away.

"It's not a problem for me Miss Swan; I guess I just wanted to make sure that us lowly people get a bite to eat tonight but seeing how much soap you're using, I don't even think the food will be edible."

"Like you would know what clean is?" I sniped.

"Okay. Enough!" Alice intervened. "What is going on here?"

"Didn't you hear, Alice...this is Bella's sink. Bella's pots and pans. Bella's soup kitchen. Or that's what she's claiming."

My mouth dropped open in shock as he brought up our conversation from the other day.

"You lying manipulative bastard. That is not what I said. You're the one who alluded to that." I yelled.

"You act so damn high and mighty..."

"EDWARD!" Alice scolded. "Go! Right now...just go out back and cool down."

Alice pointed toward the back exit and even though she was small, she certainly was mighty. Edward threw down his sponge and ripped off his apron before storming out of the kitchen. I turned back to the sink and stared down at the pot I had been working on. Edward was right, it was perfectly clean and if I kept going at this pace, no one would eat tonight and it would be all my fault.

"I'm...going to ask my husband to come in and help you...is that okay?" Alice approached with caution.

"I'd appreciate it." I replied softly.

Alice left to go and get Jasper. She talked a lot about him on that tour but I had yet to meet him. I was surprised when he walked through the door. I swear he seemed ten feet tall next to tiny Alice. He was super thin but disproportionate with his clear muscled arms. Glasses that made him look like a nerd but that could just be due to poor styling choices.

"This is my honey Jasper. Jasper this is Bella...she's new..." Alice looked confused as to what she should say in my introduction.

I gave him a polite smile and nod as Alice left to probably go and deal with Edward.

"So, the dreaded dishes. I told Alice when we agreed to start this program that dishes were something we would definitely have issues with. Even at home we argue over who has to do them." Jasper started off.

Great, just what I needed, another chatterbox. I stared straight at the sink and kept on scrubbing.

"Edward's a really great guy...it's just that he sometimes gets really...involved. He cares a lot about other people and he is a great cook..."

"What are you like...his pimp. I don't care about Edward, all I wanted to do was come here and help out for a little bit but suddenly things get complicated and he doesn't want to understand that I just want to be left alone. I'm sorry I'm a bitch but I just didn't know that volunteering my time would mean that I had to become friends with everyone."

I knew I was being rude but I didn't understand why this was becoming so hard. Why was everyone so obsessed with me?

"Well if there is something I have learned in this world, it would be that you can never have too many friends." Jasper replied.

I didn't respond.

"And I don't think you're a bitch."

I was totally PMS-ing. That was the only way I could explain why hearing those words come out of Jasper's mouth would cause me tear up.

"Haven't you heard? I'm Richie bitch...I mean you said yourself what a stand up guy Edward is...so if he say's it, it must be true." Great, now my tears were brimming and I did everything I could to keep them from falling into my sink basin. "I'm sorry...I...I...just can't do this."

I pulled off my gloves quickly, "I'm sorry."

"Bella, wait."

I hated crying in front of people. It made me feel weak. Something was terribly wrong with me. And just like before I tore open my locker and fled to my car. I collapsed into a full blown panic slash crying jag. I couldn't even start my car up because I could barely see through my tears to find the ignition.

Everything in my life was perfect until that stupid Jacob Black bet. It was ruining my life and I had no choice but to forge on because there was no way my father was ever going to lend me his yacht. I was so incredibly screwed and there was no solution in sight.

A knock on my driver's side window brought me back into reality. I didn't want to see who it was. My hand trembled as I put the key into the ignition and started the car. My door suddenly opened and I gasped to see Edward standing there in his dirty plaid shirt.

"You're in no condition to drive. Turn the car off." He ordered.

For a second I felt something foreign but that feeling quickly vanished and turned into anger.

"Would you leave me the fuck alone?" I screamed as I got out of the car and advanced on him, "Ever since I met you, ever since I came to this...this...place, my life has just gotten worse and worse. I used to be happy. I used to be able to shop without even thinking about how many days Edward would have to work to earn enough for this bill. And I know that all you want is for me to feel shitty about myself and my life so congradu-fuckin-lations, you a regular miracle worker; I do. Pat yourself on the back asshole and for the last fucking time, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

My chest heaved with the breaths I was trying to catch. Once again my bright ass yellow shirt had stains of black upon it. Edward just stared at me and I at him. I had asked him to leave but he wasn't moving. He wasn't saying anything or arguing with me. He was just there...standing. But I wasn't leaving either. I could just turn around now and get back into my car but I couldn't move. The only thing that seemed to be working on me at that moment was my damned tear ducts.

"Isabella Swan...Swan...what an appropriate name." Edward said softly.

"What are you babbling about?" I asked exasperated.

"It's just...you remind me of the fairy tale. You know about the ugly duckling that..." he sighed, "thinks she's ugly because she doesn't fit in anywhere and all the other birds keep telling her she is ugly and then finally finds where she is supposed to be and it turns out she wasn't an ugly duckling after all, she was a swan."

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? Was he calling me ugly? No...I think it was a compliment.

"Can I show you something?" he asked pulling me out of my reverie.

I took a step back, "uh...no...I..." I shook my head.

"Look, I promise if you just let me show you something then I will leave you alone after that, if that is what you wish."

I sighed, "I can't...I'm all blotchy."

Ever so slowly Edward walked a couple of paces forward and gradually extended his hands out to me. He took his thumbs and placed them right beneath my eyes and wiped my black eye liner away.

"There. All better."

There was that feeling again. What was it? It was so incredibly foreign that it took all my brain power to work it out. What was I feeling toward Edward?

Trust.

Something I hadn't known in years.

"Can I show you now?"

Like a mute I just responded with a slow shaky head nod. Edward walked over to my car and stopped the engine when he turned and pulled out my key. He locked the car and then handed me the keys. He didn't walk back toward Horizons; instead he walked away from it.

I followed him confused as to where we were going. Normally I wouldn't follow a complete stranger to an unknown place down in the bad parts of Los Angeles but there was that foreign feeling welling up in my chest that pushed my legs forward.

We came to this park and I was surprised how peaceful and beautiful it was. We walked through a fence and there were all these food trucks lined up on one side.

"You must be hungry. Do you want Mexican? Gourmet grilled cheese? My treat." Edward explained holding his hand out toward the trucks.

"Uh..." I walked forward a little perplexed. "No offense but shouldn't I pay. I wouldn't feel right taking money from a homeless..."

"Can you just not see me for one minute as a homeless person? There's more to me then my lack of zip code, Bella. I...upset you and I just want to buy you some lunch to make up for it."

"Fine...a grilled cheese but I highly doubt there's anything gourmet about it." I rolled my eyes.

We walked over to the truck and I couldn't fathom the menu. So many different ways to make a grilled cheese and all of them made my mouth water. Edward ordered for us and pulled out his money clip from his pocket to pay. The stack was small and looked mostly of ones and fives but what I couldn't get over was the money clip. Gold with some initials embossed into it. It looked like it could be worth a pretty penny.

"There are some tables over there or if you are really interested in an adventure the ground underneath those trees are really nice..." He offered.

I looked around at my surroundings and felt like the needle in a very urban haystack.

"Grass is fine." I muttered. Edward looked surprised. "What? I can rough it sometimes."

"All right, Miss Swan." He picked up our plates and proceeded toward the grassy shady area.

"You never told me how you knew my name."

"Let's just say I have friends in low places." He smiled over to me and I stopped walking, folding my arms over my chest as I gave him an indignant look.

He sighed and dropped down to the ground, "You're going to make me give away all my secrets?"

He held up my plate for me to take it but I held on strong.

"I have a friend who works at the police department. I gave him your license plate number and he ran it. Geez, will you eat now?"

I took the plate and sat down, "Why would you care what my last name was?"

"Well, I didn't think you were just going to give it to me and after you left so hurriedly the last time, I figured if I needed to track you down to give you an apology then that would be the best way to do it. I didn't want to have to sit outside Barney's waiting for your AMEX to strike again. Plus the people over there never give me money so...I would be without an income."

I didn't know how I felt about his little confession. Why would anyone go through so much trouble just to apologize?

"So what did you want to show me?" I asked plunging into my grilled cheese with caramelized onions.

"That." He said pointing toward the food trucks.

"Food truck?" I asked confused.

"I've been thinking...I feel like I found my calling. The past couple of weeks I have been really reflecting on my life. How I want to leave this world and know that I contributed something to it. I have you to thank for that and I came to this realization that a food truck is what I wanted to pursue. I want to start up a food truck for the homeless. A meals on wheels which would be donation operated and a place where people could go and get a really good meal."

"Why would you want to tell me this?"

"Because like I said, you helped inspire me."

"Inspire you...to not want to be someone like me...someone who hasn't contributed anything to this world." I swallowed harshly never prouder of myself.

"I don't believe that at all. I don't think you're as bad as you think you are. I'm sorry for ever making you feel that way. It was wrong of me to judge you when I didn't even know you." He said sincerely.

"Why? I judged you. I still judge you...all the time."

"But that's because you still don't know me."

I bit my nail, my gourmet sandwich long forgotten.

"So what do you think about my food truck idea?" He asked timidly.

"It's...going to be really expensive. Especially if you keep giving your money away to Horizons."

"I was actually thinking of bringing Horizon's in on it and having this be a mobile version..."

"You think that banana queen Alice is going to fund your truck?"

"Well no not all but like I said it will be donation funded..."

"Donation funded? That would have to be an awful lot of donations. With your talent wouldn't you be able to help more people if you just got a job and donated some of your income to a charity?"

"I've always believed that donating my time is worth more than just donating money. I think a lot of people donate their money because let's face it, time is worth more than money and the majority of people don't want to waste their time. They throw money at charities without ever doing research on them and have no clue how little their money really helps."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you know that when you donate money to charities that a lot of them only give a percentage of every dollar." He explained.

"A percentage? What kind of percentage?"

"Some of the biggest offenders are the American Breast Cancer foundation, they only give five cents for every dollar a person donates. The Children's Cancer Fund of America also give five cents. The Kids Wish foundation, 2 cents for every donated dollar." He listed off.

My jaw dropped, "What do they spend all the other money on then?"

"Overhead costs." He stated with parentheses fingers. "Some of the organizations presidents get paid over a half a million dollars and the majority of the offenders use quite a tidy sum to pay for professional solicitors to go out and collect their "donations." People think they're doing great by donating to such a worthy cause and their money hardly touches the people who really need it."

"That's like stealing. How is this even legal?"

"Anytime they call up and give their spiel if you ask and only if you ask then they have to disclosure how much of your donation will actually go to the children or cancer research...whatever charity they are calling for. That's how it's legal."

I sat there in disbelief. "They are stealing money from children with cancer? That's worst then the Kardashians."

"Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of great charities out there that give nearly all their money to the cause if not one hundred percent. St. Jude's Children's hospital. The Make a Wish foundation. But people should at least ask before blindly giving."

I just shook my head in disbelief trying to comprehend this new-found information. How many times did I receive calls at my house for this charity or that charity? It really shed a whole new light on things.

"So...the food truck...do you think it's a bad idea?" he asked cautiously.

"No...I just don't know how you're going to afford something like that...if you made a hundred dollars a day even tax-free, it would take a really long time to come up with funds."

"It doesn't have to be done tomorrow, as long as I have a goal and strive toward it then it will happen...eventually. I just want to know that at the end of it all, I did something right."

I nodded, "Then...I think that it's a good idea."

"What did you mean earlier when you said you only had three more days at Horizons?" He then asked completely off the topic.

I crinkled my nose and focused back on my sandwich. After all our talks I would feel like an uber bitch for complaining about charity work like it was a prison sentence.

I sighed, "It's nothing."

"You're only going to stay three more days? What about Jacob Black and your bet?" he pressed.

I swallowed another bite of the sandwich he paid for and finally looked at him. "My grandfather...has been helping me on this whole bet. He said he wouldn't help me anymore unless I gave him four honest day's work at Horizons. He seems to think that this is my best bet for winning my...bet. But I explained to him that I just don't belong in a place like Horizons. I've only served on two meals and each time I come here it's...I'm a walking disaster."

"Stop it! Right now! I'm not going to sit here and pat you on the back while you cry and complain about how hard it is to work at Horizons. You're not a disaster and your better than this. So what if you've had a bumpy start. You can't expect to excel at everything right away that you start out on. You grandfather sounds like a good man and I'm sure he just wanted you to spend time at Horizons to help you gain a little perspective. He's not trying to punish you, he wants to help you. You have a dilemma with your bet and Horizons is the sure fired way you will win it but you have just got to remove that stick out of your ass and just let your hair down...relax and allow yourself to enjoy the experience."

Stick out of my ass? I wanted to be mad but another part of me...that weird feeling I have been experiencing this afternoon crept up again and made me take in his words.

"You can get upset with me again or feel offended but I'm just trying to help you and it would be really nice if for once you weren't so damn stubborn." He added.

I looked down at my plate and saw that my sandwich was gone. I slowly got up from the grass and stood for a second. "Thank's for the grilled cheese."

I turned and started to walk in the direction of where we had entered. I could hear Edward as he let out a great sigh. I turned back toward him and saw him still sitting on the ground looking defeated.

"Shouldn't we get going? We waste any more time and we will have a lot of hungry people on our hands."

Edward's jaw dropped slightly and then was replaced quickly with a smile. He jumped up from the ground and hurried on over, "You're right. Let's get going. Lead the way, Miss Swan."

"Ugh." I jokingly sighed, "Why do I have to do everything?"

"Because you have everything." He quipped.

"I don't have everything...in fact I can think of two gorgeous pair of heels that I don't have because of you."

"Do tell all about your first world problems. I'm dying to hear of my involvement with your shopping woes." He mocked.

"Don't make me kick your ass."

He smiled knowingly, "Like I said...we are going to be great friends, you and I."

"We're not friends!"

"Just wait."

"Nope."

"Yep."

And it continued all the way back to my purgatory. Horizons looked like it was getting one highly dedicated volunteer for the next two months. I'm sure they would come to regret it.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

"Is that what it's supposed to look like going in or coming out?" I recoiled from the Costco sized pot on the stove, wishing I had never looked into its depths.

"I am not taking credit for this one. It is purely Manwich but it's cheap and serves a lot so..." Edward shrugged while stirring his vat.

"It's depressing and just looking at it makes me want to consult an eye doctor to see if there's been any damage to my pupils."

"It's not that bad. No need to be overdramatic...oh wait I forgot who I was talking to." He jested. "Besides, a lot of people around here like Sloppy Joe days."

"Do you like sloppy Joe days?" I asked incredulously.

"It doesn't matter what I like or don't like. When the food is free, I'm just thankful."

I rolled my eyes, "Looks like eating this shit also brainwashes you. So much for drinking the Kool-Aid, we have Sloppy Joes." I said with fake enthusiasm.

I hopped down from my sink and walked over to where my apron laid. "I'm off to cover buns and potato salad, please keep that vial stuff away from me. I think it might be toxic."

I pushed through the swinging doors and out to the food line.

"You're in for a real treat, Bella. Saturday nights is the best." Alice cheered. "We give out different prizes and it's always a packed house. I also have a little reading corner for all the children that come through..."

She continued to go on and on but all I kept thinking was that we were severely understaffed and this was the most populated night at the ole soup kitchen. We were down Emilio and now with Alice telling me all about her extra activities, it didn't look like I would be able to just stand at my station and serve.

"How are we going to get everything done when we don't have enough staff to operate the line?" I interrupted.

"It's no problem. I have my brother and sister-in-law coming to help as well as Jasper. Whenever we are short-staffed my family always lends a hand." She smiled once more before buzzing off.

It must be nice to have a family willing to help you out. My brother would only lend a hand to help push me off a cliff. My dad...well my father would probably be too busy and send someone in his place...better yet, he'd probably send me a note in his place.

And then there was grandfather. He was shaping up to be the only person I could sorta rely on. It's funny because I never would have thought about grandfather before all this Jacob Black stuff.

"Coming through." Edward announced as he walked his big vat of mystery goo through the swinging door. "Keeping the Kool-Aid far away from the help."

He stuck his tongue out at me and after thinking about my family or lack thereof I just nodded to him.

"What's with the sad face?" He asked.

"Nothing...just a little overwhelmed but Alice said that her brother or something is coming to help..."

"Emmett?" Edward cut me off.

"I don't know...does she have more than one?" I asked irritated that he interrupted me.

"Uh...watch my slop...I mean Sloppy Joes...I'll be right back." Edward tore out of there.

This was weird. That was weird, right? I looked down at the slop...a perfect name if you asked me. I pondered why Edward would take off hearing of Alice's brother coming. Did they have beef with each other? Was there like some magical soap opera waiting to unfold? Day's of Our Homelessness?

My mind went wild and I had just about come to the conclusion that Edward probably slept with a married Alice and Emmett, Alice's brother walked in on them and that is why he vamoosed. Jasper that poor bastard has no idea.

"Bella, I would like you to meet my brother, Emmett and his wife Rosalie." Alice's introduction tore me out of my fantasies and it took me a minute to readjust my brain waves.

Emmett was unusually bulky and the girl beside him, his wife was anything but with her long blond hair and blue eyes. I never would have picked them out as a couple; it reminded me of Alice and Jasper. All of them complete opposites to their partners...weird. But then again we have Paula Abdul to thank for that explanation.

"Uh...hi...how are you? Edward...he mentioned you but then the weirdest thing he just..." I stuttered using a hand gestures to help communicate. I watched their faces for any kind of indication of scandal.

"Oh...yea...Edward...homeless dude." Emmett laughed loud and awkwardly.

I gaped at him. Homeless dude? That was my name for Edward. How would he know that?

Everyone looked tense and it was then that I knew that something was up. There was something slim shady going on up in this...soup kitchen.

"We all ready for doors to open?" Jasper walked out and interrupted our very illuminating conversation. He looked between us all and shook his head before walking toward the doors.

"Okay...so Rosalie if you wouldn't mind helping with the Sloppy Joes and Emmett can you be on clean up and leftovers?" Alice began to delegate.

Before I would start on my station I turned around and walked back toward the kitchen.

"What's up?" Edward jumped a little when he saw me coming through.

"Yea...what is up is right. What is going on out there? Everyone's acting weird and you just up and poofed like a fart in the wind."

"I'm sorry...it's just I had to attend to some stuff before doors opened."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I don't know what's going on and I'm sure it's none of my business...but...you didn't sleep with Alice did you?"

"WHAT? Gross!" Edward exclaimed, "Why would you think that?"

I smirked a little, "Just observations. There's nothing wrong with it...if she floats your boat and wants to get dirty behind the kitchen after hours...but she is married so I suggest you don't literally bite the hand that feeds you...or bite anything else for that matter. It's a shame kind of because you two would have made really cute kids."

The revolted look on Edward's face practically had me skipping over to the kitchen door. "To each their own...just don't do it near the food because those poor people out there don't need any more added ingredients, if you get what I mean.

I walked out and picked up my pinchers and settled in my spot for the rest of the night. I kept catching the blonde one looking over to me. I tried to ignore it but come on, how about a little show of manners.

"WHAT?" I snapped when I finally caught her again.

"Nothing...you don't need to be so rude." She replied snooty.

"I'm rude? You're the one staring at me all night long. Can I help you with something?"

She pursed her lips and returned to her slop. I shook my head and continued to stare down at my buns.

The blonde one looked once again to me but this time she at least spoke. "It's just...you don't really interact with anyone...there just people, Bella...they're not going to bite."

"I know that...I tried to whole interaction thing and all it got me was in trouble. It's just best if I keep my eyes on my pan."

"You don't seem very comfortable here. Why did you want to volunteer?" She asked.

"My grandfather thought it would give me perspective. You don't exactly look like you fit in here either. Did you volunteer or just get dragged into this by your sister-in-law?"

"First of all, I don't get dragged into anything. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be here. My husband...his family is all about the social awareness. The Cullen's are all involved with helping in some way or another. Emmett is a police officer. Alice runs this kitchen and Ed...everyone knows from Carlisle, the patriarch that anything less is unacceptable."

Carlisle Cullen...I've heard that name before. Stow that one away for a much needed Google search.

"Wow, sounds like something my grandfather would say. He's always going on about grass being greener and hard work...blah, blah, blah."

She looked at me for a second, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-three." I replied cautiously.

"You're practically a baby. You have so much in this world to still learn."

"And what lesson exactly should I be learning?" It always pissed me off when old people would say things like that. What did she know about me? Not a damn thing.

She smirked over at me, "Trust me when you learn them, you'll know."

One thing is for sure, I would definitely not be coming back to the kitchen on days when that blonde one would be here. I have a feeling that if things kept going the way they were, one of us would end up in a pot of that slop.

The night was winding down and there were no more words exchanged between us. I waited until there was a break to go and find Edward. He was in the back already starting on dirty pots.

"Please tell me what days that Emmett and that blonde one come here." I huffed.

"Oh...was Rosalie her normal charming self?" he laughed.

"She's so...annoying." I complained.

"That she is." Edward agreed.

"You have so many lessons in life to learn." I mocked in my best blonde one voice. "So insufferable."

"Well, just hang in there. You are like twenty minutes away from completing your first full kitchen day and then...only three more days left."

He sighed and turned back toward his pot.

"Don't be a loser...I'm not leaving until Thanksgiving. I have a bet to win, remember?" I shook my head at his silliness.

He stepped back from the sink, "Really?" he asked with a small gleam in his eye.

"Yea...well don't get all weepy. I'm only going to be here like two or three days a week...whenever I can work it in around that blonde ones schedule."

"It's probably best...you and Rosalie, I have a feeling that would be disastrous."

"Do you like know everybody? How is that you work on the streets and make it back here to cook and know everyone in between?"

"I am just that damn charming." He puffed up his chest.

"Charming? You'd be more charming if you shaved every once in a while. Don't you think people would be more willing to give you a dime if they weren't afraid of getting lice when they came closer to you?"

"What are you, my mother? The beard works."

"Works what exactly? The end of unemployment line. It is proven fact that people give more to those who are more physically attractive. You shave that musty old rat off your face and you'll have dollar bills coming out your ass."

"Well, that just sounds painful. I don't need dollar bills coming out my ass. I'm doing just fine where I am, Bella."

"True but don't you want that food truck? You'll get there faster if you...spiffied up." I pushed off the counter to go and return to my post.

I walked back out and the blonde one gave me a look, "That was a mighty long bathroom break."

"Must have been the food." I looked down at her ladle of slop, "It was like, I was having its babies. Lots and lots of babies. If I were you, I wouldn't go back to the birthing room, if you get what I mean."

I winked and held my laughter in seeing her gawk at me in disgust.

And I'm the one with lots to learn.

The doors closed up and everyone was already running around trying to clean up. My assigned task was to sponge down the tables with disinfectant. It wasn't a hard job but I could see drops of slop and it made my stomach turn.

I felt my phone begin to vibrate in my pocket and I pulled it out to see Jessica's name light up on my screen.

"Hey, what's up?" I finally decided to answer. I hadn't seen any of them in over a week and I'm sure they were about to file a missing persons report.

"Where have you been? We haven't seen you at the bars or clubs. You haven't come to lunch and you missed our weekly shopping trip. Did you get new friends or something?"

"What? No. I just...have been really busy." I looked down at my sponge and could see the meat red soaked into it from the dirty tables. My, how the mighty had fallen.

"Lauren thinks you're avoiding us because you know you'll lose the bet and you can't bear having to show your face."

"That's ridiculous. Tell Lauren I am determined to win this bet and that is why I have been so M.I.A., I have a really strong lead."

Ugh! Damn that Lauren. How ever were we friends to begin with?

"I really hope you win. What I wouldn't pay to spend a whole year at Fashion weeks to not have to listen to Lauren tell the story of how her mom once modeled for Calvin Klein like a bazillion years ago and how she could be his love child. I mean hello...Calvin is like way gay and besides why in the hell would it matter who her daddy really was. She already won...she's never going to have to work or stress...I mean when I stop and think about it, we are just so lucky and I looked up that whole karmageddon thing and I don't think she completely understands it but then again what do I know, I got like a "C" in critical thinking skills. That asshole, Mr. Miller always had it out for me. It's like he wanted to fail me because he was super jealous that I had more money in my bank account then he did. It's my fault that he had to drive a Toyota..."

She was never going to stop. I felt really bad for having to end this call short especially since she was on my side but when Jessica got going it was hard to get her to stop.

"...it was only once and I'm not proud but what else was I going to do. My dad would have flipped if I had less than a "C" in any of my classes. Which I still don't understand why any of it mattered, it's not like I was ever going to get a job critically thinking...does anyone actually have a job in critical thinking?"

"Jessica!" I hollered into the phone.

"What? I'm not deaf. No need to yell."

"I have to go...do you want to catch a Starbucks tomorrow?"

"How about now? I mean its Saturday night. The night when we prowl."

"I...I'm really tired. No prowling for me tonight."

"Oh...right...your secret life and all." She replied irritated.

"I'll tell you more tomorrow. How about one o'clock?"

"Fine...If I don't die of boredom first."

And people told me I was over dramatic.

I returned to my tables and then went to work on trays next. I sat down at the table ready to start cleaning trays when Alice popped into my line of sight.

"A great day, right?"

I had yet to figure out what Alice's deal was. Was she always this happy? She got crazy over a banana and looked like she was prepared to take on Emilio but was she sincere? I had still yet to figure that out.

"Uh...it was something?" How could I reply to that? A great day wouldn't have me anywhere near Horizons. A great day would be me on a beach.

"So...were you thinking of coming back again?" she asked timidly.

"If that's okay?" Leave it up to her. If she was smart, she'd say no.

"Absolutely!"

Apparently she wasn't.

"What days' work best for you? We're closed on Sundays but any other day, lunch or dinner, we'd be happy to have you."

"You guys don't serve breakfast?" I wondered.

"No...we don't have room in our budget plus we are pressed to get the volunteers we have. We take off Sunday's because there are enough churches around that serve up meals or hand out bagged lunches." She explained.

"Oh...well what days do you struggle. I probably could put in two or three days a week and no offense but I talked to Edward and he also agreed that I probably shouldn't work with your sister-in-law again...we just don't...mesh."

She let out a small laugh and shook her head, "She doesn't mesh with a lot of people but she has a good heart. Like I said, I only ask my family to come in when I know we need it desperately. But, in that case I will be sure to keep that in mind. How about we start with Tuesdays and Thursdays but if you ever find yourself in need of some excitement just remember how fun Saturdays can be."

"I'll be sure to do that." I replied dryly.

"Okay...well great." She hopped up and was off again.

I swear if I had her energy all the world's problems would be solved. Probably not but I'd like to think so.

It wasn't even nine when I was all finished. I gathered up my things from my locker and made my way out to my car. It was dark outside and I looked around thinking about all the times I have been afraid of this area after dark and now it started to look different.

"What, you can't even say goodbye?" Edward jogged over to me.

I rolled my eyes, "Good bye."

"I told you I would walk you to your car. I wasn't kidding."

"I don't need a stalker slash...escort. I can handle myself."

"You push one jackass up against a wall and suddenly you're Chuck Norris." He quipped.

"You look more like Chuck Norris then I do. I'll take Buffy however...at least she had some fashion sense." I replied unlocking my car doors.

"Do you have anything less...expensive to drive down here? I just think it would be a good idea. This kind of car couldn't stand out any more than it already does."

"I doubt that. If my father would have bought me the Lamborghini that I really wanted...I'll see what I can do but I don't think I'll be able to pull that off before Tuesday."

"That's when you're coming back?" he asked.

"Tuesday...Thursday and if I am really a loser with no social calendar, I hear that Saturday's are just the bee's knees around here."

"Saturday's would be good...if you could spare it...or bear it. As you can see not a lot of people are bagging the doors down to help out on the best night of the week."

"I'll think about it. Well I am off to try to soak out all the smells from my body that this place has imposed upon me. That meaty crap...it could take a while." I cringed.

"I hear if you soak in that meaty crap, it does wonders for your pores."

"So gross." I practically threw up just picturing it, "So where are you off to?"

"I gotta go and put some time in on my corner. I have a food truck to work towards."

"Really? What corner?" I asked curiously.

He pushed off my car and started to walk back towards Horizons. "You think I'm going to tell you? I don't need any more stalkers." He winked, "See you on Tuesday."

So weird.

I drove home and started to wonder just what I was going to do the rest of the night. It was so early but for some reason I was extremely exhausted. After a long hot shower I settled myself up in bed to catch up on my Tivo.

I don't even know what happened but the next thing I know a clap of thunder has me flying out of bed. I clutched my chest and tried to get my breathing under control. I must have been so soundly asleep that the disturbance nearly made me wet myself. I turned off the television and marveled at the rain splattering my bay window.

I had no idea we were in for a storm. In California it was rare for us to get rain so whenever it happened I loved it. Sleeping with the sound of the rain was the best. I snuggled back down under the covers happy for nature's lullaby.

Edward.

I threw back the covers and ran over to my window. I looked out and down to my pool like he would be standing there but it occurred to me that Edward could be out there...in that rain. Was he going to be able to find shelter for the night? I should have given him enough money to pay for a hotel room but how was I supposed to know it was going to rain.

If that damn bastard had just told me what street corner he would have been on tonight, I could do something. Come on Bella, he's obviously used to the occupational hazards of the homeless profession. Go back to bed.

I sighed and went back to lie down in my bed. I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything but homeless dude out in the cold. With the soup kitchen being closed tomorrow, there was no way to know if he was even okay.

Why are you even worrying over this? He is not your problem, hell he isn't even your friend.

Well maybe he's a...friend. I'm not really sure what one would classify as a friend. What is a friend? Someone you talk to. Someone whose company you can...somewhat enjoy. A person who you can rely on.

Hell, even Lauren and Jessica didn't really meet those qualifications.

I talk to Edward. I somewhat enjoy his company when he's not being a major asshole. Rely on? I wouldn't say I rely on Edward. Maybe my definition is incorrect.

I jumped out of bed and located my laptop. The room was starting to get mighty cold and instead of turning on the heat I opted to jump back under my covers quickly. The Google screen lite up my room and I type in "definition of friend."

"Friend. Noun. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. Example, add (someone) to a list of contacts associated with a social networking website. "I am friended by 29 people who I have not friended back""

Well isn't that typical.

Exclusive of sexual or family relations? How could the word friend be so confusing?

"Google you have failed me." I huffed.

Suddenly something else occurred to me. Carlisle Cullen.

I typed the word into my Google bar and hit return. The page filled with results and pictures. Not a bad looking dude. I clicked on the picture and smiled. Not bad at all. He was a regulation hottie. I wonder if there are any pictures of him shirtless.

I typed in Carlisle Cullen shirtless and just as I hit enter a bunch of photos popped up but then my damn laptop died.

"Crap." I hobbled out of bed and went to plug it in. I guess shirtless Cullen was going to have to wait.

My night was filled with erotic dreams of one hottie señor Cullen. It made my night extra special and I woke up with a smile on my face. It wasn't until I was fully awake that it finally occurred to me that this man who did naughty things to me last night in dreamland was also the father to Alice the banana queen.

I laughed out loud.

Man wouldn't that would make for an awkward conversation if she ever found out.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Surprise! Didn't think you could leave me out of this brunchal did you?" Lauren did surprise me when she showed up with Jessica the next afternoon. That was the thing about Jessica, she too didn't like Lauren but she was also too afraid of Lauren to not "like" her.

"I wasn't leaving you out. I told Jessica and I assumed she would tell you because that's what she's good for...I mean at. That's what she's good at." I replied. I was a little rusty being back in bitchy land. I had forgotten how much work it was to have these little lunches.

Instead of Starbucks, we had met up at the St. Regis for Sunday mimosa. That was one of the tricks at navigating rich bitch land. You needed to have just enough alcohol to be able to stand your company but not too much that it would put you off your toes. Being on one's toes was vital if you planned on surviving. And where I came from, it was all about survival of the richest.

"So where the fuck have you been?" Lauren started.

"Like I told Jessica, I have been working on our bet. I am determined to win and I finally found the best way to do it. It will take me a couple of weeks but Jacob Black will be mine. You might want to plan something else for all those times Jessica and I will be away for fashion weeks around the world. I know how boring it can get when you're all alone." I winked.

"Okay, Bella...I'm sure you're right." Lauren replied with a fake smile. "What exactly are you doing to be soo sure of yourself."

"Not telling. I wouldn't want to find myself sabotaged. Don't worry about it, when the time comes, you'll know it."

"Would you guys put this to rest for the sake of my stomach? I'm starving over here." Jessica whined.

"Calm down, it's not like you couldn't benefit from losing a meal or two." Lauren snapped.

Jessica sat a little lower in her chair. Unfortunately, Jessica always got Lauren's bad mood wrath. I didn't because Lauren knew I would come back on her tenfold.

We all opened our menus and started to browse our selections. I hadn't had a decent meal in days. A light breakfast yesterday followed by my fuckawesome gourmet grilled cheese was about it. Thinking about the sandwich reminded me of Edward. I looked out the window and could see it was still overcast but thankfully no rain. I wondered how he did last night. Did he make his hundred dollars and use it wisely for a room? I doubt it. Even though he called me stubborn, I had a feeling he was a bit stubborn himself.

"Hello? Are you even here?" Lauren snapped her fingers at me. I looked up and saw our waiter waiting for me to make my choice.

"Sorry, just a fruit plate and a bagel please." I handed the waiter my menu and refocused back into the game.

"So Jimmy was looking for you the other night." Jessica looked to me with a sly smile on her face.

"Who?"

"Jimmy! The one you met over at Avalon. He was there the night you didn't come out with us to go dancing." She replied.

"Well it's a good thing I didn't come. I have no idea who you are talking about." I shook my head.

"Wow, what a whore...how many notches exactly do you have over on your Beverly Hills suite headboard." Lauren laughed.

"I'm a whore? This coming from the bitch whose pregnancy scare ended up with us cataloging a Rolodex just in case you needed child support."

"What? He could have been rich." Lauren defended.

"You are not the father, Maury announced. But it's good you have goals." I mocked.

"And what exactly are your goals? You act all superior but I'm sure they're lame." She retorted.

It's true I did have goals and dreams but now it didn't look like any of them were ever going to come to fruition. I wasn't about to tell those two of my goals and dreams. I didn't need them tearing them apart like a couple of ravaged beasts. So I lied.

"Well...I would...want to know that I made a difference."

"Huh?" Jessica grunted.

"Someone once told me that he wanted to leave this world knowing he had contributed to it. I want to do the same." I replied. "I've...been thinking about...charities a lot lately."

"Like poor people?" Jessica asked confused.

"Poor...sick...all kinds." What was I doing? I should have just told them what I originally wanted for my goals.

"I already do all that. My father has some fund set up where he sends a percentage to various charities. It's a great tax write off." Lauren waved a dismissive hand.

"But that's just it. I just learned that some of the charities only give a percentage of their money to the actual cause." The waiter placed our food down in front of us but I was actually just getting started. "Some of the charities give as little as two cents of every dollar donated to the sick kids or families without food or shelter."

"Two cents is more than they deserve of my money. If it wasn't for the tax write-offs, you best believe we wouldn't give a dime. I mean how pathetic of someone to just expect a handout. If you need more money, get a job. If you already have one, get a better one. Duh." Lauren huffed stabbing her salad with her fork.

I wanted to end the conversation right then. I was never going to change these girls' minds. I wanted to end the conversation even though I could feel something rising up in me. It made my whole body hot and I hadn't even realized I was trembling until I looked down at my hands set right next to my fork with the plate of forgotten fruit. I wanted to forget this conversation but then I saw the banana that laid across the top of my plate.

I stood up and grabbed the banana and slammed it down in front of Lauren's plate.

"What the fuck!"

Lauren and Jessica sat back startled by my disruption.

"I want you to have this Lauren." I pulled my knife from my napkin and saw her pull back like I was actually going to stab her with it. "But you're not allowed to have the whole fucking banana because some asshole like you and your father were too fucking cheap to pay for the whole banana." I swiftly came down with the knife and cut the banana in two.

"You see this half of banana, it's all that you would be entitled to if you hadn't won the fucking lottery. That's all you did, Lauren. You don't deserve any of this. This wasn't granted to you because of some fucked up ideals of karma that you read about. You only have what you have because you were lucky enough to be born into it. The lottery of life and you won it, you disgusting piece of shit."

I grabbed my purse furiously and ripped out my wallet to throw a hundred on the table, "Don't worry about our little bet. I'm still good for it because nothing will make me happier than to see you turned away from every single fashion show next year. You won't even be able to sit in on a JC Penny show when I'm done with you."

I started to storm out but couldn't help but put one more dig in.

"Better enjoy it while you can because I'm sure that the big S.P. can't wait to hear all of your excuses on why you were such a revolting bitch."

Now I was done.

The only thing I heard after that was Lauren yelling. "Who the fuck is S.P.?"

My heart was pounding so hard that I was worried I might be having a heart attack or something. I waited for the valet to bring my car around and just like a freak of nature another loud clap of thunder snapped me to my senses and then the rain came. Lots and lots of rain.

My breathing slowed, my skin felt the drops as they came down hard and fast. I could hear another valet try to tell me to go and stand under the overhang but the rain felt invigorating. I looked around and saw people running every which way like an ant hill that's been filled with a water hose. Most people didn't want to be drenched but I for the first time since I was a kid, reveled in it.

The moment I sat down into my car, I finally realized why it wasn't such a good idea to be drenched. I was freezing and it took quite a while for my heater to work before I managed to get the goose bumps off my arms. Us Californians don't do too well when temperatures drop below seventy.

I started to drive off toward my house but then the remaining goose bumps reminded me of something else. Edward. If I was this cold after being out in the rain for only a minute, how must he be feeling? There was just no way of knowing where he would be. My car steered itself down the street instead of going north. Horizons was the only place I could think to begin my search.

When I arrived I jumped out of my car and proceeded to pound on the back exit door to the kitchen. Alice said that they weren't open on Sunday's but I was hoping someone would be here who could give me a lead on Edward's haunts. It was no good for me to go home and spend the rest of my day when I knew my mind would be elsewhere. I just needed to know that he was smart enough to get a hotel room for the night.

I heard someone unlocking the door and I felt a surge of relief soar through me.

"Emmett." I said as I stepped back in surprise.

"What's up, little B."

Little B? Was I like some kind of hip hop rapper now?

"Uh...is Alice around?" I mumbled.

"Not today. I was just here because they receive their food shipments on Sundays and I know Alice feels better knowing that an officer were here for that. Why what's up?"

"Oh...well I was just looking for someone...I thought she might be able to give me an idea..." I trailed off, "but hey, you're a cop. I'm sure this must fall in your line of work. If I was a homeless person...where I would I be?"

Emmett gave me a questioning look so I tried again.

"It's raining...and if I wasn't smart enough to take the money I had saved up from begging on a street corner to pay for a hotel room because my dumbass honestly believed I could save up and buy a food truck to help rescue homeless people everywhere...where would I go on a day like this. With the rain coming down hard...where would I go?"

A small smile spread across Emmett's face.

"Well, if I was a dumbass who wouldn't listen to reason because I was out searching for the unattainable and my stupid fucking stubborn ass couldn't get it through my thick skull how ridiculous he... I mean I was being...I would probably be laying low in skid row for the experience and ambiance."

I was a tad confused but I tried to keep up.

"Skid row." I nodded and slowly backed up. "Thanks."

I started to run back toward my car.

"You're not going there are you?" Emmett yelled after me, "Hey...little B!"

I started up the car and zoomed out of there.

"Siri, give me directions to skid row in Los Angeles." I hollered into my iPhone. Figured I would be direct. Didn't want her taking me to the skid row in New York or Detroit.

With the help from my Siri, it didn't take long to reach the seedy streets in downtown L.A. I wondered why Edward would ever want to stay in an area so...dirty. I had seen him begging in Beverly Hills for goodness sake. What would he want with an area like this?

Everything about this place was unnerving. I could see countless people all bundled up against a wall or underneath makeshift tents. How was I ever going to find Edward in all of this mess? I parked my car underneath the Harbor freeway and laughed when realized that this was the very same area that Zac Efron was beat up in when he and his bodyguard were searching for "Chinese food."

I timidly got out of my car and started to walk down the street looking at various people as I passed. You're not Edward. You're not Edward....ew...you are definitely not Edward. I cringed when I saw an older gentleman who looked like a two-cent version of Old Saint Nick. He saw me staring at him and slowly lifted a cup up towards me. I pulled my purse closer to my body but then I sighed and started to dig in my purse for something to give him.

Just as I had found a bill in my purse, I pulled it out and was about to hand it to him when I felt someone clutch my shoulders from behind me. I yelped and was about to start screaming, kicking and punching when Edward came forward and grabbed my bill and threw it in the old man's cup.

It took me a second to really grasp that it was Edward because he looked completely different. Still dirty but...shaved. Edward had a tight grasp on me and started pushing me away from the old Santa reject.

"What the fuck are you doing down here?" He growled.

I had seen Edward upset before but it was nothing like this. For a second I felt like a child about to turned over her father's knee but then that quickly passed.

"Would you let go of me. What the fuck?" I pushed him off. "You don't own the place. I can go anywhere I want."

"You're not exactly the clientele they get down here so what...what? Were you bored or something?" his tone hadn't quit but I could give as well he could.

"Puh-lease. I hardly would ever find myself down here for shits and giggles. You think I want to come down to a place like this? Oh and by the way...Zac Efron was beat up like a block from here so please tell me again about the clientele."

"Oh...were you planning on coming down here to purchase drugs? Like I said. Get into your Mercedes and get your ass back over to fantasy land." He pointed angrily toward my car.

"What the fuck is your problem, dude?"

"You're lucky your ass hasn't gotten mugged or worse. They probably think you're just another ditz rich bitch looking for cocaine."

"Fuck you. I came down here because I was looking for you. I was worried about you out in this rain...in the cold. I could have been all comfy cozy sitting in front of a roaring fire but NO! I am drenched. I am freezing and I am surrounded by the stench of urine and god knows what else." I yelled.

I stomped over to my car, "This is the last fucking time I try to do anything helpful."

I fell into my leather seats and started up my engine. Now I couldn't get out of there faster. I put my car into drive and looked up to find Edward standing in front of my vehicle.

I lowered my window and yelled, "Move out of the way! I will have no problem running your ass over and I doubt you'd be missed."

He walked slowly up against my car towards my window.

"You were worried about me?" he asked sincerely.

"Not anymore." I pouted and refocused out my windshield.

"Bella...wait...I'm sorry."

I didn't want to look at him because I knew he was probably standing there giving me some sad puppy dog look and I wanted to remain strong.

"Please forgive me. I...I'm honored that you would think of me...out here...in this storm."

"Yeah, what a mistake that was." I replied.

He stood with his hand on my door not saying anything. I sighed and shook my head.

"Get in the car."

The heater was up at full blast but it was of no help to my thoroughly drenched clothing. Edward hadn't said one word probably afraid I wouldn't tolerate any shit talking at the moment. I had no idea what I was even doing. Where was I going?

I had a homeless man in my Mercedes SLK. That's something I never thought I would hear myself think. I drove up the long driveway and hit my garage door button, sliding my car right into the garage. I turned the car off and Edward and I just sat in the car inside my garage for a couple more moments.

"Look, I don't bring people here...like ever. So I would really appreciate it if you didn't go all...Dexter on me and chop me up into little pieces."

"I'll try to refrain." He replied dryly.

I sighed and opened my car door. We both got out and walked toward the house entrance. I got the door open and turned my alarm off for the house. Edward was still standing in the garage, waiting.

"What are you a vampire waiting for an invitation? You can come in." I snapped.

"Can I? I just would have thought you would want me to stay in the garage until the Hazmat team showed up and showered me down. I wouldn't want to infect your house." He replied sarcastically.

"Suit yourself but I'm starving and I'm not going to stand here all day and cheer you on as you take your first step." I flipped around and started walking toward my kitchen. I think I was overly bitchy because I was just so hungry. I hadn't eaten this morning at my lunch and I think we've previously established how little I've eaten in the past few days.

I went to the cupboard and grabbed a box of Captain Crunch and started munching on it straight from the box.

"Shouldn't you go and change. You're soaked." Edward commented.

"My stomach is outweighing my need for warmth at the moment. I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything all day." I then thought of that and held out my cereal box to Edward, "Hungry?"

"Yes...but for something a bit more substantial than a children's sugar cereal."

"Wasn't it you who once told me, when the food is free, I'm just thankful." I mocked.

"You have to have something healthier in this...mansion besides that."

I jumped up onto my counter. "You're free to look but don't get your hopes up. I tend to eat out a lot."

Edward started to walk toward my refrigerator. He pulled it open and searched around. It didn't take him long before he signed and closed it back up. "Are you kidding me? All you have is a brick of cheese, some milk and like twenty containers of Cherry Garcia."

"Welcome to the lifestyles of the rich and famous." I sang. "I don't know how to cook so why would I have any food? That's what take out's for. The drawer over there has a couple of takeout menus. Find one you like and I will pay for it."

I hopped down from the counter, "I never had to work so hard to please a hungry person before." I grumbled.

Edward gave me a look before pulling the drawer open.

"A couple? It's like the takeout menu convention." He razzed.

I sighed and turned to run up to my bedroom. I quickly grabbed my laptop and ran it back downstairs. I walked over to my purse and pulled out some money and slammed it on the counter. "Here, a hundred bucks. Order whatever will get you to shut up all ready." I said handing him my laptop. "I'm going to take a hot bath and I expect you will have ordered something for me as well when I get back?"

Edward gestured for me to go and I rolled my eyes before turning to leave again. I got back to my room and was about to undress but then it occurred to me that I had person in my house. I never had a person in my house. I locked my bedroom door and stepped back.

What did you do Bella? What if he was like a stray cat? You feed it and then it never goes away. It's just one night. In California, the storms never last more than a day or two.

It took me quite a while before I could fully relax in my bathtub. I kept envisioning Edward breaking down my door to get to me but I told myself to relax and just have faith that I did the right thing. He wouldn't do that.

He was right about one thing, I was starving for real food. It was a big step to entrust a stranger with your food order. I prayed he chose wisely. Not only did he have to pick a genre but a dish too. It would be a real indication of how he saw me based on what he chose for me to eat. I had a feeling that he would go with Chinese. You seldom can go wrong with Chinese food. Pizza is another good safe food. Damn all this thinking of food wasn't helping my rumbling stomach.

I got out of the tub and hurried with dressing myself. I felt kind of bad because I didn't have any clothes for Edward to wear. He was still downstairs stuck in his wet dirty clothes. Maybe I could have Barney's deliver.

I walked down my staircase and was assaulted with something so mouth-watering I faltered on the step. What the hell kind of place did he order from? I walked into the kitchen and stood in shock as Edward was behind my stove making something. Oh...and he was naked.

"Uh...please tell me you have undies on under that towel?"

He turned quickly to me with a spoon in his hand, "I...I...I will." He put the spoon down and quickly hauled ass toward my laundry room. "Just give me one minute."

Okay what the fuck just happened. Edward...had muscles...lots and lots of muscles. Edward...was...hot.

He walked back in with his shirt on and the towel was still wrapped around his waist. "I have undies on now...I just...my jeans were still really soaked. I hope you don't mind." He apologized.

"Uh...no?" Did I phrase that as a question? My mind was screaming to tell him to take the shirt off again. "Was your shirt dry? You didn't have to put back on a wet shirt...I...you wouldn't want to get sick or something."

"Yeah, bad for business right?" he quipped.

"What are you making? Where did you get all this stuff?" I asked trying to focus on anything but Edward's abs.

"Oh...grocery store...they deliver. I figured why would we eat take out when I am perfectly capable of making us something. Kinda surprised you had so many pots and pans. For someone who doesn't cook, you sure have a lot of appliances."

I smiled softly, "Came with the house."

I pulled myself up on a bar stool and watched as Edward worked my kitchen. I looked around for something to do to keep my mind off of the obvious and saw my fireplace. I walked over and clicked the button and the fire roared to life.

"So...you finally took my advice and shaved?"

"It's an experiment to see if you are right? Do people give more to strangers when they find them more physically appealing? I thought it would make for a good...research...I mean it can't hurt." He shrugged.

"Has it worked?"

"I don't know. With the weather being pretty bad, it makes it harder for people to see you in the first place so...I won't know for a little while longer." I watched as he dumped the contents from his pan onto a plate. "Lunch is served."

"What is it?"

"Chicken on a bed of linguine and a side of asparagus."

"You had me until you said asparagus." I replied.

"You need to eat your vegetables." He stated and turned to dump the dirty pots into the sink. "You won't get dessert if you don't eat the asparagus."

I gave him a look but dived into my food without retort. I had just sunk my teeth into the meatiest part of my chicken which had been cooked to perfection when Edward asked, "Why were you looking up pictures of Carlisle Cullen shirtless?"

Even though the chicken was still in my mouth, it felt like it had instantly dropped down into my stomach. I had forgotten all about last nights...activities. Edward's face confused me; it was like he was waiting to hear a prognosis for an unbeatable cancer.

"Girl's gotta have something to masturbate to." I shrugged.

Edward dropped his plate onto the counter, "So fucking gross."

I couldn't help but laugh. He was being completely absurd.

"You do know that he is Alice's father right?" Edward exclaimed.

"And?"

I obviously didn't do what I said I did but it was so fun watching all the colors that Edward's face was turning.

"And... he is happily married and...WAY too old for you!" Edward declared.

"If the dude can still get it up, that's all that matters. Besides look at him, it should be illegal to be that hot. If gramps was in a wheel chair and having nurses wipe up his drool, I'd still hit it."

"So fucking disgusting. So fucking gross." Edward stewed marching around my kitchen.

"Calm down, I'm just fucking with you. I didn't masturbate to pictures of Carlisle Cullen naked, hell I never even saw what the pictures looked like because when I went to type them into the search engine last night, the damn computer died on me." I huffed and returned to my lunch stabbing a piece of asparagus. "I don't know what got your undies in a bunch, it's not like I told you that I was picturing him fucking you. Geez, he's Alice's dad, who gives a shit."

Edward pushed his uneaten plate of food at me, "Hats off, Bella. You managed to get a hungry person to never want to eat again."

He fumed his way over to my laundry room.

"Issues. Serious issues." I muttered.

He may have issues but damn this chicken was good. He came back stewing with his arms crossed over his chest, "My jeans still aren't ready."

"Sorry if I don't have a thirty-second dryer. Jeans take longer. Are you seriously not going to finish your food?" I asked him.

He just stood there and sighed.

"Well whatever, I finished mine and I want my dessert."

"I don't know if you even deserve dessert." He replied all sulky.

My jaw dropped and I picked up my fork, "I finished every last one of those disgusting asparagus. If you don't give me my dessert, I will stab you with this fork. I won't say where I will stab you but trust me, it won't be pretty." I threatened.

"Damn you could give some of those guys down at the shelter a run for their money." He pushed off the counter and walked over to my fridge. He pulled something out and walked it back over and set it on the counter.

"Jell-O?" I asked irritated. "I hadn't realized I had gone from homeless food to hospital food."

"Would you just eat the fucking Jell-O?" He sighed exasperated.

I grabbed the Jell-O and shoved a bite into my mouth. Damn! Even the Jell-O was good.

"You know sometimes I think it would be best if you did less talking and more eating. At least your mouth can't get you into trouble when it's filled."

"So your face." I mumbled through the Jell-O.

"So mature, Bella."

"Why don't you school me some more on manners and proper behaviors, old wise one." I mocked.

"I'm not that old. I'm at least a healthy age for someone like you unlike Carlisle Cullen."

"Awe does that mean you're throwing your hat in the ring for my hand?" I teased.

He looked over to me and sincerely replied, "Maybe."

And all that could be heard was my spoon as it dropped to the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

"HA! And that is what you get for picturing me fucking an old guy." Edward taunted.

I quickly recovered from any astonishing thoughts.

"You are so...annoying." I grabbed his plate of chicken and noodles and carried it over to my couch. "Just for that, you don't get to eat anything!"

He came over to my television room and plopped down on my recliner. "You're going to take food away from a homeless person?"

"You're not homeless. For the next however many hours, you are a guest. I'm only taking food away from a guest. The offense has been severely downgraded. Misdemeanor to domestic disturbance." I stuck my tongue out at him.

I started to dig into the chicken.

"You don't need to be so sensitive, Bella. If it would really make you feel better...I guess I could consider a relationship with you." He said it like he was overtaxed just thinking about it.

"You guess you could consider it?" I snapped. "You would be lucky to get a girl like me....which you never could because I am like way too good for you."

"Yeah...so good that you would take a hungry man's meal away from him and then proceed to eat it right in front of him. How is that speech looking when you finally meet the man upstairs?"

"First of all, you forfeited your meal when you had a meltdown over something that didn't even happen. Secondly...I don't have a man living upstairs. You're the only man who has ever been here aside from my family."

Edward smacked himself in the face, "No...man upstairs...it's another term for the big J.C....God?"

"Oh...oooohhh." What a ditz. I began laughing as it reminded me of Lauren at the restaurant this morning.

"Who the fuck is S.P?" I screamed and the about died in a fit of giggles.

"Am I missing something?" Edward asked confused.

"Oh, it's nothing...just my...friends...ex-friends..." I replied through breathes.

"Ex?" he queried.

And that sobered me right up. I had ex-friends. The only friends I had were now my ex-friends. I was officially friendless, by my definition, by Google's definition, I was officially alone.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I got up from the couch and handed him back his plate, "The food...it was really good."

"Thanks."

I grabbed my purse and keys. "You'll be good here? I...I...just need to go do something."

I didn't wait for a response; I just walked out to my garage and got into my car. I wasn't one for running upstairs and throwing myself on a bed and having a good cry but I felt sad. Jessica and Lauren weren't the greatest of friends but they were at least something. A couple of years ago when I first moved out to this house, I didn't have anyone and I spent the better part of two years just lying around my house. Then I met Jessica at a boutique and she introduced me to Lauren and I finally felt happy with my life.

And now, I was back to being alone.

I didn't know where to go. I didn't even have Horizons to waste my time at. I just sat in the garage in my car. Normally when I was down I would just go patrolling for men but even that seemed silly now.

A little time had passed and I watched as Edward walked out the door into my garage and slide into my passenger seat.

"You have pants." I noted.

"Yeah, dryer finally finished."

"Good."

It was oddly quite sitting in the car. I could barely make out the sounds of the rain falling outside.

"What happened, Bella? What did you mean, ex-friends?"

I bit on my perfectly manicured finger nail. "I...made a scene this morning and I yelled at them over something stupid...I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just dropped it but something went wrong and I just...went off."

"What did you fight over?" he asked quietly.

I sighed, "You're just going to get mad at me."

"I won't get mad. I promise."

"Lauren, she said something about how her dad gives money to charities because they're great tax write-offs. I told her what you told me about blindly giving money to charities without knowing how much actually goes to the cause." I mumbled.

"And?"

Once again just thinking over her words this morning made my blood boil.

"And that bitch actually said to me that the charities were lucky to get anything at all and if there wasn't tax write-offs then she and her father wouldn't give a cent. That people in need were pathetic. I mean I know I'm a bitch but really? REALLY? She fucking pissed me off." I growled.

"So you...yelled at her?"

"You're goddamn right I did." I yelled.

"What did you say?"

"I said...I said...there was a banana...so I said..." I stuttered.

"Bella, what did you say?" Edward asked louder. "What did you say?"

"I slammed the banana from off my plate down in front of her and told her that it's because of assholes like her and her father that poor people don't get a whole a banana and that if she hadn't won the lottery, she would be only entitled to half that banana." I wringed my hands, "I may have called her a disgusting piece of shit and told her that she will have to explain being a bitch to the big S.P....or something like that."

Edward sat back in the seat, "You told her that?"

"It wasn't my finest moment. I probably won't be invited back to the St. Regis anytime soon."

"Finest moment? That was fucking awesome! Do you even realize how proud I am of you. I mean...I don't mean to sound condescending but, Bella this is amazing."

"Amazing? I didn't do anything. I just yelled at my only friends. I made an ass out of myself and now I have no more social life. I don't have anything or anyone except some stupid ass brother and bat shit crazy grandfather. My dad...hell my dad is so M.I.A. I practically don't even have a dad. I have everything I could ever want and yet nothing at all."

"You have me."

I scoffed. "No offense but you're practically a stranger."

"How does any friend start out? When you met Jessica, she was a stranger but then you spent time with her and eventually she became a friend."

I sighed, "But this is different."

"Because I'm homeless?" he asked directly.

"Because you're a guy. I don't do friendships, relationships...not with guys. I don't want anything complicated. I don't ever go down that path...I have reasons...stupid reasons but they're my reasons."

"And you're not going to tell me those reasons...are you?"

"I don't need anyone making me feel stupider then I already am."

"I don't think you're stupid at all."

I looked out my driver's window to my garage and thought of all the times I had opportunity for more but never took it and it was a really stupid reason. I didn't ever involve myself with someone because I did it out of spite.

"You're so unhappy Bella and yet you have everything at your disposal. I mean...if you could do anything, go anywhere in the world...what would you do? Where would you go?"

"Yale." I whispered.

"The school?" He asked confused.

"Yes, the school. You know I was smart enough to get in once upon a time." I snapped.

Edward held up his hands. "I...I was just wondering why you didn't go."

"Because I couldn't afford it."

He laughed ironically.

"I'm not joking, dumbass."

"I just...don't get that..." he started to shake his head.

"My father said that I didn't meet the criteria. He saw me as a bad investment and so on my eighteenth birthday he bought me this house and paid for the moving van and my life has been uphill ever since, can't you tell?"

"Jesus, Bella."

I waved him off, "Whatever. You know what? Fuck Yale. Fuck Yale! I change my mind. If I could go anywhere, I'd go to Oxford. I would get out of this country and far away from my family. I'd go and eat scones and drink tea."

"Fuck Yale." He agreed. "And...I hope you get to Oxford."

I laughed. "Not likely but thanks anyway."

"Well..." Edward was interrupted by my door bell ringing.

"Were you expecting someone?" He asked.

"No." I replied thinking through anyone who would be ringing my door at this time. It was almost nine o'clock and I never had guests. I started to get out of the car and so did Edward. It was incredibly dark in my garage so we made our way slowly over to the house door. I could hear the doorbell ring again. I went to the video surveillance and intercom.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Bella? Bella...I...Lauren gave me your address...it's me Jimmy."

That bitch, Lauren!

"Do you know him?" Edward asked.

I stared a little harder at the video for any sign of recognition but unfortunately there was none.

"Well?" Edward pressed.

"I don't know...maybe...I might have slept with him once."

"Might have? Geez..."

"Hey, no judging, I'm sure you've had plenty of rumbles...in the trash or wherever the fuck."

"You don't need to be mean Bella...I was just..."

I gave him a look.

Edward pressed the intercom button, "Uh...hi Jimmy?"

He turned to me, "What's his last name?"

"How the hell should I know? What do I look like, a bookkeeper?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed turning back to the intercom, "This is Bella's...friend. Is there something we can help you with?"

"Yeah, I want to talk to Bella, open the door, friend of Bella's." Jimmy spit.

"Real charmer." Edward said back to me. "Should I open the door?"

"NO! I didn't want people knowing where I live. Make him go away."

Edward shook his head, "Look, she doesn't want to see you...I wish you well."

"You wish him well?" I asked.

"What else am I supposed to say to the man?"

A loud banging came upon the door, "Bella. I just want to talk. Come on."

I scrambled over to the stairs and hid behind a banister. Edward shook his head and went to the door.

"No." I whispered desperately.

Edward opened the door just enough to encounter the man. "Look bro, I don't know who you are but this isn't Bella's house. This is my house and I will call the cops if you don't vacate immediately."

"I just want to see Bella."

"I don't know how to make myself clearer. She doesn't want to see you. She doesn't want to talk to you and if you harass her, I will know. Do not fuck with me." Edward growled before slamming the door and locking it.

I breathed a sigh of relief and started to walk down the stairs.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"No problem...it's what friends do."

I shook my head. "I can't be friends with you...I...no offense but...I just can't."

I turned away and began to walk back upstairs to my room. It was a little early but I was exhausted. Mentally, physically, I was just plain exhausted. I closed my door and locked it, hating myself a little more. It's not that I didn't want to be friends with Edward, it's just if I became friends with him, what if he wanted more. I could never give him more. Girls and guys weren't meant to be friends without romance trying to creep inside.

I always knew Edward was dangerous for me because for the first time I could actually picture something with him. I, Isabella Swan was picturing something more with a homeless person. What was the matter with me? I had gone from a social life to a social outcast and now I was picturing Edward and me together.

That shit had to stop.

Once more the storm lulled me to sleep and it wasn't until early in the morning hours when I was awaken.

"Shh....it's okay. It's okay."

"Edward?"

I felt his fingers gently glide down my face. I was practically paralyzed. What was he doing in my room? I should push him off and yell at him to get the fuck out of my house.

"You're not alone, Bella. I'm here for you." I could feel his hot breath so close to my face. He pulled me up and into a mighty kiss and suddenly there were no more thoughts. My body acted on instinct and I wanted more. I needed more.

"More." I whimpered.

His hand went down my side and he pulled the covers off. I practically launched myself at him but he took control and forced me back down into the bed and climbed on top of me.

He was completely bare and his body looked better than what I remembered of it from my kitchen this morning. His perfect muscles. His perfect "V."

"Wait...just be patient. I want to this to last." He barked looking into my eyes. I nodded and allowed him to set the pace but I opened my legs and let him settle there while he made me wait.

With a single finger he moved it up and down my already slick entrance. No panties to get in our way. I struggled against him wanting him to move. "Come on, just fuck me already!" I yelled.

"Fuck you? You want me...a homeless dude to fuck you? I may be homeless and dirty but I'm not going to fuck a dirty bitch."

It was like a bucket of ice water being dumped all over me.

I wanted to yell...or hit him but I couldn't disagree with his words. I was a dirty bitch. I was hoe. I couldn't even remember a guy that I slept with.

"Stop crying. You don't want to be a pathetic dirty bitch. That's the worst." He jested getting out of my bed.

"Edward..." I tried.

"Awe...Edward." He mocked.

My doorbell started ringing again. Non-stop.

"Better answer that Bella but I'm not going to take care of your trash anymore."

I woke up in a sweat and looked around my room. It was bright out and the sun was shining and there was no sign of Edward. It was all a dream...just a dream. The doorbell still wouldn't quit and it was followed by a loud banging noise.

I climbed out of bed and threw on a robe still incredibly disturbed by minds nocturnal activities. I looked over at the clock at it was past nine. I hurried down the stairs looking for any sign of Edward but so far nothing.

The banging continued. "Bella. Open the door...I'm going to call the police."

It was Michael.

"What in the hell?" I yelled when I opened the door.

"Jesus. Finally." He pushed his way in. "I've been standing out there for over ten minutes."

"No. Not ten whole minutes. What do you want?"

"I guess what they say is true. Don't ever wake a sleeping dragon." He started to walk toward my kitchen but I quickly cut him off worried that Edward was in there cooking or something.

"Michael, I don't have time for you today. Please go."

"You're acting weird...really weird." He pushed past me and I cringed trying to keep up but there was no sign of Edward in the kitchen either. "I was being a good brother coming by and checking on you. I thought you had died or something."

"Why would you think that?" I snapped.

"The inactivity on your credit cards the past week. There was only one explanation for something catastrophic as that. Death. But, you're not so...what's been up sis?"

I could see that the kitchen was spotless. No sign of the late lunch that Edward had cooked. The pots and pans were all washed and put away and the counters were wiped clean. There was no sign that Edward had ever been here.

"Hello, Jell-O." Michael announced after he opened my fridge.

"Hey, that's mine." I was relieved to see the Jell-O because then it meant that yesterday actually happened and it all wasn't a nightmare.

"Damn, this Jell-O is the shit. Where did you buy this?" Standing in a suit and tie in my kitchen eating Jell-O like a five-year old, I wanted to smack him. He was eating my Jell-O.

"I didn't buy it. A...fri...someone made it. Look, I want to get back to my beauty sleep so can you move this along."

"Fine. Geez, such a brat." He threw his spoon into the sink with the bowl of finished Jell-O. "That's what I get for caring."

"By the way, Michael...I'm going to be making a large purchase. I need another car." I thought back to what Edward told me about my Mercedes down at Horizons and since I had Mr. Pocketbook standing here, I thought it would be a wise time to bring it up.

"What kind of car? You're not getting a Lamborghini."

"I don't know...a Toyota...Lexus? Is that a far enough of a downgrade?"

"Why the hell would you need a Toyota?" he shook his head at my apparent absurdity.

"What do you care? I need a different car and I hear...Toyota's are...nice." It tasted nasty just saying those words.

"If you're not going to tell me what it's for, then I'm allocating that kind of money for you to run around and play Bella the bum."

"That is so incredibly pompous. You're such an asshole, Michael." I knew I sounded like a hypocrite, I had called Edward horrible names many times before but hearing it out of my brother's mouth made it uncalled for. I stormed over to my front door and held it open while I waited for him to mosey on out.

"I'll tell dad you said hi."

I slammed the door. He just said that last bit to rub in the fact that he was dad's favorite. Dad at least talked to Michael. I just don't even know where it all went wrong. I used to be the apple of my dad's eye and ever since my mother passed he was always so distant. What did I do wrong? She died of cancer, that wasn't my fault.

I walked around looking for any sign of Edward but there was still none.

"Edward?" I called out. I looked in the garage and around the whole house but it was like he was never even there. Just the remnants of the groceries he ordered were left.

This was a good thing. He got the hint. I didn't need him in my life and I didn't want him. He should have just moved on but he could have at least left a note. A thank you would have been at least sufficient for putting his ass up.

It was a terrible thing those next couple of days. I had nowhere to go. No one to talk to. Shopping didn't even sound good to me. I spent the next night fretting over the dreams I may encounter and thinking over the words that nightmare Edward said to me. I wasn't denying it, I was a dirty bitch. I couldn't even remember Jimmy. I racked my brain and nothing came. How could I have possibly slept with so many men that I wouldn't even remember one?

Monday night plagued me until I finally got up and decided to start writing down all the guys I had slept with. Most of which I remembered their names but some I had given monikers to so my list topped off at twenty-two. Twenty-two! One less than my age. It was like one senseless fuck for every year I was alive and then what if I had forgotten others like Jimmy? How many more could they're have been.

On Wednesday I was making an appointment for my gyno A.S.A.P. I wanted the full work up and if everything came out okay, then I would swear off men forever. I had a laptop full of pictures of Senor Cullen to help me fly solo for a while anyway.

Even when Tuesday rolled around I didn't know if I really even wanted to go back to Horizons. I wasn't friends with Jessica and Lauren and I doubt I would ever see those two again but I still wanted to make good on my bet.

With my Mercedes still here, I drove down to the overly cheery yellow building. I felt nauseated just thinking of having to go back in there. But when I finally did make it in, Edward wasn't there. He wasn't there on Tuesday. He wasn't there on Thursday and since I was a social pariah I even went in on Saturday and still he wasn't there in his kitchen.

His kitchen but my sink. I smiled lamely thinking about it.

But I did my job. I handed out food and stood in my spot on the line.

"Thank you...for coming in all three days. I can't tell you how much your help means to me." Alice pulled me out of my thoughts while I was still on the line Saturday night. "I know you feel more comfortable here but I really need help with clean up and serving...if you can manage. I have to go and start the reading corner in a couple."

"No...it's fine. Whatever you need." I replied.

"Thank you." She started to walk off, "There's a tray over there filled with dishes of extra Jell-O. Just walk around and people usually hold up there hand if they want more."

Jell-O. Damn you Jell-O!

I sighed and went to grab the tray. I did what I was told and walked around handing out Jell-O. I tried to keep the contact minimal, never really looking at a person but over them.

"Is it good?" I heard someone say to me and it was the first time someone had spoken to me other than the polite "thank you."

I looked over and it was Edward. Sitting at a table with the rest of the homeless people.

"Have you tried it? The Jell-O. Was it good?"

I just stood there staring at him. I had asked him to stay away from me and that's what he had done but now I was just furious. I don't know if it was because of all those nights I had played over and over the dirty bitch dream but I was angry because he had just up and left without even saying goodbye.

"Why don't you try it?" I turned over my tray and all the Jell-O went flying down onto Edward's shirt, pants and floor. I dropped the tray to the ground and didn't even notice what scene I had just caused. Like I told you, this soup kitchen was nothing if not a soap opera.

Days of Our Homelessness.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

"Why are you so mad? I thought you wanted me gone. You were the one who gave me that look of contempt and a speech of how you couldn't be friends with me." Edward chased me back into the kitchen while I tried to quickly undue my apron strings.

"I don't know, Edward. Maybe it's because I went out of my way to help you out and the least you could do was say thank you. Instead you just fucking…left. No note. No…nothing not even a fuck you very much, Bella. Thanks for making my night miserable as always."

"My night wasn't miserable and I didn't thank you because…what was I supposed to say, Bella. Thank you for letting me crash for the night and thank you for always being so fucking stubborn that I have to jump through hoops to try to get you to understand that I just want to be your friend. I'm not expecting more. I'm not going to hurt or abuse our friendship but you just build this wall…you do everything you can to keep everyone out and you should prepare yourself for a fucking miserable life. P.S. takeout food isn't healthy. Take some fucking cooking lessons already."

"You're going to stand here and try to school me on what is and isn't healthy? From what I can see, you are homeless by choice. You take all your money and give it away instead of trying to become a productive member of society. You're probably riddled with disease and god knows what else from sleeping on the streets."

"Riddled with disease? This coming from the girl who can't even remember who she slept with." He spit.

I stepped back like he had slapped me and immediately he started to apologize. It was exactly like my nightmare. It took me a moment to compose myself while he stood there biting his lip.

"Fuck you. I went to the doctors on Wednesday and for your information she gave me a clean bill of health. Keep your fucking soup kitchen and stay the hell away from me." I threw my apron at him and walked out.

I doubt Alice would miss me much since I had just made a mess of her tiled floor with food that I'm sure some hungry person would have enjoyed. I probably wasn't the best at being in control of my emotions but hey, it wasn't like I was giving seminars on the subject.

I almost laughed out loud when I realized the irony of it all. I had told my Grandfather I would give it four honest days' work and that is it exactly what I had done. Four days at Horizons officially done. I guess I could go back and tell my grandfather now but I was too ashamed to. Even though I had done everything he asked I knew that if I were him, I would be disappointed in me.

Fuck Jacob Black!

Fuck Edward…Edward…

I didn't even know the dude's last name. The only silver lining to that one is that I didn't sleep with him.

I sighed and pulled into my garage. What a day! How many times have I quit that damn place and somehow they always pull me back in but not this time. I pulled my ugly yellow shirt off my body and walked directly into my kitchen to look for a tool to dissemble it. I grabbed a pair of scissors and tried to cut the material but the material is so thick that it hurts my hands just doing so. I pull a knife out and start stabbing it but that doesn't do anything but poke holes into it.

"Rawraghrah." I grunt as I tried ripping it apart. What the hell did they make this out of? I'm sweating and panting and I don't know what is worse for wear, me or the shirt. One thing is for sure, there is no way in hell I can wear that shirt again. I would look like a bargain basement prostitute.

I had just flopped down on my couch and caught my breath when my doorbell rang. What was this place turning into? Grand Central Station? I huffed and picked myself up off the couch with every intention of telling that no good homeless asshole off again. But when I arrived at my video surveillance, it wasn't Edward, it was Alice.

Shit!

I looked down and saw my pink lacy bra staring back at me and the shredded yellow shirt in my hand.

Shit!

I threw the yellow shirt into a corner like it was on fire and scrambled over to my washer and dryer to try to find something to wear. I slid to a halt when I saw all my once dirty clothes, washed and folded neatly in a pile on the dryer.

Edward did my laundry?

I walked forward slowly and placed a hand on the soft material.

He did my laundry.

The door bell ringing once more snapped me out of whatever moment I was having and I quickly pulled a shirt from the folded stack and threw it on running back over to my front door. I threw open the door and scared Alice with my sudden appearance.

"You are home…I was just about to give up." She said softly.

"What are you doing here? If this is about the Jell-O, I'll pay for it."

"No…I don't really care about the Jell-O…I was more concerned about you." She gave me a small smile and I immediately wondered what she was up to.

"Why me?"

"Because Edward was an asshole…and because it's hard to find good people these days willing to help out for free. I…thought we could both use a drink." She held up a bottle of wine and I considered her for a moment.

I sighed and pulled open my door allowing her to enter.

"Wow, this is a beautiful house, Bella." She marveled.

"I'm sure you grew up in something similar…I heard you were the daughter to a prominent person."

"I did but since I got married, Jasper and I live a more modest lifestyle. My father doesn't define who I am."

"Carlisle Cullen. I never really got around to finding out who he was but the way your sister-in-law talked about him, I figured he must be important."

"He runs a large multi-media corporation. Newspapers, television…that sort of thing but it was never really my thing so I followed in my mother's footsteps. All my life she was running and working with various charities and I decided that I wanted to do something like that. Don't get me wrong, my father does a lot with charities but…he obviously has a very important position that doesn't leave him time for much else."

I pulled open a drawer and found my bottle opener.

"I know exactly how you feel. My father's a workaholic too. I never see him but the important thing is that he makes a lot of money for a lot of rich people so…in the end I'm sure he will feel his life was worthwhile." I replied sarcastically.

"If you don't mind me asking…what exactly is your relationship with…Edward?"

"Relationship? Uh…he's homeless and I…am not."

"You too seem to spend quite a lot of time together but you fight like cats and dogs. One minute everything is all right and the next…"

"There will never be a relationship between Edward and myself because this isn't some Beauty and the Beast fairytale." I stared at the label on the bottle of wine.

"He's not that bad of a guy…just because he is…whatever he is…it doesn't make him a beast." Alice softly objected.

"I never said Edward was the beast." I sighed and pulled down two wine glasses filling them quickly. "I think we all know that Edward isn't the villain here. I think that's why I don't want to be around him. Edward is like a big fucking mirror and he…makes you see what's really inside and when I look at him…I see everything wrong with me."

"Annoying isn't he?"

I pushed a glass toward her and took a gulp from mine.

"Yeah…can be a real bitch."

She laughed a little, "But…he honestly does just care…he's not malicious. He doesn't mean to do that but he has always been really intuitive and known the right questions to ask. It really is a bitch."

"How long have you known him? You talk like you've known him forever."

"I've…know Edward…longer then you would believe. He…we're practically family."

"So you're close…really good friends. Did he send you here to talk to me?"

"Well of course he knew he fucked up but I wanted to come here. I had a feeling if I didn't then you would never come back and that would be such a shame."

"Wow, you must really have trouble finding help if you are going out of your way to try to get me back. I am not a gem, I think you should use your time more wisely looking else ware." I replied.

"Bella. Why did you come to Horizons? Edward won't tell me but I can tell that he knows…your reasons."

I felt bad for what I was about to say because I essentially had made a mockery of her lifelong work with my petty reasons.

"Well…if you really must know. I met Edward on the street and he told me that Jacob Black comes every Thanksgiving. I had made a stupid bet with my fr…former friends that I could engage Jacob Black in conversation for at least thirty minutes and I wasn't allowed to use money in any way. Edward gave me the idea to volunteer at your soup kitchen and wait for Thanksgiving…so you see I am just as disgusting as Edward probably said I was."

She scrunched up her face and looked in thought over my confession.

"You did all this work just to meet Jacob?" She asked.

"I didn't have very many options available to me since I can't use money."

"And Edward told you that your best bet was to meet him at Horizons?"

"Yes…why does he not go to Horizons on Thanksgiving? Ooo I am going to kill him if he made me believe…" I was working myself up into a frenzy when Alice placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Don't get crazy. Edward didn't lie, Jacob does come on Thanksgiving. He's an old family friend and yes he will be there on Thanksgiving and yes you will meet him and win your bet." She stated determined.

"Wait, you're not like incredibly pissed off that I used your charity for my own selfish gain?"

"Why would I be pissed? You're going to work your ass off for the next two months for thirty minutes of face time with Jacob. Talk about charity! Thank you so much for all your dedication to our cause Bella, you're a real peach." She beamed up at me with a great big smile and glittery eyes.

"Hold up there, old tiny one. I never said I was going back to Horizons. In fact, if I was you and I was capable of making an intelligent decision, I would call my lawyer and ask for a restraining order against me."

"Pish posh. Like you said, it is hard to find good help these days and where else am I going to find good free help three days a week? You want Jacob Black and it just so happens that I know Jacob Black and even though you want to sit up here in your mansion feeling sorry for yourself, you have to admit that being at Horizons is better than being here alone. Even if Edward is there with his big mirror but just know that even though it may be pointing at you, he too is not exempt from having to take a good look every once in a while and I assure you, it's not as spotless as you would think."

Man, she is determined which meant bringing out one last ditched attempt. I quickly walked over to the corner where I stashed the violated yellow shirt and brought it back to her.

"My uniform…had an accident."

She held the pieces up. "With what? A weed whacker?"

"It was a very…traumatic experience. I don't like to talk about it." I dismissed and went back to my wine.

"Then it's a good thing that I just got some new shirts in. I was planning on giving you a new one next week."

"UGH! Why do you want me at Horizons so badly? I don't fit in. I never do anything right. I am bad for business. I know that it's not that bad out there that you would have to resort to needing me of all people to help."

"Because I am gifted. I have a talent for being able to look at someone and know whether they are on the right path for their life. Your life isn't going anywhere, right Bella? Do you find yourself doing the same thing day after day and never feeling truly satisfied. I believe that if you come and help at Horizons that you will find something fulfilling. I'm not going to say that it will be easy. There are many bumps coming up in your path but I honestly believe that when you get past all the bumpies then you will find fulfillment and happiness. Don't you want something more than stupid bets and all this?" She held up her hands looking around my house.

I sighed, "I have to think about it. Believe it or not homeless people aren't the turn off here, it's just one homeless person that makes me unnerved."

"And what exactly is the worst thing that could happen if you were to befriend Edward?"

I couldn't give Alice an answer because I knew she would never understand. When she asked me that question I had a small glimpse into my future and it included me in a white dress. People like Alice just wouldn't understand why I would be running away from something potentially good.

She knew she wasn't going to get any more out of me that night. I had already shared far too much and since we still didn't know one another well, she just left me with a small quick plea for me to really think about coming back to Horizons. She would have a shirt ready for me when I decided to return.

I was completely shocked that she didn't immediately hate me for my confession on why I was there in the first place. I wouldn't have been surprised if she was utterly disgusted with me but I was starting to believe that Alice was one of those one in a million people who were genuinely good-hearted and only wanted to focus on the positive.

Would I really take my chances and return to Horizons? Alice was right when she said I had nothing for me here. How sad had my life become that working at a soup kitchen was a highlight of my week? It was a question that plagued me all night long as I tossed and turned in my bed. I wanted to blame the wine but I think it was my own conscience.

By the next morning I was anything but a fresh daisy. I was battling some serious bed head and a blotchy face. I was in the middle of washing the crusties out of my eyes when my doorbell rang.

"Ugh." I groaned aloud. I used to have peaceful days when no one would bother me. Wait. Just yesterday I was complaining of being alone and today I annoyed. Even I can't make up my mind.

I grabbed a towel and dried off my face while I stomped down the stairs. If it was Michael, there might be a murder in my near future.

I wretched open the door and there was Edward standing with a couple of grocery bags.

"I heard you had a job opening…personal chef? I was told I should become a productive member of society." He sheepishly started while I stood there giving him the good ole stare down.

"Aren't you afraid your boss will infect you with some horrific STD?"

"I plan on keeping this completely professional and plus I'll use gloves." He quipped as I started to slam the door in his face but he blocked me. "I'm just kidding. Come on Bella, would you at least let me make a proper grovel breakfast before you kick me out of your life forever?"

I gave him one last indignant look before sighing and flipping to walk toward the kitchen.

"This better be one amazing ass breakfast for me to forget all your assholiness." I complained perching myself up on my breakfast bar stool.

"It will be and for a bonus I will show you a meal that will cost less than eight dollars."

"Yes, that is important. You can see how I struggle these days."

He rolled his eyes and started to bring out the proper pans.

"Before I break eggs. I thought this would go better if you accepted a peace-offering before I get down to negotiations."

"Negotiations?" I inquired.

"Not yet. No jumping ahead Miss Swan." He waved a naughty finger at me.

"By the way. What is your last name? You know mine but I don't know yours." I interjected.

"Uh…that can be part of the negotiations. I want to keep my last name if you won't yield."

I furrowed my brow and shook my head. "Fine, give me my peace-offering."

He walked over to his other bag and pulled out an old book. He handed it to me all proud.

"A dictionary? You…think I'm so stupid that I need a dictionary?"

"What kind of dictionary?" He tapped his finger on the cover of the book.

I looked down and paused when I read the title.

"Oxford." I whispered.

"I thought it could sit on your desk when you matriculated there. Never know when it could come in handy. There are a lot of really important things in that book."

I put the book back down on the counter. "I probably won't ever get there."

He handed me the book back, "If you want it, then yes you will but you can't ever let anything stand in your way. Not even Isabella Swan."

Damn that was a really good peace-offering. I pulled the book back from him and sighed. "All right where are my eggs, cook?"

"Coming right up, madam." He smiled at me knowingly and I tried to turn my focus else ware.

He worked around my kitchen like he had lived here his entire life. If you were an outsider looking in, you would think that this was his house not mine.

"Negotiations." I brought up again.

"I will get to those but first I want you to try to just…trust me. For one second in your life, trust me when I tell you that I will not make fun of you. I will not think you're stupid. Trust me with your real reason for why we cannot be friends. You said you had one. Tell me."

I cringed and got down from my bar stool. I walked toward my television room already rubbing my temples to rid the oncoming headache.

"Bella. Come on. Don't run away." He said strongly.

"I don't want to tell you. It's private." I whined.

"Well, I will chase you around the house if I have to. You are going to tell me because this doesn't affect just you. It affects me too and I think that the next two months would go a lot smoother if you could just admit that we are friends."

He followed me over to the television room and handed me a plate with an omelet before taking up residence on my recliner.

"It's personal." I whispered.

"That's okay." He replied softly.

I waited for a moment just staring down at my food. I was hungry but on the other hand just thinking of this conversation made me not want to eat. It was weird because I had always been so private when it came to my friends Jessica and Lauren. I never wanted them to know much about me because it all could be used against me. But Edward…I didn't get that feeling and I wondered if this was going to be a big mistake, trusting him with a little part of me. It was something I never told anyone before. Not my family or my small list of friends. The reason he wanted to know made me feel ashamed all over again.

"You have to understand that this is hard for me. I've never told anybody this." I started.

Edward nodded and waited for me to continue not saying a word.

"In high school; I did everything right. I…studied. I never partied. I was a model kid. When it was time to pick colleges to send applications to, I only had one in mind. Yale. My father's school. I wanted to make him proud like Michael had done. I was accepted but like I told you before, he said I didn't meet the criteria. He said that it would be better for me to go out and live life and that I would make a good wife someday. That is all he pictured for me. I was only good enough to become a desperate housewife even though I had worked my ass off in school to get accepted. He practically pushed me out of the house when I turned eighteen. In his eyes I wasn't good enough. For the first couple of years, I didn't do anything but lay around this house or go shopping because what else was I going to do. All my friends from high school had moved on to their Ivy league schools which you know are all on the east coast and I was embarrassed that they had all gone on with their futures and my future was to find a good husband. So…one day…I decided that I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to be in a relationship because I was afraid that some guy would make me forget. I wanted to stay single out of spite. I don't ever want to get married. I never want to have kids. I would feel like even more of failure then I already am. Like I had become what my father wanted me to become. So I never befriend guys. Not even gay guys because I don't want to fall for anyone…ever."

"You're afraid that you will fall for me?" Edward asked cautiously.

"I don't even want to give my brain that option."

He exhaled while I could see his mind working to figure out this predicament.

"Well what if I…made you a deal. You come back to Horizons. Spend your two months there and finally meet your Jacob Black to win your bet. For the next two months, you and I will be friends. I will promise to never let it go any further than friends. Even if you drunkenly beg me for more, I will shoot you down and remind you of your mission of spite against your father. When Thanksgiving comes and goes and you no longer need Horizons then we can renegotiate this contract. If you wish to just move on with your life and explore other venues…then that will be it for us. If you want to continue being friends then we can reevaluate our contract then."

"Our contract? We don't have a contract." I rolled my eyes.

Edward quickly put down his plate and ran over to grab a pen and my book he had given me off the counter. He ripped a page out of the dictionary he had just gifted me.

"Hey! That was my peace-offering." I complained

"It's just the last page. Nothing interesting is ever on the last page." He flipped over the page and started to jot something down upon it. It was taking him a pretty ass minute to do whatever he was doing.

"What are you writing? A novel. What is taking so long?" I tried to peek over at what he was doing and he pulled the paper closer and blocked my view. Finally, a gray hair later he finished and handed it back to me.

"Contract for friendship." I read aloud giving him a look before continuing on. "The first party promises to the second party that he will be responsible for maintaining the integrity of the relationship which here is defined as a basic friendship with no additional benefits. There will be absolutely no physical contact or negotiations to upgrade the basic friendship package. The second party promises to respect the first party in all decisions he must determine to uphold and sustain the current working relationship, i.e. basic friendship package."

I looked over to him, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What? I thought it was properly written. Would you like me to add an addendum?"

"Yeah, how about how the second party will kick the first parties ass if there is a breach of contract."

"The first party agrees to accept the terms." He nabs the paper back from me and starts to write, Breach of Contract. The pound of flesh clause. If the second party is wronged, then she will have all rights to the first party's ass, to do whatever she sees fit to be compensated.

He hands the paper back and asked, "Are you satisfied?"

I sighed and thought through this. It wasn't like this contract was real. It would never hold up in a court of law and I highly doubt down the line if we ever found ourselves in a compromising position that one of us would be smart enough to wave this little paper at the other to stop ourselves. It didn't mean anything. It was just a piece of paper, not a chastity belt.

I sighed and finally took the pen signing my name at the bottom. Edward smiled at me and signed his name as well.

"Edward Masen?" I said reading his last name.

"Edward Masen." He said but it was like he was saddened just thinking about it. He quickly let that pass and folded up the paper, sliding it back into my Oxford Dictionary.

"Friends." He held out a hand to shake on it.

"Friends." I sighed shaking his hand tentatively. "Wait, did we just violate the contract? I thought there was supposed to be no physical contact?"

"Small amounts of contact is okay…just nothing more. Like say you step out into oncoming traffic…well then I highly doubt you would want me to make a motion before pulling you back from near death." He assured.

He picked up his plate and so did I. We both started to dig in. Our eggs a tad colder than when we started.

"Maybe I should add something." Edward said with a full mouth, "The second party isn't allowed dirty dreams or thoughts of the first party."

I practically choked on my eggs and couldn't stop my alabaster skin from turning red. I focused quickly on my plate allowing my hair to fall in front of my face.

"Isabella Swan! Did you have a dirty dream about me?" He replied in shock.

Just thinking of that one tiny dirty dream made me angry all over again. I looked up at him and narrowed my eyes. I believe the fury he saw behind them caused him to sit back in his chair further.

"More like a nightmare and just for the record, you're an asshole."


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

"Just tell me. Whatever I did in this dream has obviously upset you." Edward was chasing me around the kitchen as I stowed away my dirty dish.

"I am not going to tell you. You were an asshole. It wasn't the kind of hanky panky dream you would wish me to have." I snapped.

"Well then it doesn't sound like a dirty dream at all…it just sounds like a nightmare." Edward pointed out.

"I'm going back to bed. I didn't get much sleep last night so do whatever it is that you do." I ignored his statement.

"Going to try for an even dirtier dream. Here's a hint. Picture all this in black speedos." He jested swirling his hips.

I gasped disgusted, "Don't be gross or I will kick your ass, addendum or not."

"I'll just keep harassing you until you tell me." He threatened following after me. "Just tell me already, it couldn't have been that bad."

I quickly flipped around on him, "It was. It wasn't the kind of hot steamy dream that you hoped I would get. You were mean and the worst part is that just a few days after you pretty much said what you said to me in my dream. You called me a dirty bitch. You made it quite clear how disgusted you were of me and even though I could tell myself that it was all a nightmare and that you would never be so cruel, a couple of days later, back in reality you threw in my face my sexual past. And yes you may have been shirtless and all muscly but I don't see that when I close my eyes. All I see is the truth and I'm not proud of it. I am a dirty Richie bitch. There. Are you happy?"

"Of course not. I never want to make you feel bad." He replied sincerely. "And about that whole Richie bitch thing…I'm really sorry about that."

"Well you do. You make me feel bad all the time. It's not your fault, it's who I am but every time I look at you, I see everything that is wrong with me. You're good and I'm evil. That is why I didn't want to be friends with you because sometimes ignorance really is bliss."

"Bella, you are not evil and I am not as good as you think I am. I have made mistakes in my past. Everybody does but it's how we learn from those mistakes that make us better people. I'm sorry that I called you names in your dream. I'm sorry I made you feel bad about your personal life. I have just about as hot of a temper as you do and I have a feeling that we would probably kill each other if we were ever more than friends. Which we will never be. I want to be your friend, Bella and part of that means that it's my job to make you feel better not make you feel worse so please stop looking at me and seeing everything wrong with yourself. I would much rather you look at me and see something right."

"Are all friendships this hard?" I muttered.

"If they're worth it."

Edward started to walk back down the couple of stairs to the main floor.

"Where are you going?" I asked worried.

"To clean up breakfast. You are a bit crabby so why don't you go and get some more sleep."

"Well…are you just going to leave again?"

He stopped and turned back to me, "I have to get to work."

"Your corner?" I asked.

"Yep."

"How will you get there?"

"The same way I got here. Walk."

"I can give you a ride…I hear that's something friends do."

I don't know what the matter with me was but suddenly I felt like Edward leaving would be the worst thing ever. I didn't want to be all alone again.

Edward walked backed up the stairs and stopped directly in front of me down a step. He was eye to eye with me and looking for the truth behind my eyes.

"How about I go down and clean up and you go and sleep for a couple more hours. I'll go to work and if you can manage it, I will leave you a shopping list on the counter. When you wake up, go to the grocery store and get the items on the list and I promise to be back here at seven p.m. where I will give you your first cooking lesson."

"Cooking lesson." I scrunched up my nose.

"Yes. You're going to learn to cook. If I'm going to release you back into the wild in two months, I want you to at least have a skill other than shopping and pestering."

I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away, "Go to work, Edward and don't come back."

He grabbed my hand at the last minute and pulled me back, "There's that temper. Don't be so sensitive. I was only joking. Part of being a good friend is also calling you out on your bullshit. So, are you going to behave?"

"Behave? Just because you're like fifty years older than me doesn't mean you can go all daddy dude on me."

"I hear you like older men. I think Carlisle Cullen is closer to fifty years older than you then I am. And if you didn't act so immature, I wouldn't have to tell you to behave."

"You're touching me." I shook my wrist at him where his hand still wrapped around reminding him of our little "contract."

"You touched me first."

"Now who's immature?" I rolled my eyes and pulled my hand out of his grasp and returned to heading up to my bedroom.

"Be sure to buy exactly what I put on the list." He called after me.

"Be sure to see yourself out and Edward…" I turned back to him when I reached the top, "Have a nice day at the office."

"I already got a picture of you on my desk, sweetheart. Mwah." He blew me a kiss and I huffed turning back to my room.

Grocery lists! What did I look like, Carol Brady? I threw myself back down into my comfy sheets and pulled the covers back over my body. I tried to get to sleep but I couldn't help myself, I spent the next hour trying to listen for the sound of the front door closing.

I couldn't imagine Edward walking all the way up here. I mean it was a good half mile straight up a disgusting hill. Going down wasn't going to be too much of a problem but coming back up was going to be a real bitch. If he wasn't so irritating I might be nice and pick him up at the bottom later today but then again he gave me shopping to do. His list better not be complicated.

The next time I woke up it was already one o'clock. I think all the nightmares and personal revelations had taken a toll on my beauty sleep the past week. I decided to treat myself to a long hot bubble bath curious as hell about the list that Edward had placed somewhere in my kitchen. I rarely went to the grocery store unless I was picking up a quick something. I was nervous just thinking about the list he would leave and whether I would even know the ingredients. I didn't know what made me more nervous, the shopping or the cooking that he intended to show me how to do.

Since when did shopping make me nervous? Oh yeah, right about the time that I met Edward and he kept me from buying those gorgeous heels. In both colors. I sighed. Pretty soon I'm going to have to return to the scene of the crime and buy some new clothes. I can't go the rest of my life with what's in my closet.

I opened the doors to my walk in closet and look around. It's been awhile since I really appreciated all my beautiful things. I ran my hands over the soft material that my maid had expertly color coded and changed out for seasons. Jemma really was the best at keeping everything up and in its place.

It took me a long while to find a proper outfit for shopping. I was a tad dressed up but since my social calendar had taken a hit on the stock market, I had nowhere else I could wear some of these things. I may have overdone it but it was important to exceed expectations every once in a while.

I finally made it down the stairs and to my dreaded grocery list after three. Edward said he would be back around seven. There should be no problem getting this list done and done. I perched myself up on my stool and took a gander.

"Skinless chicken breasts, lime, salt, corn tortillas, red wine and vinegar? What in the hell are you making Edward Masen?" I sighed. The list had about a dozen other things on it and for the most part all of it seemed normal enough.

I grabbed my purse and headed out to the local Whole Foods. After spending over two hours going up and down every single aisle in four-inch heels, I was seriously regretting ever allowing that dude into my house. He asked for red wine but what vintage? What price range? And don't even get me started on the damn spice aisle. I spent nearly an hour there looking through to find the ten different spices on his list.

By the time I was done at the store I was limping back to my car. Grocery shopping is a lot harder than anyone makes it look. I didn't even take the hundreds of bags from out of my car. I hobbled into my living room and fell into my couch. Even Horizons didn't work me like this.

The doorbell rang later but I wasn't planning on getting up from this couch. Keeping up with my Kardashians was the only thing on my radar.

"I rang the doorbell. I knocked. I hope you don't mind me going through your garage." Edward complained walking through the door. I continued to stare straight ahead. He walked over and assessed me, "Please tell me you're not still cranky. I thought you took a nap today."

"Look at my feet Edward. You said we were friends but you did this." I pointed down at my reddish blisters. "I spent over two hours at the store trying to find everything on that stupid list."

Edward reached down and picked up one of my offending heels. "In these? Why would anyone ever go to the grocery store wearing these? It's not a club, Bella. You didn't see a velvet rope at the front doors did you?"

"You know sometimes people like to look nice. I have nowhere else to dress up for anymore since I no longer have any friends who enjoy the finer things in life. I can't wear this stuff to Horizons so I thought it would be nice to look decent for a change."

"You don't need these fancy clothes to look decent. You always look good even when you have just woken up or have crazy fury eyes on me. All this stuff…you don't need it. You're beautiful without these torture traps." He tossed the shoe back to the floor and walked over to my kitchen. He went straight for the refrigerator.

He didn't have to say such nice things when I was trying to be pissed off. I didn't know if he actually meant it or if he was just saying it to calm me down and butter me up.

"Where's all the food?"

"In the car. There was just no way." I shook my head trying to return to my programming.

"You left the chicken in the car? You…didn't think that maybe it should at least be refrigerated?"

I didn't answer because I knew that I should have at least taken that bag out and oh maybe the eggs and milk too. It was much easier playing pissed off then I fucked up so I didn't reply.

"Would you help me?" he asked directly.

"Keys are on the sink." I continued to sulk.

"Bella. Stop being lazy, get up and come help me." He ordered.

I tried to look offended but he just stood there with his hands on his hips all authoritative.

"I mean it."

I huffed pulling myself off the couch. I grabbed my keys and slammed open my garage door. I knew I was being over-dramatic but my feet were the innocent bystanders in all this. Once we had every last bag in the house, Edward asked me to set my alarms and close the garage door.

I pulled myself up on the bar stool and watched as he took things out of bags and placed them in different areas around the kitchen. "You sure did buy a lot."

"I was confused sometimes so I thought it was better to have too much then too little." I replied.

"Good rule of thumb." He said placing certain contents on the sink in a line. "Where is the red wine vinegar?"

"There's the vinegar and the red wine you put over there." I responded.

"No…no…Bella. Red wine vinegar. It's all one thing. Not red wine and vinegar."

"How the hell am I supposed to know that? Your list had red wine and vinegar was on the second line. See." I pulled out his list furiously pointing down to the offender.

"I ran out of room on the first line which is why I indented the second line." He explained.

"You wouldn't have run out of room if your writing hadn't been so flowery. My god you write like a little girl. I thought boys had small structured handwriting."

"No, psychopaths have small structured handwriting, which we already agreed on day one that I wasn't allowed to chop you up into little bits and pieces."

I groaned loudly entirely frustrated beyond belief.

"Well now what are we going to do? I'm starving over here and my feet are not stepping back in that damn store tonight."

Edward sighed and tossed the list back onto the counter. He stood there contemplating for a minute but my growling tummy wasn't allowing for it.

"This isn't my fault."

"Of course it isn't. I should never have let you go to the store without supervision. I never realized just how bad it was. We have a lot of work ahead of us, Miss Swan."

"Well, I never realized I was such a hopeless charity case." I pushed myself off the stool and went over to my food drawer.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I pulled out all the takeout menus in my drawer and started to go through them.

"No. No takeout food." Edward said pulling all of my menu's away from me. "This stuff is bad for you. We have plenty of good food right here; we are not eating takeout food anymore."

"Speak for yourself Wolfgang Puck who moonlights at a homeless kitchen. I refuse to starve while you come up with something out of half ingredients."

"You're not going to starve, Bella. You don't know the first thing about being hungry. I know you had at least one good meal today, now imagine that meal was supposed to last you a couple of days and then come back to me and tell me about how you're starving." He barked.

For the first time that day I was able to take a mental step back and really look him over. His clothes were completely filthy. His hands were brown from dirt and whatever else. The irony of it all was that for the first time I had completely forgotten that Edward was homeless. Something he had asked me to do several times. I had managed to look past all the dirt and smells he incurred from his day job and finally was able to just look at him like a regular guy that was until he yelled at me for not understanding hunger.

I took a step back and then another. "Maybe…you should go and clean yourself up. I'll take care of dinner and…it won't be takeout food, I promise." I said softly. "You could go and use the guest bedroom if you like. There's a shower and tub in there…"

"You're going to cook dinner?" he asked incredulously.

"I have one meal up my sleeves…go…go wash off the day." I started to pull out a pan and I lit the stove while he stood there watching me. "Go Edward!"

He shook his head and then turned toward the room I had pointed to. I gave him a good solid ten minutes before I snuck into the guest bedroom and pulled his dirty clothes off the bed. I quickly ran them over to my wash room and threw them into the washer with soap. I knew he wasn't going to have anything to wear so I placed a quick call into my good friends over at Barney's to have something delivered ASAP. Delivery wasn't something they did often but for a price I usually found anyone would deliver. Edward had said no takeout food. He never said anything about no takeout clothes.

I had just finished up with my first grilled cheese sandwich, something a nanny once taught me when I heard him yell from the bedroom.

"What did you do with my clothes, Bella?"

He did not sound happy.

"Calm down little orphan Annie, your rags are being washed as we speak. The sun will be coming out tomorrow."

He poked his head out of the guest bedroom with my white guest towel wrapped around his wet body.

"That's not funny, Bella. What am I going to wear the rest of the night?" He snapped.

From where I'm standing, a towel looks like the perfect substitute. Yes. Please and thank you.

"Bella." He yelled once more and that snapped me back into reality.

"Takeout is on the way."

"Dammit Bella, I told you no takeout." He marched all the way over to me and skid to a stop when he saw me pull the last sandwich from the pan.

"I know. Takeout clothes. Grilled cheese for dinner." I handed him a plate with a couple of sandwiches upon it, "You're welcome."

He looked incredibly lost as he placed the grilled cheese plate down on the counter while holding his towel in place with his other hand. He started to pry open the sandwich to inspect it.

"I didn't poison it. I told you I would make dinner. This and instant pudding are about it for me but this goes to show you that I am not as helpless as you think I am."

"I am…incredibly surprised." He responded. "Not exactly a healthy dinner but…I'm proud of you."

"Well, it's not exactly gourmet like the ones you paid for which for the record I would just like to point out that technically food trucks is takeout. I sincerely think you should consider that if you're on the whole my body is a holy temple and none should pass through these lips that aren't healthy and organic. Might be a bit of conflicting interests if you plan on opening your own truck someday. Just sayin."

"I never said I wasn't going to eat takeout food ever again. I just don't want you only relying on takeout food when I have the ability to teach you how to cook your own food. It's a life skill, Bella and I think one you could definitely benefit from."

"Life skill." I scoffed.

"Since you find yourself with so much time on your hands these days, why don't you expand your horizons and take a cooking class or an art class." He suggested.

"I think I have enough of expanding my horizons with being at Horizons."

"I just think that it would help with opening your eyes to all of life's possibilities. For someone so incredibly independent, you're also incredibly sheltered. You have no grasp of real life out there."

That made me really think for a moment. Edward didn't feel like I had diversified my portfolio enough so to speak. I wondered if he was right. Maybe I was too sheltered and lacked real knowledge of how life was for others. I mean I knew that there was a big leap from where I was monetarily to where someone like he was. Maybe I did need an education in real world experience.

"This is the quietest you've ever been." Edward remarked after a few minutes.

"I'm thinking…about what you said and I think you're right. I do need an education on the real world. I need to walk in someone else's shoes for a day and really see what others…have to deal with."

"Wow that would be very…progressive of you. I think it's a good idea." He beamed up at me.

Edward and I were like from two completely different universes. We had our own languages and currency. If I was really going to show him, I would have to take on a challenge so great that he would have no choice but to respect me. He thought I lacked real world knowledge and probably thought my dainty little self could never last one day in his shoes but for the sake of proving something I would go the extra mile and walk a day in the life of Edward's shoes if it got him to shut up.

He thinks that being me is so easy to do. He thinks that having money at my disposal makes life easier. He couldn't last one day in my shoes; especially if it was those damn heels I wore to the store.

"So what do you plan on doing for this little exercise?" He inquired.

"I have an idea…I don't think you'll like it but…like you said, I need real world exposure."

"What idea." He became very serious all the sudden and placed his empty plate down.

"You think I'm telling you. You'll just try to talk me out of it and I want to prove to you that I can handle it."

"Bella, what idea?" He asked more forcefully.

I took his plate from him and gave him my all superior knowing look.

"I'm not messing around. What idea?"

I rolled my eyes and smirked, "Geez, calm your panties….I mean…towel."

As if on cue my doorbell rang.

"Takeout clothes." I cheered and then ran off toward my door. I checked quickly to ensure that it was Barney's delivery and flung my door open.

"Someone has new undies that I'm sure they just can't wait to get twisted." I sang coming back with the bag of clothing.

I handed him the bag and he huffed taking it and quickly heading toward the guest bedroom.

"I noticed that the pants you were wearing seemed a tad big so I got you a size smaller than the jeans in the wash. Do they fit?" I called in after him.

"Yeah, they fit." He walked out and I had to control my eyes so they wouldn't bug out of my skull. None of this makes any sense. You can't tell me that Edward couldn't get a job looking like that. He could be a runway model practically. Clean him up a bit and it was like a brand new shiny penny which means that Edward was most definitely homeless by choice. Stow that away for later to think about.

"What?" He asked looking to me.

"Uh…nothing…it's just." I shook my head, "A lot going on up here." I tapped on my head.

"Sure there is." He flopped down on my couch all irritated.

"What's your problem? New clothes don't feel right on your high-end virgin skin?" I jested.

"No. I want to finish the conversation we started. I want you to tell me what you're up to."

I sighed, "You're like a dog with a bone. I was just planning on being…you for a day. You said I have no idea what it's like to be hungry so I will go a whole day without eating and live off the land..er…streets."

"You plan on being homeless for a day?" He asked disbelieving.

"A whole day. One twenty-four hour period. Yes."

He looked at me and then started laughing hysterically.

"Laugh all you want but I'm going to do just to prove you wrong about me. I can sit around for a day with cup in front of me. Big whoop."

He tried to stop laughing but his tears were a bit much, "Bella, you wouldn't last an hour sitting around all day as you put it. You would be complaining about the hot sun or hard ground. No shower. No takeout or five-star restaurants. No toilets….where exactly do you think I go to the bathroom. Most places kick you out the second they see you coming and won't allow you the use of a restroom unless you buy something. And then don't even get me started on all the people you will have to interact with. Hell, you barely interact with the homeless people down at the kitchen and now you want to be amongst them?"

"You think you're so tough because you do this on a daily but I will show you Edward Masen that I too can be tough. Do not underestimate me. Do not tell me what I can and cannot do." I pushed myself off the couch, "You can stay the night if you like or you can just fucking leave without even a note but tomorrow morning I am setting out and won't be back here for twenty-four hours. I need my beauty sleep so if you'll excuse me; I have one more night of comfy cozy."

"Bella…all right enough with the joking. You're not staying on the streets for a night." Edward called after me.

Nothing pissed me off more than hearing someone tell me I couldn't do something. Just like the stupid Jacob Black bet, I hated when others tried to challenge me. Who the hell did he think he was telling me I couldn't hack it? I'm sure there would be a learning curve but I was just going to sit on my wall and keep my head down. No one would bother me and twenty-four hours later he would have no choice but to tell me how wrong he was.

If I was going to prove myself then there was no better place than his "scary" skid row to do it in.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I can't even begin to tell you how much time I spent in my shower the next day. I wanted to be good and clean if I had to go showerless for the next twenty-four hours. Edward had made a point to tell me to go a couple of days with only one good meal in my stomach to see how it was to really be hungry so I figured since I only had a grilled cheese sandwich the night before then it should be satisfactory to start my little fasting diet now and not eat a balance breakfast.

My wardrobe was going to be a problem. Once again I really didn't have any kind of clothes that would be wearable for where I was planning to go. I didn't have any choice but to ruin an outfit for this experiment. The only problem is I once heard that certain gangs shot people when they were wearing certain colors. I had no idea whose prized turf included skid row. Maybe I should wear white and I could be like a really big white surrendering flag. I'm not on anybody's side over here. Don't mind me as I collect change from good Samaritans. Plus white had the tendency to get dirtier faster so then I should just blend right in. Genius!

I pulled my white jeans out and the only thing that could pass as a basic white shirt. I didn't know what my forecast was going to give me overnight so I was going to need to find a nice sweater to go along as well. I thought that maybe I looked too clean and I should roll around in the dirt outside first but just the idea of that made me itch and I didn't want to get bugs in my hair…at least not yet. I shudder at the thought but this is what I signed up for. I continued on and picked out my cute pink pumas that I had bought when I thought that jogging was a good idea and skipped down the stairs.

I was completely surprised when I found Edward in my kitchen still the next morning.

"Uh…wow you didn't just up and poof. Look at that, a man who actually hangs around the morning after."

"You're not planning on going to Horizons dressed like that are you?" He looked me over cringing.

"I'm not working at Horizons today. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays…if I feel like it." I reminded him. "But I need a favor. As you know since I am conducting an experiment for the next twenty-four hours, I need someone who…is a friend to hold onto my personal effects. Feel free to stay here tonight and let me back into the house tomorrow morning when I arrive."

He stood there staring at me. "You're going to…."be homeless" looking like that?"

I looked down at myself, "I didn't know if there were gang issues where I'm going so I figured white was a safe color. Unless you happen to know what gangs patrol east of Main Street?"

"East of Main?" he stated, "Bella. You're not going anywhere near east of Main. You're not going anywhere East of the 101 freeway…ever. So stop being ridiculous."

We both stood there staring at one another, neither of us backing down. He spends a couple of nights in my house and suddenly feels that he can tell me what to do, I don't think so!

"Stay here or not…I don't care." I turned to walk out my front door, "I'll see you later."

"Bella! Do not walk out that door. Dammit Bella! I will call your father. I promise you, I will march right into his office and tell him all about your ignorance and stubbornness." He threatened.

I turned back around and laughed, "Call my father? You're going to go and see my father? HA! That's actually funny. You know what… call my father. Go and see him. Maybe you'll have better luck getting a hold of him because that's something that I haven't been able to do."

I scoffed and shook my head turning back to the door.

"Please don't go, Bella. This isn't some game. You have no idea what you think you're getting yourself into."

I paused hearing his voice change from anger to such a softness I couldn't describe.

"I know you're in pain but going out there isn't going to prove anything. It's not going to help. It's a suicide mission and I don't want you being so reckless out of anger."

"You think I'm doing this because I'm angry?" I asked softly.

"I think you're doing this to prove a point and yes you are angry. You have every right to be angry but as your friend, I'm not going to let you do something stupid out of anger towards your father. Why are you really doing this, Bella? Does part of you hope that you'll get hurt…something to get your father's attention?"

"What about perspective? You told me I was too sheltered. You yelled at me for not knowing what it meant to be hungry." I turned back to him, ignoring his question. "What about that?"

"There are other ways to help gain perspective. You don't need to go to skid row dressed as a…giant Q-tip." He gave me a small smile.

"I didn't want to get shot." I explained.

"You probably wouldn't get shot but…knowing you and your mouth, they might just to shut you up."

"I thought I looked cute…and needy. It was a very hard combo to pull off plus I wanted to be gang neutral."

"I'm sure they would have appreciated you taking Switzerland's side."

"If I can't go down to skid row…then you shouldn't either. I don't know why you go in the first place, it's not like the streets are paved with quarters, you know."

Edward sighed, "I won't go down there anymore as long as you promise to do the same."

I nodded slowly and closed my front door, "Now I have nothing to do the rest of the day."

"Yes, you do." Edward started to walk back toward the kitchen, "We are going to have a full breakfast and then we are going on a field trip. You want perspective and that is exactly what I am going to help you out with today."

"We're not going to Horizons are we?" I grumbled.

"With that kind of enthusiasm, I'm sure it would be a crime to stay away." He went back to the stove, "How would you like your eggs?"

"I'm not eating. Go ahead and feel free to make yourself something."

"You need food. It's going to be a very long day and I don't want you eating our charity."

"Charity?" I asked.

"Something we are going to do today after we have both eaten a good breakfast."

"I told you, I'm not eating. You wanted me to know what it was like to be hungry so there is nothing wrong with going a day or two without a meal."

"There is an unspoken rule out there amidst the homeless community; when you have the opportunity to eat, you eat. The same applies to you, Bella. You have the opportunity to eat so eat. There is a difference between eating for necessity and over-eating or being gluttons. It's also about being thankful that you do and can eat when you're hungry. Knowing that others don't get that choice and being mindful of it, that is perspective."

I sighed and dropped off my bar stool walking over to the TV room.

"So how do you want your eggs?" Edward asked again.

I shrugged and fell into my couch.

"Maybe you should go and change, I'm not really sure this white is going to sell well where we're going. It's probably best to stick to bright cheerful colors. Pinks and purples…that kind of thing." Edward instructed.

"Pinks and purples? So apparently these gangs are sexist and want their women in pinks and purples or they'll shoot them?"

"You're not going to get shot. I won't take you to any area where that's any issue. But I know you're worried about that sort of thing so I thought you'd be happy to wear something in pink."

"Or purple apparently."I grumbled.

"Are you going to change or not? No offense to your little white ensemble but you look like you escaped from a mental institution. All you're missing is the matching straight jacket."

"The horror, you know how I love to match." I replied dryly getting off the couch. "By the way, I highly doubt they outfit patients in a mental ward with Calvin Klein."

I fumbled through my closet once more looking for something charity worthy since Edward said that was in my near future. My white jeans and shirt wasn't so bad but it wasn't something I would ever wear together again. He was right, too much white. I looked like a bad omen heading for labor day.

He wanted to see me in pink and all I had was a pink Nanette Lepore dress. But it wasn't too fancy so I'm sure it could work. I found some flats not knowing how much walking we were going to do and set off for downstairs once more.

"Ta-da" I held out my hands landing right in front of Edward.

"Wow! That's…some pink you got there." He looked down and cringed. "And some legs."

"What is that face for? I look damn good!"

"Of course you look good…Bella…but I just don't want anyone to think you're there for other reasons." He replied suggestively.

"Are you saying I look like a prostitute? You're fucking kidding me, right? This is Nanette Lepore. I think she would be very insulted if she heard you refer to her clothes worthy of a street-walker." I snapped offended.

"It's just a tad short."

"Calm down there, gramps. It's perfect, right above the knee. Didn't know you would get your ruler out, Mr. Masen." I tooched out my booty a little and pouted my lips.

"Stop that." He huffed turning back around to the food on the counter.

"Stop what, Mr. Masen? Have I been a bad girl? Would you like me to bend over and touch my toes to show you that the dress is long enough to cover my bum?" I asked innocently.

"I'm not going to talk to you if you continue to be unreasonable." He handed me a plate, "Eat your breakfast."

"Grumpy gramps." I mumbled. "We might have to get you back to the nursing home soon. Sounds like someone is in need of an enema and a nap."

"Stop making me uncomfortable, Bella or you won't like two playing this game." He threatened.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever you say, Mr. Masen. Would you like me to stay after school for my detention?"

"Why yes I would, Miss Swan. I think you're in need of some extra tutoring. But I suggest you pay attention or I will bring out my ruler and you won't like what I do with it." He stated directly.

I instantly caved, shocked and not knowing what was going on in my head and body.

"Uh…okay…games over." I replied flustered.

"It's over when I say it's over. Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap in that extra short dress of yours."

"Edward." I warned. "Stop."

"Stop what, Miss Swan. You have until the count of three." He warned.

I sat there on the couch and crossed my arms not happy with him and his little threats.

"One." He counted.

"Two." I looked away.

"Three." He got up from his chair and I instantly shriveled into the couch. My mouth opened as I prepared to scream or scold…not really sure. Edward stopped directly in front of me and then reached out and grabbed my plate, "Now go upstairs and change."

My heart felt like it was about to pound out of my chest. He flopped back down into his chair and gave me a look.

"Did I win?" He asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him and fumed.

"Do you want me to continue?" He inquired.

I huffed getting off the couch, "Fine, I'll go and change into something red and if we get shot at, it will be all your fault because you couldn't handle these legs." I lifted my dress a little before I stormed off completely pissed.

"Bella." He called after me as I reached the edge of the couch. I turned back waiting at the very least for an apology.

"I always win by the way." He winked at me and my gut reaction was to throw the pillow on my couch as hard as I could. It hit him square in the chest and his plate of food went flying all over him and the ground.

My jaw dropped and I cringed while I watched him assess himself. Eggs, over-easy dripped down the front of his freshly laundered rags."

"That was my favorite shirt." He said slow and quietly.

"Maybe you shouldn't have pissed me off." I replied equally quite.

"You're not pissed." He looked up to me, "But you will be."

He dropped the plate and instantly charged at me. I screamed trying to run as fast as I could but I didn't even make it to my stairs. He easily threw me over his shoulder like I was no heavier than a sack of potatoes.

"PUT ME DOWN." I screamed.

"I will. That's a promise." He continued to walk towards my back door. He opened the screen with ease.

"No touching!" I reminded him, "You signed an agreement and you are wildly infringing upon my rights."

"Fine then. I'll put you down." He pulled me over his shoulder and then dropped me. I screamed the whole way down which as about two point three seconds until my screams were muffled by the cold water depths of my pool.

I practically came up swinging.

"You fucker! This is a never been worn Nanette Lepore. It cost more than you make in a day. More than you make in three days." I screamed.

Edward stood on the side laughing, "I'm sorry. It was so short I thought it was a bathing suit."

"I am going to get you back for this, asshole!" I threatened while climbing the steps to get out.

"Come on…what is it that you always tell me? Oh yeah, don't get your pink dress into a twist."

"Edward fucking Masen! You will rue the day you ever met me. RUE!" I screeched.

"Rue? Nope, I'm already there."

I smacked him as hard as I could in the chest and pushed his laughing ass away as I entered my house dripping and sloshing as I went. I was practically hypothermic by the time I reached my shower. I had every right to kick Edward's ass but unfortunately my sissy arms would do little to impact him. I pictured various blunt objects that could do the job done however.

I flopped back into my bed after my hot shower, dressed in a cami and shorts. I snuggled down under the covers upset that I ever thought waking up today was smart move. I turned on my television and sulked not even deterred by the soft knock on my door an hour later.

"Come on, don't be such a baby."

I didn't answer unwilling to be baited.

I could hear him wrestle with the door knob but I was smart enough to lock it after entering.

"You really don't want to waste this day away. I have it all planned out and I was under the impression that you wanted to roll down to the hood and gain some perspective. We were going to do good deeds and help out our karma credits. One could never have too many positive karma credits. I once read an article about humanity's ability to balance the universe by doing good works and finding positive outlets since man is inherently bad or negative. Now I'm not saying that I believe that you and I or Joe schmo is bad but the interworking's of our minds have tendencies to…"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed as I ripped open my door.

"Not enjoying my filibuster? Good! Now will you get dressed so that we can leave?"

I huffed and flipped around to head back to my bed. I snuggled back down under my covers. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

He groaned loudly and flopped down on my bed. I pulled my sheets up further giving him a crossed look.

"Why do you always have to be so uptight? It was just a joke. You can sure give it but you can't take it. You fucked with me so I fucked you back."

"Please do not carelessly fling around words like fuck, you and me, when you are this close to me in my virginal bed."

"Virginal?" He scoffed.

"Yes, Saint Agnes here has never been soiled with male semen swimming upstream and we want to keep it that way. So off with you." I waved my hand at him to remove himself.

"I will leave Saint Agnes with all my swimmers intact if you get dressed and come downstairs. It's getting late and I already went through a lot of work while you were up here sulking. I will go on my own but I would like you to come with me."

I folded my arms across my chest and looked away. "I see no reason to go anywhere with someone I can't trust. Seeing how you violated the contract and we are no longer friends."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I apologize for my infringement."

"Even if I accept that lame ass apology, I don't have anything to wear. You ruined my one pinky dress. I don't do purples."

"My bad. Purples probably wouldn't do well anyway. It can also be a gang color. Maybe a nice yellow would suit you."

"Pinks, yellows, what do you think the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers exploded in my closet?" I snapped.

He pushed himself off the bed and walked towards my walk in.

"You mind?" He asked for permission to enter my closet.

"Would it matter?" I huffed.

He rolled his eyes and entered my lion, witch and the wardrobe.

"Good god! Are all these clothes for you?" He yelled out to me.

"I occasionally share with the cross dresser homeless guy who sleeps on my couch." I retorted.

"How about this…shirt?" He asked holding up a gingham blue and white dress.

"That's my Halloween costume from two years ago when I went as sexy Dorothy. It's a dress and an even shorter one than the pink dress you had a coronary over."

He sighed and returned to the closet.

"This is…nice. Here, some jeans to go with it." He came out holding a baby doll orange dress and blue jeans. I jumped off the bed cringing.

"First of all, this is also a dress." I said snatching the orange dress from him. "Are you color blind? Blue jeans with this orange dress…really? "

"I think you were supposed to wear it at a shirt. God, does everything in your closet show off your G-string for maximum…sluttiness."

"Never realized you were such a fashionista expert. I have the next Anna Wintour standing in my closet giving me advice on dressing like a nun. My apologies, Miss Wintour but a habit is so last season."

"You have to have at least one decent thing in this closet that doesn't show off your boobs or your ass." Edward remarked heading back into my closet.

"Would you just get out of here. No prudes allowed in my closet. I have lots of things I could wear but seeing how we are unaware of the criminal elements choice of color down in whatever hole you plan on taking me to, we are limited."

Edward snatched a blue silk navy button up and a pair of jeans and thrust them at me. "Here. This works."

"That top doesn't go with jeans. Silk and jeans?" I shook my head at him.

"BELLA! We're not walking down a runway, just put something on that doesn't show your ass and let's go. At this point it would be a welcome relief to run into a gang. I would be happy to sacrifice myself for the good of the cause if it succeeded in getting you out of the damn house!" He barked and then stormed out of my closet.

How rude!

I snatched a pair of skinny black pants and the navy blouse he had picked out and dressed quietly and furiously. I knew I still looked too dressed up. I could forgo the jewelry and proper heels but I was not going to forgo my makeup and hair.

"Ta da." I said in a dirge like tone. "Is this to the master homeless dude's liking."

"You look…" He stood up from his chair and came closer. "very nice, Bella."

"Feel like I'm going to church." I frowned.

"Well thank god you don't go to church dressed in those…other clothes."

"You have got to lighten up, gramps." I walked over to the counter and saw a big paper bag sitting there. In the trash were the contents of a jelly jar and a peanut butter jar. "Is there some epic P.B. & J convention in town?"

"It's our charity. We are going to go and help feed some friends of mine. I want to introduce you to some people today and I would appreciate it if you were respectful and receptive. This isn't just some line you can stand in and focus on your tongs. Please try to at least look them in the eye. Don't be rude."

I sighed, "Fine."

"Thank you. Let's get going."

We walked out to my Mercedes and got in.

"I see you still haven't bought a practical car." Edward remarked.

"I talked to my brother who holds the purse strings and he won't allocate money for a "practical" car. Like I told you before, I'm at the mercy of the purse strings."

"Why don't you just trade in this car?"

"I'm sorry did you like fall out of bed last night and bump your head? Why the hell would anyone give up a Mercedes SLK to downgrade to a pinto."

"Not a pinto but you could get a nice Honda or Toyota and have money left over."

"Sounds like a pinto to me. Edward, I know you're trying your best at teaching me all of life's lessons but I'm not going for sainthood over here. Leave my Mercedes alone."

He didn't say another word about the car. He just gave me directions to the shadier side of town and helped me find a place to park.

"So what exactly are we going to be doing down here, my trusted life coach?" I asked getting out of the car.

"All I want to us to do is pass out these sandwiches that I made and maybe engage in conversation. Most of the people were going to meet are…very lonely. You have no idea what it's like to essentially be ostracized by society. Sure there is a community down here but sometimes it's just nice to have simple conversation."

He sighed and started to walk away. Suddenly I didn't want to be down here. It was one thing to go out and live on the streets for a night. I wasn't planning on talking to anyone. I just wanted to keep to myself and prove I could do it.

"Are you coming?" Edward looked back to me when he saw me still standing by the car door.

"I don't know if I can do this. I don't know the first thing to say to…" I shook my head frustrated. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"How about you not make this about you. You don't want to do this because it's going to make you uncomfortable. This isn't about you, Bella. Doing something nice for someone else…you don't make it all about you."

He was starting to lose his patience for me. I could tell that my whole outlook was grating on him. He always did this thing with his hair every time he was about to explode at me. His hands would have some sort of wrestling match with those weird brown colored locks and a small vein would emerge from his forehead. But it wasn't his turn to explode, it was mine.

"I know this isn't about me." I lashed out. "But you don't need to be so hard on me. You have no idea how much I am putting myself out of my comfort zone to be here…to do this. I would appreciate even just a smidge of understanding from you. You're supposed to be my friend but you're just a judging asshole. Ever since you came to stay with me you have been ordering me around and telling me I look slutty, I don't eat properly, my whole existence is shameful. If you're so embarrassed and so superior then go….GO! I'm not holding you hostage. I apologize for trying to do the right thing and asking you to eat whatever you like from my house, to use my couch or guest bedroom. If I am such a disgusting stupid bitch then why would lessen yourself by being around me?"

Be strong, Bella. Don't show your weakness. Hold it together. Don't cry!

But standing there staring at Edward once again was like standing there and staring into a mirror. I didn't like what I saw and maybe he had every right to come into my life and show me all the different ways I was doing it wrong. Maybe he was sent here by Saint Peter himself because my name wasn't written in some proverbial book but at the end of the day, I was still a person. I was finally looking past Edward and his state of being. I was trying to see him as more than a homeless dude but he was never going to see me as anything more than some Richie Bitch.

He sighed and dropped the brown whole foods bag to the ground.

"I'm sor…"

"Don't apologize to me." I cut him off. "You've made it very clear where you see me in this world so…go pass out your sandwiches and be with your own kind. I have a sale at Barney's to get to."


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

I didn't go to Barney's. As nice as that sounded when I got into my car and drove off leaving Edward in the middle of the street with his bag full of sandwiches, Barney's was the last place I wanted to think of. Barney's wasn't going to bring me happiness. Instead I drove home and walked into my house, set my alarms and went upstairs to my room.

Same old thing. This was my life. Takeout food and eating Cherry Garcia from the container in bed would be the highlights. I tried to snap myself out of it especially when I realized that I was acting like I had just been dumped. I felt pathetic but I didn't want to leave my bed. The doorbell rang and I couldn't care less on who was there. If it was Michael, let him break down the door to see if he and my father finally got their wish to hopefully find me inside long gone. One less expensive-ass bill every month. If it was Edward…fuck him.

The days past and I hadn't called once for takeout food. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. No makeup, no shower, and the same clothes day after day. I didn't want any human interaction so I made do on the food I had bought when I went grocery shopping. However it was running thin and I couldn't make meals on Cherry Garcia any longer.

I missed my shift at Horizons on Tuesday and it wasn't looking promising for Thursday either. And why should I go back? What possible reason was there for someone who is so selfish like myself to go and spend their valuable time serving homeless people meals. Surely a person like myself shouldn't step foot in a place like that.

It wasn't until Friday when I stepped on my scale and saw that I had gained five pounds that I realized that if I kept going down this path, my only revenge to people like Edward and my father was that they would need a crane to lift my lifeless body from my house when I finally did do myself in. With nothing else in my life to keep me distracted I had no choice but to go back to Horizons. At least that's what I told myself. But on the bright side I did have a brand new shirt waiting for me I thought bitterly.

"Bella! Uh…are you okay? We've been worried about you." Alice quickly came to the front door when I walked in Friday late afternoon.

"Why? I'm here for my shift, like I said I would be."

"It's…Friday…I thought you were going to come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays…" She cringed sensing my foul mood.

"And Saturdays when I felt like it. So I'm just really early."

"What about Tuesday and Thursday…I tried to go by your house but there was no answer." She replied.

"I've been…sick. Do you need a doctor's note or something?" I replied irritated.

"No…I've just been worried about you. Edward said…"

"What did Edward say? Did he tell you that I refused to help out homeless people and left him in the middle of whatever hole he crawled out of completely vapid and unable to speak to any of his…friends?"

"No…he told me…that he fucked up again. He…" She sighed, "He never has patience with you and he always seems to mess up big. He's been really worried about you."

I laughed shortly, "Worried about me? I'm not the one sleeping on the streets. Anyways, do you want me here or not?"

"Yes…of course. Let me go and get you a new shirt. I'm sure you'll love these ones."

I'm sure I won't.

She ran off probably happy to get away from me. I walked through the entry way and tables of the cafeteria. I could hear the normal sounds coming from behind the swinging door but I didn't want to look in and see if they were being made from Edward. Lunch was over so now it was all about getting ready for dinner. I wonder what would be on the menu for tonight.

"Here you go." Alice came buzzing back in with a sky blue shirt in her hands.

"It's blue." I commented surprised.

"With a cute little sun on the upper left chest. Aren't they adorable?" she beamed.

"Yeah…I like it."

Alice swelled with pride for the first positive remark to come out of my mouth.

"Well, if you would like to go and get changed, then if you could start with mopping the floors that would be great." She said quickly reminding me that I wasn't here for a fashion show.

I had never mopped a day in my life so I could already imagine all the ways this was going to go horribly wrong.

"Oh and I really hope you don't mind but since we've been light on help the past couple of days…I had no choice but to invite Rosalie and my brother. They should be here shortly."

The blonde one. Just what my day needed.

I quickly changed and returned to the cafeteria. There was a bucket and mop waiting for me. I picked up the mop and slide the bucket over to the corner, channeling my inner Cinderella. The water sloshed all over the place when I pulled the mop out and dropped it down to the floor. I started to push the soapy water all around the floor.

"You might want to uh…ring the water out before putting the mop down." I heard a familiar voice from behind me. I looked back and gave a look before refocusing on my task. From the small glimpse I caught, Edward was once again dirty and unshaven but he was no longer of my concern.

"You came back…I didn't know if I would ever see you again." He continued on, "I went to your house everyday…I wanted to apologize."

I pushed my bucket around finding a new spot to mop.

"I fucked up. I know that, Bella. I…once again lost my temper and instead of helping I did the exact opposite. You have every right to be upset with me. I am an asshole. I was a horrible friend to you. Would you please accept my apology, I am incredibly sorry for making you feel that way."

"Apologize?" I asked, "Why would you want to apologize? I am…everything you think I am."

I turned back to my mop and continued to push the water around on the floor. My mop suddenly stopped and I could see Edward's hand on the top of it halting me.

"I think…you're amazing woman…I think that you're one of the strongest people I've ever met." He said softly.

I scoffed and pulled the mop from him, "Sure you do."

"Bella, I'm sorry I was a jerk. I was completely insensitive to your needs and my impatience hurt our friendship."

"Friendship?" I scoffed, "We're not friends. We never were."

"I've had a lot of time to think about everything I did that was wrong. Where I failed you. I think about you so much I haven't been of any use the past few days."

"Awe, did pulling you out of your natural habitat disrupt your livelihood?" I mocked, "Don't think about me. Move on with your life and consider me a failed experiment. You tried to get the stuck-up rich girl with a Grinch like heart to realize the error of her ways. Consider me damaged goods if you don't want to admit defeat and move on. There are plenty of other selfish assholes out there for you to go and "befriend.""

"No. I'm not going to abandon you…my friend. You may hate me right now but I'm not giving up on us or our friendship."

"Are you like fucking deaf…"

"Hey Little B and homeless dude." Emmett's booming voice broke us from our confrontation. We both looked over at him irritated.

"Whoa…tough crowd. Am I interrupting something?" Emmett backed up playfully.

"You obviously are." The blonde one stated.

"No. We're done." I turned back to my bucket and pushed on.

Edward finally took the hint and returned to his kitchen. A half hour later the blonde one came out to critique me.

"Do you think you're going to finish by the time we open?" She asked.

"If you're so concerned, maybe you should pick up a mop and help out rather than standing there and criticizing." I retorted. "But you know what would make my night extra peachy? Hearing not another word out of your mouth."

"I can see how much you matured since last we met." She replied before flipping her blond hair and returning through the swinging doors of the kitchen. I looked down at my dirty water in my mop bucket and pictured pinning her pretty blonde head down into it. I always knew we would kill one another if we were forced to work together again. Well at least I had that to look forward to.

It was finally time to open the doors and so I went to stand in my spot to help scoop out macaroni and cheese. One scoop per person not a smidge more. If Alice was smart she would have placed someone between Rosalie and myself. Couldn't she sense the tension? For someone who apparently knew all including my path to life, she sure did suck at the details.

"So, you and Edward in a lover's quarrel?" The first question of the night.

"Watch out, Rosalie. You wouldn't want your man hearing you pine after someone else." I countered. "It's so incredibly painful to see the desperation. All you ever seem to want to talk about is this homeless guy. Emmett's a good guy; maybe someone should clue him in on your little crush."

She laughed dryly, "You think I have a thing for Edward?"

"Why would you even care to mention him if you didn't."

"You don't know the first thing about Edward… or me… or Emmett."

"You act like I even care about you…or Emmett… or Edward." I rolled my eyes.

She let a small amount of time pass before she started again.

"Look, I just want to know. Why are you here? None of it makes any sense. You're a really wealthy girl who couldn't care less about the people around her and yet you spend your time at a soup kitchen where you don't even care enough to look up at the people you're serving. You act like this is a punishment or a job that you can do the bare minimum with. Why do you do this? There has to be a reason. Is it about Alice? About Carlisle Cullen? Are you some type of spy trying to get in good with the Cullen's?"

I swallowed harshly and continued to stare down at my tray. Scope and slop. Scoop and slop. The mac and cheese was extra runny today, not at all up to Edward's usual standards. Her words sunk deep into my mind but I tried to run interference so they wouldn't stay.

"I know your father is Charles Swan. I know he's in investments. Is there something going on here? Did he send you here? You know that what you're doing could be considered illegal if he manages to make a move on Cullen Media Group."

I turned and looked her straight in the eye. "You found me out. My father asked me to take in a homeless stranger in hopes of earning favor with the daughter of some important asshole. He pays me to come here and put my talons into the owner of a soup kitchen because he's thinks she is the key to making Cullen…Media Group venerable enough to take a dive on the stock market. My father who runs a company that is worth billions of dollars is that fucking stupid to come up with some lame ass strategy like that. Please do everyone a favor and climb back under whatever bleached blonde rock you crawled out from and shut the fuck up."

She stood there staring at me with a mixture of contempt and shock while silence had befallen the Horizons soup kitchen.

"I really feel sorry for you, Bella. It must be hard living in this world all alone with no friends. It's pathetic." She replied quietly.

"Rosalie." I heard someone say but I was already in motion. I flung a scoop full of macaroni and cheese at her and it hit here square in the face and you know for someone who praised herself on being so incredibly mature that bitch took two seconds to register what I had done before lunging at me. We both fell to the ground and when she came down on top of me the whole pan of macaroni and cheese came down on top of us. It was like the World Wrestling Federation had entered the soup kitchen.

I could feel myself being pulled back from the crazy blonde bitch as I continued to fight for everything I was worth. Hair, cheese, skin on skin, sticky, screaming, yellow. Just a few words to describe the horrific blue box match that took place on the checkered floor.

Emmett pulled Rosalie away and I hadn't even registered that it was Edward pulling me back until he pulled me through the swinging kitchen doors.

"LET ME GO!" I screamed. "I'm going to fuck her up."

I wrestled with Edward's iron grip on me. I had a feeling he was having even more trouble keeping a hold of my slimy self.

"CALM DOWN!" He yelled over my screaming as he continued to pull me out the back exit. My shoes slipped on the tiled floor, I left a trail of macaroni pasta as we went. We finally were out the back and he set me down on a chair.

"Do you want me to help you get that shit off or not?" he barked as I tried to jump back up. "Stay here."

He walked over to the hose and brought it back as I tried to calm my breathing. My head pounded as my heart raced.

"This might be a little cold but if we can just get the major parts cleaned off you…you could at least go home without ruining your car." Edward said before turning on the hose. I closed my eyes as he started to hose me down.

I remained strong and kept my girlish screams in. The water wasn't a little cold, it was fucking cold. But he was right; I couldn't go home with macaroni and cheese littering my car. Eventually though I was able to calm down enough where my heart racing turned into shivers and my shivers turned into tears.

I sat there sniffling and shaking as Edward tried to wash me quickly. Alice popped out for a second and dropped what look like a towel off. I didn't acknowledge her and neither did Edward. I didn't know if she was pissed off at me but I wouldn't blame her.

Edward finally put the hose away. My clothes were still stained with the yellow cheese but I couldn't find macaroni anywhere. Edward picked up the massive towel and wrapped it around me, rubbing my arms up and down.

"Would you like me to drive you home?" he asked softly.

"I'll manage." Was all I could say.

"Bella, what Rosalie said to you…"he trailed off.

"It's all true. I came here wanting to befriend Alice Cullen as a personal favor to my father Charles Swan. I heard about a take down of some media company I never even knew of and thought, yep, that's for me." I replied sarcastically.

"She…she said what?" Edward asked disbelieving.

"You know, I don't even know what's more pathetic. Rosalie thinking that that is why I am here…at this soup kitchen or me actually wishing she was right. She stood there tonight spinning this story about me and my father and for even a second, I wished that that was my reality. I would rather be implicated in corporate espionage then face the truth that my father…" I had to pause to get my voice under control. I quickly wiped away my tears and turned back to him, "doesn't even give one shit about me."

"Bella, that's not true. Look, I know what it is to have a very busy and important father and even though they never get a chance to see you or talk to you as much as they would like, as much as you would want, it doesn't mean that they don't care about you."

He pulled me into a hug and he stood there in the back ally of a soup kitchen holding me while I lost it.

"I'm sorry for what Rosalie said to you. She…doesn't know the first about you and she was completely ignorant."

"She wasn't completely ignorant. She questioned my reasons for being here and let's face it, those are less than honorable. She said I didn't have any friends and I was lonely. Besides the loony bin story of taking down Carlisle Cullen, I'd say she was spot on."

"She isn't. I'm your friend and I'm still here. I fucked up. There are going to be days when you fuck up but friendships aren't always easy. You get mad at one another and then you come around and forgive each other. You can be mad at me, Bella but like I said, I'm not going anywhere." He replied sincerely.

"I don't have the strength right now to be mad at more than one person. My head already feels like it's going to explode. I just need to go back to bed. I need my Cherry Garcia and memory foam mattress." I sniffled.

"I'll take you home." He wrapped the towel around me tighter, "Stay here, I'll go get your things and we can go."

He went to the back door but stopped when I called out for him.

"Alice is going to kill me, isn't she? That's twice that food was wasted on my watch." I couldn't imagine how Alice's head didn't pop off. She had gotten crazy over a half of a banana, what would she do with a whole pan of macaroni and cheese?

"I highly doubt you're on her radar right now." Edward said before leaving.

I stood out there freezing. If I thought I was cold when Edward threw me into the pool, this was far worse. Overall this was all far worse. I stood there contemplating the past twenty-three years I had been on this planet with one question in mind.

"Hey, got your stuff. Let's get going." Edward interrupted my quest.

I followed him out to my car and he unlocked it and placed my things in the back seat. He walked over to the passenger door and held it open for me.

"You're not driving my car." I stated.

"Why not? I don't think you should be driving in your state of mind."

"You probably don't even have a license."

"I have a driver's license. Would you just…trust me for once?"

"Trust you? Every time I trust you, you either yell at me or throw me into a pool." I responded.

"I promise to not yell at you or drive this car into a pool. Now would you …" He gestured for me to get into the passenger side. Reluctantly I sighed and walked over. He helped me in and shut the door. I was incredibly exhausted and I'm not sure if Edward driving me into a pool would have even shaken me from my thoughts.

"Where did my life all go wrong? I don't remember ever feeling so unhappy. Is this…karma, like you said? Was I so far in the negative that now my life is hopeless?"

"I don't believe in karma. If karma was real and people on earth really had to answer for their behavior then the bad guys wouldn't always win and justice really would be for all. Karma is just one of those things to make people think twice. Like religion."

"But just a few days ago you were spouting off about karma credits…points…whatever…"

"I was just spewing bull shit to get you out of your room."

I sighed and sat back in my chair as Edward pulled into my garage. He got out of the car but I made no movement to do so. The heater was off and I would start to feel the coldness creep in but I didn't want to go back into my house. That house was empty and sucked my soul out. My bed was amazing but it was turning into an addiction. Cocaine had nothing on St. Agnes.

"Hey, you coming in?" Edward asked opening my door.

"No…I don't want to." I whispered.

He sighed and crouched down next to me, bracing himself with the car door.

"I don't think you're a bad person. I don't even think you have done bad things. Can you improve upon yourself, yes. We all can, Bella. That's what life is all about. Finding ways to improve upon ourselves. The pursuit of happiness. If you're unhappy, then only you can change that. Your father may be an asshole but he's not responsible for your happiness. Search down inside and find what it is that you think will make you happy and then go after it."

I know that his words were true but I couldn't look past all the pain and sadness I was feeling. I stared at him wanting for them to spark a revolution inside me but nothing came.

"Come on." He held out a hand to me realizing that I wasn't going to comprehend tonight. I took his hand and he helped me out of the car. My body felt stiff from the coldness that crept into my muscles. I headed straight for the laundry room and found some clean yoga pants and shirt. I didn't go upstairs opting for the guest bathroom that Edward had used. I knew if I went upstairs at this point, I would never leave.

I showered for a long while. I allowed myself one good cry telling myself that it was better to get it out here where no one would see me. It also made me feel better to not know which drops were tears and which drops were manufactured from the shower head.

How could I ever allow someone like Rosalie to get so far under my skin? How had I become this vulnerable?

I dressed slowly and pulled the blanket off the guest room bed wrapping myself in it before settling myself on the couch.

"Your kitchen was a little bare so I had to make due." Edward explained handing me a plate of chicken and vegetables.

"You should be proud; I didn't go for takeout once while you were gone." I replied.

"I am…and I know. I thought for sure you would have ordered some. I tried waiting at your door hoping some delivery guy would show up but…they never came."

"Stalker." I retorted half-heartily.

He shrugged unabashed. "We can go shopping tomorrow."

Part of me liked that he was making plans because even though I should be upset with Edward and his past behavior, I also didn't want to be alone at the moment.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked hoping to prolong the inevitable climb to my bedroom.

"Sounds…perfect." He said settling himself down on the couch a cushion away. He usually opted for the single high back chair but I wasn't about to make waves saying anything. We both ate our dinner in silence watching How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.

"I don't understand why this is a romantic comedy? What is so romantic about two people who lie to each other about their true intentions. They both played these awful characters whose relationship started on lies and yet were supposed to believe that they end up happily ever after?" I stated bitterly.

I could see Edward become very tense. Maybe my negativity was causing him stress.

"I'm sorry, I…I'm just not in a very romantic comedy mood. Maybe we should have watched…The Terminator or something." I apologized.

"It's okay…most romantic comedy's elude me and…I don't know if The Terminator would have been a better choice. I don't need you running off with a shotgun telling Rosalie that "you'll be back.""

"Maybe we should watch something depressing like Schindler's List. Then at least I would have a good reason to cry. I hate crying…I feel pathetic and weak…and like a girl."

Edward moved a little closer to me, "It's okay to cry…sometimes it helps."

I looked at him and could feel my tears spike up.

"You really are a friend…aren't you? You would waste your Friday night sitting next to an emotionally unbalanced girl…who hasn't always been nice to you." I sniffled.

He moved closer and wrapped his arm around me. "That's what friends are for."

I nodded and melted into his arms.

"Bella…there's something…I need to tell you. Something that…you may hate me for." His voice shook.

I looked up at him and pulled back. I didn't want to hate him. I didn't want him to leave and if he told me and it was horrible, then he would leave. I wanted to sit here on this couch and get whatever human contact I could get because I had never felt lower than I did now.

"Don't tell me." I whispered. "I don't want to know…you're the…only person I have left and if you tell me and it's bad…then I'll have nobody. Can you just forget it for now? I can't take another…." The tears came and Edward pulled me back to him.

"Okay…okay." he replied softly.

I'm sure that not knowing whatever he had to say would weigh on me but what if it was horrible? What if it was something I couldn't live with? What if knowing meant I would be giving up my friend, my only friend.

Now was just not the time.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Even though my bedroom was a giant soul sucker, my couch was a back breaker. I woke up the next morning completely stiff from my night spent upon it. I looked around to see where Edward was but there was no sign of him. The previous day's activities flipped around in my head like a cartoon coming to life. I felt marginally better but I wondered if that was due to the fact that I had stopped my flip book evening on the small memory I had right before I went to sleep. Edward rubbing my back in circles while some stupid rom com played in the background.

And then those words popped up in my head.

Bella, there is something I need to tell you. Something you may hate me for.

What could he have possibly wanted to tell me? What would I hate him for? He looked nervous and his voice shook slightly when he spoke. Something that he could be ashamed of? Something that he has never shared with anyone before?

My jaw dropped open as it all started to make sense. Maybe Edward was…gay!

I sat there still staring off into space as I tried to put my detective skills to the test and go back on thinking of every moment we shared. Some things made sense all the sudden. His obsession with sexy-ass Carlisle Cullen. He spent way too much time in my closet trying to find me the perfect outfit. Also his ability to always be really hands on…picking me up and throwing me into the pool. How open he seems with me.

Maybe that is why he was homeless. Maybe his parents didn't agree with his lifestyle so they cut him off before they died, leaving him with nothing. He did say they were dead when we first met.

I shook my head as I felt horrible for Edward's life. Here I had been sitting on the couch only thinking about myself and this man wanted to finally open up and share with me something that he may have not shared before. I was going on about my pathetic troubles but Edward was in pain.

I wouldn't care if he was gay so why would he think I would hate him? I would never hate another human being based on their sexual orientation. Did he really think I was that shallow? Was I that awful of a human being that he would think I would run him out of this house because he preferred men?

It was still early in the morning and cold so I wrapped myself in my blanket and got up, searching him out. I would make sure that Edward understood that this was a safe place. I would never judge him or not accept his choices.

Edward was asleep in the guest bedroom atop the comforter. His dirty sneakers set nicely on the floor beside the chair and his dirty shirt folded on the chair beside the jeans I had bought him. He laid in bed with only boxers and a white shirt and I couldn't stop myself from walking closer. I stood beside the bed and looked him over as he laid sprawled out on his back.

I gulped when I saw the end of his…dick peeking out of the bottom of his boxers. I quickly looked up at his eyes afraid that my gasp may have stirred him awake but he was still softly snoring. It had been so…so…so…long since I had any action and I tried to remind myself of my renewed outlook on men and celibacy since the STD scare when I couldn't even remember sleeping with Jimmy. Plus I doubt Edward would throw me a pity fuck since I wasn't his brand of wine. Maybe Edward being gay is exactly what the doctor ordered. No way in hell could I or he be tempted.

However…I could look but not…touch, right? My blanket dropped a little when I moved down for a closer inspection. You could tell a lot about a man from his dick. I unknowingly held my breath the closer I came. I started to grip my blanket, wiping my sweaty palms upon it. There was movement and it was like watching a Chia Pet grow right before your eyes. There was a definite tent pitching.

"Bella."

Hearing my name and knowing that I had been caught, I threw my blanket at the tent and screamed running from the room. I didn't stop running until I reached my trusty old bedroom and dove under the sheets like the one-eyed monster was really going to come and attack me.

What the hell was the matter with me? Dicks never scared me off before. Penis. Dicks. Cocks. Fuck sticks. I knew how to work them all. Well I had never tried to work a gay dick before so that could be problematic. Normally you put me in the room with one and you'd have one very satisfied costumer. Great, now I sounded like a hooker. But what was it about seeing Edward's dick that would have me hiding under the sheets?

Maybe I was just really trying to stick to this whole celibacy thing that fueled the fire of my feet and subconsciously I ran from the room because I didn't want to be tempted. I gulped thinking of my problem.

"I have a dick in my house." I gasped.

A dick that I couldn't ride or get me through a long winter. I had a….mildly….larger dick that was unable to be fucked.

"Bella?" A knock on the door scared my wits once more.

"Can I come in?"

Say no! SAY NO!

"No…" I trembled like a tiny baby kitten.

The door opened up and my voice went one decibel higher, "Hey, I said no!"

"I couldn't hear you…what's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?" Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

I stared back at him focusing on keeping my eyes above the waist.

"You…you…you really should cover that thing up! I…I…just was checking to see if you were awake and…and…I don't need to see…that." I started to accuse.

"What did you see?" Edward shook his head, "All I know is I woke up to you screaming and running out of my room."

"Your room?" I misdirected.

"Well…not my room but…the one you have let me use…and…" He stopped for a second, "what did you mean when you said I should cover that thing up?"

Fuck!

I wanted to dive bomb under my sheets especially when I felt my face rush with redness.

"What do you think I meant? I…I went into your room and wanted to see….about breakfast because I wanted to do something nice for you and then you...you…I should have brought a campfire and s'mores with me since you pitched a tent so big a family of five could fit under it? What is so wrong with sleeping under the covers? The sheets were washed." I snapped self-righteously.

"A family of five, huh?" Edward looked mighty proud of himself.

"Ew!" I made a face of disgust, "I wasn't giving you a compliment."

"Probably the best damn compliment I ever received." He replied smugly.

"Would you…go…away!"

He jumped and landed on my bed expertly. "So…what exactly were you going to make me for breakfast seeing how there is nothing edible in this house?"

He caught the lie but I was also an expert at going around any hidden accusations.

"I was going to go to the store first…obviously."

"You were going to go to the store in yoga pants and a stretched out shirt with no makeup?"

"Yes…" I hoped that didn't come out sounding like a question.

"That's funny because the last time you went, you wore three-inch heels and an outfit so expensive that I could eat for a year off the cost." He looked at me knowingly. "You know Bella, you can tell me the truth…I hear it sets you free."

"Get off my bed. Or the only thing I will be setting free, is you!"

"Come on…just admit it. You were turned on. You're not mad at me, you're mad you can't have me." Edward teased.

And there it was. Absolute confirmation that I could never have Edward Masen. His boat sailed in different waters.

"Have you? Please. I could have you for breakfast but then knowing you, you'd probably be shut down by the health department for violating several sanitation codes. Now if would get off my bed and for the love, go put on some pants. I don't want you soiling Agnes with your early morning woody juice."

Better to play along. I didn't want him uncomfortable until he was ready to come out to me.

He rolled his eyes and started to move off the bed. "Are you going to get ready?"

"Ready for what?" I huffed still annoyed.

"To rumble." He laughed, "For breakfast, what else?"

"You said we didn't have anything left for breakfast."

"Fine, then get ready to go shopping."

I started to whine. "I don't want to go. Can't you just take some cash and go for me?" I asked sweetly.

"No. I told you that we were going to go shopping. You need to learn how to do this. I'm not going to be around forever."

He was teasing but suddenly that frightened me. He wasn't going to be around forever and then what would happen to me? Who would I talk to? Would I go back to sleeping in bed all day and eating ice cream by the truckloads?

"It's not that bad…just wear comfortable shoes." Edward seeing my face sensed my reluctance for grocery shopping.

"Fine." I replied softly looking back down at my bed.

"Okay." Edward said slowly walking toward my door. "If you're not downstairs in a half an hour, I'm going to come back up here. You better not still be in bed."

I didn't answer. Suddenly my bed was drawing me back in and I wanted nothing more than to ride out my day in it. I snuggled down in it once more.

"I mean it Swan, I will not be happy if I have to come up here. I will pull you out of the house in whatever shape you're in, dressed or not, makeup or not."

I frowned and he finally left.

It was a hard morning to get my butt in gear. My sadness from the previous night had taken a back seat to Edward's struggles. It amazed me how in this day in age that people still struggled with acceptance with other's preferences. But then again I lived in liberal California so…

I had just landed at the bottom of my stairs when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone else since Edward was here. I couldn't imagine who could be at my door. Michael popped into my head and that thought ran a shiver down my spine. I didn't want to have to explain to him why a homeless gay guy had taken up residence in my downstairs guest bedroom. Undoubtedly, he would think we were fucking but there was no chance for that in my near future.

"Who is it?" Edward came to the entrance and saw me idling on my bottom step.

I shrugged, "Not expecting anyone and it's too early for it to be one of my gentleman callers."

Edward rolled his eyes at my sarcasm and went to get the door. He paused for a second after he opened the door and sighed. "What is it, Alice?"

Edward pulled the door open allowing Alice to skip right in. I immediately stiffened and backed up a step.

"I…I brought breakfast."

That was not what I was expecting. I had expected, "Damn you whore for ruining my charitable business. Macaroni and cheese, enough to feed a small country wasted on the backs of bitchy bitches.

I looked over to Edward for a clue on what I was supposed to say.

"Uh…why?" Edward asked.

"An apology…for last night. I wanted to come over last night but…I thought maybe I should let you have a night to cool down." She replied softly.

"I thought you were going to be upset with me…I ruined your soup kitchen…I mean not just me of course but…"

"No. I'm not mad at all. In fact, I am furious with Rosalie. She told me and Emmett what happened and I am so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for my sister-in-law's…completely senseless presumptions."

"I never came to Horizons to…meet you. I didn't even know who your father was until Rosalie told me a couple of weeks ago. I swear. And even after that I still don't know much about him…other than…you know …he is like fucking hot which I'm sure you hear all the time." I rambled.

"Hot? You think my father is hot." She gave Edward a look. "He is pretty fucking hot, isn't he?"

"Totally fuckable, like I told Edward. In fact he got wildly crazy when we talked about it, didn't you?" I asked Edward who stood by irritated just like before.

"Oh…you and Edward discussed Carlisle Cullen did you? Edward must have had a lot to say on the subject." She smirked in his direction.

I knew it! Edward had a crush on Carlisle Cullen. That's why he acted weird that day and he probably tried to act disgusted so I wouldn't see what was so painfully obvious. Edward stuck around Horizons because he wanted to be close to object of his affection or the next best thing, Alice.

"You guys are being ridiculous." Edward huffed, "What did you bring for breakfast?" he asked changing the subject quickly.

Alice pulled out a bag of Bisquick, "I thought we could have pancakes."

"You're kidding me. I am not going to make pancakes from…that. Especially when I have an amazing recipe." Edward turned up his nose at the pan-fakes package.

"Get over yourself, Chef Ramsey. You're not going to make anything. I will make the damn pancakes." Alice pushed him aside and headed toward my kitchen.

"You know for being homeless, you sure do snub your nose up a lot at free food." I commented.

Alice started laughing, "I doubt he would be any better if he was say…the heir to a fortune."

"Shut it, Alice." Edward snapped. "And you, get your coat. We are going shopping." He directed me.

"If you really want to turn down this poor woman's charity and go shopping, you are more than free to do so." I said handing Edward my wallet, "But I am staying right here and watching her make me some pancakes."

"We don't even have eggs or bacon…or milk? We don't have anything to complete this meal." Edward complained.

"Well there's a store at the bottom of the street. Take the car and go buy your little heart out."

"Yeah, go! I want to…spend some time alone with Bella anyway. GO!" Alice came around the kitchen island and started to push Edward toward the door.

"Fine, I'll go and get the bare minimum and we can finish your shopping tutorial later, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and Alice continued to push him out the door. I could hear them furiously whispering at one another the whole way. Maybe Alice new about Edward's secret crush.

"Sorry about that. You know how men can be." Alice came in apologizing before going back to her Bisquick. She picked up the package and tossed into a cupboard.

"I thought you were going to make pancakes?" I pressed.

"What's the point? Edward's pancakes are the best, but he was never going to leave unless I threatened him with the Bis." She flounces over to my back breaker couch and kicked off her shoes to sit down.

It wasn't like Alice hadn't been here before but this still felt kind of foreign. Come on in and make yourself right at home, why don't you.

"You sure do know Edward…really well." I commented uneasy sitting down in the high back chair.

"Like I said, we've been in each other's lives for a long while."

"Do you…ever wonder why that is? I mean…he has so many opportunities to really go out there and make something of himself and yet he saddles himself with cooking for a soup kitchen, no offense."

"Well…I think he…likes the…environment. I admit, I too think that he has been doing this for far too long. I'd say about three weeks too long but what can I say?"

"Three weeks? What happened in the past three weeks that should have changed his…path?" I scrunched up my face confused.

"Uh…it's just he had an opportunity but he I guess…turned it down and decided to stay where he was." She said slowly like she was trying to find a way to put words together.

"He didn't want to leave you." I stated.

"Me?" She questioned.

"Well…I have a theory but…I really shouldn't say anything." I paused. "I think I figured out what Edward's been trying to tell me. I mean there were pieces of the puzzle that didn't seem to fit together but after some reflection…I think I figured it out."

"You did." She asserted.

"Yea…it kind of all makes sense and if I wasn't so focused on myself and what Rosalie said to me last night, he would have told me. Alice, I ruined his chance to come out to me."

"Come out?" She asked confused.

"I think Edward is gay and I think…he has a thing for your father." I construed. I looked at her allowing for my words to sink in. Alice stared straight at me with no emotion. She blinked and blinked again.

"Would you excuse me for a moment." She got up and quickly rushed to the door letting herself out.

Oh dear. I done fucked up. She's probably puking in my plants and I never should have outed Edward like that. It wasn't my secret to tell. He'll never trust me again.

I could hear a faint noise come from outside and it wasn't something I could really describe. It sounded like an animal being strangled. I jumped up from the chair and rushed over to the door wanting to help put Alice's mind at ease. It was all speculation; she shouldn't have taken my words seriously.

I get over to the front door and she was coming in just as I got there.

"I'm sorry, I just needed some air…maybe I'm going through menopause or something." Alice said fanning her face as she came back in. I could see a light sheen beneath her eyes, she had been crying.

"You're not even forty." I mumbled. "Alice, I am so sorry. I never should have said that. I don't know what I'm talking about."

I stood there shaking my head fretting. She suddenly lunged at me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Are you kidding me? You have nothing to be sorry for. Oh, Bella…you're just the best thing to ever happen to us."

"I am?" I cringed thinking she had momentarily become unhinged.

"Yes. You are."

She let go of me and started to walk back to the living room.

"Uh…so…you won't tell Edward what I said right? I mean…like I said, I don't know what I'm talking about. I probably read the signs all wrong."

"Oh no Bella, I think you read the signs just fine. I cannot believe I didn't see it sooner. In fact…I think you should be the one to bring this up to Edward. He trusts you and it's something that I think he would feel…very uncomfortable hearing from me. It's okay to have a crush on my father. Please tell him that for me. I totally get it…and I don't blame him."

"I don't even know if he is ready to tell me that he's…you know."

"Gay? I think Edward would feel so relieved if he knew what you were thinking. I mean, you ripped the band-aid off without him knowing he even had an injury. You are that good."

"I'm back. It would be nice to get some help out here." Edward called from the garage.

I jumped up worried for a second that he had heard us. I rushed over to the garage and quickly took a bag from him, looking him in the face for any sign of acknowledgement.

"What is it?" Edward backed away from my prying eyes.

"Just…happy you're back. I am famished and Alice lied about making me breakfast so…I guess it's a good thing you're here. I hear you make some killer pancakes and I could eat a horse right about now." I rambled.

Edward looked over to Alice and back to me again.

"Are you okay?" he studied me waiting for an answer.

"Obviously not. I said I was hungry. You know how cranky I get when I don't eat." I took another bag from him and went to the counter.

"So…what did you…two…talk about when I was gone?" Edward asked nervously.

"You know, girl stuff." Alice waved her hand dismissively. "You would have loved it."

"Okay…well I'll have breakfast ready soon…maybe you can talk Bella into coming to Horizons later today." Edward mentioned.

"No offense but I don't really want to return to the scene of the crime. I think I would rather…stay in tonight. I have had enough excitement for one…lifetime." I grumbled.

"Nonsense. You have to come back. I mean you're getting so close to Jacob Black and you can't miss the Halloween party in two weeks." Alice protested my resignation.

"Halloween party? You never said anything about a Halloween party. Well, that changes everything." I replied sarcastically.

"I had your dress all picked out." Alice mumbled.

"Bella only likes to dress up as skanky classic movie characters." Edward jested.

"Hey!" I snapped, "I wasn't skanky…I was sexy Dorothy. There's a difference."

"I'm sure there isn't."

"Would you shut it for right now?" Alice snapped at Edward, "We have bigger problems. Bella, I know that last night must have been the last straw for you but please. Please don't give up on me."

"You? I'm…not giving up on you." I replied.

"If you quit, then you are…I thought we were friends." She said with her saddest face ever.

"You…you're my friend?"

"Of course I am. And as your friend…it would mean the world to me if you would help me out. Horizons is everything I want it to be. I am helping people and I feel good about what I do and I want you to be a part of that."

I sighed. "What kind of costume were you thinking of?"

She smiled widely. "You'll just have to wait and see."

We managed to get through an amazing breakfast, thanks to chef Edward and I agreed to come back to Horizons but I asked for the night off. I needed to take a few more days away before heading back. I told her I would come in Monday instead.

Edward had just finished up cleaning the dishes when I had come back from seeing Alice out.

"So…a whole day off. What are you going to do with yourself?" Edward asked.

"I have no idea." I replied awkwardly.

Now it was back to being just the two of us. Him wanting to desperately tell me something that he knows may change our friendship forever and me, standing here waiting for it. I give myself a pep talk while Edward stood there probably doing the same.

I tell myself to just shut my mouth and let him have the chance to get everything off his chest. I tell myself to be sure to maintain physical signs of approval like an open palm small rub of the shoulder. I should go and get a box of Kleenex before we get started. This could be painful for him.

"What?" He finally asked.

"What do you mean, what?"

"You're standing there staring at me in indecision." He noted.

I sighed and walk a little closer grabbing the box of Kleenex as I come.

"Look…I know you wanted to tell me something important last night…I uh…think I should have let you have your moment. I was being selfish Bella once again wanting to make it all about me and I have been thinking a lot about it this morning and I'm ready. I'm ready if…you think you can stomach it."

Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair looking around before settling his focus on the ground.

"Are you sure?" He started, "Like I said, you may hate me."

"I won't hate you…this is a safe place and it doesn't matter to me what you prefer in life. It's not like I ever pictured you and me sailing off into the sunset together, this really doesn't affect me. This is all about you and I want you to know that I completely am an advocate for your rights."

"My rights…the bill of rights…" He swallowed waiting for conformation.

I nodded hoping that it would encourage him. "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

"That's the Declaration of Independence." Edward corrected.

"Oh…that's right…it's been awhile and Government wasn't my strongest subject."

"Well there is a big difference." He stated to debate.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, who gives a shit." I wave him on, "Let's get back to your…confession..er…what you wanted to tell me."

He thought for a moment and then looked to me again, "What did you mean that you never pictured us sailing off into the sunset together…I mean…was that ever a thought?"

"Well, I think it's a moot point now. I mean, really Edward?" I cringed, "I'm flattered that you would even consider changing yourself for me but I can't stand in the way of what the heart wants and I know that your heart doesn't want someone like me and that is totally cool. I am just here for you and I know you're probably going to kill me but so is Alice. I might have let it slip and she is completely supportive and wants you to know that it's okay."

"What's okay?" Edward seemed to be getting upset.

I couldn't understand his hostility but I was saved by the bell…or in this case my phone ringtone.

"Just give me…one second." I said picking up my phone.

I could see that it was my grandfather calling so I hit accept quickly.

"Hello."

"Bella. Where the hell have you been? I've been sitting here waiting for an update, not waiting to die." My grandfather scolded.

"I…I didn't know. I just have been doing what you asked. I have been working at the soup kitchen."

"Soup kitchen? You're still there? I don't believe it."

"No. Really I have worked so many days that a judge would let me go for time served at this point for any crime I could ever commit."

"And what about that homeless dude you were telling me about?"

"Uh…" I looked over to Edward who still looked mildly upset, "He's…still there. I mean…we've…kinda became…friends."

Edward mouthed, "Who is that?"

I shook my head and shrugged.

"Friends...really. Then you should bring him by. I would love to meet him."

"Oh grandfather, I don't know if that's a good idea…I mean, he doesn't have…proper attire." I cringed.

"Well, then be an angel and get him some proper attire."

"Look, I don't think this is going to happen…"

"ISABELLA SWAN! I am going to set an early dinner at the club and you and your dude better be there at five-thirty. If you don't come, I will consider it a personal knock against me."

He hung up just like that and I looked over to Edward and gulped. This was soo not a good time for this.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"Proper attire?" Edward asked immediately offended.

"It's a country club; I don't even have proper attire half the time." I huffed. "We're going to have to stop by Barney's on our way."

"On our way…." Edward waited for me to explain why he was being brought into this equation.

"My grandfather wants to meet you. Apparently he doesn't believe that I have befriended the very same homeless dude that I may have once bitched to him about. He doesn't take no for an answer so if you really are my friend, now would be a great time for a friendly favor."

Edward sighed and processed, "Fine. But getting back to our earlier conversation…"

"Look, I'm sorry. I am going to be once again, completely selfish and ask that…we finish this…later. My grandfather is feisty and he…he's like the only person in this family who gives a shit about me and I don't want to let him down so can you be the bestest friend in the world and please come with me." I pleaded.

Edward sighed, "Fine but we will finish this conversation later, Bella."

"Cross my heart." I promised.

"Well, what's first up?" Edward asked.

"I have to go and find something appropriate to wear. My grandfather is like a million times worse than you when it comes to hem lines and cleavage. I have a feeling you two will get along famously."

"There's nothing wrong with leaving a little mystery, Bella."

"Well then call me John Grisham and stick me in a convent, Edward." I quipped.

"Maybe…we should both go shopping and find something appropriate." Edward suggested.

I thought for a second, "Well it has been a long while since I graced Nordstrom's with my presence."

"I was thinking along the lines of something more cost-effective."

The music playing in my head scratched to a halt.

"I am not going shopping at some dollar store." I snapped.

"Dollar store doesn't carry clothes but what's wrong with a Target or a Wal Mart."

I stepped back and gasped. "What's wrong with you is more like it." I started shaking my head just envisioning having to step foot in a place like that. Once again my vision wasn't much unlike my thoughts of stepping foot into a soup kitchen for the first time, crying babies and sad people.

"I will not buy clothes from a…place that sells garments alongside beef jerky."

"Beef jerky is on the complete opposite side of the store."

"The fact that it's in the same building is reprehensible. What is so wrong with going to a place that specializes in one thing? Clothes are not just clothes. They are the very foundation for which we live our lives in. Even Adam and Eve realized that it was better to have a leaf then to not have anything at all."

"Adam and Eve would have jumped at the chance to shop at a Target. Your evidence is overruled."

My mouth dropped.

"Then how about we swing by and grab something for you…from one of those places." I cringed, "And then we swing by a…fabulous little boutique I know of on Wilshire for me. There, we both get what we want in life. It's what we would call a win win."

Edward stood with his arms crossed shaking his head, not amused by my redirect.

"Come on! Fine…A Guess store. The Gap. BeBe." I grasped for straws. "I cannot be seen buying…overalls or whatever that place may have. I could sue for emotional distress."

"Come on, it will be fun. I can help you find an outfit and you can help me." Edward tried to shake me into submission.

I thought gay guys had an innate sense of style.

I tried over and over in the car to throw out different suggestions on clothing stores but Edward wouldn't budge. It was like he had secret stock in Target and wanted to help out his portfolio. We arrived at the overcrowded store and I walked in cautiously, keeping my purse close to my body and making sure not to touch anything.

"See, not so bad." Edward remarked.

"Everything is so…red."

"Let's grab a cart." Edward ignored my observation and walked over to this long line of red shopping carts.

"I'm not touching that. Good lord knows where that cart has been." I stated.

"It's a shopping cart. I highly doubt it's been taking nightly strolls in the shady part of town contracting STD's."

But I stood my ground and Edward pushed on.

"Do you want to go first or should I?" Edward stopped pushing and gave me a look.

I looked around hopelessly.

"Stop acting like a baby. This isn't the worst thing that has ever happened on the face of the earth. This isn't even close I'd wager the worst thing to ever happen to you."

I looked over and saw a woman berate her child the same way Edward was berating me. I huffed and lightly stomped my way over to the ladies section. I stood in the middle of the clothes trying to find something that was worthy enough to wear when seeing my grandfather at the country club. I couldn't help but think that all of these clothes would have worked well for my "homeless for a day" experiment.

"There isn't anything here."

"Here we go again." Edward huffed and came over, "How about for this exercise, I pick something out for you and you pick out something for me. That way you can never be blamed for the fashion faux pas of buying your clothes from a major retail store. It will be something that I picked and you have every right to blame me for it if for some reason someone should say something."

I waved for him to go ahead. I can't imagine what vile outfit he would pick for me.

"Would you prefer a dress or pants?" Edward asked walking around.

"Well, this is a somewhat nicer country club so…I'd a prefer a bag to wear over my head."

"Got it! Something that screams asphyxiation and goes with a nice brown tone." Edward pulled out a purple dress and I scrunched up my face getting ready to scream at him but he caught my face and quickly returned it to the rack.

"With your beautiful hair and eyes, I think this would go well." Edward said handing me a long green belted lace dress.

"My shoes won't match that."

"Well, we are in luck because they also have shoes here too."

"Awe joy! It's like I walked into the seventh circle of hell."

Needless to say, our shopping expedition took much longer than expected. I think Edward may have wanted a bottle of wine to himself after all the fuss I caused, especially after I tried to make a case that Target used a bull's-eye for its symbol as a way to sublimely telling their customers that they were hunting them all down. Our bill for this little experiment didn't even amount to the cost of my night cream.

But the new and unimproved selves that we became were finally on our way to the country club. I pulled up and gave the valet my keys. Edward still hadn't said one word to me since the checkout stand. Just what I needed, a grumpy homeless guy meeting my grandfather to tell him of all my misbehavior.

"Look, can you just pretend to not hate me right now? This is very important to me." I tried.

"Bella, I don't hate you but sometimes your…attitude just completely detracts from your beauty. There was no reason for you to act the way you did to the cashier. The poor girl is just trying to get through her day with one less asshole customer."

"I didn't say anything she…didn't already know." I cringed.

"You told her that she worked for the man…a man who was probably in a suit made out of poly blend material and then you asked her how she slept at night."

"She was badgering me about a credit card…to a store I don't ever want to step foot in again."

"You were doing so well, Bella. You were finally accepting that not everyone is as privileged as you but…you took like five steps back." He sighed and turned to walk into the club.

I started to feel really bad. Okay, so maybe I was a little bit bitchy. I think it was because I started forgetting about Edward's past and understanding how he could be so offended and maybe he was right, I was a total snob and what's even worse was according to him, I was a snob that was backsliding.

I stood where he had left me in that seventeen dollar ninety-nine cent dress not really feeling up to dinner.

"Hey…are you coming." Edward asked softly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm…I was a bitch. Sorry for being a bitch."

"You're not a bitch. Please don't call yourself that anymore. But, in the future at least try to think about how you're acting or what you're saying and try to understand how it can be offensive."

I nodded my head slowly.

"Come on. I really can't wait to meet your grandfather." Edward took my hand and pulled me along after.

I took a deep breath and just as we arrived to the front of the dining room, Edward let go of my hand and we walked in searching out my grandfather.

"There she is." He announced proudly.

"Hi, grandfather." I gave him my best smile even though I was still feeling a bit down. "This is Edward, a.k.a. the dude."

"Nice to meet you, Ed…." He paused as he shook Edward's hand and stuttered. "…ward…uh…uh…I've heard a lot about you."

"Thank you, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you as well." Edward replied.

"Well, shall we sit? I can't wait to hear all about the past couple of weeks and to hear from the dude himself on meeting you, Bella." Grandfather said.

We all took a seat at the dinner table and I slipped from my glass of water before continuing, "Edward can vouch that I have been keeping up my end of the bargain. I go to Horizons several times a week and have been trying to gain perspective, just like you asked."

"It's true. Your granddaughter has been really doing great at the kitchen." Edward confirmed.

"I'm practically a saint…like Mother Teresa." I jested.

"A saint who…has an interesting way of handing things. Jello. Mac and cheese." Edward smiled widely.

"Hey, the mac and cheese was not my fault…entirely. I just threw a spoon full. That bitch took down the whole tray on her own." I defended.

"What? What? What's this about throwing food? I thought the point was to get it on the people's plates, not throw it." My grandfather stepped in.

Leave it to Edward to out me to my grandfather. I gave him a threatening look.

"Like I said, it wasn't my fault. There was this…girl who doesn't like me and she was harassing me and saying horrible things and so I finally had enough and shut her up with a glob of mac and cheese." I paused. "Straight to the face."

My grandfather gasped appalled.

"Hey, I was defending myself."

"I like giving Bella a hard time but I will vouch that the girl deserved what Bella gave her." Edward finally assured.

"Well…it certainly sounds like things around the soup kitchen are much more interesting than things around here."

The waiter came and took our orders and grandfather started right back up.

"So Edward…I hope you don't mind me asking but…how has life been out on the streets?"

"Grandfather." I admonished.

"No. It's okay. I don't mind." Edward waved me off, "My time on the streets has been very…enlightening. It's like a whole new world and I have learned a great deal from my time and…I have met people who have changed my life for the better."

"It's absolutely fascinating…I'm sure you have. The stories you have heard and people you've been able to interact with. I have to say I am rather jealous. I find there is a lot to learn from meeting with various people. You should write a book." My grandfather gave him a look.

"A book? I can't imagine you doing that." I said to Edward. "Besides, Edward wants to run a food truck for the homeless."

"Just an idea I have for…the future." Edward quickly added.

"He just has trouble saving up the money for something like that. It's a big investment and even though Edward can made like a hundred dollars tax-free a day when he stands out on the corner…" Something occurred to me and I stopped in mid sentence, "Wait a minute…all this time you've been spending with me, you haven't been able to make your…money."

Edward shrugged.

"Have you had the chance to meet anyone…through Edward or the soup kitchen that has changed your life, Bella?" My grandfather asked.

"I met Edward. Trust me, he's enough for a lifetime." I insisted.

"I tried to get Bella to come with me one day…but it didn't go so well." Edward once again threw me under the bus.

"Oh…why is that?" Grandfather of course asked.

"Because Edward was being an asshole and was impatient." I jumped in first.

"True…I sometimes forget how hard stuff like this is for Bella. She wasn't really raised around…other walks of life so I think it scares her sometimes." Edward replied.

"Pish posh. That's ridiculous. Isabella, you missed out on a very enlightening experience. I'm disappointed."

"For what?" I exclaimed, "I tried and it didn't help that the whole morning Edward was berating me and…and…he threw me into a pool. After everything I tried to do and he just yells at me and makes me feel bad."

I sat back in my chair completely not happy with how this dinner was going. It was two against one and Edward was having a gay old-time fucking me over. My grandfather didn't say anything to my defense. He gave me a look like he was trying to figure something out.

"You two…spend a lot of time together?" Grandfather asked.

"Bella has been nice enough to let me stay a couple of nights in her guest bedroom in exchange for teaching her how to cook…which has been harder than you would think."

"I never asked you to teach me how to cook. In fact I believe I said you could stay in exchange for cooking for me. My own personal chef. Edward is a great chef." I boasted.

"Well, you two sure do have great chemistry together." My grandfather got a twinkle in his eye and I was completely thrown off guard. "You would make a lovely couple."

"Grandfather!" I shook my head. "No, we wouldn't."

"Why would you think that? I think I see…" My grandfather started but I cut him off.

"Grandfather, it's not going to happen. We…both don't want the same things in life."

I tried to make him understand what I was saying with my inference but he took it completely wrong.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, what do you mean?" My grandfather joined in.

They were both staring at me waiting for an explanation.

"Edward, you know." I stated.

"Know? Know what?" he asked.

"Is this because of his socioeconomic background? Because he was…is homeless?" Grandfather asked dismayed.

"What? NO! I…I…what is happening here?" I felt completely ganged up on. A wild cat in a corner, ready to lash out with my claws.

"Yeah Bella, then what is it?" Edward pressed happily.

"Because…because…" I turned to my grandfather and said softly out the corner of my mouth, "He's gay, grandfather."

"You think I'm gay?" Edward barked surprised.

I turned quickly, "Aren't you?"

"What? NO! Why would you think that?"

Oh shit.

"Well…I mean…isn't it obvious?" I cringed not helping my case. My grandfather sat there incredibly bemused by our little tiff.

"Obvious? What is so obvious, because apparently I missed the signs." He snapped.

I bit my lip, "Well…Alice said she thought so too. I mean she said it all made sense and she completely agreed that you probably had a thing for her father."

"I am going to fucking kill Alice."

"You don't need to be so hostile; it was just an honest mistake." He gave me a harsh look, "I think I liked you better when you were gay, you weren't so…unfriendly."

"I was never gay!" Edward exclaimed. "I have never been gay. I will never be gay. What the fuck would make you even think that?"

"Maybe my imagination ran away from me."

"YOU THINK?" He yelled.

"Hey, don't yell at me. All I know is that you said you had a secret…something you were clearly afraid to tell me and you spend a lot of time in my closet playing dress me up Bella and you get all pissy when I go on about fucking Carlisle Cullen and you….smell a little too decent for a homeless guy."

"So I must be gay because I tried to find you something decent to wear in public. I get irritated hearing you go on about your sexual prospects and I smell nice. Yep, must be gay."

"You know there is nothing wrong with being gay, you don't need to be so offended."

Edward got up quickly from the table and looked to my grandfather, "I'm sorry sir, but…I need some air."

He left the dining room in a hurry and I instantly felt horrible but it was an honest mistake.

My grandfather wasn't helping either; he sat there trying to contain his laughter.

"What is so funny? This isn't funny." I scolded.

He shook his head. "Oh Bella, sometimes you can't see what is directly in front of you. You work out clues to a mystery and go in the complete opposite direction of where you should go."

I shook my head irritated at him. I had no idea what he was babbling about.

"Would you excuse me?" I got up from the table and went to find Edward. I needed to make this right.

Edward was sitting just out the front door on a bench in front of the valet station. I sighed and slowly walked up, "Permission to approach the bench."

He looked up at me but didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry. Once again, I'm sorry." I sighed. "I…I…contrary to what you may think of me, I've never been the kind of girl who was around guys. I've never had a guy for a friend. I…in the past usually just fucked them but never befriended them. I woke up the morning after the soup kitchen scandal and your attempted confession assaulted me. It was the first thing to pop into my head and then Alice…came and she said I was spot on. I think…I think I wanted you to be gay. If you were gay…then I wouldn't have to think on you. We could always be friends and I would never have to worry that you or I would try for more…even a one night stand could fuck this up and I don't want to fuck this up because…Edward…you're the only thing that makes me happy anymore." I sniffled.

He looked into my eyes with sincerity and reached up to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"I don't want to fuck this up either. I hope you and I…will always be friends…but…I think it's time I tell you what I wanted to tell you last night. I hope that you will still be my friend because I'm happier when I with you too."

I took a deep breath waiting to hear it.

"Bella….I am…"

"Is everything okay?" My grandfather interrupted us both.

"Give us a minute, will you?" I asked.

"Uh…yeah of course but first I would like to talk to Edward." Grandfather insisted.

"Can't you wait? He needs to tell me something." I asserted.

"No, it can't. I…I…I didn't like the way he spoke to you in the dining room and I need to speak to him man to man. Please go back into the dining room, Isabella."

What the fuck was he talking about? Just five minutes ago he was so amused by Edward's and my spat, I thought he'd shit himself.

I started to protest but Edward stopped me. "Please Bella…we'll be in shortly."

I stood up confused and once again didn't like this…man code that they apparently were sharing with one another. Ever since we arrived tonight, it's been Edward and my grandfather against the evil powers of me. I sat at the table biting my nail and wondering what on god's green earth those two were saying to one another.

What my grandfather said was bullshit. He wasn't going to tell off Edward for how he spoke to me. Dinner arrived and still no sign of Edward or my grandfather. The plate with my chicken was placed down in front of me and I stood up not eating one bite ready to go straight to the valet and leave. Just as I was leaving the table they walked back in like they had just finished a round of golf. Laughing and patting each other on the back.

"Where are you going?" My grandfather asked.

"Home. I didn't realize that this was a gentlemen's club. If I wanted to eat alone I would have stayed home and ordered takeout." I snapped.

"Bella, come back to the table. We were just…our discussion took longer than we thought. I'm sorry." Edward apologized.

"Well, I wouldn't want to get into the middle of your little bromance. You two have a good night." I continued to walk on.

"Isabella! You have not been excused from the table. There's no reason to act like a brat. We're here and we aren't going anywhere the rest of the evening so sit down and eat your dinner." My grandfather ordered.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. My head was beginning to pound.

"Hey…sorry you felt abandoned. I think he just…wanted to feel heard. Wants the best for you." Edward said softly.

"What about what you were going to tell me?" I asked.

Edward looked over to my grandfather who was sitting back down at the table and sighed, "We can…talk later."

I shook my head and turned back to the table.

"So…Edward and I decided something." Grandfather started.

"I'm on the edge of my seat over here." I replied dryly.

"Tomorrow, we are going to go down and meet with some of Edward's friends. To go and hand out sandwiches and food like you two were supposed to do last week but this time I want to come with."

This was so not good.

"Oh grandfather, I don't know if you going to be up for that kind of thing."

"Nonsense. I'm not that old. I can still walk and talk and that's all I need. I'll be at your house at nine A.M. I too want to be enlightened."

I gave Edward a very dismayed look but he just smiled back at me before taking a bite out of his steak. Our dinner was strained to say the least. I never felt more uncomfortable than that meal. Edward and grandfather got along famously and I wondered if I was even needed.

Driving home I didn't say a word to Edward. I think he could tell I was a tad miffed.

"I can see why you like your grandfather so much. He is a very…wise man. I…told him what my secret was…or something like that and he advised me to not say anything…"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I lashed out. "I just sat through the most horrid meal of my life. Every turn you tried to screw me over. You and my grandfather made a fine team, maybe you should have him; he obviously likes you more than me."

"Are you jealous? Bella, there's no reason for it. Your grandfather loves you very much. I could tell by what he said to me…he only has your best interest at heart and wants to see you succeed in your life."

I laughed, "Yeah, great job I'm doing there. I have no job. No education. No future prospects. Looney Tunes to think I will ever succeed at anything."

"Stop. You have every opportunity to do something. To be happy. You just have to be willing to work for it."

I turned into my garage and pressed the button for the door to come down behind us.

"So…this big secret. You're really not going to tell me. You'll tell my grandfather but not me."

He sighed and looked out his passenger window to the darken garage.

"Bella…I…I fucked up." Edward paused. "I… accidently washed your silk blouse in the washer and it came out all fucked up."

I gasped. "The white Chanel with the gold and black buttons?"

"Uh…yeah…that's the one. I… uh was so afraid you were going to freak out and kick me out of your house so…I threw the top away. Please forgive me, Bella."

I shook my head after a short eulogy in my head and looked back over to him.

"It's okay. Accidents happen. I can understand why you would be afraid to tell me…I…it's a very sad thing."

"I am sorry, Bella."

"Don't worry about it. Anyway…we should get going. Since someone agreed to take my grandfather on a field trip tomorrow, I think we need to get to sleep."

I climbed the stairs after saying a brief good night to Edward. I pulled the Target dress off my body and tossed it in a corner with the shoes. I looked around my closet and thought for a second on how scared Edward must have been to tell me about ruining one of my more expensive tops. I did love that blouse but how many of my clothes in this closet were really practical. I could sell my whole closet and have a small fortune. I could sell my whole closet and Edward would have more than enough to start his food truck charity.

I pulled off one top from the hanger and then another and then another and then a dress and then a pair of high-waisted pants. Dresses and clothes I hadn't worn for months. Shoes and purses that sat idling collecting dust until I had a big pile in my closet. The empty hangers swung back and forth like a tornado had just come through. Only half of my clothes remained in their place. But it wasn't enough. I pulled shirt after shirt again to the floor until a breath caught in my throat.

White Chanel blouse with gold and black buttons. The only thing I had even close to the description I gave Edward. He hadn't ruined this blouse. Then what shirt did he ruin?

Suddenly my grandfather's words came to me.

You work out clues to a mystery and go in the complete opposite direction of where you should go.

Edward didn't tell me his big secret after all.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"Bella."

"Bella."

There it was again. A shake that ran through my body and my name being called. I groan as my eyes were assaulted by the early morning light.

"Looks like a tornado ran through here. You didn't go to bed last night did you?" Edward asked.

I feel the barrier of his body next to mine blocking me from leaving my bed which is just fine by me. I did have a late night. First the cleaning out of my closet that would have even impressed Eminem and then I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for hours still trying to unravel the mystery of my house guest.

"What are you doing on my bed?" I grumbled.

"What's….so wrong with me being on your bed? I'm not under the sheets or feeling you up…I have been upon your bed before so…"

"That's when I thought you were gay. Now that your straight again, I'd rather you stay off St. Agnes."

"I was never gay…but I did bring a burnt offering if it pleases your saintliness. Coffee?"

I finally open an eye and see a big mug in his hands.

"Two sugars and a splash of half and half, right?" he smiled and even though I want to pepper him with questions on his secret, I decide to not. I sit up in bed and take the coffee from him.

"It's almost nine but I'll stall your grandfather if you want to take some shower time this morning."

I yawn and stare back over to the mound of my designer clothes.

"So…what's with the closet demolition?" Edward asked uneasy.

"I…" I shook my head. "There for you."

"Uh…thanks? I…know I don't have anything high-end to wear but…I don't think I'll fit into anything in that pile."

"No, stupid. I'm going to sell them and you can have the money…for your food truck endeavor. I think I can get a pretty penny for them. Many of them were only worn once or have been taken good care of. Especially the handbags and shoes, they should go for a lot of money."

"Oh Bella…I can't accept this." Edward marveled at the pile, "Thank you but…as much as I would like to see you get a whole new wardrobe, preferably one in favor of more fabric…I can't accept this." He rubbed the back of his neck and I felt like I had embarrassed him. I didn't mean to embarrass him.

"Please…come on. You and my grandfather…you both don't think I do anything…I want you to have them. If you take them and use the money for your truck then…at least I did something good in my life."

He was already shaking his head, "No, of course I don't think that. Bella, you have done quite a bit in the past couple of weeks. Your grandfather and I just want to see you reach out and see people for what they truly are. Not for…how much money is in their wallets or what clothes they're wearing. The people I want you to meet; people who live where I have been, I want you to see them as equals and realize that it doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. We all deserve happiness and love."

"But I don't need these things. I want you to have them. You need the money a lot more than I do. I know today's social experiment is most likely going to end horribly wrong. I don't do well with interfacing. I'm not the social butterfly you're trying to make me. Hell, I don't even get along with anyone in my own social circle…which is probably why I don't have very many friends…"

"Hey..." Edward shook his head at me, "This is going to sound incredibly corny but you have to stop stressing about how to talk to people and just be yourself. I'm your friend and…you never worried about talking to me even when we were getting to know one another."

"True, but do you really think going around to your friends today and calling them "homeless dudes" is going to earn favor? You're a masochist. You like it when I call you names and challenge you."

"I like you a lot more when you just speak to me like I'm Edward…not some guy from off the streets. You treat me like I'm just a normal person, something that I haven't experienced in so long. That's what I like."

He was so genuine with his words that it made me think he was talking about something else. I was about to ask him a question. One that would lead to more discoveries but the doorbell rang cutting our time short.

"I'll go and make us all some breakfast and entertain your grandfather." He got up from the bed and started to leave.

"Hey Edward." He turned back to me, "Do you think…I mean…today…do you think I'll screw up?"

I bit my lip waiting for a reply.

"I think today…you will be astonished at how amazing you are, Isabella Swan."

I took a deep breath after he left. I didn't know why I was so on edge. I mean it wasn't like I was going down to meet these people on my own. I would have Edward and I would have my grandfather but I was scared. I sat there probably longer then I should have thinking of why I was so scared. Sure, I have never really interacted with homeless people before. Funny since I had been working at a food kitchen for the past couple of weeks.

It wasn't until my shower when I could finally be honest with myself. I was scared because I was about to see the true harsh conditions of what Edward had to survive in. Where Edward had to sleep when he wasn't able to get a cot in the shelter. What Edward had to eat when he wasn't at Horizons. The smells Edward would have to endure and the lack of showers and plumbing that I took for granted every single day. How would I handle seeing all that?

The lack of clothes still hanging in my closet made it easier for me to find something to wear. The first time I had come up here knowing where I would be going, I took it with a grain of salt but now I knew how important this was and wanted to dress appropriately but there was nothing here to wear. I didn't want to show up looking pretentious. I had jeans and even though they cost a couple hundred dollars, I didn't have one top to go with them that would help me blend in.

I could feel my head start to pound and the lights in my closet bothered my eyes so I shut the light off and slid down the wall in the corner hoping for this headache to pass quickly.

"Bella?" Edward softly knocked on my bedroom door.

Maybe he would think I escaped off the balcony and just give up.

"Bella?" Edward pushed my closet door open and I shielded my eyes from the oncoming light.

No such luck on giving up.

"What's wrong?" He asked quietly.

"I don't have anything to wear. I know you think I'm being difficult like last time but do you really think that showing up in a designer outfit is best? I don't have anything appropriate for today." I explained.

"Oh…well…you could always wear what you wore yesterday. That's definitely not expensive or designer."

"I…I haven't washed it yet." I pointed out. My heart started to beat unevenly as I waited for Edward's next words to come out. I already knew where this argument was heading.

"You kept it clean and I'm sure it doesn't even smell."

I sat there staring at him.

"Bella, nobody's going to know and just think, the people we are going to meet probably have been wearing the same thing since last Tuesday so…"

I hated when he would guilt trip me into things.

"Can I at least have a change of underwear or is that too fancy as well?" I snapped sarcastically. I got up from the ground trying to keep my towel in place and pushed past Edward at the entrance of my closet to the pile of clothes that now lay on my floor for selling.

"What is your problem?" Edward chased after me.

I started flinging the clothes all around to find the green dress I had worn the previous day.

"Nothing. Found the dress. No problem here." I went over to my chest of drawers and pulled out some clean panties.

"What the fuck is going on?" Edward asked.

I guess my little mood change threw him for a loop. I don't know what exactly set me off…well I do but I didn't want to admit what it was. I knew that once again Edward was trying to come in and change me into his…little project. Making me do something I didn't want to do. He was trying desperately to make me a better person but sometimes I just wanted to be left alone.

Or maybe it was the fact that my period was coming.

"Bella, why are you so pissed off at me? Because I asked you to wear the same dress two days in a row? Yeah, I guess I'm the asshole."

I snatched up the white Chanel blouse with the black and gold buttons and threw it at him.

"Here, you might want to go and fuck this up so you can justify your lies to me."

I wasn't mad that he lied to me about the shirt. If he wanted to keep his secret, then fine keep your damn secret. Tell me that you're not ready to share and I will understand. Awe hell, I wasn't mad about the shirt or the secrets. I was mad that I had no way of getting out my planned afternoon. Getting my grandfather involved was a stroke of genius on Edward's behalf.

When I finally emerged from my bedroom dressed once again in the seventeen dollar and ninety-nine cent dress, there was no sign of Edward. My house was surprising silent as I made my way down the stairs. It wasn't until I was about to go into the kitchen that I heard Edward and my grandfather in hushed conversation.

"…she's pissed off and now I've added to my pile of lies."

"Let me handle Bella. Edward you don't understand. Bella is…the only hope I have for this family. She's the only hope for the future of Swan Enterprises. You've heard about my son, I'm sure."

"Yeah…he's just about as much as abandoned Bella. You can tell that it affects her so. But…sir…I really care about her. I mean…I haven't cared about anyone in so long the way I care about your granddaughter. I don't want to hurt her and not telling her…when she finds out…"

"It's not for her to know right now….and I can tell that she cares about you too. Even when you were just homeless dude to her, she talked about you with such fire that even though she was pissed off, she would never speak like that if you didn't affect her. I didn't know what I was going to get when you both showed up yesterday. I had heard mostly negative about this homeless dude and when you walked into the dining room I will admit that at first, I was upset. I was afraid of you taking advantage of her but…you've been there for her and been able to reach her far more than anyone else has."

I stood there listening and trying to understand just what the hell was going on. My grandfather knew Edward's great big secret and was advising him to not tell me? Why would he do that? Was it that horrible that he would think I couldn't handle it? Once again my grandfather put the future of the Swan family on me. ME of all people. I didn't even want to touch the subject of Edward's feelings. I couldn't process that too.

My doorbell rang again and afraid I would be caught eavesdropping, I turned quickly and ran hitting my shoulder into a wall.

"FUCK!" I hollered grabbing onto my shoulder as I tried to make my way over to the door.

"Bella? What happened?" Edward ran out to catch me as I just made it to my front door.

"I hit my shoulder." I yelled incredibly pissed off.

"On what?" He asked looking around.

Instead of answering I quickly opened my front door.

"Alice? Jasper?"

What were they doing here?

"Good morning. Edward said that you were bringing food today to some of his friends and we wanted to help." She pushed her way in.

"Uh…don't you like help enough?" I inquired.

"You can never help too much. Plus it's good for us to get out and meet the community. We can tell them about Horizons and let them know that they are always welcomed."

"Looks like we've got a party going on." My grandfather approached.

"Oh…uh…Alice, Jasper…this is my grandfather. Apparently he wanted to come along today as well. With so many people going…I don't think I'll be needed." I smiled.

"Nonsense. You're always needed." Edward stepped forward. "I have everything in the kitchen if you guys want to help with the last of it."

Like the Ford assembly line we all walked to my kitchen and Edward had everything set up.

"When did you have time to get all this stuff?" I asked.

"I went early this morning to the market."

"Did you pick up more ice cream?" I hoped.

"No, Bella. We can go to the store later. I know how much you want to go shopping with me so I stuck to the basics for now."

I flopped down onto a bar stool and huffed while everyone else whistled while they worked. Alice and Jasper were putting together the last of the sandwiches while Edward was placing a bottle of water and sandwich into each brown lunch bag. My grandfather was folding the bag closed and placing them into a large brown box.

It wasn't until Alice and Jasper were taking the boxes of lunches out to the car that Edward approached me again.

"Look, about earlier…"

"What about it." I shook my head, "I don't need your confessions. I don't need to know your secrets but it would be nice if at the very least if you wouldn't lie to me. Is that too much to ask?"

"It's complicated, Bella. I…I want to tell you…"

"But my grandfather doesn't want me to know. Yeah, I heard you both and for the record it's nice that you're taking advice from a man who is obviously senile rather than coming and discussing it with me."

"Why would you think he's senile?" Edward asked.

"Not all the time but I can now tell that he's losing it. He…goes on and on about me being the only hope for this family and if that's true then the bloodline should die off with me. Secondly he suddenly wants to go and do charity work? I have never heard of Charles Swan the first, wanting to do charity work."

Edward thought for a moment before replying to me. "I think…that when you get to a certain age…you become enlightened. You start to think about what you did on this earth and realizing that it wasn't enough. I mean…you think it's never enough. I think your grandfather just wants to have an opportunity to do something right and you should be supportive of that. We only get once chance at this life, Bella…learn from him."

"I am officially ready to go. I have drained the weasel so let's move it." My grandfather walked out from my bathroom.

"Grandfather!" I cringed disgusted.

"What? It's just an expression."

We made it farther this time than Edward's and my previous attempt. We were quickly approaching a park with our boxes in tow.

"The kitchens don't open for a couple more hours so most people usually wait along here till that time." Edward explained.

"Edward, is this hard for you to come back down here?" My grandfather asked.

"No. I…just am happy to be able to share in my good fortune."

"Good fortune?" I derided, "It's not like you hit the lottery."

I hadn't said a word to him since my kitchen. The car ride was especially tense. I was still very unhappy with him and my grandfather feeling the need to stand against me.

Edward looked at me, "You're right. It's better then."

I furrowed my brow trying to understand what he meant. He didn't take the time to explain because someone called out to him.

"Hey Richard. Just brought some friends of mine down. They wanted to help give back." Edward explained as he shook this man's hand.

"Well, we always welcome it." Kevin smiled and took the box from out of Edward's hands. "What did you bring?"

"Sandwiches and water." Edward replied.

"Great, the kids will have lunch for tomorrow. I know Angela will be happy."

Edward introduced us all but Kevin already knew Alice and Jasper. There was a long table set up under a big shady tree. As we approached to put our things on the table, I could see people suddenly taking an interest and approaching slowly.

It didn't take long for a line to form for the chance at accepting our handouts. Some people took the food and left straight away, others stood around or found a place on the grass to dig into the brown lunch bags. Suddenly I felt sadden that what we brought wasn't enough. We should have included fruit or a bag of chips at the very least. Or maybe we could have brought bigger bags because this sandwich and water would only be enough for a small meal.

"Bella. I want you to meet someone." Edward placed a hand on my back and prompted me out of my thoughts.

I turned to see the person whom Edward wanted me to meet and my breath caught in my throat.

"Bella, this is Angela."

This woman was the very same woman I had met a couple of weeks back on my first day at Horizons. She was the woman with the two kids that I had given an extra half of banana to, the one that Alice reamed me for.

"Hi." I said softly.

"Hi…I uh…I've seen you at the kitchen before." She stated.

"Yeah…I know." And that was it for me. What else could I say to her? It just didn't seem appropriate to ask how her day was going or to try to find some common ground to discuss.

"So…what do you do for a living Bella? I notice you around the kitchen often so you must have a great job that allows you free time."

No, I'm just a spoiled brat who doesn't have to work for a living.

"I…don't have a job so when I met Edward…he told me I should volunteer at Horizons."

"Bella, wants to go to school." Edward added.

"Want and can are two different things, Edward. I don't think I'll ever go back to school." I gave him the eye. He was trying to force a conversation that wasn't going to happen. I told him that I would fail at this. I wasn't good at just talking to people.

"Angela has two kids…Stephanie and Christopher. They're six and seven." Edward tried again.

"Where are they?" I asked looking around.

"Oh, well they go to school during the day." Angela explained.

"Really? They have schools…out here?" I didn't even know that homeless children went to school. Do they go to a special kind of school?

"A public school up the street." She replied.

I couldn't even imagine having to go to school when everyday was a struggle enough with finding a place to sleep or something to eat.

"That…must be very…difficult." I said awkwardly.

"It takes a while to get used to, that's for sure. Fortunately when they seized my husband's assets, they weren't able to take the van that my father had given us. So we at least don't have to sleep in shelters. It's really hard when you have kids to have to do that."

Fortunately? There was an upside to her life? A van wouldn't make me feel fortunate at all but I guess the alternative was worse.

"My god…the government did this to you?"

"Technically my shitty ex-husband did this to us. He…left the country after he found out that they were going to arrest him for embezzling so instead of going after the prick, they just decided to take it out on his wife and two children. They kicked us out of our house and took everything. I was a stay at home mom so I didn't have an income, now I'm lucky if I get thirty hours a week at the local McDonald's."

I couldn't find words. I wanted to cry for this woman and her children. How could this have happened? It just didn't seem right. "I'm…sorry…that's pretty shitty."

Eloquence was never my strong suit.

She sighed and smiled at me. She actually smiled. I think if I had to go through what she went though, I would never smile again. "I…still believe that everything happens for a reason. I have hope that it will all work out in the end."

"I hope it does." I replied sincerely.

I hadn't even noticed that Edward had left. I looked around for him.

"He's pretty great, isn't he?" Angela asked me.

"Who?"

"Edward…I mean…he's always thinking of others, always there to help you out. Christopher and Stephanie just adore him. It's really hard to find a good male role model and Edward always takes time to play soccer or help out with homework. You're really lucky; he's a good man, Bella."

"Oh…uh…" I could feel myself blushing, "we aren't together…I just am helping him out."

"Oh good, so you won't mind if I ask him out." She smiled assured.

"Why would you want to do that? He's…unavailable." I quickly stated. My heart started to beat quicker and for a split second I could see it. I could see Edward falling in love with this woman and being the father to her children. She should have Edward. She needed him more than I did so why was I lying by saying he was unavailable.

"I don't want to ask Edward out but at least you now know that you do." She smirked.

I shook my head befuddled. "No…I…" but I couldn't finish the sentence.

We both looked over to Edward who had a baby in his arms talking to my grandfather and another woman who I assumed was the baby's mother. I wanted to continue to deny it but seeing the man holding a baby in his arms; my poor ovaries never stood a chance.

"If I were you, I'd work fast…that's Tanya and she's been trying to sink her baby making claws into Edward since he showed up on the block. And by the way, that's like her fifth kid by her fifth baby daddy who also didn't stick around." Angela advised.

I stood there watching the scene unfold before me and I could feel something foreign bubbling beneath the surface. Angela left and I stood there not knowing what to do.

"Absolutely fascinating. Such an amazing experience, Belly." My grandfather walked over to me.

"Really? Having the time of your life?"

"Did you know Richard served over in Afghanistan?" he asked.

"How would I know that? I've never met him before." I mumbled.

"Yep, two tours and highly decorated. He was just sharing some stories with me. So sad…I can't imagine giving up everyone you love." Grandfather shook his head.

"Well, he didn't die. Why would he have to give up anything?"

"He suffers from PTSD. When he got back, it just got worse and worse so finally he left his wife and child behind because he didn't want to hurt them. I guess that Jasper fellow has been helping him cope. It's incredible…the stories that all these people have. Things that have gone wrong in their lives to put them here at this moment and yet not a person I spoke to doesn't have hope for the future. It's truly inspiring."

"Yeah? What about that…Tanya girl. What's her story?" I asked still staring at her cozying up to Edward and baby number five.

"Oh…I never found out but boy is that baby adorable." My grandfather praised, "I'm so happy that we had this opportunity today. Edward is a fine man…"

"A fine man." I scoffed. "I don't know what is going on between you and Edward but leave me out of it. If you want him, he's all yours. He can move to Calabasas and you two and go golfing everyday together."

"Isabella, you will show me some respect." Grandfather ordered.

"Why? You don't respect me. You asked him to lie to me. How is that being respectful? I heard you two this morning and I don't understand what it is that you two are so desperately trying to keep from me. I'm sick and tired of the bull shit."

I exhaled and held up my hands.

"Just…keep him. He's all yours."

I turned and started to walk out of the park. I know there was a lot expected of me but I just wasn't feeling up to being charitable.

"Isabella." My grandfather called after me. "Would you wait, Isabella?"

He continued to follow on after me and I didn't want the old man to have a stroke so I stopped.

My grandfather hobbled over to me, "This isn't something for me to tell. Should Edward tell you what secret he has? Yes. Probably but would you even listen? I don't think you will. I don't think you will ever give him a chance because you're too afraid."

"Afraid of what?" I snapped.

"Afraid of having more in this life then what you already have."

I laughed, "I have enough, grandfather. I mean isn't that what this is all about?" I asked waving my hand in the direction of park, "Showing me that I have everything in the world and there are people who have nothing. Be ashamed, Isabella. You were given a great life with an expense account and you never have to work a day in your life. Meanwhile there are people get fucked over by crazy ex-husbands and former soldiers who can't even see their own children. Be ashamed that you were blessed with everything."

"Everything? That's what this is all about. You don't have anything because what you think is everything is nothing."

"You're not even making any sense, grandfather."

"You think that having a house and clothes and a nice car is having everything in life? What about friends, Isabella? What about family? What about a boyfriend or a husband…children? What about the things that really matter."

"I'm…too young for those things." I replied uncomfortably.

"Bull shit. You've never had a boyfriend. You've never allowed anyone to get close enough to try. You think I don't know about you but I'm the only one who does."

"So what? You think that you won't preserve the Swan legacy if I don't marry and birth children? Hello? I'm not responsible for carrying on the bloodline. That's Michael. You should be pushing your hopes and dreams on him, not me."

"I don't care about preserving the bloodline; I just want you to be happy dammit!" he yelled.

We stood there staring at one another, equally pissed off and out of breath.

"My life is coming to an end…and I know now where I went wrong. I don't want you to have to wait until the end of your life to find out where you went wrong." My grandfather sighed and started to walk back down to the park.

I could feel my throat hurting from the massive lump I had in it from trying to understand my grandfather's words.

Where I went wrong? Where did I go wrong? What mistakes was my grandfather so desperately trying to keep me from making? I looked back down to the park and everyone seemed so happy. Besides Alice and Jasper, my grandfather and me; they were all homeless. How is it that they were so happy? They had nothing but they all stood around talking or goofing around eating the meager sandwiches we had come with and were happy.

I have everything and yet I have nothing.

I looked to Edward and I finally understood what my grandfather was trying to tell me.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

A wind blew through the park as I stood at the entrance looking down at everyone. I started to rub my arms as the chills ran through my body while I worked out the bullet points to my grandfather's argument.

The sun was shining so why was I not feeling the warmth. Maybe I was just feeling my cold dead heart in my chest as it pumped its icy blue blood through my veins. I watched on as Alice came over and took the baby out of Edward's arms. The group laughing at something said and that Tanya girl trying her best to make a move on baby daddy number six; fawning all over Edward. Just looking at the two I could imagine that the average onlooker would think that they were together and happy at that.

My grandfather joined the group finally managing the walk back down. I see him and Edward exchange words and it wasn't but seconds later when Edward's eyes searched out mine. He gently pulls the Tanya girl off of him and excuses himself and now I will only have a couple more seconds of silence until I am given harsh stares and breathy sighs before I hear the disappointment in his voice.

"Are you okay?" He asked worried.

Not at all what I was expecting.

"I just am…dealing with something." I try to look anywhere but directly at him. Now that I wrestle with my feelings, it feels like every thought I have can be read by him.

"Something…you want to talk about? Was this…too much for you?" He asked looking back down to the group.

"No…I don't know…my grandfather and I had an argument and some of the stuff he said to me..." I sighed and shook my head still trying for it all to not make sense for once. "Look, can I…have a secret too? You can keep yours since apparently it would be like the worst thing to ever happen to me and don't ask me about mine."

I tried to remain strong. I was feeling like shit and my body was having a negative reaction to all this insightfulness. What I really wanted to do was to go home and sit in my shower so I could fall apart in solitary. It was like my brain didn't want to discern the sky from the ground anymore.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked.

YES!

"No. I just…need a few minutes. Why don't you get back down to that baby. You…look good together." I gave him a noncommittal smile.

"Why don't I introduce you? He's a charmer." Edward boasted.

Just like his mother from what I hear.

"Uh…no…I don't know the first thing about babies." I crossed my arms and held myself like he was about to throw the baby at me.

"It's a baby, not a bomb. You don't need to know anything. You just make silly faces and bounce him a little." He explained.

I had visions of me bouncing this baby and vomit flying out of it like the Exorcist. I think my face may have told him that I was not too keen on the idea.

"You don't have to hold him. Besides now that Alice has him, I doubt she would give him up."

I felt a chill creep through my body and I couldn't stop myself from visibly shaking.

"Wow, you really don't like kids, do you?" he gave me a look.

"What? No! It's not that. I'm just cold is all." I defended.

"Cold? It's like ninety degrees out here." He lifted up a hand to my forehead but I backed away.

"What are you doing?" I asked dodging his hand.

"I'm seeing if you have a temperature. Hold still." He put his hand on my forehead and I felt nervous for some reason.

"Are you feeling okay? You're perspiring."

"I'm cold and…I have a lot on my mind. I just…need a few private moments so why don't you go back down there already." I shooed him away but as I was waving my hands at him to leave, he reached out and grabbed one of my hands.

"My god, Bella. Your hands are ice cold."

"It's nothing…I'm just…mental." I pulled my hand back from him.

I didn't want him prying. My body's weird reactions so did not need to register on his radar.

"I think you're getting sick."

"I'm fine." I stated determined. "Just drop it."

I sighed and started to walk back down to the picnic tables.

"Where do you think you're going?" Edward jumped in front of my path. "Bella, you're sick."

"You don't know that. Just because I'm cold doesn't mean anything."

"You're cold and it's hot out here. Your hands are freezing. The last thing you should do is go down there and expose yourself, especially to the baby. Stay here. I'll…go and get everything."

"My grandfather's going to think that I making this all up. He's already disappointed in me enough. This whole day was a big mistake. I knew it would be and now my life is even shittier then it was. Everyone trying to put all this pressure on me and for what? What is so god dammed important about me? Why do I feel like the fate of humanity is resting in my hands?" I lashed out.

"I think you're being a tad over dramatic." Edward replied.

"You can't possibly know. You don't know what it's like to have no expectations from you and then one day…it's all my grandfather seems to think about. He expects me to be happy and to have babies and husbands and…everything I never even thought about."

"There's nothing wrong to just think about it. I think your grandfather just wants to know you have a future. A happy one. I know what's it's like to have expectations put on you. The foreboding feeling of possible disappointment from people you care about. Big expectations. Great expectations."

"That was a horrible movie."

"You weren't supposed to watch it; you were supposed to read it." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Plus I don't really get Gwyneth Paltrow. She's so…annoying."

"Not attractive at all." He paused and looked me in the eyes, "Stay here…and I will go and get our stuff. You really need to get home…you need rest."

I sighed and gave him a noncommittal shrug. He took that for a yes and turned to run off down to the tables. I stood by the fence while I watched Edward explain our early departure. I wasn't sure who was more irritated by our early leave; my grandfather or that Tanya baby maker. While Edward was having a time to explain to my grandfather what was going on, I could see Tanya giving me the good old-fashioned stare down. It was childish but I couldn't help but smile and wave at her.

"Why isn't grandfather coming?" I asked when Edward reached the fence.

"Alice is going to take him home. He wanted to stay longer."

We both reached the car and without word, Edward took over driving. It did feel a lot nicer in my hot car and it was at that moment I realized that something must be wrong with me.

"So…my grandfather told me that…he was fascinated by all the different stories he heard today." I started.

"Yeah?"

"And…it made me think…what your story was?"

"My story?"

"Yeah…I mean… you obviously weren't always homeless."

"Why would you think that?" he asked.

"You're far too educated. If I had to guess…I would definitely say Ivy League."

"So now you want to know my story. Why do you care?"

"Because you're my friend. I thought that's what friends do…I mean you know an awful lot about me and isn't it just right that I know more about you?" I didn't understand why he was being defensive.

He sighed and turned onto my street, not saying another word until my gate started to open.

"Why don't you go and get into something comfortable. I'm going to go to the store and get the stuff to make you my amazing chicken noodle soup. From scratch."

"Edward, you don't need to do all that. You can just pick up a can of Campbell's."

"Just let me do things my way for once. No complaining from you." He stopped in front of my door and I started to get out confused why I would irritate him so with my questions. I turned to him before closing the door.

"Hey…I didn't mean to upset you. If this has to do with your big secret then just say so. You don't need to be so rude." I huffed and slammed the car door.

I wasn't mad before but now I was. I mean what was so damn wrong with what I asked? All he had to do was just say that he didn't want to talk about it. I stomped up to my room determined to not come out the rest of the day. I needed a break from Edward. I needed a break from everyone.

I closed my door and locked it. If I could I would have shackled it shut from the outside so I wouldn't be tempted to give in when Edward came to apologize and I knew he would because he was wrong here.

I finally got into my shower like I had wanted to do since the park but I couldn't find any tears in me just anger now. The hot water felt like a dream but my mind was still spinning with feelings for Edward. My grandfather's words. Edward's reaction to one simple question. That Tanya baby-making bitch. Angela. Those two kids. Bananas. Homeless. Soup kitchens.

I wanted to shut it all out.

I must have sat in that shower for an hour with obviously no concern for the permanent drought that the great state of California was always in. I was in that shower so long my skin had turned red from the heat of the water. My whole bathroom was one big fog fest just like my brain.

I heard the knock on my bathroom door and it surprised me.

"How did you get into my room?" I yelled out to Edward.

"Really Bella? A two-year old could pick those locks with their fake plastic keys."

"That is…really creepy and completely inappropriate. Just because you can pick a lock doesn't mean you should. Get out!"

"I made you your soup and even made your bed since it was a mess."

"Leave the soup if you must and get out, Edward."

"Would you just let me explain? You came way out of left field earlier so I wasn't prepared." He said through the door.

I wrapped my towel around me and pulled the door open. "Prepared for what? More lies?"

"If you ask me a question…I will try to answer it to the best of my abilities."

"What about your big secret?" I raised a challenging eyebrow.

"How about I make you a deal, Bella. I'll tell you my secret, when you tell me yours."

I immediately felt my body backing down for my mouth. Telling him my secret wasn't exactly something I wanted to do now…maybe ever so he had won this round.

"Would you put some clothes on before you get worse?" Edward pushed off the door frame and went around to the other side of my bed and sat down in my chair.

I sighed irritated and quickly went over to my dresser to grab something warm and fluffy to ride out my day in. "Well, I'm ready to hear it."

"Get dressed and into bed before I begin." He ordered.

I went to my bathroom and changed quickly. I could feel the dizziness start to come on while I reached down to lift my pants on. I wanted to hear what he had to say but I was starting to feel the exhaustion set in. I would need to make this fast.

I finally settled down in my amazing bed and waited.

"Eat. It will help." Edward pointed to my bedside table where a concoction of ingredients sat.

I started to reach for the bowl but them stopped.

"Tell me first why you were so upset with me and then I'll eat."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "I wasn't upset with you…I just didn't know how to start. You probably won't understand why I decided to become homeless."

"Become? Like you had a choice between showering on the daily and a nice warm bed with food in your tummy and you chose homelessness instead?"

"Yes. This was a choice I made."

I furrowed my brow incredibly confused.

"I…a couple of months ago…" He paused trying to find the right words. "I saw a video…a traffic camera video. A homeless man was struck by a car that ran a red light. The driver didn't stop. Didn't care. And I'm sure you're probably thinking, that happens. Unfortunately there are always going to be the asshole drivers who don't stop but what affected me was the fact that this all happened in broad day light and you can see the pedestrians on the street just walk on by. People would look and then go back to whatever they were doing. No one ran out to help the man. He was literally reaching out his hand and no one went over to help him. I…just sat there at my desk for some time thinking about what that said about our society. I heard them interview people on the street asking them why they didn't do anything and some said, they didn't want to get involved. Others wouldn't admit to even seeing anything even though it was apparent that they did and then someone was honest enough to say that the homeless man was dirty and she was afraid that he would attack her or pass some disease onto her. How could this have happened? How had our society become so callous and barbaric to not help our fellow man? So…I gave it all up. I wanted to know what it was to be homeless. I wanted to help and find a way to shine a light on these people…these people who I have befriended. The people who are just like you and me but had some twist and turns that made it hard for them to find someone to pull them up and out of the street. You're right, I was Ivy League. I graduated from Yale…the dream you wanted; I had it and I found more goodness in the people down on skid row then I ever found at Yale. I stand outside on street corners near places that I know will make people uncomfortable. I stand outside five-star restaurants and hear as patrons demand that I move because I am ruining the ambiance of their meal. My only crime is that I am dressed in rags and haven't showered. I stood outside that day at the restaurant that you attended with your friends while a security guard shooed me away because I ruined your ambiance. I didn't want your money, Bella. I wanted your kindness. I wanted to find your goodness and now I want to know that if you were one of those pedestrians who watched as our fellow brother was mowed down; would you do something? Or would you just walk away?"

What a question. I sat there listening to every single word and feeling more and more shitty about my existence. Sure I wasn't the one asking for Edward to leave that day when I brunched with Lauren and Jessica but I did make a snide remark egging Lauren on while she yelled about trying to get Edward removed. I'm sure Edward wanted me to say, yes. Yes, I would go out and help the homeless man who had just been hit by a car but I think what Edward wanted more from me was the truth.

"I don't know. I want to say yes…but…I honestly don't know and that makes me a horrible person, right?" I replied softly.

He stood up from my chair in the corner and walked over to my bed sitting on the edge.

"No…it makes you honest. I…I…before I watched that video…if I was honest with myself…I don't know if I would have done the right thing either. It's easy to get upset about something and point fingers at all that is wrong with the picture but until you're a part of that picture…you don't know what role you would have played. I would like to think I would have been decent enough but…who knows."

He looked down at my soup. "You should eat."

"I'm not really feeling very hungry. I…I kinda want to sleep now."

If I wasn't drained before, after that story, I certainly was now.

"Okay…I will just take this back down and put it back in the pot." He said before tucking me in under the sheets.

Edward was homeless by choice. Homeless by choice? I just laid there thinking about that. How could anyone just decide to up and leave it all behind? It was one thing to be strongly affected and want to help out but to just live the life of a nomad and sleep in a shelter or on the ground because you wanted to, was just something I couldn't begin to fathom.

And then, what about this secret? Once again that damn old secret popped up and I couldn't help but wonder where all that played a part. Was his secret something that happened after he chose this life of homelessness? Was it something that happened before and it was an underlying motivating factor in his decision.

This secret. Something that I wouldn't understand or give him a chance to explain is what my grandfather had pretty much stated. Something that Edward was worried that I would hate him for. The clues are right in front of you but I go in the wrong direction every time. Something horrible. Death? His parents died. Murder? Did Edward murder someone? Maybe it was self-defense; I can't imagine him murdering someone in cold blood. He just didn't give off that whole murdery vibe. Maybe it happened when he was on the streets. Maybe he was an alcoholic? I haven't ever seen him take a drink of alcohol before. What skeletons were in your closet, Mr. Masen that would make you go out searching for penance on the harsh streets?

Dammit Bella, this is getting to be as bad as the time you thought Edward was gay.

My sleep was not a pleasant one to say the least. I think the visions I had as Edward told his graphic story of the homeless man had played one too many times in my mind before I finally nodded off. My nightmares were of Edward being hit by a car while I stood by watching as people walked past him. Unable to do anything but stare as he takes his last breath.

I wake up in tears thankful that it was all just a nightmare but still feeling the pain and sadness of seeing Edward while he laid there dying.

"What's wrong?"

His voice scares my wits and I yelp.

"It's okay…it's just me." He says reaching to turn on my bedside lamp. It's completely dark and with my tears I am accompanied by sweat. My pillow is drenched in it.

"What are you doing here?" I managed.

"I was…I didn't want to leave you alone in case you needed something." He explained. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head not wanting to share with him my REM cycle visions.

"I'm just glad you're okay." I cannot believe I just said that. I immediately cringe at my word vomit.

"Why wouldn't I be? Did you have a nightmare about me?" he asked softly.

I didn't answer not wanting to embarrass myself further.

"I guess…I just am happy to know that you care enough about me to worry." He replied when I wouldn't give him an answer.

"Of course I care." I snapped. "I would help you if…you were in the street. I would help you."

Now was so not the time for the water works. I want to blame my crimson curse but I know I shouldn't. He moves closer to me pulling me to him and placing an arm around me.

"I know you would, Bella. Was that what your nightmare was about? I didn't mean to give you nightmares."

"It's just stupid." I whispered.

We sat there in silence on my bed while Edward rubs my arm up and down. There were so many questions I had but I was starting to be afraid to ask them. If I was…feeling something for Edward…would I really not have patience for his answers because I was afraid of wanting more?

"So…why are you here?" I asked.

"In your bedroom?"

"No…yes…no…well if your whole point of being homeless was for the experience and wanting to find ways to help out your fellow man…why would ever accept coming here. Wouldn't this house and everything in it be like the complete opposite to everything you believe in?"

"I…am helping out my fellow man."

I furrowed my brow and looked up at him.

"I know you won't admit it but I think that you need me more than you want to realize."

"But I'm not homeless. Wouldn't your time be better spent on someone who really needs you?"

"You don't really need me? You don't want me around?"

"Well…yes but…my problems are fickle and completely superficial." I stated.

"Those words mean the same thing. Fickle and superficial."

"Um…back that brain up, Yale boy. They do not mean the same thing." I said pushing him off and getting out of my bed. I quickly went over to my table and picked up the Oxford dictionary that he had given me.

"Fickle." I announced flipping through the "F" section to find the word, "…means…changing frequently, especially as regards one's loyalties, interests, or affection. Whereas superficial means…not having or showing any depth of character or understanding or not thorough, deep, or complete; cursory."

"Alright my little scholar, I concede discomfited now do you want something to eat or not?"

"Maybe it was a good thing that I didn't attend Yale. I can see now that their standards have slipped. What major were you by the way? Can I ask that?"

"Do you want to eat or not?" Edward replied getting off my bed.

"Wow, it must be embarrassing if you don't want to tell me. Embarrassing majors…let me think." I teased tapping my finger on my chin.

"I definitely need to get some food in your mouth. You're much more pleasant when you don't speak."

I followed Edward down the steps taunting him with different areas of study when we reached the bottom of the stairs it hit me.

"English. I would bet my first-born that it's English." I snapped my fingers.

He looked back at me giving me a scornful look before turning to continue onto the kitchen.

"I KNEW IT!" I shouted. "Wow that is embarrassing, being given an English lesson by a sad little high school graduate. I bet if I were to contact your old alma mater they would take your diploma back."

"Eat." Edward pushed a bowl of chicken noodle at me. "You've had your fun, now eat."

I sat there happily eating his amazing chicken noodle soup, giving him an all superior smile while I did it.

"So…Bella…while you sit there enjoying the meal that I made…that I slaved over. I think it's only fair that you answer some questions for me."

That wiped the superior smile off my face immediately.

"What do you want to know?" I cringed.

"Today…at the park…" he started.

"Yeah?" I waved at him to continue while he took his time building the suspense.

"Well…I saw something and it confused me so…I want the truth from you. Why were you taunting Tanya?"

He saw that?

Fuck!


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

"Why…would you think I was taunting her? It was merely a friendly wave and smile. She was looking straight at me and…I thought it was the polite thing to do." I defended.

Lie.

Edward stared and gave me that all-knowing superior look that he seemed to have mastered in our tenure.

"Really? Because…I was planning on saying something to her about the nasty look she was giving you. You didn't feel threatened or upset that she was essentially mad dogging you?"

"She was?" I tried to play it cool, "I…must need my eyesight checked because I thought she was being…friendly."

Lie.

I smiled and quickly filled my mouth with more chicken noodle soup.

"Do you…like her?" Edward asked.

"Like her? Uh…I really don't even know her."

Truth. Hey look at that.

"She's not even my type…missing the main stage appendage that seems to get me through the long winter nights and all."

Was I on trial here? I felt like I was on trial.

"Well you should get to know her…I was thinking about asking her out." Edward said standing up and walking out of the kitchen toward the sofa.

"Why would you want to do that?" The venom in my voice betrayed me as I quickly swirled around on my bar stool to face him.

Edward turned around and looked at me, "Well…she's…attractive and we get along pretty well. Plus her son is so adorable."

I bit on my lip as I heard Edward describe this woman's better traits. I couldn't deny that she was attractive. Trashy but still attractive and if Edward's girly hormones were working overtime, I'm sure that baby would seal any deal. But…she was a man slayer. I couldn't allow her to prey on poor defenseless naïve Edward who probably was only thinking with his...appendage.

"I don't know if that's a good idea…I mean…I've heard things about her. I don't want to see you get used." I justified.

"What did you hear? I didn't realize that you were working the homeless gossip circuit."

I narrowed my eyes a tad offended.

"You know what…date her…I hope she gets exactly what she wants from you and in return, I'm sure she will leave you with a nice little party gift as well." I snapped getting down from my bar stool.

"You don't need to get all pissy." He smiled. "It's just a date."

"Have your date. Ooo and then we can have a cute little homeless wedding where we can dress up the park in recycled bottles and cans and the bride I'm sure will wear a very tacky red dress and all your future step kids can be the flower girls and ring bearers. We can have the soup kitchen cater and you can ride off into the sunset in a beat up old pinto."

"Bella, that's uncalled for. Stop being ridiculous." His smile evaporated quickly.

"I'm being ridiculous? You're being ridiculous if you really don't see what she is doing. She is succubus who only meets men to knock her up so she can guilt them into staying with her. How can you be so blind? Or is that just a side effect of the syphilis that she plans on infecting you with?"

"You are being completely unreasonable. What is the matter with you?" he barked.

"Nothing. The sooner you go out and find little Miss Trailer Park, the sooner you'll be out of my life. So go and get your bride. I'm sure you two will be very happy."

I shoved off quickly for the room determined to go straight back to bed. I would barricade the door if I needed to just to be sure he wouldn't bother me anymore.

"What is your problem? Would you stop and talk to me?" Edward yelled after me. He reached out and grabbed my hand. "Bella. Stop!"

"Don't touch me. GO! Just fucking go already." I screamed.

"I'm not going anywhere and I was never planning on asking Tanya out."

I wiped the sheen of sweat that had gathered on my forehead and stood there trying to catch my breath. "Then…why would you…say that?"

"Because I know you're lying to me. I know you can see just fine so I'll ask you one more time Bella, why were you taunting Tanya at the park today?"

"Whatever, Sir Snoops-a-lot. I don't have to answer to you." I replied.

"You don't but I thought we were friends…I…I know why you did it but I want to hear it from you."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Edward." I shook my head, "I just…Angela told me some things about her. Yes, we were gossiping, for shame. I…I didn't want you to become another notch on her…whatever. Look, it takes a slut to know one and you deserve better."

"You think you're a slut?" He asked sincerely.

"I can't even remember a guy I slept with. I have had enough men to cover every single year I was alive. I'm not proud of my past and you just don't understand what went through my mind half the time when I was with these men…I have used and abused them because I just wanted to feel something and nothing came from a one of them. Tanya is the same. She is looking for something and I don't want to see her use and abuse you."

"I wasn't planning on ever being with her. Sure…she has tried and I'm not as stupid as you think. I know the moves that woman put on." He paused. "I don't think you're a slut but I don't want to see you…going out and abusing your body to keep searching for something. Please…have more respect for yourself, you deserve to be happy, Bella and I don't know if you'll ever find that…doing what you did in the past."

"I'm already way over sex. Ever since you…" I stopped quickly.

"Ever I since I what?"

"It's nothing." I turned and tried to get back up my steps. I was starting to feel the dizziness come back.

"No, what were you going to say? Ever since I what?"

I paused on the step and took a small breath, "Ever since you…said what you said in the soup kitchen…I…I was already trying to stop but you just cemented it and I haven't wanted to since."

This time he let me go and continue to my bedroom. I was already in bed when he finally made it up to my room.

"I did apologize for that." He said softly.

"I know…but there was nothing to apologize for…you were right. I didn't remember Jimmy's name. Couldn't remember sleeping with him. Nothing you said wasn't true."

"But it was completely inappropriate of me. I never should have said that and I regret it."

I shrugged and laid back down.

"Let me go and get you some medicine." Edward walked over to my bathroom and came back with some Tylenol fever reducer. I took the medication and he set the glass of water down on my bedside table.

"Why don't you get some rest…we can continue fighting in the morning." Edward walked over to my door and paused, "Just for the record…I'm not pursuing Tanya. I…I'm kind of interested in someone else right now and I have no plans for any future with Tanya so you don't need to be so hostile toward her if we should see her again."

He turned and closed my door leaving me with an ominous feeling. Who was he referring to? Was she someone from his past? Another homeless person? I had never really seen him with anyone else. At the soup kitchen he was always in the back cooking. I mean the only female person he hung around with was Alice and me…

Me.

Me?

I sat there staring at my ceiling like I was waiting for a great voice to boom from the great heavens saying, "Yes. You!"

I shook my head a little. "It can't be me."

I mean I may have feelings for Edward. I haven't even been able to really go through and determine what those feelings were yet but he just can't be thinking about me.

But what if he was? What if he was lying down in my guest bedroom right now, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about me. Thinking about a relationship with me. He would have to be cracked out of his mind for something as preposterous as that. What if that was his big secret? He had like a third grade school boy crush on me, wanting to pass me a note with the question, "Will you be my girlfriend, Yes or No. Circle one."

Or maybe I was blowing this way out of proportion once again. I mean so far I have already accused Edward of being gay. Thinking that he might have committed a murder or be an alcoholic. This was all the medication talking. Edward's not interested in you and if he was…then the only thing you should do Bella, is to offer him some psychiatric help.

I huffed and turned over, determined to get a better sleep then before. I needed to clear my mind of Edward.

Edward.

Edward.

It was like counting sheep but counting Edwards. I don't know how it turned so dirty so fast but soon I wasn't imagining sheep jumping, I was imaging Edward thrusting.

Edward five.

Edward six.

Edward seven.

My nipples hardened and I didn't have to check on my panties to know their state. I squeezed my thighs together.

Edward eight.

"Deeper."

Edward nine.

"Harder."

I closed my eyes and imagined the full picture. The full weight of Edward on top of my writhing body as I met him thrust for thrust. Over and over.

I pushed my butt up off the bed and let out a scream as I finally came. Normally it took me longer but it had been just too long for me.

Oh fuck! That felt good. I breathed a sigh as I came down in my bliss with I'm sure a stupid little smile upon my face.

"Bella. Are you okay?" Edward burst through my door and I screamed holding my sheets tighter to my body.

"What? What's going on?" I stuttered.

"I heard you scream."

"You heard that?" I shook my head. "Uh…I mean…"

"I was in the kitchen putting away the soup. What's wrong?" He came over and sat down on my bed. "You're sweating and flushed."

"I…I…thought I saw something. I must have been somewhere between asleep and awake and…" I paused to catch my breath, "You can go now. " I snapped.

Edward pulled back.

"I…just wanted to make sure you were okay." He said pathetically.

"Of course I'm okay. If I wasn't, I would scream…oh Edward…Edward…I need you…." I cringed as I realized how that sounded especially after my little concert in the sheets. "Just go to bed and shut the door behind you already."

He stood up backing away slowly. He shook his head, "Sorry to bother you…I was just worried."

Of course he was. Nothing to make me feel worse than knowing that Edward was just trying to be a decent guy. He closed the door behind him and now I was even more confused.

So I guess…I was attracted physically to Edward but that really wasn't enough to alert the media. I needed to start hashing out my true feelings and seeing if it was more than just physical attraction. If it wasn't, then great. I could continue on with life and so could he. Continue on with our friendship. However if it was more than just physical attraction….he would need to leave ASAP.

Talk about something to chew on.

My sleep was uneven concoction of peace and restlessness. Most of the night I spent tossing and turning and it wasn't until the early morning hours when I was able to pass out hard. Once it was done though, I felt amazing.

A couple of times I did wake up to what sounded like my door being open and closed but I would fall back asleep once the noise dispersed. My clock read past noon when I finally did emerge from my sheets. I wrapped myself in a blanket and hobbled downstairs completely famished. Since Edward's and my fight last night, I hadn't eaten as much of the chicken noodle as I should have.

I could already hear voices in the kitchen when I approached.

"Oh my goodness. Look at you! You really are sick." Alice gasped.

I looked over to Edward irritated, "Told you they'd think I was lying."

I walked over and flopped onto the couch pulling my blanket up around me.

"Still not feeling well, huh?" Edward asked.

"I couldn't sleep for most of the night."

"You're still coming to the Halloween party on Thursday, right?" Alice asked.

"Of course, I'll come as a plague of Egypt." I rolled my eyes.

"You just have to get better by then. You can't miss this. I already rented your costume and everything."

I cringed, "Just what…kind of costume did you rent for me, Alice?"

"Not going to tell you. You'll find out when I arrive that day." She replied all superior.

"And for me? What did you rent for me?" Edward asked.

"I…didn't. I thought it would be fun for Bella to dress you up."

"Why would we be thinking that?" I asked.

"Hell no!" Edward protested at the same time.

"Come on…it will be fun. I will dress up Bella and she can dress you…" Alice started.

"And I can dress up you?" Edward asked.

"Uh…well…uh…Jasper and I were going to go as Rose and Jack from the Titanic." She stalled.

"How romantic." I commented dryly.

"Come on Alice. I'm sure Jasper wouldn't mind if he let me take over your costume decisions for one Halloween." Edward folded his arms over his chest just like he always did when he knew he was winning.

Alice looked like her sails had just deflated.

"You better not make me ugly." She threatened.

"Oh…don't worry Alice; I plan on making you a queen." He smirked and for a second I was confused until he gave me a look and then it hit me.

I started laughing picturing what Edward had up his sleeve.

"Why are you laughing?" Alice stomped her little foot.

Edward and I couldn't stop and that just drove her even more nuts until she finally left in a tizzy.

"That was so awesome. I cannot wait to see this costume." I said to Edward.

"It was a stroke a pure genius if I must say."

He flopped down beside me, "Can I get you anything?"

"You don't have to wait on me. I'm not paying you."

"I was fully aware you weren't paying me, Bella." He jumped up from the couch, "I just thought I was being a nice friend by helping you through this time of illness."

"Don't you ever find it exhausting to be my friend?" I asked.

"I haven't slept since I met you, that's how exhausting you are, Miss Swan."

"Well then since I am in charge of your costume for this homeless kitchen shindig, maybe I should make you into Sleeping Beauty so you can sleep around the party, finally able to get away from me and my exhausting self."

"You better not make me a woman. First you turn me gay and now this."

I laughed evilly and then it came to me. "I could always make you…the male version of Sleeping Beauty."

Edward gave me a look, "Why does that frighten me even more."

We put our banter on the back-burner while Edward scrounged up something for us to eat. I laid on the couch watching old reruns of Project Runway while I waited.

"So what are the symptoms today?" Edward asked bringing me over some oatmeal.

"Just…tired…and hot and then cold and then hot again. I swear I must be suffering from the ill-fated menopause virus."

"No, you just have a little fever. Just keep bundled up and stay on the couch the rest of the day and hopefully you'll feel better by tomorrow."

"I don't want to waste my day sitting on a couch." I whined.

It was kind of a funny revelation. Before I met Edward, that's mostly what I did with my free time and now just the very thought of being forced to spend a day keeping up with my Kardashians and the desperate housewives of the country, had me wanting to put a bullet in my brain.

"We could always…talk. You know shut off the brain drainer and have an intellectual conversion."

"Or I could just kill myself right now and save us all the trouble." I smiled sweetly.

"We could…play a game…cards…Uno."

"Ooo…ooo..ooo…Monopoly or Life, I love the game of Life. I have them in my garage." I practically cheered.

"Children's board games?" Edward cringed.

"Or we can play a rousing game of trying to pull that great big Yale stick out of your ass."

"I've been waiting for you to throw that in my face."

"Come on Ivy leaguer, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt that old overly priced noggin of yours to lower yourself to the frivolity of games and merriment with a mere high school graduate."

"If…that's what you want to do." He replied with a great sigh.

"Games are in the garage, Lurch." I ordered with a swift slap on his back.

He got up and took his sweet ass time with the order. I hadn't played board games in years. I was sadly excited for this. He brought in a stack of them and started holding each one up and inspecting it.

"Let's start with Life." I began.

"Yes, why should we sit around and talk about it when we have plastic cars and peg people to play it for us." Edward quipped.

"True dat."

We set up the whole game and I nabbed the blue car before he could get his hands on it.

"So how do you know which path to take?" Edward asked inspecting the start.

"You have to decide whether you want to take the college route or just jump right into a career. College route costs more and takes more time whereas the career route you start at a lower salary. So seeing how this board is one great big metaphor for my life, I will skip the college and go straight to McDonald's cashier."

I spun the wheel and headed off. I picked up a career card, "Hey look at that. Did I call it or what? I'm a waitress."

I moved my car forward and waited for him to go next.

"You know you can still go to college." Edward started.

"I don't think my car can go in reverse." I said picking up the instructions.

"No…I meant in real life, you can still go to college."

"I think that cruise ship has long sailed but my car can sit idle for the rest of the game while you continue on and obtain a degree, get married and have lots and lots of babies."

"Bella, I'm being serious."

"So am I." I huffed and looked at him sternly. "Spin the wheel."

The last thing I wanted to talk about was my lack of education.

He sighed and spun the wheel and moved his car the correct number of spaces.

"Apparently I have to pay the bank thirty thousand dollars for tuition." He tossed the money into the box and I spun next.

"Payday." I stated and waited for him to go next.

"Finally out of school, hand me those career cards." Edward replied.

I handed him the pile for him to blindly choose from and he pulled the card out. He looked at it and paused.

"Can't be that bad. You wasted two turns just to follow your dreams so…what is it? Veterinarian? Highway patrol officer?"

"Uh…no…I'm…a reporter."

"Oh…well that's not so bad I mean unless your one of those scummy reporters for TMZ or something." I pulled the card out of his hands. "Salary kind of sucks for all that schooling you did."

I handed the card back at him and spun the wheel exited for my turn.

"Bella…I'm a reporter." Edward said again.

"And…I'm a waitress. If it really bothers you that much you can pick another card, you don't need to be such a baby about it."

The wheel landed on six so I moved up six spaces. "Fuck me, my car broke down."

I slammed five thousand dollars down on the board, "Your turn, Clark Kent."

Edward sighed and spun the wheel making it to another payday. I quickly spun after him getting ten spaces and moving straight past the chapel.

"You're supposed to stop and get married." Edward policed.

"Yeah…I don't really want a husband. They weigh down the car. I'm exercising my right to be a cat lady."

"That's not how you play the game. It tells you to stop and get married."

"Well, how about I play with no husband and when you get your shitty little Volvo up to this stop sign you can take my husband. Hell, you can fill your whole car with husbands and sister wives, whatever the hell floats your boat…or car."

"If you're not going to play by the rules, then I don't want to play with you."

"What is the big fucking deal? It's just a shitty board game. You're just pissed off because you got stuck with a shitty career." I tossed the rest of the career cards at him, "Here, be a rock star or a fucking doctor you blue blooded bitch."

"Why are you always so crass? Being a reporter isn't a shitty career. Reporters have an opportunity to effect change and show people what's really going on in the world, to open their eyes when all they want to do is stare down at their wallets."

"Then by all means be the next Carl Bernstein and just spin the fucking wheel already." I yelled.

"I don't want to play with a cheating…waitress. I guess I should be impressed you even know who Carl Bernstein is." Edward yelled back getting up from his chair.

"Hello, I have seen the movie, Dick; you dick."

"You know what, play by yourself, Bella because that is apparently what you want in this life, cat woman."

He tossed his fake money down on the board and charged off toward the front door.

"It's cat lady." I yelled after him, "Catwoman is character from Batman, dumbass."

I was so heated that I had to take a few moments on the couch just catching my breath. I looked down at the board game completely thrown in disarray by money and career cards. I saw my little blue Mercedes sitting there with its sole pink peg driver.

I picked up the car and Edward's car and pulled his peg out of his Volvo and put it into my car. I slowly set the car back down on the board next to the chapel and envisioned what kind of a future that the little pink peg could have. The board was littered with real life possibilities. Learning new skill, gain a life tile. Have a baby, collect money. Have twins, collect more money. House burns down and so on but not one of those spaces on the board said anything like, get a divorce. Spouse dies on you, lose a life tile. Have absolutely no direction in life and wander aimlessly alone for the rest of it, pay twenty thousand dollars.

This time I had no period to blame and Edward was long gone so I curled up on the couch and cried for my pathetic game of Life.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I felt the warmth resonate off his body as my head rested upon his chest. An arm comes up and pulls me closer and for the first time, I know I found what I've been looking for. My eyes blink open and a small gasp leaves me as it all becomes so clear. I feel the sheets on my naked body and I venture a look up onto his face.

His tousled copper hair lays every which way and his mouth open just a smidge as he sleeps softly. My head starts to pound and I'm not sure if it's from last night's Halloween fun or the fact that my head has finally made sense for the first time. My stomach starts to turn and I nestle back down in the sheets wanting to hold down last night's dinner and marvel for a moment on what has been right in front of me this whole time, because suddenly it all makes sense. My feelings for the first time make complete sense.

It was perfect. It was all perfect until Edward woke up.

I could feel my illness occupying my nasal passage after I had spent my time warring myself out with crying over a stupid board game.

"You sleep like a vampire."

I opened my eyes up and am slowly assaulted by the later day's sunlight. My nose completely stuffed and my whole body feeling like one big train wreck.

"What?" I managed looking up at his hardened face.

"You…have your arms crossed over your chest. You look like Dracula or something." He replied.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were content on letting me be a cat…woman or something."

"I was…completely irrational. I shouldn't have lost my temper." He looks upset but for once his anger doesn't look directed at me.

"I seem to have that effect on you. Are you always such a hot head or is it just for me?" I asked.

"I wish I could say that it was just you but…unfortunately that would be a lie. I have been told that I can be…passionate to the point of recklessness."

"Well, I guess I don't help you any. I am…crass and may have a problem controlling my temper at times too."

"I brought you a peace offering." He handed me a tall cup of something before sitting down on the edge of the coffee table, "Its tea…it's known for its healing properties. The sooner you get better the sooner I won't feel guilty of starting fights with you. I shouldn't be fighting with you especially when you're sick. I can tell you're worse now and that's my fault."

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have forced you into playing a game you didn't want to play."

Edward turned around and looked down at the table where the mess of the Life game laid upon it. His eye caught my plastic blue Mercedes and he picked it up.

"You…got married?"

"I…just wanted to see what my car would look like…it was stupid." I sighed trying to get up from the couch. I set my tea down on the table and walked over to get the box.

"You don't want to finish?" he asked.

"You…don't want to play with just some dumb waitress right?"

"Come on. I didn't say that. I said I didn't want to play with someone who cheats. You can't just decide what rules you want to play by, that's like saying that I don't feel like following that pesky rule of no stealing or driving in the carpool lane with only one passenger."

"You can drive in the carpool lane with only one passenger." I pointed out.

"You know what I mean." He held out his hand to me, "If you're going to pack up the game, at least let me do that. You should rest."

Normally I would protest but I was feeling a tad dizzy so I handed him the box and sat back down.

"So…what happened exactly because one minute you're fine and the next…you just…" I made a gesture of exploding with my hands.

"I guess sometimes…I just lose my patience." He paused and looked pensive. "Bella, you…talk often about how you wanted to go to Yale, pursue higher learning but you've never told me what you wanted to do with that education. Have you ever thought about a career? What you would do if you did attend Yale and what would you do after you finished?"

I thought for a moment because this was not something I had ever discussed with anyone. Hell, I never even brought up Yale since my father shot it down.

"I…" I sighed, "I was so focused in high school on getting into Yale that I never really thought that far ahead. My father went to Yale. My grandfather went to Yale. Even my twit of a brother went to Yale. I just didn't want to be the black sheep who couldn't get in. I guess I figured that once I made it in and was on campus, I would keep an open mind for whatever path I would take."

He nodded his head and looked to be deep in thought once more.

"So…what did you major in at Yale?" I finally asked to break the silence.

"Uh…I started off pre-med but then about my second year…I just couldn't do it anymore. I still wanted to help people but in a different way. I…earned an English and literature degree."

I furrowed my brow, "Help people do what exactly? English?"

"I wanted to go into some kind of area of communications…journalism…" he trailed off.

"But…"

"But nothing." He answered quickly.

"Were your parents disappointed? I mean going from pre-med to…English teacher after paying a couple hundred grand for your education."

"My parents were always supportive of me."

"Lucky you." I smiled half-hardheartedly.

"You don't need a parent to be supportive to still go out and obtain a dream. You just have to believe in yourself and if you won't believe in yourself…then…I will."

"Thanks but…I can't afford it and I really don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to hide from creditors and loan officers when I can't find a way to pay."

"Well, I really hope you'll think about it. I honestly believe you would be a much happier and a more fulfilled person if you just gave yourself a chance."

Edward and I didn't do much more than veg the next couple of days. I was finally feeling on the mend and it would look like Alice would get her wish of having me attend the great Halloween bash of Horizons. I never in a million years thought I would party at a soup kitchen for Halloween. Halloween had always been one of my favorite holidays. I loved the idea that for one night I could be anyone in the world.

I had rented a costume for Edward and helped him find the perfect costume for Alice. The day before Halloween was the first time I had been outside the walls of my house for a brief visit to the Hollywood costume shop. I was worried that Edward would go and peak at the costume I was putting him in if I didn't tag along.

Alice planned on coming over early the afternoon of Halloween to help me get ready. Since the party started at six, I wasn't sure why she would need so much time to beautify me.

"Are you scared?" I asked Edward as I stood next to his hanging garment bag ready to show him what he was going to be wearing for the next couple of hours.

"Terrified."

I laughed and tossed him a bag with his wig inside. He caught the bag and undid it pulling out a platinum blond bobbed wig.

"What the fuck?"

"Now who's being crass?" I stated.

"Awe, come on Bella, what did you do?" he complained.

"You haven't even seen the costume yet. Once you adorn this costume you'll be the hit of the party." I slowly unzipped the garment bag and pulled out the whole outfit, "Ta-da!"

"What is…that?" Edward shook his head slowly completely aghast. "Some…kind of medieval thing?"

"No, silly. You said you were always tired since meeting me so what would be better than turning you into Price Valium."

"What?" he asked confused.

"You know…from the movie Spaceballs? The prince that Princess Vespa was supposed to marry but she ran off and then married Lonestar." I paused for any sign of recollection. "Please tell me you've seen Spaceballs. Please tell me you're not a loser."

I stood there in shock waiting for the next words to tumble out of his mouth.

"A long time ago…not really something I'd care to remember."

"Edward fucking Masen, are you shitten me? Spaceballs is one if the best movies in the world. You are watching it right now and I refuse to go anywhere tonight until you do."

I stomped over to my DVD collection locating the movie while Edward went to answer the door. Alice and Edward came back with handfuls of supplies and equipment to set up.

"Can you believe this asshole doesn't remember Spaceballs?" I yelled over to Alice while she set her things up on the kitchen table.

"Are you kidding me? That's like one of the best movies in the world." Alice replied.

"THANK YOU!" I bellowed.

"You guys are nuts." Edward flopped down on the couch as the movie started to play.

"I got the Prince Valium costume for Edward to wear." I told Alice.

She squealed, "Are you kidding me? That's awesome."

It took Alice a half hour just to set up all the hair tools while Edward and I watched the movie. Both Alice and I kept reciting the lines with the actors and that just drove Edward nuts and he threatened that if we kept doing it, he would stop watching.

"There you are. There you are." I screamed when Prince Valium came on the screen.

"All the characters in this thing and you picked to dress me like him?" Edward huffed.

"Well you did say you were like Sleeping Beauty." I replied.

"No, you said I was like Sleeping Beauty." He retorted.

"At least I made you the male version of Sleeping Beauty…I could have turned you into Aurora. You could have gone to this shin dig in drag."

"I'm ready to see my costume." Alice came over interrupting us. "I need to see what I'm wearing so I can do my hair appropriately."

"You don't need to worry about your hair. You won't be able to see it." Edward replied turning his attention back to the screen.

"Wait a New York minute. What does that mean?" Alice stepped out in front of the television with her hands on her hips.

Edward jumped up poised for his big reveal.

"In the words of Bella…Ta-da!" He said pulling out the huge yellow banana costume.

Alice stepped back and furrowed her brow incredibly confused.

"I…I…I thought you said I was going to be a queen." She replied softly.

"Yes, you are." Edward pulled out a little pink tiara. "A banana queen."

I practically snorted and turned away unable to look at poor Alice's face any longer.

"I don't get it."

"You don't have to get it. This is the costume I picked out for you. If I am being forced into that…" Edward pointed to my Prince Valium costume, "then you are going to wear this. Isn't this fun? We should do this every year, right?"

Edward finished off with a fake smile.

"How did Bella end up with the only cool costume? I was actually nice and thoughtful when I picked this dress out for her." Alice criticized looking over to my looming garment bag which had yet to be opened.

"Let's just get this over with. Show me what horrendous get-up I'll be stuck in the next couple of hours." I sighed with a wave of my hand.

"Horrendous? I take offense." Alice walked over to the garment bag which looked much fuller than any of the other garment bags and zipped it down slowly to make sure whatever monstrosity that lied within Pandora's box wasn't unleashed prematurely.

"Because I happen to think that you are a Beauty." Alice pulled out a vast yellow satin dress and my jaw dropped. She had made me into Belle. She remembered our discussion from when she first came to my house.

"This isn't some Beauty and the Beast fairy tale…" I recited softly marveling at the dress.

"With your complexion and beautiful long brown hair, you'll be a perfect Belle." Alice replied. "And whoever said that we weren't entitled to a fairy tale? All women are entitled to that."

I looked over at her and smiled, "Thank you, Alice."

I gave her a hug before I even realized what I was doing. I pulled back and looked at Edward and then to Alice again. So this is what it feels like to have genuine friends. Friends I didn't have to stress over or feel like I had to constantly be on my toes. Friends who cared about you and you about them.

"We should get started. I'm so happy you like it." Alice broke me from my thoughts.

I nodded and Edward returned to watching his movie. An hour later Alice was done with my hair, giving me the perfect Belle quaff. Edward struggled to get his tights on after he finished showering and shaving. His face was to be like a baby's ass if he was going to pull off this costume.

I finished up my makeup while Alice worked on hers. Alice had to help me into that giant dress and as I began to walk in it, it made me think that I would never pick something so large and round to wear ever again.

"You clean up nicely, Miss Swan." Edward checked me out.

I rolled my eyes, "There's so much fabric on me that I may have fulfilled my clothing quota for my entire life."

"Well…you do look classy."

"I'm always classy, you just can't get with the times, gramps." I paused, "And you don't look so bad yourself."

"I wanted to be Bond and instead…I'm an anti-anxiety pill."

"But a royal one at that." I pointed out.

"Are you guys ready or what?" Alice stepped out in her banana costume topped with the pink tiara. "I already know that I'm going to have a thousand people asking me tonight what I am and I haven't the damn foggiest clue because none of you will explain it to me."

"Maybe when you're older." Edward winked at her and she huffed and turned dramatically around towards the door.

We decided that it was probably best for Edward to drive since he wasn't wearing a banana or a big ass yellow dress. We arrived at Horizons, a place I hadn't been to in over a week and could already see a line forming. I guess Alice's little party had become famous around these parts.

"The kids are going to freak when they see you, Bella. You look like a real life Disney Princess." Alice gushed.

"And anyone who's dressed as an ape will freak when they see you, Alice." Edward quipped.

"Yeah, yeah." Alice huffed crossing her little arms.

We made it to the cafeteria and I could see just how much work Alice had put into this thing. The whole place looked incredible decked out with the Halloween motif. Fake spider webs adorned the corners. A cauldron of dry ice near the entrance and black and orange streamers everywhere.

"Wow, you did a great job." I remarked.

"Thank you but Jasper and Emmett did most of it. I can't take the credit."

Suddenly the swinging door to the kitchen opened and out came a person dressed in an ape costume. Making all sorts of noises, the thing took off for Alice and started to paw her while she screamed.

Jasper finally removed his mask with a laugh and high-fived Edward.

"You planned this?" Alice asked irritated.

"I just told him that you were going as the banana queen if he wanted to dress to match." Edward replied.

"So I am the gorilla king." Jasper replied.

"You've known this whole time and didn't tell me?" She squawked.

"You should have seen your face. It was classic." Edward snickered.

"Just you wait. I will get you back for this Edward C…"She looked over to me, "Caca face."

"Who's ready to par-tay?" Emmett boomed as he walked in dressed in a football jersey. The blond one followed behind in a cheerleader costume and I sighed noticeably. Emmett took one look at Edward and practically cackled. "Bro….tights? How… did…that… happen?"

"Shut it, Emmett." Edward barked.

"Dude…this is awesome. I can't wait to get a picture of that." Emmett teased. He walked in further and saw me, "I almost came as a referee in case you and my wife wanted to have another go. We could get a ring filled with Jello and charge admission." Emmett winked.

The blond one smacked him, "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"So…can we all agree to play nicely?" Edward asked.

"Don't be stupid." I snapped.

"Alrighty then! Let's go and open the doors." Alice waved the attention onto herself. "Bella, if you wouldn't mind walking around with this basket of candy and handing it out to the kids. Emmett and Rose can be on the serving line and Prince Valium…at the games please."

I walked over to the basket and picked it up. The doors were open and people flooded the place quickly. Walking around wasn't so hard once I got the hang of it. I have to admit that it did make me feel nice and warm inside when a kid would see me and light up. I wasn't used to kids actually liking me.

I walked over to where Edward was helping out with games.

"I think I finally found a cure for my crass mouth. Kids. I haven't said one curse word since I got here. That has to be some kind of a record, right?." I smiled.

"Good for you, Bella. You really are making these kids nights. A lot of them don't get the privilege to go to Disneyland or anything like that so seeing you is a great treat for them."

"Yea…it's been kind of nice. They…they're all so cute."

Edward smiled down at me and tugged on his wig. "Well, I keep getting asked why Price Charming has his hair like this?"

"Maybe you should pull the wig off. You do kind of look like a Prince but I would say more like Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty."

"Oh thank god." Edward said pulling his wig off.

"So I was thinking of maybe…inviting a couple people back to my house after. Do you think Alice and Jasper would want to come?"

"What about Emmett and Rosalie?" Edward asked.

"Sure, Emmett can come." I stated aloof trying to forget about the second name he had listed.

"Bella…what would a Disney Princess do?"

"Send her prince off to kill the beast so that the townspeople can rejoice?" I smiled hopefully.

He gave me a look and I rolled my eyes completely deflated, "Fine, invite her if you must."

"Edward…oh Edward." We both turned our heads to the screeching from another kind of beast, Tanya.

"Like cockroaches, get rid of one and another one pops up." I said quietly.

"Be nice, Bella."

I plastered on a fake smile, "I'm off to find my beast."

I walked away before I was able to be provoked by Tanya. I walked around and handed some more candy out when I saw Angela.

"Hey, Angela." I greeted.

"Hi Bella, oh wow you look beautiful."

"Thank you. Alice dressed me."

"Well she did a great job. Look, Stephanie its Princess Belle." Angela introduced me and Stephanie gave me a shy wave.

"Did you guys get some candy yet?" I asked her kids. The both nodded their heads, one dressed as a pumpkin and the other was some kind of comic book character, "Well, have some more." I said dropping more into their plastic shopping bags.

They both thanked me and then ran off toward the games area.

"So…I see the Tanya managed to make it down here." Angela commented looking over to her with Edward, "Completely shameless."

"Incredibly." I replied.

"Funny…this whole thing is mostly for kids and yet she has five and none of them are here." Angela said.

"That is funny…wonder where she stashed them."

"Probably in her bra. Look at her boobs. They get any bigger and she'll be able to provide milk for every kid in here."

I snorted, "You're killing me, Angela."

We both kept watch on Tanya's efforts as we stood in the middle of the cafeteria. It was pandemonium but a good kind. Angela continued to talk with me as I walked around performing my duties and soon it was all over as Alice said good night to the last of the people leaving.

"Well I'm exhausted." I announced tossing my candy basket down on a table.

"Too exhausted for a little Halloween party at the bar?" Emmett asked.

"Halloween party? Bar? "I inquired.

"Yeah…Ed man said you wanted to continue the party."

It was probably better than bringing the party to my house. Then it would mean more possible run-ins with the blond one, something I managed to keep from successfully that night.

"Bar it is." I championed.

I walked back to the kitchen to find Edward looking around.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing…just…I haven't been here in a while and they completely mixed up my entire spice rack and the pans were put back where the pots should have gone." He sighed.

"The nerve." I retorted. "Come on Prince Charming, I'll buy you a drink. Emmett has proposed moving this little party to the bar."

"That's probably not a good idea. Emmett…can sure drink."

"Let your hair down for one night. You might actually find out what fun is."

"I have fun." He replied sadly.

"I'm sure your barrels full. You can reorganize this tomorrow. Let's go."

I pulled a protesting Edward out of the kitchen and toward Alice's car. We all went to a little bar near my house that was already packed with party goers decked out in their best costumes. The drinks were aplenty and Emmett was not shy with his wallet as he kept us all well stocked in liquor. By the time we were done, we all needed a cab ride home. Thankfully it wouldn't take long for Edward and I since we were just up the hill.

"Oh my god, I haven't drank like this since college…and even then I hardly ever partied." Edward slurred.

"You're a light weight. You barely had a beer."

"Fuck no. Emmett made me do shots of Tequila with him. Said it would loosen me up. I'm going to kill Emmett."

"He just wanted you to have fun."

"We're here." The cabby told us and Edward fumbled with the door to get out. I pulled a hundred out of my wallet and handed it to the driver.

"Bella. Did you just give that man a hundred?" Edward started to argue with me but the cab driver sensing a loss in tip sped off.

"So what? He had to deal with your drunk ass. It's compensation."

"You…you will never learn." He shook his head.

"Learn what? You're always harping on me to help out the less fortunate, well I doubt he's driving a cab because he's a millionaire." I opened the door and we both stumbled in.

"Get this thing off of me. It's hot and heavy." I complained standing in the foyer flapping my arms around in that yellow monstrosity.

"Ooo, hot and heavy." Edward replied.

Did he just make an innuendo?

I turned around to him waiting for him to unzip me out of that giant ball gown. I could feel his fingers slowly make the way down my dress with the zipper and his hot breath upon my neck. I panted softly; I had forgotten what it felt like to have a man undress me.

"God, you're beautiful." He whispered.

I turned around slowly and looked up into his eyes seeing them in a fog.

"Edward." I whispered.

"Yeah, Bella."

"I'm…I'm ready to tell you my secret."


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

The fog slowly lift from his eyes and before he could reply I pulled his neck toward me and crashed my lips onto his. I felt him stiffen and then shortly after, complete and utter surrender as he pulled my body closer and closer.

I felt my dress drop to the ground and I pulled myself up to wrap my legs around his waist. He stumbled a little with me never breaking our kiss toward the bedroom cupping my ass along the way. Hitting a wall every once in a while when he was about to lose balance. I should help him navigate but I didn't want that kiss to end. The taste, the feeling of my tongue as it tangled with his. Ending that kiss prematurely was certainly a no-no.

Once we reached the guest bedroom I untangled myself and began to help undress him.

Was I doing this because of the liquid courage I had consumed earlier? Was I doing this because it had been far too long and I was horny as fuck? Or was I doing this because I finally wanted to explore every feeling I had for Edward hoping by the end of the night I would have complete knowledge. No more questions. It was time for answers.

A thought occurred to me as we ripped to get him out of his costume that I would not be getting back my security deposit back but that quickly vanished the minute I saw those abs. I undid my bra not wanting him to have to figure that out in his state and couldn't help but smile when I heard him whisper out a vulgar, "fuck."

I took control ready to finally feel something. I pushed him down to the bed and ripped at his tights surprised to find that he had gone commando that evening. His cock sprung straight up and there was never a more glorious sight for me. I anxiously climbed on top of him and continued kissing his lips almost afraid he would say something to ruin this. Maybe I was in my right mind looking back. I should have stopped but I already felt my body readying itself and desperate for that knowledge and release.

I slid down his harden dick and looked into his eyes and that's when I saw it. In his eyes, I saw what I had been looking for. I almost cried but I didn't want to ruin it. Now was not the time to go all girl on him. This was meant to be.

"Oh god, Bella." I heard him say.

I placed my hands on his chest and lifted myself up and down while I watched Edward's face contort. No longer did I need to image or dream what this would be like, I finally had reality and reality was much better.

He placed a soft hand upon my face and stroked my cheek pulling me out of my concentration to achieve release.

"You're beautiful…so beautiful." He said each word with effort but his words stopped my motion and I slowly slid back down him, feeling him abundantly fill me.

"I…I…" I tried to say the words. I tried to tell him vocally my feelings but I was still scared. Scared of something I wasn't even fully sure of.

"Shh…beautiful Bella. Make love to me, my beautiful Bella." I heard him whisper. He laid his hands on my hips and closed his eyes. I slowly pulled myself back up and made effort to pace myself. I could see his eyes flinch every single time I came down on him.

I was ready for it. I knew it wouldn't take me much longer but Edward didn't look like he would be ready for some time yet. He reached up and caressed my breast and I quicken my pace.

"Come on….cum with me." I begged.

He tightened his legs and attempted to thrust harder into me.

"Cum Bella." He ordered softly.

I started shaking my head and slowed down my pace. I wanted us to come together. I would wait but Edward sensing my plan quickly maneuvered two fingers down between where our bodies met and fiddled with my clit.

"No." I cried. "No…no…." He worked harder and faster until I couldn't resist. I lost all thoughts and my body worked on autopilot until I flopped onto the bed next to his body. He pulled the sheets up around us and I was in bliss, incredible perfect bliss until I heard him yelling the next morning.

I had just settled back down in Edward's arms the next morning still feeling high on life until I was suddenly awoken by shouts.

"WHAT? Fuck! No! No…no…no." Edward is already dumping me off by the first no. He scrambled out of bed like he just woke up to find the fiery flames of Hell were lying next to him.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" I asked.

"This is a mistake. My god…what have I done." He looks like he's about to cry or just utterly disgusted, I'm not sure which.

"What was a mistake?" I stand up as I see him quickly throw on whatever clothes he can find.

"God Bella…god….FUCK!"

"Edward, you're freaking me the fuck out. What's wrong?"

He pauses long enough to finally look at me and I see a completely contrasting look in his eyes than that of which I saw last night.

"I'm so sorry, Bella….I'm such an asshole. I never should have…this was a mistake and it's all my fault." He shook his head and I can see the pain in his eyes turn to anger, "I was drunk and I never should have fucked you."

I feel a shortness of breath as I step back involuntarily from him. He says one last, "I'm sorry" before quickly leaving.

I was a mistake.

My feelings, all of them…were mistakes.

I shuttered as I looked around the room and am assaulted with visions of the previous night. I can't turn them off. I am so overcome that my legs can't support me any longer and I fall into the sheets and blankets on the floor, completely collapsing.

How could I have been so wrong? I start to think of every moment I have had with Edward since he came into my life and completely turned my world upside down. Every single thought I have had since I have met him has been wrong. I kept trying to figure out some great secret and each and every time I was wrong.

I try to workout a reason for his complete and total meltdown. Was I really that hideous to him that he would react so passionately to being found naked lying with me? Even now I still am trying to discover what that big damn secret was. It had to be the reason for all my pain.

Was he married? This whole time, maybe he was married and realizing that he had just cheated on his wife in an alcohol induced moment of ignorance. Something like that could very well be the reason. Maybe he had a sexually transmitted disease and realized that he could be putting my life at risk. He could have AIDS or HIV, deadly and incurable.

I begin to stand up finally and see the tall standing mirror in the corner. I drop the covers from my body and stare at my naked form.

Or maybe it was just me.

A poor little rich girl with no higher education. Lacks morals. Is crass with no prospects of a bright future. Selfish. Ignorant.

Edward woke up and looked at our tangled naked bodies and was completely disgusted. He yelled, "No" over and over again like if he said it enough, I would disappear. He called me a mistake. He said he fucked me when last night he asked me to make love to him.

I begin to tremble again and no longer can keep my stomach at bay. I run for the nearest bathroom and retch everything I have left in me.

I can't stay in this room any longer so I shut the door and go upstairs hoping to find solace in my bed. My mind goes over and over every word ever said, every facial expression made and analyze until the point of exhaustion.

I used to think that the reason I never wanted to get married or be in a relationship was because I was rebelling against my father's ideals of where my place in the world should be but now I know that wasn't my whole truth. I was hiding my heart because I was afraid of it being broken.

The first couple of days after Edward left; I spent feeling sorry for myself. But as time passed from that horrific first of November, I began to feel anger. I was angry at Edward Masen. I stumbled down the stars for the first time in days, my stomach completely shredded by the lack of nutrients.

I open my refrigerator to find it stocked with food that Edward bought and slam it shut not wanting to eat a bite of anything he has brought here. I move on to the cupboards and scrounge to find some old cereal to munch on.

My stomach is un-amused at my attempts for sustenance so I try to cut of any outgoing communications it might send to my brain by turning on trash TV. The entertainment channel is buzzing with controversy as I see the reporters work themselves into a frenzy. I see a picture of Jacob Black appear on the screen and suddenly it's like my hearing can work.

"…early this morning after attending the Warner Bros. Halloween bash last night. The girl in the car was identified as a minor and is said to be in critical condition at Cedars- Sinai Medical Center. Jacob Black's publicist has yet to comment on Jacob's arrest after blowing a point ten on the Breathalyzer."

Pictures of a cherry red Lamborghini in pieces flew across the screen. I shook my head with reproach.

Jacob Black.

The reason I was sitting on a couch with my life in ruins. It all started with Jacob Black.

"Stupid ass celebrities." I spit.

I'm still hungry and I guess I should take that as a good sign that my appetite is coming back but every time I think of opening that refrigerator and having food that Edward brought into this house I am completely disgusted with myself and low tolerance so I finally get up and go to my garage to get a box.

I wouldn't stoop so low as to just throw the food out. I couldn't do that after knowing what I have learned. I start with tossing all the boxes and cans and completely emptying my cupboards not wanting to leave a single reminder behind.

I begin to open my refrigerator after the third can good box and begin the purge when my doorbell rings.

I pause for a moment wondering who it could be.

I feel tears start to creep up as Edward's name flashes in my mind and it vanishes quickly replaced with anger. I prepare myself as I am ready to give him a verbal thrashing of his life.

The doorbell rings once more.

"I'm coming." I snapped loudly.

I stormed over to the door and rip it open to find Alice on the other side. Alice jumps back at the sight of me.

"Are you okay?"

My heart slows down from its manic state and my dam bursts.

"No!" I wailed. "I am not okay."

"Oh my god." Alice immediately pulls me into a hug and pushes me back into the house. "What happened?"

My attempt at explaining is drowned out by my blubbering and snot. I can tell she didn't understand a word of what I was trying to say. Alice looks around and we both take a side step to maneuver around the massive Belle dress still lying on the floor from where it was abandoned. I believe she is trying to put the pieces together on her own as we make our way toward the television room.

"Uh…where's Edward?" She asked cautiously.

My tears of sorrow quickly turn into tears of wrath.

"I'm just one big fucking mistake. That's all I was to him."

"Okay…um…back up a bit. I'm having trouble following you."

We both sat down on the couch and I tried to suppress my tears and anger for the time being to be able to form a coherent sentence. It took a minute and I could tell that Alice was worried for what I was about to tell her.

I swallowed one more time and continued. "We got back from the bar…on Halloween night and…of course we were a little drunk. I mean…it was a mistake…I don't know what I was thinking. I had far less to drink than Edward that night. I should have stopped it, not…pushed for it but I have just been so confused lately. I felt myself feeling things…that I've never felt before. I always knew that Edward was dangerous…"

"Dangerous? Has he ever…" Alice interrupted.

"No, not dangerous like he's going to shank me. Dangerous like…he could be…the one."

Alice tried to stop her face from lighting up but I caught it.

"Don't get so excited. It's doesn't go both ways. Edward…has feelings for someone else and that someone else isn't me."

She looked at me with a face full of confusion. "Has feelings for…who? Who else is there?"

"I don't know…he told me a couple of weeks back that there was someone he was thinking about. We had just gotten into this stupid fight over Tanya and he said that he wasn't going to go after her because he was already pursuing someone else. He never said who."

"God, what a dumbass." She huffed which I assume she was offended for me. "So…what exactly happened on Halloween night?"

I felt my face start to turn crimson. "You know."

She stared at me until compression dawned in her eyes.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! You…and…Edward..." She made a vulgar gesture with her hands and I just answered with a nod. "Okay, just wait one damn minute."

She jumped up from the couch, "Before we continue this, I have to have something to eat…or drink…or a sedative. This is huge. Major. Unimaginable…."

"Okay, I get it." I held up my hand for her to stop, "Shocker that Edward would want to sleep with me, I know."

"No." She stopped me at once, "Not at all….I'm surprised you would want to sleep with him…he…doesn't exactly fit the kind of guy you could take home to meet daddy."

"I deserve that. I am shallow and…I never thought that far ahead. I…I've been feeling things, foreign feeling type things the past couple of weeks and even though Edward is arrogant and always feels the need to be right and righteous and completely incapable of keeping a personal space rule…I can't stop thinking about him. There must be something wrong…"

"No. No, no…this is…this is perfect. Your feelings are completely valid. I was wondering when you were going to work out what all of us already see." She gushed sitting back down.

"There's one problem with your sentiment." I sighed, "Edward…doesn't feel the same way. He practically fled this house like a hole from hell was about to open up and swallow us whole. He kept saying over and over again how it was all a mistake and saying, no. No! No! He looked angry and disgusted all at the same time. I…when we were…the night before…he was nice and I mean…was he really that drunk? Did he not remember what we had done? I was intoxicated too but…I remember every moment and I was happy." I began to cry again, "I was really happy."

Alice shook her head slowly, her own eyes filling with tears, "I'm so sorry, Bella…I could just kill him for fucking this up."

"I'm sorry I haven't been at Horizons…I…just couldn't go back there. I couldn't face him. I feel so embarrassed." I confessed.

"Why should you be embarrassed? He's the dumbass. Look…I have… known Edward for a very long time and I hope it's some kind of consolation that…I know he is somewhere feeling mighty stupid and horrible for how he treated you. He hasn't been around Horizons and now I know why. He's probably off kicking rocks over how he fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to him…"

"Best thing." I shook my head disbelieving.

"Hey!" Alice snapped, "You may think you're this…horrible person but I'm not buying it."

I stared at her shocked by her outburst.

"You want to meet someone truly horrible…then I'll show you a person who doesn't even know that they are a horrible human being. So what if you have money and like to shop…yes, you may think about yourself a little too much but that doesn't make you horrible. Hitler was horrible. Attila the Hun. Bernie Madoff. They are horrible."

"Really Alice? Hitler. You had to try to compare me to Hitler in order to make a point?"

She sighed frustrated and tried again.

"I work at a soup kitchen, Bella. Every single day I see what it means to have horrible things happen. The man who…beats his wife and kids…and they are forced to live the streets, he is horrible. The parents that kick their own child out of the house because he refused to sell drugs for them, they are horrible. Not the girl who comes and works at a soup kitchen because she wants to meet a celebrity…I don't find her horrible at all."

"I didn't have good intentions." I reminded her.

"Maybe…but you came and you stayed…even when it got hard…you stayed. Which is a lot better than the people who come through my doors for a day with all the good intensions in the world just to turn their back on the place once the day is done. I'm not saying that they are bad people but don't think that they're better than you."

I sighed. I wanted to believe Alice's kind words. She was trying to help me through a time when I needed a friend. Who would have ever thought that this woman sitting next to me, who upset me when she scolded me for giving a whole banana out, who would have ever thought that, we could be friends.

"Getting back to this…whole Jacob Black business." She started.

"What about him. I saw something this morning about being arrested or something."

"He's already out…which is why I came here today." She breathed in and gave me a smile, "He's coming to Horizons. Like…today. For dinner."

"Why? I mean…he just got out of jail. Shouldn't he be laying low?"

"His publicist wants to jump on this, reminding his fans and the public that despite what everyone's saying, he still a good guy. They are in serious need of some good publicity and are desperate." She replied.

"Does it bother you that he's using the kitchen for a PR stunt?" I asked.

"No…it sheds a light on our work and believe it or not when he comes, we seem to see an upswing in volunteers. Plus…in a way he is responsible for you coming to Horizons so…"

"Edward's responsible for that. I never would have thought about going and working in a soup kitchen."

"It was all destiny and now it's your chance to finish what you started."

"Look at me. I'm a mess. I can't meet Jacob Black looking like this."

"Are you nuts?" She smacked me in the arm, "This is what you've been working for. Are you really going to pass up this opportunity? I don't think so, missy. If the charges stick against him this time, he could go to prison and then he definitely won't be "doing" good will at Thanksgiving. This could be your only chance. So why don't you get your lazy butt up off this couch, go shower and dig out your volunteer shirt because you are coming to Horizons. Dammit Bella, you are finishing this."

I sat there rubbing my arm. She sure could pack a mighty punch.

"GO!" She screamed again and I jumped a little before quickly heading off.

I fretted the whole time I was in the shower over this moment that I had waited over a month for. I wondered what Jacob would be like? Would Edward be at the kitchen? Alice said he hadn't been around so that was a positive. I was nervous.

When I came back down the stairs to meet Alice, she had discarded the Belle dress and had all my food boxes stacked up by the door.

"Figured if you were donating these…" she bit her lip.

"Of course you can have them. Please have them. At least one good thing can come out of…" I didn't finish.

"Let's get going." She gave me a knowing sadden look.

It felt good to be able to donate all that food to a cause that I personally knew needed it. It reminded me of the pile of clothes I wanted to donate to Edward and suddenly I thought that I should bring those by tomorrow and drop them off at the good will.

I helped Alice and Jasper unload all the food boxes and was once again relieved to have visual conformation that Edward wasn't around. Alice explained that she was going to set me right up next to Jacob at a serving station. The normal protocol was that Jacob would come in with most likely a bunch of reporters who would interview him briefly and then take photos of him "interacting" with the people while sloping their plates with the day's special.

After twenty minutes however, he normally asked Alice if he could "help" with the cooking in the kitchen and then slid out the back door. Alice was fully aware of his normal tendencies and even though I could tell she was irritated by her kitchen being used, Jacob was a friend so she allowed it.

Jacob Black had come to Horizons. In a cool custom leather jacket, he practically sparkled when he walked through the door. His teeth gleamed bright and his hair made you want to run your hands through its spiky texture. People surrounded him like they believed that just touching him would heal all their aliments.

I stood there completely in awe. A glow had surrounded him and I believe it wasn't because of him being the crazy celebrity he was, I believe it was because I actually felt an accomplishment for this moment. Every single hard day I had spent at Horizons. Every bad idea I had to try to meet this man and now I had won!

Alice ushered Jacob in after I had set up all the trays. She took the time to reintroduce Jacob to his station and handed him tongs for the rolls he would be placing on the plates.

"And this is Bella. She's a natural…so if you need any help, she is the one to ask." Alice introduced me.

Jacob looked to me and faltered a moment.

"What is…a beautiful woman like yourself doing in place like this." His words ran smoothly.

"Uh…even if I told you…you'd never believe it." I quipped with an awkward smile.

"It's a story I still wouldn't mind hearing some time." He looked over to Alice and dismissed her, "I think we're good here."

A part of me puffed up with pride. He really hadn't noticed me that day he jogged past me and now Jacob Black was flirting with me.

"So…um…come here often." I wanted to smack myself. I was crap at talking to celebrities.

He laughed, "Don't you know that this is like a second home to me."

I smiled with a blush and tried to look away before I embarrassed myself further.

"Okay, I'm opening doors." Alice announced.

Jacob rolled his eyes, "The things we have to do."

He gave me that goofy grin and picked up his tongs.

People started to file in and line up. The reporters and photographers were ushered to another place so that they would impede on the line.

I did my job probably keeping way to close of an eye on Jacob while I did it. I could see him already being interviewed and overheard what he was saying to the reporters.

"I've always had a place for Horizons in my heart. I've been coming here for years and it helps keep me grounded. I know what it's like to live out of a car and be concerned for food…I just want to give back since I have been so blessed."

Wow, he sounded like a real stand-up guy. I guess I should never base my opinion on what I hear in the tabloids. I didn't know that Jacob struggled growing up. Even though Alice made it seem like he was only here for the publicity, there might be more to him after all.

"Bella..." I felt someone tug me lightly from behind and I absently turned to come face to face with Edward.

"We need to talk."

My smile from thinking of Jacob instantly vanished and my blood began to boil. Talking with Edward Masen was the last thing I was going to do.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

"Talk? I have absolutely nothing to ever say to you again." I could feel myself begin to tremble and I could see Edward's eyes falter my words. "Edward Masen…do not ever come near me again."

With everything in me I turned around and focused back on my serving tray.

"Please…give me a chance…there's so much I need to tell you." Edward spoke softly behind me.

"I SAID NO!" I couldn't control my outburst. It had every person pause and look at us.

"Bella…are you okay?" I heard Jacob step near me, "Edward. What's this about?"

I was immediately surprised that Jacob would know Edward but Edward did say that Jacob had been coming here for years so he must have met him in the past. I was impressed that Jacob would even care to remember the name of a homeless guy.

"Jacob, mind your own goddamn business and get back to your cameras." Edward spit.

"Is he bothering you?" Jacob asked me.

I nodded unable to say anything.

Jacob handed me his tongs. "Why don't you take over dinner roll duty and I will take over your spot. If Edwards wants to harass somebody, he can harass me."

Jacob gave Edward a cool challenging glare while helping me switch places with him. Pushing me farther from Edward and I was never more thankful.

"Edward." Alice came up seeing the line freeze. "Come on."

She pulled him by the arm toward the swinging kitchen door and disappeared to the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked me.

I nodded and tried to calm myself down.

"Was he a jerk to you? I could go and kick his ass if you like?" Jacob smiled at me.

I couldn't help but laugh and feel marginally better. I had just humiliated myself in front of a celebrity and here he was trying to make it all better.

"Thanks…but…" I started.

"You're the kind of girl who can do all of her own ass kicking, right?"

"Something like that." I shook my head and put my focus back onto the rolls.

"That's hot. A Bella who works at soup kitchens and can kick ass? Where have you been all my life?"

"Do any of your cheesy lines actually work on women?" I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Normally it doesn't matter what I say…just being a celebrity is usually enough. People just…want to be around me for that and I don't have to work so hard on my personality or be charming. I think you're the first person I have to really work on in a long time."

"Work on? Why would you even care to put out any effort at all? I am certainly no Mila Kunis." I replied.

"True." He nodded, "You're way better. Mila…always has a stick up her ass. You look like fun Bella. Do you like to have fun?"

"Of course, what do you think I am…some girl with…a big stick up her ass."

It was so easy to talk to Jacob. He didn't try to always outsmart me. I didn't feel like I had work to speak to him. It just came…easy. He was funny and treated me like I was some Brazilian model and not just some mistake.

I looked back toward the kitchen and felt a wave of fury come over me once more. I wanted to march right into that kitchen and give Edward the thrashing of a lifetime. How dare he ever make me feel lowly. It was such a contrast from Jacob. Jacob was fun. Jacob…wasn't work.

Alice came up to me toward the end of the night. She rung her little hands and looked nervous. I guess the press had brought her anxiety.

"You and Jacob seem to be…hitting it off. I've never seen him stay here this long before. He must really like you."

"I think he does. I mean…it's stupid because he could have anyone in the world but he's…such a breath of fresh air. I don't have to think and feel bad about myself all the time. He's really nice, Alice."

"Yeah…he…is." She said uneasy. "Just…be careful. He can be charming one minute and flip on you the next."

"Hey Alice." Jacob came up and put an arm around Alice's small shoulders before I could ask her anything further. "Thanks so much for letting me come here and be a part of this. Bella here has been the best. You should promote her."

"I don't think they have promotions for volunteer positions." I laughed.

"Well then I should definitely treat you to dinner. All your hard work around here, I would be honored." Jacob unwrapped himself from Alice and spoke to me directly.

"Really?" I felt like a school girl all over again. I was one binder away from having B loves J scribbled upon it.

"Absolutely. I know a great place and this shit is almost over, I'm sure Alice could take it from here, right Alice?"

I looked over to Alice and she seemed to be confused or something, "Um…sure but why don't you go and grab your things why Jacob and I finish this line."

"Thanks Alice, you're the best." I practically squealed and took off toward the swinging door. I virtually sprinted to my locker and quickly removed my things.

I had a date with Jacob Black. It was so juvenile but I couldn't resist. I pulled out my phone and texted a number I hadn't even looked at in over a month.

Hey Lauren…just thought you should know that I completed our bet and I really have to thank you for this because I have a date with Jacob Black. Check out TMZ tomorrow, I know how you love proof. Love ya!

With an enormous smile on my face I headed back toward the cafeteria.

"So I guess this is it. No more Horizons. You finished your bet, Bella."

I was startled by Edward's voice as I looked up from my phone and saw him standing in my path.

"What do you care? I'm just some mistake, right? Well…this mistake has a date with one of the biggest celebrities on the planet." My face was flushed and I was irritated at myself for even feeling my tear ducts producing for Edward Masen.

"I never said you were a mistake. What I did was a mistake…"

"Like there's a big difference." I interjected. "I don't care what you have to say. For the first time in days…I'm actually happy. Hell, in the first time in weeks, I fucking over the moon. Jacob Black asked me out! And you're not going to ruin this for me."

"Jacob is an asshole. He put a girl…a child practically in the hospital and instead of doing the right thing and checking on her, he's here for publicity. You don't know him, Bella. You have no idea just what kind of a person he really is?"

"And you do." I mocked.

"Yes. I DO!" He yelled. "He will use you for whatever he wants and discard you so quickly your head will spin. I know you Bella. I know you know this is wrong. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Of course not. You're the only one allowed to hurt me, right?"

He faltered, "Bella…I'm so…"

"Save it. I am finally getting everything I ever wanted. Jacob is funny and doesn't make me feel like I'm a horrible person. He is ten times the man you'll ever be. Edward Masen who parades around being homeless when he could actually do something with his life. You're smart and talented and yet you waste away down here in the slums. I thought I had feelings for you and now I know it was just my body needing a pity fuck."

"I can't believe that either. What would a rich bitch like you ever seen in someone like me? You got your head so high up in the clouds that you haven't even been able to really see me. You think that you deserve someone like Jacob Black because you're rich and can blow your cash on fancy outfits to impress him. You think you better than everyone else, don't you Bella. ARE YOU BETTER THAN ME? DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THEN THE PEOPLE OUTSIDE THAT DOOR?" He yelled.

"YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I AM!" I screamed. "I am better and I finally realize that I am not a mistake. You're the mistake Edward Masen. Ever since you came into my life, you have been one gigantic mistake and now I know that I never should have come here. I don't belong here and I certainly don't belong with you. But hey, it's just like you once said to me, Jacob and I will make perfect little money-grubbing babies so in the end I guess you were right about me all along. "

I shook my head and refused to look at him any longer as I made my way toward the swinging door I practically fell into Jacob's arms lost in my own thoughts. I was panting as my heart raced from my confrontation.

"I'm sorry." I pushed myself off Jacob's arms.

"It's okay…what happened?" he asked concerned.

"I just want to get the fuck out of here." I trembled.

"Of course. Let's blow this shit." He gave me a small smile and wrapped his arm around me for comfort leading me toward the door. We walked out to his Maserati parked on the street and he helped me in. I placed a hand on my chest as I felt my heart pump erratically.

"Where to, my lady?" Jacob asked sliding into his soft leather driver seat.

"Any place far away from here."

I looked out at the bright yellow building and came to terms with the fact that this would be the last time I would ever come here again. As much as I hated it; I couldn't help but think over some fond memories. This was the place I made genuine friendships. This was the place that had awaken me up from my sad closed off little world.

I regretted what I said to Edward. I didn't mean it. I wasn't better than he was. I wasn't better than the poor people who sat behind these walls.

"Uh…Jacob…I'm really sorry but…do you think you can just drop me off at my house…I don't think I'm in the mood for going out tonight and I would hate to ruin the night for you too."

He had a funny look on his face and shook his head. "To be honest…I'm not really in the mood to be alone. I don't know how much you've heard but…I feel like a piece of shit. I was really hoping for some company. I guess that's why I'm drawn to you…you don't judge me and I don't feel like you just using me either."

"I have no right to judge anyone…ever again. These past few months have been…exhausting."

"You know…I have this private villa back at my hotel and it has it's own mini pool. We could order food and lay around in the heated waters and completely bitch. I won't judge you and I all I ask for is the same."

I exhaled and thought about my house for a minute. There was nothing there but St. Agnes and I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life in her. I needed to bitch. It would therapeutic.

"That sounds nice." I smiled softly. "Plus, I really doubt you want to be seen with someone wearing this." I waved down at my Horizons shirt.

"You look fantastic and I wouldn't care one bit what anyone thought. In fact, maybe after the pool we could go out and I will gladly show you off to the world."

I thought I would feel a weight being lifted as we drove farther and farther from Horizons. I thought Jacob was going to be the answer I needed but there was no stopping my invading thoughts. I couldn't press pause on Edward's and my final argument. Would I ever see him again? Was it really over?

I pushed back the tears and looked out the window, afraid Jacob would catch me crying in his beautiful expensive car. I needed to move on. I needed to get Edward out of my mind. What was that saying? To get over one guy, you have to get under another.

"We're here." Jacob announced pulling up to the front of the hotel. A valet opened my door and Jacob came around quickly to take my hand. We walked through the lobby and out to the side where his cottage resided. It was beautiful and if it had been any other day, I'm sure my insides would have melted but I was too in thought to regard it.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable. I'll put an order in for some…pick me ups."

I smiled softly and started walking around his apartment. I walked toward the sliding glass door to see a small area outside with a pool and ample foliage. I stared down at the pool reliving a past moment. It was all very beautiful but it was the first time I felt completely uneasy. In the past I always took control. I decided who and when and where and now nothing was in my hands.

I felt Jacob come up behind me and put his arms around me. He began nibbling on my neck but I quickly stopped him.

"Uh…maybe we could…talk for a little bit?"

He furrowed his brow and pulled back, "Talk? Uh…what…would you want to talk about?"

"Well…you did say this was supposed to be a bitch fest….how are we to bitch if your tongue is down my throat?"

Jacob cracked his neck and walked over to a chair to flop down. "All right…talk."

"You don't need to be so damn annoyed…sorry if I ruined your mood. I guess I was under a different impression. Nevermind." I started to walk out but he rapidly jumped up and grabbed my hand.

"Sorry…I was an asshole…I've just been under a lot of pressure lately and I was thinking with the wrong brain. Please forgive me."

I sighed and allowed him to pull me back toward the mini pool.

"So…Bella…what would you like to start the bitching off with."

I chewed on my lip.

"You know how earlier you asked me…what I was doing in a place like Horizons. I said that you wouldn't believe it even if I told you…well…it's a kind of a funny story."

What was I doing? Why the hell was I rambling on about this? But I was unable to be stopped.

"You see…a friend of mine…ex friend of mine…bet me that I wouldn't be able to meet you or talk to you…" I cringed.

"And…that has to do with Horizons…how?" He looked absolutely confused but at least for the moment not ready to jump me.

"I tried everything…I tried finding you while you jogged and all that got me was bloody legs and a fucking sunburn but then I met this guy…and he told me that you came to Horizons for Thanksgiving every year for charity." I paused and took a breath. "You have no idea the amount of shit I have had to go through to get to this moment and now that I'm here and you're there…looking sexy and apparently desperate for sex…I can't stop thinking of my homeless dude."

Why was I tearing up?

Don't do that Bella!

Stop it!

Not in front of the celebrity.

"You fell for a homeless guy?" Jacob asked utterly disgusted.

"Why are you so grossed out? I thought you would understand." I replied offended.

"Why in the hell would I understand?"

"Because you told those reporters that you knew how it felt… you said something about being there once. Living out of a car and such."

He started laughing, "I always say that shit because the press eats it up. There is no way I would ever live on the streets. My father would never allow it."

The arrogance made me nauseous but then it just reminded me that I was no better.

"Edward is more than just a homeless guy." I huffed. "He is an amazing human being that just wants to help out and make a difference."

"Edward?" Jacob looked confused, "The guy that was fighting with you tonight? Edward Cullen."

It stopped for a second.

"Edward…Masen…the guy that was fighting with me tonight. His name is…Edward Masen." I corrected slowly.

"No." He drawled, "That was Edward Cullen…"

Jacob smile started slowly until he could no longer contain himself.

"Edward told you he was homeless?" He started laughing, "Is that how he gets chicks in bed these days."

It stopped again and then I could feel my chest start to rise increasingly. So my heart must have started up once more. I could feel every sweat gland working overtime as my head started to fill in the puzzle my brain has worked on for the past few weeks. My throat was dry and the only thing that would make any sense right now is if this was some kind of joke Jacob was playing.

"Edward Cullen?" I asked.

"Edward Cullen?" I repeated, the feeling leaving a taste on my tongue.

"Yeah…Edward Cullen. The son of Carlisle Cullen…I grew up with them. He's some…hot shot LA Times reporter now."

The big secret.

I finally found out the big secret but it did not bring me the relief I had hoped for. I could feel my damn eyes perk with tears.

"He's…not homeless." I stated unevenly.

"Unless you count having a penthouse at the Milano, homeless. But I doubt the IRS would see things that way."

"The Milano?" I spit knowing full well how pricy that property was.

I fixated on my fingers turning them into a tiny mighty fist.

"I have to go." I started to leave but Jacob jumped up from his chair and landed in my path.

"Awe come on. You're not going to let Cullen fuck this up."

"Jacob…it's been very nice to meet you but there is someplace I need to be." I tried to walk around him but he grabbed my arm swiftly.

"Would you just hold on? I'm the one who helped you out…what about some kind of appreciation?"

His hold was practically violent and normally I might bend to his forcefulness but Hades himself would not mess with me right now.

"Let…me…go." I warned.

"And if I don't?" He smiled at me the famous Jacob Black smile. Trying to be charming.

I relaxed myself for a moment and sighed. He let go of me proud of his accomplishment and I waited for exactly two seconds before pulling back and hitting him with everything in me.

I had never before hit a person and it was a lot more painful than I ever imagined but it gave me the opportunity to flee as Jacob grabbed him nose while yelling obscenities. I cradled my hand running through the cottage and out the front door.

I rushed out of the hotel and toward the valet stand, asking for a taxi. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind as I prepared myself for reaching the Milano. A penthouse at the Milano. I would knock on every last one until I found him and Edward better thank Jacob that my hand could not begin to take another swing at present moment.

Edward Cullen!

Edward fucking Cullen!

I shook my head at every single moment I ever felt sorry for him.

He was a fucking Cullen…he was…Alice's brother…

My heart stopped again and for the first time I finally realized that she knew all along. This whole thing was just one big lie. The only friend I had made…was just a lie too.

My anger dissipated and now I was left with pain and emptiness.

I stood outside the Milano and all its magnificence trying to find even a shred of brain power left to make the walk through those doors. Somehow I believe my legs moved on their own and I found myself at the elevators all too quickly.

My finger shook with its bloody knuckle as I reached out to press the PH button. I'm sure the sight of me would have given question if there was anyone on the elevator to share the ride but alas I was alone heading toward the truth. A part of me still holding out hope that Jacob was wrong.

I exited the elevator and walked to the very first door which stood in front of me. I had no idea how late in the evening it even was. How long was I at Jacob's? Edward could very well be asleep…if he lived here. I pressed the buzzer and waited without a breath in me.

The door swung open.

Truth.

I found a breath.

So did he.

"Bella…"

I involuntarily was already shaking my head not really having believed it until this moment.

"Secret. I thought…you were gay…an alcoholic. You were married. Had AIDS." I tried to remain calm but that didn't last, "I WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED ANY ONE OF THOSE THINGS."

"Come in." Edward opened his door before turning to walk back into his apartment.

Reluctantly I followed still trembling with anger. I looked around at the plushy apartment that shined of money from top to bottom. There was mess of papers on a table nearby and a bottle of scotch nearly empty. The view that overlooked downtown Los Angeles was breathless and every single element in this place brought more and more betrayal.

Edward tipped the last of the contents from the scotch bottle into a small glass and sat down in a wide leather chair.

"How could you…? What were…? What the fuck?" I yelled.

"Oh you don't get to judge me, Bella." He lashed out. "Did Jacob tell you? What are you even doing here? I thought you were supposed to be off living your dreams with him and producing money-grubbing spawns."

It would be so easy to completely unload on him and make this I'm sure one the most epic shouting matches to ever occur but as angry as I was, I was hurt far more. I didn't want him to see the hurt. I needed him to see the anger.

"So…why did you do it? Why did you lie to me all those weeks…was this just some kind of...was I just some kind of amusement you could play your little games on? Did you just…fuck with me for the sake of some story? I know you're a reporter…you son of a bitch."

"Ooooohhh yes Bella…all of this is about you…everything that ever happens in the world is about you. You're just the center of it all and we are lucky enough to be blessed by your presence."

He tipped the last of the alcohol back and swallowed it before continuing on. However I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me or speaking to himself.

"Of course it's about you….that whole fucking article that supposed to make a difference just turned into some crap piece on Isabella Swan. I was supposed to inspire…I wanted to shed light on the good people and in the end…it was just a fucking Isabella Swan disaster."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What article?" I asked desperately.

He finally focused back on me and shook his head like he couldn't believe I was standing in front of him.

"If you came here to ask me to take it back…I can't. It's already being published for the morning paper."

I shook my head and gulped, "You… wrote a story…about me?"

Edward set his glass down on the table and exhaled softly.

"I wanted…so much for you Bella. I thought you were going to be something I looked back on and felt proud of…like if I could just change your perspective even a small amount…then maybe I could make a difference. But you haven't changed. You're never going to change. You will always be…selfish, stuck up Bella Swan looking for the hot rich guy in the room while stepping over people like me.

I gave a short ironic laugh.

"I never once said I was a good person. You run around and make it your duty to show everyone around you how they are a piece of shit for having money or success. You act all high and mighty and you hold up a mirror to show us how disgusting we all are, well congratulations, now you can hold up that mirror to your own self and see that you are just like me."

"Don't let this fool you…" He started to say while standing up out of his posh chair.

"Fool me? That's all you did….for a story…that's what I was worth."

My hurt had won out.

"You wanted to write a story about a Richie Bitch who you could fool into falling for a homeless dude…and you did it! You succeeded in making me fall for you. I believed every single word you ever said to me…even when you said…" I sniffled and stopped myself. "I may be a horrible person Edward Cullen. And I know it. But at least I'm not a hypocrite."

I saw him take a breath like he had just woken up for the first time in this conversation but he stood there silent unable to even comment.

"You got me to believe that I had real…genuine friends. You managed to make me trust in people…you didn't just break my trust…you broke my heart."

I felt betrayed by my very own tears. I didn't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing how he had hurt me but the evidence was written all over my face and there was no dismissing it. I felt my body slump as I shook my head one last time taking in the sight of him. Edward Cullen. The only man to have ever had the chance at my heart and he discarded it so easily.

I did not find gratification in his own body which mirrored my own. I couldn't take one more moment of looking at him now because if I had, I would surly want to take a running leap at his massive glass windows first.

"Bella…" he softly called out to me.

I stopped briefly with my back turned to him.

"I'm…so sorry…please don't believe what I wrote about you…I am so sorry." His shattered voice managed.

Nothing more than a mistake. Nothing more than just some story. I was nothing more to Edward Cullen, the first man I ever loved.


	21. Chapter 21

The Ugly Duckling

By Edward M. Cullen

Since the beginning of August, I have had the honor of being a part of an amazing community. By choice, I set out to incorporate myself into a place that so few of us could ever begin to comprehend. What is it to be homeless? To live on the streets with no one to depend on. To have people pass by you every single day, look down upon you, and be disturbed or disgusted by your misfortunes.

I saw a traffic camera video of a homeless man getting hit by a car while capable human beings did nothing to help and that made me reflect on my life. What is the reality of living every day on the streets and not even being helped out by your fellow man? So with the permission of my editor, who probably thought I was a tad crazy after I explained to him what I wanted to do, I had the opportunity to go and live among the homeless community. To forge for food and face the struggles of finding shelter day in and day out. I had only the clothes I was wearing and not a cent in my pockets as I set out for Skid Row.

Those first few days had me wondering if maybe my editor was right, maybe I was crazy. I wanted to give in and return to the comforts of my own bed and a full stomach, but then I was quickly reminded why I must make this sacrifice. Unlike me, the people who I had met didn't have the easy out of giving up and returning to a warm bed.

I would see children living in broken down cars, having to do homework by a street lamp. I would become friends with veterans who risked their lives in combat so that I could remain free and safe. I would meet women who were abused in unconscionable ways and now had nowhere else to turn.

The truth is that due to recent events, such as the recession and housing crisis, more and more people are finding themselves out of a home. The truth is that more than fifty million people living in the United States are now living below the poverty line.

It's my theory that one of the reasons that so many people are ignorant to the struggles of the homeless community is due to the fact that in reality most people are truly ignorant. You believe that since there are government programs in place to help shelter, clothe, and feed homeless people that it is sufficient enough, but you are all wrong.

I could go on and on about all of the amazing human beings I had the honor of meeting these past few months but I have decided to write this article from the perspective of one of your own. A person who has been fortunate enough to never have gone a day without food. A person who was ignorant to the struggles of the everyday man until I met her.

Isabella Swan, daughter of Charles Swan of Swan Enterprises, came crashing into my life when I was two months into my social experiment. I was begging on a street corner next to a fancy little restaurant when I was relocated by Miss Swan and her friends because I was "ruining their ambiance." It was later, when Miss Swan walked to her car, that we officially met.

I asked her if she would mind helping me out as I raised my dirty soda cup up in her direction. First, she was confused, wondering why I would need help from her. Then she started quoting words from her father stating, "…one should always help themselves before…" Fortunately for Mr. Swan, I never did hear the rest of that credo as I couldn't help but engage into a conversation with this poor ignorant girl, hoping for some enlightenment with my experiment.

It was then that I knew that this was the perfect example of why I had spent two hard months on the street. If I could reach even one person like Isabella Swan, then maybe I could make a difference. Isabella even went so far as to tell me that the reason I was suffering on the streets was because of karma, and that if I was a better person in my next life then maybe I could come back with a better life.

Eventually, we parted ways, after a short debate, and I didn't think I would see her again. She was a classic all American privileged girl who never had to work a single day in her life. At the age of twenty-three, the only important business on her radar was what club she was attending later that evening or what expensive outfit she should wear.

My first impression of Isabella was that she was shallow and uneducated in the reality of the world. She called me "homeless dude", unwilling to learn my name. She always kept a distance from me and held her expensive designer purse tightly to her body, probably not afraid I would steal it, but knowing Isabella, more afraid that my stench or dirt would defile it. However, she was full of surprises that taught me that it was wrong for me to judge a book by its overly priced cover.

When I next met Isabella, she sought me out to tell me how she had given a homeless friend of mine a thousand dollars. She was overcome one evening, after our first encounter, and compelled to gift a man a thousand dollars. I think to prove more to her own self that she was indeed a good person. I explained that I knew the man she gave that money to and then proceeded to tell her that the homeless man she had met had gone straight to the Horizons Food Kitchen to gift the money to the owners. Of course, Isabella was shocked and dismayed.

Why would someone who was struggling, like my friend, give a thousand dollars away when he could use that money to rent a motel room for a short while? He could feed himself for a very long time with that kind of money. But this is just one of the short stories I will share with you, because that man gave up the money to a good cause; a cause that he credits for his survival. This man, who I have been honored to befriend, had explained to me the ups and downs in his life. Horizons, was just one of the places that has been there for him. He doesn't complain about how the food can sometimes be bland. Or the fact that it's limited and the portions are small, in order to accommodate the more than five hundred people who show up daily.

I explained to Isabella Swan the reasons why someone in his place would feel compelled to give back, even when they have so little to give.

Which brings my story to Jacob Black.

Jacob Black, an actor and Hollywood bad boy who has recently been at the center of controversy with his numerous DUI arrests; the most recent resulting in an underage female passenger who was hurt in a car accident last week. How could he possibly fit into a story like this?

It was in my second encounter with Isabella that she disclosed to me of a bet she made with her friends. She had less than three months to meet and engage in a conversation with Jacob Black. Since I was aware of Jacob Black's past publicity tours included a stop at Horizons Food Kitchen for Thanksgiving, I made the suggestion that Isabella should volunteer her time at Horizons as a sure-fire way to win her bet. I never thought she would do it but, sure enough, she came and I found an opportunity to help teach her about real world problems.

It was shallow reasoning that may have led Isabella Swan to the soup kitchen, she went there to win a bet and meet a celebrity but at least she came and worked. More hours and more days than I would venture to say that the average person volunteers for in their lifetime. Serving two meals a day and sometimes up to three days a week, she was dedicated. I'm not going to say it was easy for her; she had to first learn how to do typical chores that she hadn't ever been exposed to.

More than once, I had to talk her into going back in when a situation would overwhelm her, but I saw the change start to happen. First, it was the comprehension that the resources at Horizons were limited. As much as Horizons would love to fill every stomach till it was full, that just isn't the reality. Isabella had to learn that even a hungry child doesn't get a full serving of fruit, because there isn't enough money to do so. I believe it was this moment that forced Isabella to look at money differently.

Up until this point, Isabella was happy living in a world of ignorance, but when that perfect bubble began to tear and she was finally exposed to harsh conditions that her fellow-man and woman were subjected to, she could no longer ignore the truth.

But this knowledge came with harsh consequences. Her friends couldn't understand this new change in Isabella. Isabella tried to explain to them what she had learned and instead, her best friend Lauren Malloy, daughter of George Malloy, co-founder of Streamline Technologies, told her that the only reason that her or her father gave money to charities was because they were great tax write-offs. Lauren found poor people to be pathetic.

Isabella was quickly losing everything she had become accustomed to. Friends, her ability to shop with abandon, and her social life. Which I imagine is one of the reasons why she came looking for me in skid row one rainy afternoon.

We had begun to get to know one another when she invited me to stay the night at her Beverly Hills mansion. At first, I thought I should reject her offer since the whole point of my experiment was to live amongst the homeless community, but Isabella was such a mess I felt that my efforts would be better spent helping her through this discovery.

I spent time off and on at her house. We would get into these fiery debates that I look back on and realize that it wasn't me she was fighting. I believe that Isabella was fighting everything that had upset or hurt her. She felt her father had abandoned her. She was angry at her lack of friends and upset with her past history with men.

It was my hope that, even though she had come to Horizons under debatable reasoning, she would have a chance to explore this self-refection and find that there was more to life then what she had been living, but I was wrong. So very wrong.

After the incident with Jacob Black's latest run-in with the law, he sought out Horizons to help do some damage control on his current negative publicity. He was to show up and plaster a smile on while helping to serve food. This was Isabella's chance to win her bet, what she had been waiting for this whole time. She could finally be done with the soup kitchen and all the people she had met along the way.

It took only a couple of moments spent with Jacob Black to make Isabella forget every stride she had made. A few sparkly smiles in her direction and the promise of a date turned Isabella Swan back into the Isabella Swan I had first met on that street corner on Wilshire. I tried to stop her from taking off with Jacob since I had known full well of his record and was worried she would only get hurt, but it turned into an ugly battle in the back of the Horizon's kitchen.

She made it quite clear to me that she was better than me and better than the homeless people she had served. That she deserved what she had been given and knew that she didn't belong in a place like Horizons.

After all the weeks I had spent with Isabella, I still have trouble comprehending what thoughts she could possibly be thinking. I had hoped that I could help change just one person's thinking, but what I learned from this experiment was that deep down people don't change.

Isabella will never truly become a Swan. She is nothing more than an ugly duckling whose heart and mind will remain shallow and incapable of empathy.

I walked back into Horizons after our fight and looked around at all the people I have been honored to meet. I was upset at Isabella's last words to me, but it is then that I realize that she is definitely not better than the people before me; they are better than her.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I wandered through the streets of Los Angeles for what seemed like an eternity. I had no idea where I was or how I even got home. I think early in the morning I must have had the sense to locate a taxi to take me home but my mind is foggy with the details.

I sat in my living room unable to find sleep. My mind went over every single moment I shared with Edward. I picked out the clues that should have alerted me and then proceeded to berate myself on how I didn't catch them.

I felt incredibly stupid. All the looks and words exchanged with Alice and Edward, how did I not see it? How did I not even figure that much out? The way I spoke about Carlisle Cullen to Edward. The way Rosalie seemed obsessed with Edward. Cryptic exchanges with Jasper and Emmett. The whole world knew what was right in front of me and I was too stupid to see it.

"Bella…I'm a reporter."

So so stupid was I.

"I don't want to hurt her and not telling her…when she finds out…"

Lie.

My grandfather figured it out. He knew who Edward was. Why wouldn't he tell me? He surely didn't agree to Edward writing an article about me, did he? Could I not even trust my own flesh and blood? My own grandfather was a cause to this overwhelming pain.

I clutched my head to try to stop all the spinning. I wanted to cry but I already felt pathetic enough, crying would just make it worse.

I'm not sure how it happened but I finally was able to pass out on the couch only to be awoken by a couple of knocks and doorbell rings at my front door. My body felt wreaked as I managed to pull myself up off the couch to go and answer it.

I couldn't even begin to imagine who would be on the other side but of course Edward's name popped up into my mind and I had half a mind to grab something heavy to hit him with. I felt a fire inside me that didn't want to be distinguished by pain. I wanted revenge.

I opened my door and took a step back seeing Rosalie stand upon my door step. Alice beside her.

"Bella…" Alice started.

I walked forward toward Rosalie and Alice and it was a sheer gut reaction. I slapped Alice across the face so hard my hand was tingling after. She pulled back and clutched her face surprised by my outburst as tears filled her eyes. Rosalie stood by in shock like she was trying to figure out what to do.

"Stay away from me." I managed.

I stepped back inside my door ready to close it but Rosalie stopped me.

"We came to apologize." Rosalie stated.

"I don't want your apologies. I don't want anything from any of you ever again." I looked over to Alice, "I expected something like this from her…but…you?"

I shook my head and I could feel all my hurt bubbling up in my chest once more. Just seeing Alice's face made me think violent thoughts.

"Who are you people? Was this…was it…just some kind of game to you all? Did your brother talk you into doing this so he could…further his own career or are you just that disgusting of a human being?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry, Bella…I wanted to tell you…I begged Edward but he kept saying that it wasn't the right time and that he should be the one to tell you. I never knew he was writing the article on you. I swear. I thought he was writing it on the homeless community." Alice pleaded.

"We are so mad at Edward. He was supposed to shed light on Horizons and the people…he was supposed to make a difference but this article did none of that." Rosalie said holding up the morning paper.

I felt my stomach turn as I looked at the newspaper just feet away from me. What did it say? Edward "apologized" for it. Was it really that bad?

"Bella, I don't know you…I know I was a bitch to you but that's only because I honestly thought you knew who Edward was and you were just using him…using Alice to get to Carlisle. Ever since I joined this family I have seen the very worst in people. They hear about Carlisle Cullen and they do whatever it takes to be a part of the money…hoping for just a piece of it. I am sorry for how I treated you…I would never wish this upon anyone who didn't deserve it." Rosalie said holding up the paper, "What Edward did was completely inappropriate and undeserving."

"Please Bella, you have to believe us…we didn't want this…any of this. You are my friend…" Alice wept.

"FRIEND?" I shouted. "FRIEND! I will admit that I haven't had many friends and most of the friends I have had in the past were horrible people just like me but you, you are worse than all of us. You lied to me and you probably sat back with Edward and laughed at how stupid I was. All the times I confided in you and you couldn't give me the same respect. I actually trusted you. I actually believed that you and I could be friends. That for the first time I had a real genuine friend. Someone I could talk to and not feel like you were going to hurt me but you hurt more than anyone else."

And just like that all the tears that I had worked so hard at holding back were finally free and I think I hated Alice just a little bit more for it.

"I don't want anything to do with any of you. Friends…we were never friends." I exhaled and turned back in my house to shut the door. The poison of her words ran through me and even though deep down I knew that I would be okay in the end of all this, right now I couldn't foresee any bright future for me.

I was torn about what to do next. Part of me wanted to go down to the newsstand and read what Edward Cullen had written about me but another part screamed for me to stay in this house and never leave it.

I walked out to the pool and pictured that day with Edward and I realized that staying in this house could not be an option. Just as I was afraid to bring any man back to my house, I fully understood my reasoning for keeping people away from this sanctuary. Now Edward had tainted nearly every part of my house and everywhere I looked, I could see him still. Even my own bedroom had memories in it. My own bed. The bed downstairs where I gave Edward a sacred piece of me, all of it was tainted.

I walked back into my kitchen leaving the outside for now and just stared around the room. I want to take a sledge-hammer to this place in hopes that if I disfigure it enough then maybe I could stand to live here once more.

I'm not sure how much time passed until the next doorbell ring came. Ironic, since a couple of months ago the only time it rang was for food deliveries and now when I want silence and solitary, I can't find either.

I know Alice and Rosalie won't make the mistake to come back so I'm mildly curious at who could be at my front door this early in the morning. I quickly try to wipe any remaining tears or blotches from off my face and once more pull the door open.

I gasped and am overcome with the sight before me.

"Daddy." I said in a small voice.

For just a moment I want to lunge at him and hug him because I finally feel like my father is here to make everything better. But he does not look happy.

He stands at the front door; a tower of a man holding the infamous article in his hands.

"Isabella." His lips taunt barely moving to get my name out.

I pull open the door and let him in and he passes stiffly by.

"What is the meaning of this?" He started the moment I had shut the door.

"I didn't know he was a reporter…I…I thought he was homeless." I tried to justify in the smallest of voices.

"Why in the hell would you ever allow…some…homeless man into this house in the first place? What is the matter with you? Do you have any idea what this is going to cost me?"

His voice isn't loud like it normally is when he's upset. Instead it's low and spiteful. Suddenly I don't feel like a reprimanded child but instead more like an employee whose about to be fired.

"I didn't know." I defended softly.

He pulls open the paper and begins to quote out loud, "Isabella Swan, daughter of Charles Swan of Swan Enterprises, came crashing into my life when I was two months into my social experiment… she started quoting words from her father stating, "…one should always help themselves before…" Fortunately for Mr. Swan, I never did hear the rest of that credo as I couldn't help but engage into a conversation with this poor ignorant girl, hoping for some enlightenment with my experiment."

Poor ignorant girl? Even though it was true, it still hurt. I can't believe he used that line against me. This was bad. Really bad.

"You know I have investors calling me up and telling me that they want to pull their money from my company because they don't want to be associated any longer with the Swan name." My father threw down the paper on a nearby chair. "I have a daughter who disgraces me in front of the whole world. I have a company that is going to take a hit on the market today because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut. The amount of damage control I have to do is insurmountable."

He towered over me and for a small second I was actually afraid of what he might do to me. I trembled trying to get out an apology but he wouldn't hear it.

"I am through Isabella. From this point on you are cut off. Your car. Your bank accounts. This house and everything in it belongs to me and you have until the end of the weekend to get out."

"Daddy! It's not my fault. I didn't know. He…he…Edward Cullen lied to me. I had no idea he was a reporter." I begged with tears running down my face. My heart pumped quickly at the words of my father. He wouldn't really throw me out of my own house, would he?

"You are twenty-three years old. Grow up! You are no longer my responsibility. I have done my part."

He started to leave but I chased on after him.

"But I don't have anything. I don't have a job. I don't have money. I don't have anyone anymore. Please daddy. Please…I'm your daughter." I begged.

He looked at me one last time, "Not anymore."

In the course of twelve hours I lost everything. I lost a friend. I lost my father. My home. My things and I lost Edward.

I stood like a stone carving at my door as I watched my father's retreating form. My chest rising and falling with a panicky air was all that moved on my lifeless body. I didn't even shut my door as I backed up slowly to fall into the high back chair which adorned my entryway. Correction; this once was my entryway.

I slowly sat down upon the cushion and I heard the rustling of paper beneath me.

The newspaper article.

My tears had stopped and now I was left with nothing. Absently I fumbled with the dirty newspaper underneath me and pulled it out to reveal a picture of me on the page. The picture was one taken the previous night at the soup kitchen when all the reporters were there for the goodwill piece on Jacob Black. The headline, "The Ugly Duckling" was plastered on top of my picture and I couldn't miss the byline of Edward Cullen accompanied at the top of the article.

I swallowed harshly as my eyes searched out the beginning and tried to make sense of the words. What did Edward Cullen have to say about me? It wasn't pretty that's for sure. When he spoke of me, it was almost as if I was merely a subject in his experiment, no better than patient zero. It was all so clinical. Isabella did this. Isabella said that. He used my words against me and things that I confided in him were open to the public.

He briefly disclosed my past history of men and made mention of my rocky relationship with my father. I wanted to be angry but I wasn't angry.

"Isabella will never truly become a Swan. She is nothing more than an ugly duckling whose heart and mind will remain shallow and incapable of empathy." I read aloud for the first time after reading it silently over and over again. I had thought that it would have sounded differently out loud then rolling around in my mind. It did sound different. It sounded worse.

I was never anything more to him than just a story. His words were cruel but were they untrue? Was karma finally catching up to me and now I was to pay for my past sins.

I should be thinking of more important things. I should be thinking of where I'm going to live come Monday. What would I eat? Who would hire me now? This article was going to ruin my life. No one would hire me now and I couldn't blame them because who would ever hire a rich stuck-up bitch?

Richie Bitch.

I noticed how he made no mention of his little pet name for me. No doubt he didn't want to make himself look bad. I wanted revenge but I had just been dealt a heavy blow and I couldn't comprehend how I could exact it.

"Bella." I looked up from my chair at the front door which still stood open from my father's departure and saw my brother standing there in a navy suit.

"Can I come in?" he asked looking at me.

I shrugged, "Not my house anymore."

He sighed and walked in the short distance, his shoes clacking on the floors of the entry way. He shut the door behind him and turned back to me.

"Did you come here to disown me too?" I asked.

"No…just…give dad some time to cool down. You know how he gets." Michael replied.

"I don't think he will this time…he said that I…I….wasn't his responsibility anymore."

"Have you eaten anything today?" Michael asked looking around.

"I would vomit if I had."

"Come on." He said holding out a hand to me. "Let me…go and make you something."

Michael and I weren't ever close to one another so I was skeptical at his hand but at this point, what did I have to lose. I took his hand and he pulled me up before releasing me. He walked in front toward the kitchen and started to look through what I had. It wasn't much so I would be impressed with whatever he managed.

A bowl of cereal was what I got.

"Did I really ruin dad's company?" I asked.

"Maybe for today but that's the great thing about what we do, people don't care about any of that when it comes to their money." He stated gesturing to the article still in my hand. "As long as we continue to make them rich, nothing else matters."

Michael looked into another cupboard and then promptly shut it, "Man, you really don't have anything to eat around here, do you? You should go…shopping or something."

"What's the point, I'm to be evicted by Sunday and even if I did want to shop…dad shut down my accounts."

"No he didn't." Michael announced, "Like I said, he will get over this."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Michael looked taken aback by that question and confused. "You're…my little sister. I…it's my job to look out for you. I know you think I'm just a pain in the ass but I've always kept an eye on your accounts to make sure you were okay. To be honest, I've been kind of worried lately because you haven't been spending your usual amounts so I guess that article cleared it all up for me."

"I am an….ignorant, shallow, girl incapable of compassion according to that article." I noted.

"I happen to not believe everything I read." He replied. "Plus…I was able to read between the lines. My sister has been helping out at a soup kitchen for the past couple of weeks. My sister took in a homeless man…er…man she thought was homeless and gave him food and shelter. My sister finally got rid of those vapid friends she used to have and honestly…I've never been prouder of you. It's clear to me seeing how I know you; that Edward Cullen only wrote this article out of spite, not toward you but spite of Jacob Black. Jacob took the one thing he wanted and he wasn't man enough to step up and be honest with you so he took his anger out on this article. I'm not saying that I don't plan on suing the asshole for defamation but the only person who I think is ignorant in this whole debacle is…Edward Cullen."

It was probably the nicest thing Michael ever said to me. I felt like my whole world was turned upside down. The people I trusted and wanted to turn too had either hurt me or abandoned me. And here was Michael who, like he said, was a pain in my ass; he was the only person to stand by me.

"Thank you, Michael. I…wish I could say that I believed your words but…lately I've been practically kicked in the teeth by…everyone. Even grandfather who…who was always there for me. Even he betrayed me."

"Grandfather?" Michael furrowed his brow.

"He knew who Edward Cullen was. I introduced them to each other and…he's known all along. In fact I ever overheard him talking to Edward and telling him to not tell me his big secret. I knew Edward had a secret but I thought it was something like he was married or…gay. Grandfather knew this whole time that Edward was a reporter. He's responsible for this whole mess."

Michael looked pensive for a moment before responding, "Are you…mad at grandfather?"

"Hell yeah I'm mad." I finally lashed out.

I was mad at grandfather. He could have told me. He could have kept my heart from getting broken.

"I don't think now is a good time to tell him." Michael replied solemnly.

"Why not?" I asked irritated.

Michael sighed, "Because he's in the hospital."

My heart stopped again and I could feel my eyes prickly with tears.

"What?" I asked softly, disbelieving.

"I…I didn't know you were so close with him. I thought you knew." Michael replied.

"What…what happened?" I sat down forgetting my anger.

"He…has stage four colon cancer. He opted to not take the chemo. I don't think the doctors are giving him long now."

Just when you thought you knew what problems were important, you find out that it pales in comparison.

"He went into the hospital a couple of days ago…if you wanted to go and see him before…"

I nodded absently and stood back up leaving the article on the chair.

"Yes, I need to go and see him…I…he never told me. I didn't know."

"It will be okay, Bella…everything will find a way to work itself out." Michael said before digging into his pocket for his keys. "He's at Cedars."

I nodded and watched as he left. I wanted to go over everything that Michael had come here to say but I needed to get my butt in gear and get to the hospital. My anger for my grandfather dissipated and suddenly it didn't matter what grandfather knew or didn't tell me.

I didn't take long to get ready because there wasn't an outfit or a miracle makeup trick to help me look any better. This was as good as it was going to get after hours of tears and sniffles. I'm sure I looked like a train wreak but if you're going to look pale and sickly, a hospital is the best place for that.

I located the parking garage and hustled to find a space. A thousand things went through my mind as I made my way toward the hospital doors. How long did he have left? This couldn't be happening. Grandfather was the only person who I believed genuinely liked me.

I could already feel myself working into frenzy as I had flashes of funerals in my mind and then nothing. I was in such a rush to get to him that I barely noticed the people around me. Barely noticed any cars whose path I crossed. There were a couple honks of a horn to alert me that I may have cut off a car or two.

And then, "Ooofff." I gasped as I ran straight into someone coming around a corner.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm…" I looked up to apologize quickly but then my mouth ran dry.

"Bella…" Edward whispered.

I just stood there staring at him. With my mouth open, my mind went every rich way. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to yell. I wanted to seek my revenge but nothing was happening because my mind had crashed. A complete system failure.

So I just stood there, staring at the man who ruined my life. Staring at the man who I once had feelings for.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

I was having trouble with the simple art of communication. I could tell from his face that he was having the same problem. Normally, I would take a moment to berate my ignorant self for the inability of speech. However, here was Edward Cullen standing before me with his Ivy League degree, and even he couldn't form a two-word sentence.

Edward Cullen. Not Edward Masen.

I was still having trouble putting those two words together. I could feel the sting each time I thought of them and, sadly, I believe I did think of them often because, clearly, I was a masochist.

Edward Cullen.

Ouch.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly.

In all the world of things to ask or say, why I decided for that to be my opening line, I do not know, but in the fine nature of things at least I was able to say something. He couldn't even form two words. Those two words that I wanted to hear but I knew wouldn't make a bit of difference.

"I…I wanted to pay my respects…to your grandfather…wish him…well." He exhaled for a pause, "I'm really sorry, Bella."

The two words he managed to make, turned into three by adding a "really" in between, like that was supposed to further his cause. I feel my eyes flinch at them.

"…I never…I am just so incredibly sorry and I feel absolutely disgusted with myself for what I did." He continued on while I started to feel myself hate the very words he spoke. I felt a fire bubbling beneath my skin and I should tell him to shut up now, before he says something even stupider.

And then he said something stupider.

"I wanted to tell you…"

"Bull shit!" I spat. "You wanted to tell me."

Now I was finding my voice and it wasn't a pleasant version of it.

"I did. I tri…" He whispered.

"Bella…I'm a reporter. That is what telling me sounded like to you?" I was cynical and relentless. "You should have said, Bella, I am a reporter for the Los Angeles fucking Times and I plan on ruining your fucking life. Do you have any idea what your article did? Never mind that I actually cared about you and you just ripped me apart. Do you know what it's like to have the one person you have ever had feelings for tell the world how he thinks you're an ignorant, disgusting human being?"

"That article was never supposed to be about you." Edward replied, "I don't think you're a disgusting human being…I don't think anything like that at all."

"Sure fooled me but, then again, I just might not be smart enough to understand what you meant when you said that I was an ugly duckling who is incapable of empathy."

"I…I was angry at you and I was not in my right mind. I wish I could take it back. I would do anything for that. Bella, you have to believe me" he begged.

"Yeah…well you can't." Losing my fire as it began to be extinguished by my own watery tears. "In fact, you could write a follow-up piece. You could title it, The Annie Story in Reverse; Isabella Swan As She Goes From Riches to Rags. You can go back undercover as a homeless person and follow me around as I try to skimp by on the streets of Los Angeles since I no longer have a home or money or anything."

Edward furrowed his brow, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you didn't hear how my father disowned me? Took away everything. I have nowhere to go…no one to turn to since you took my only friend and made her a lie too."

"God, Bella…I…I…" He just shook his head trying to find the right combination of words to make it better, but he could search for all eternity and not find them. "Can I do…anything…please…please let me help you."

"You want to help me?" I asked confused. "You really want to help me?"

I wanted to unload the unholy load of a shit storm upon him but I couldn't, because I looked at Edward Cullen, who probably looked physically no better than I, and I wasn't angry anymore. I was genuinely heartbroken and scared of the power this man held.

"I don't know what I did to you…to deserve this. I…I'm sure it's something that will plague me for the rest of my life, if that brings you comfort. I think that you are just karma delivering a righteous heavy blow, and if you are genuine with your wishes of help then…please…please just leave me alone. Please…" I started to cry and beg and I hated myself for it, "I can't take anymore. If I have wronged you, I am sorry, but please don't do anything more to me. I have lost everything…isn't that enough for you? You have had a chance to say…everything you could possibly say to hurt me or to bring me down. I won't retaliate…I have learned my lesson and if you have any mercy in your heart, you will just leave… me…alone."

He stood there staring at my pathetic self. His hand began to rise, I think to comfort me, but I stepped back with a shiver. My tears marred my vision but, if I wasn't mistaken, I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes as well, but I wouldn't think on them.

"I swear…I will never hurt you again…I will find a way to make this right." He promised.

"I don't want you to make anything right…I just want you to turn and walk away and never think of me again." I shook, taking another step back toward the hospital doors.

I waited for him to comply, but he didn't move. I shook my head once more to try to clear it, and finally determined that I had to be the one to walk away. So, with my heavy heart, I turned away from Edward Cullen and left him standing there in that dank parking garage.

My head kept shouting at me to forget Edward Cullen, but my heart still held onto him. I don't even know why. Was it because we had one night together that, for me, was the closest to perfection I've ever had? I can't stop thinking of silly mannerisms he had and the way he would look at me when he found me ridiculous. Our arguments and enlightening discussions, things I took for granted now swirled around in my head, wishing for an encore.

I needed to focus on my grandfather now, but I still wandered the halls, getting lost, because my mind refused to relent. I finally found his room but I stopped to take a cleansing breath before entering.

I never did like hospitals. From the sounds of the machines to the smell, everything about a hospital room was unwelcoming. The stark white walls and white linens gave no imagination. The worst was the, often, frail patient who stared at daytime talk shows while they waited for dinner to come or blood to be taken.

"Bella." My grandfather said my name in soft surprise.

I sighed and walked forward to see him lying in his bed, looking nearly as pale as the sheets. My grandfather, who was often lively, running around a golf course, now just sat in a bed waiting for the inevitable.

"I came to spring you. I got a car outback that's all gassed up and ready to go." I attempted a joke.

He smiled and relaxed a smidge.

"I'm sorry…for the article. It was never my intention to have you hurt."

I swallowed and looked anywhere but his eyes. I found a seat near his bed and sat down.

"I don't want to talk about Edward Cullen. I…can only hope that I never have to hear or see him again."

"You must hate me…for not telling you. You must think horrible things of me." He tried.

"Lucky for you…I can't hate you because you're family. I think it's like a law or something."

"Oh Bella, you were always able to rise above…even after everything." He replied.

"Great thing about hitting bottom, you have nowhere else to go but up, or so I hear." I looked around and sighed, "So why didn't you tell me?"

He took a breath himself and shook his head slowly. "I had…great expectations. I saw what Edward meant to you even before you could see it yourself and I honestly believed that he could open your eyes."

"No…uh…not why didn't you tell me about Edward Cullen, I meant why didn't you tell me about the cancer? Why didn't you take the chemo…it could have given you more time." I asked.

"I don't want any more time…I feel that I have had enough time. I'm ready to be with your grandmother."

"But what about me? What about the time that I wanted…with you?" I pleaded.

"Oh honey, please don't cry…these past few months you have given me so much happiness…if you cry then I might feel guilty, and that's a horrible thing to do to a man who's on his death bed."

I huffed and quickly wiped the tears away.

"So now I'm just supposed to sit around and hold your hand until you croak? You make a huge mess of my life and I'm just supposed to stay here and fix it while you go riding off into the sunset?"

He didn't reply so I sat there stewing for a moment. "So…why didn't you tell me?"

Now, I was ready to hear about…him.

"I love you, Bella but you were never really in this world…I think because you have been hurt and neglected, ever since your mother passed when you were just a young girl. I thought Edward could show you what was really important in life."

"Show me that there are people who are poor…"

"Show you that there was more to life than being alone." He retorted.

I sat back in my chair, unable to respond. I wanted to be angry, but how could I be when he was here moments before dying.

"You practically threw me to the wolves and you're partly to blame for all the reasons my father hates me right now?" I finally tried again.

"Your father is an idiot. A gigantic sized idiot." Grandfather laughed.

"You know that's your son you're talking about."

"Don't I know it, and that gigantic sized idiot should be here any moment to learn what a true idiot he has been all these years."

I quickly stood up, "What do you mean?"

I frantically looked around like my father was Lord Voldemort and at any moment he would appear into this very room.

"He...hates me. Why would you invite him here? I don't even think he likes you all that much." I replied rushed.

"Oh sit down. You need to stop fearing the man. He is the reason you are always in so much fear. Can't go to college. Can't have a relationship with a single man. Can't find a dream."

"Yeah…because he wouldn't give me money. I can't exactly go to college for free." I defended.

"Don't give me that bull shit. People do it every day. They go to college on scholarships, they work jobs, or they get student loans. If you really wanted to make something of yourself then your father wouldn't be able to stop you, no matter what. You were just being lazy."

That stopped me from any more rebuttals. I slide back down to the chair, hating how right he was. I could have gone to college. I didn't need my father's money or blessings. I could have been someone. My whole life could have turned out differently and instead of sitting here upset at my father's latest rejection and the subject to a very damaging article, I could have been someone. Anything would have been better than this, I imagine.

While I was pondering my life's path, my father walked in with Michael in tow. He was still wearing the same suit from this morning and looking very stern. Michael gave me a shrug, like he wasn't sure why they were both there.

"So what is the meaning of all this?" My father asked, not even looking in my direction. "You wanted me down here, so what is it, father?"

"Well if I had known that dying was the way to get you to pay me a visit then I should have left this world sooner." Grandfather replied.

My father didn't say anything in return.

"All right…there is something I want to say before you decide to walk out that door and be done with me." Grandfather started. "I want to apologize. I want to apologize to you Charles and to both of you Michael and Isabella."

Well he definitely had Michael's and my curiosities peaked.

"I was a horrible father. If I had spent more time with you, Charles, then maybe you would have been a better father yourself. I put all my focus into a company that never brought me happiness. I wasted the best years of my life struggling to make something out of myself because I believed I was doing the right thing, but now that I am near to my end, I am able to tell you, Charles, that wasting your life away in Swan Enterprises is not worth it. You are not a happy individual. You are no better for all the work I put in. And I'm sorry that you wasted the best part of your life, instead of spending it with your children, and I'm afraid it won't be until you are where I am that you see that."

I waited for any sign of encouragement or some magical force to change my father's gruff, look but none came. It was like he wasn't even listening to his own dying father. I think my grandfather was disappointed that he did not receive even a smidge of attention from his son.

"I have decided upon years of reflection that the best decision I can make for the future of Swan Enterprises… is to leave it…not to you, Charles, but I have hopes in the future Isabella can provide for my company."

"You can't do that." My father swiftly negated.

"Yes, I can. You see while you were so instrumental in pushing me out fifteen years ago, you forgot to have me sign my shares over to you. You focused so much energy in proving that you would succeed me that you didn't even have rights to the company. All of the shares are still in my name and I own a controlling fifty-one percent of Swan Enterprises, which will be signed over to Isabella upon my demise."

Finally, a falter in my father's face, but I couldn't even focus on that. Did he just say he was signing over his company to me?

"Uh…" I managed.

"I'll have you legally declared incapable of making your own decisions." My father spit.

"I thought you might say something like that so a couple of years back when I was already thinking of the future, I had my will drawn up, and I had three different distinguished doctors sign off on my competence. My lawyer will, of course, provide your lawyers with documentation."

"Um…" I tried again.

"Yes, Isabella." My grandfather looked to me.

I was just about to ask him if he was in fact insane when my father lashed out.

"You want to ruin your company? Why would you ever leave something like this in the hands of Isabella? You daft fool! She's not even a real Swan for god sakes. She will never be successful with Swan Enterprises, and you wish to see all my hard work flushed down the toilet because you suddenly grew a conscience. I don't think so, father. I will find a way to ruin you."

The room went silent. I think even the machines faltered in that second. I looked over to my father, my chest rising and falling, but my mouth slightly ajar.

"What?" I whispered. "What…do you mean I'm not a real Swan?"

I trembled, waiting for a response, and I started to look around at everyone in the room and once again, for the second time in two days, the room knew a secret that I had not figured out.

My father sighed harshly, "You mother had an affair…she told me before she died and she made me promise her to raise you like you were my own…but you're not mine. You never were."

I swallowed harshly and I was thankful that I had remained seated. This was a mighty blow. I tried to keep myself from losing it right there so I just sat there focusing on my breathing and watching as my hands trembled.

"Bella…" My grandfather started.

"You knew she wasn't a Swan so why would you ever choose her? Hell, even Michael would make a better choice on the mind of an idiot." My father interrupted.

"Because, to me she is. She is my granddaughter and I don't care if we don't share the same blood." My grandfather snarled, "That's what you don't get, Charles. You may not have made Isabella but she could have been yours, one hundred percent, if you would have just removed your head out of your ass. She has done everything you ever asked of her. Do you think she would have cared that you were not her biological father if you were at the very least a father to her?"

"I am going to call my lawyer." He started to leave.

I say he because I didn't even know what to call him anymore.

"You are such a disappointment, Charles. You wasted your life looking down in the cracks for pennies, when all you had to do was look up and see that you had everything. I fear that the future and thereafter does not bode well for you."

I don't think my heart could take any more of this day. Hell, my brain surly was fried so I just sat there in that sad hospital chair, hoping the world would just pass me by.

"Do you think I should get her something?" I heard Michael ask.

"Why don't you…just give her some time, Michael. I think that now it's time for Bella to take a moment of silence and peace." My grandfather replied.

I know Michael left and, except for the occasional nurse who came in, there was nothing said or no attempts made from grandfather while he waited for me to comprehend.

My father…Charles was never my real father. Should I feel better knowing that this was the reason he never related to me, or was it worse as my memories began to show me every half-hearted hug, a twitch of a lip when there should have been a smile. Never a motivating word and yet, I look at Michael, who I believe is Charles's son one hundred percent, and he didn't treat him any differently.

"Was anyone ever going to tell me?" I asked finally.

"I'm not sure if that was something your father wanted known and I'm not sure what your mother's wishes were." Grandfather replied.

"Do you…know…who my real father is?"

"No…and I don't believe Charles does either. It was…a really hard time for him…when your mother died."

"I don't understand why you would…think I would be any good at taking over your company. I don't know the first thing about business or investments…I don't even have a college degree. I'm not a very smart choice, grandfather." I worried.

"Do you want to run Swan Enterprises?"

I didn't know how to answer that without hurting his feelings.

"No." I whispered.

"Then sell it." He replied like we were talking about selling a car.

"It's your life's work…your name…I can't just sell it." I stuttered.

"Of course you can." He stated, "Bella, what do you want? I want you to really think hard. You can sell this company and have enough money for ten lifetimes. You could go to school. You could travel around the world. You can do anything or be anything in the world. What do you really want in life, Bella?"

I sat there, staring at his eager face, thinking of a future I had put on the back-burner so many years ago and suddenly, I didn't want that future. I didn't want to be rich and successful. I didn't want to live in a big house and have my own servants and travel to France for Christmas and the Hamptons in the summer. Now, I wanted something else.

"I want to be happy." I closed my eyes, almost believing that it was possible and knowing what my grandfather was going to say next.

I heard him sigh, "I'm afraid…that happiness is one of the only things you won't be able to buy with this money."

I finally let out the sob I had been holding.

"I'm never going to be happy, am I?"

"That's up to you, sweetheart. You can be anything you want to be but…it could come at a price. Your pride and stubbornness."

I gave him a confused look, not really understanding what he was trying to say to me.

"If you would…like the advice of someone who has lived a full and challenging life…" He paused, "Bella, you are in complete and total power. You have the ability to give one of the greatest things that a person can give to another human being. The gift of forgiveness."

I stiffened, knowing where he was going, and I'm sure my face wasn't pleasant.

"You will never be happy until you can be free from the pain and the only way that will ever happen is if you suck all the poison out and forgive. Forgiveness…is…divine and one the best things we can give to another person. Love….hope…trust…"

"You want me to forgive Edward Cullen. Even after everything he said…everything he did to me. He hurt me…in more ways than even I believe you know of. How am I just supposed to forgive him and just go on with my life?"

"Because the pain you feel will never go until you do. To live with this pain and animosity, that I know you feel, will never allow you to find happiness. Even if you were to try to move on with your life, you will spend the rest of it thinking of Edward and hating yourself for doing so. You will never be able to move on with your life until you forgive, and you can lie to yourself all you want but I know. I know what it is to live with pain and animosity and, until you can forgive, you will never be happy."

This wasn't something I wanted to hear right now. I had enough on my plate without thinking about forgiveness or Edward Cullen. I had a company which needed to be figured out. I had a…father that was truly no longer a father to me and then, most of all, I only had a few short days left with the only person I ever respected.

Grandfather didn't say anymore on Edward Cullen or the topic of forgiveness after that. In those last days grandfather spoke to me about my mother and my grandmother until it became too painful for him to speak anymore. I didn't want to travel home in fear that the moment I left, he would be gone so I stayed at the hospital while Michael was kind enough to bring me a change of clothes.

I spent my time reading to him until, finally, he was no more. I knew he would be happy now, being reunited with his love, but I was still here; heartbroken because, now, I felt more alone than ever.

My heart hurt for the death of my grandfather. I sat by in his hospital room, while I watched the nurses unplug all their devices, reliving all my memories I had with him. However, I could still feel my heart hurt for the loss of another, as I couldn't help Edward Cullen from invading my mind.

Forgiveness.

How was I ever going to be able to truly forgive Edward? I wasn't strong enough to offer him that when I knew that saying the words wouldn't make it true. I didn't want to just tell Edward I forgave him unless I really forgave him. It wouldn't count and grandfather was right, this was something I couldn't lie to myself about.

My grandfather died. I inherited a company. I had no father. And all of this happened in less than seventy-two hours. Almost sounded like something you'd read in the paper, I thought bitterly.

Forgiveness, Bella. Forgiveness.

This could take some time.


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

After grandfather's passing, I'm not sure how it was even possible, but I felt even more alone than before. Before Edward Cullen and his newspaper article. Before Horizons and the people I had met there. It never occurred to me just how alone I was until I lost the one person in my life that had faith in me. I think back to the way I was months before, and I see the old Isabella Swan, and I feel sorry for her. But all that has changed is that I now have the perspective that my grandfather yearned for me to have and I am left here, alone.

I didn't return to my old house, partly because I wasn't sure if my father…er…Charles would be there with the cops kicking me out officially. As far as I was concerned, he could have it and everything inside it. So with no home to go to and unaware if my bank cards had indeed been cancelled, I had nowhere else to go except the one place I could.

"Can I crash here…for a couple of days?" I stood at the door to my brother's fine estate in Pasadena hoping he would take me in.

He nodded and opened the door wider. "You know, father couldn't kick you out of the house now even if he wanted to. Technically that property is part of his…uh…Swan Enterprises."

"I don't care…I don't really want to go back there. It was never a home to me and I think I would like to start over and choose something…smaller."

I didn't need a huge mansion to help me feel even more alone then I already was.

"So…have you decided what you are going to do with Grandfather's company?" Michael asked, walking toward his kitchen.

I shrugged, "Do you want it?"

I don't even know where that came from. I was so cavalier, throwing around a costly company like it was a bag of chips.

Michael furrowed his brow and looked at me in disbelief.

"If grandfather wanted me to have the company, he would have given it to me. I think you need to think wisely about this…opportunity and not be so careless with it."

He opened his fridge and pulled out a fruit and cheese arrangement from inside, setting it down on the counter before me. I hadn't had much to eat the past few days so I tried to not dig in like it was a trough.

"I'm not being careless…I just don't know what to do. Grandfather told me that he wouldn't care if I sold his company…he just wants me to go and…find myself or something. Aren't you upset at all? You've worked practically your whole life under dad and this company. I mean this involves you too, Michael."

"I never wanted to take over the company. I don't think that dad was even grooming me to take over his company. I honestly believe that he was dead set on never dying so he wouldn't have to give up control. I have no idea what he's going to do now…assuming you let him go."

"Did you know?" I asked softly.

He sighed, "No…not really. I knew there was something…big because I heard him say things over the years to grandfather, but I didn't know Bella and I'm…not sure I would have told you even if I did know. It's not really something you should have to hear from your brother."

"Half-brother apparently."

"Bella, it's just a name for it. That's what grandfather was trying to say, even if Charles wasn't your real father. he could have been. He could have been real to you. If he had been the dad we...I mean you…wanted then grandfather giving you the company wouldn't have been so scandalous. I don't know what you're going to do with Swan Enterprises or…your life, but it doesn't matter that we only share one parent biologically; you're still my little sister."

I sat back in my chair with a piece of strawberry in my fingers, surprised by Michael's approval of the situation.

"And you really don't care what…happens to you if I sell my shares of the company. You do realize that if I sell, you may be out of a job depending on the new owner." I clarified.

I don't know why I was pushing Michael so much on taking an active role in deciding the future of Swan Enterprises. I guess because I didn't want to be alone in one the biggest decisions I ever had to make.

"Bell…I love my job…even with dad always yelling at me and the staff. I thoroughly enjoy what I do but…I don't want to be dad. I don't want to be alone and unhappy and have kids who can't even think of me as no more than a sperm donor…me not you, obviously."

I smirked at his attempt of humor.

"I've been seeing someone and it's pretty serious. I want to get married and sure I want to have a nice house and send my future kids to good schools but I've learned from my father's mistakes and, if you sell the company, I'm sure I'll be able to find another company to work for. I'm smart and I'm damn good at what I do. I will be fine in the long run so you should do whatever it is you want to do and not worry about the rest of us."

I sighed, not really liking his whole "hands off" approach.

"Would…it make me an even bigger bitch if I "laid off" my own father?" I cringed.

Michael smiled and shook his head, "Uh…I think you would…be my hero."

I laughed. For the first time in days, I actually laughed. I had a feeling that, from the look on Michael's face, he was picturing that moment when Charles Swan would be no longer an official employee of Swan Enterprises; security carting him out while he put up a fuss, I couldn't help but picture it either.

I sat there for a long moment, thinking over my options and knowing I should, at the very least, draw up some sort of pro and con chart to help. This wasn't something that I should decide on a whim.

"I…think I want to sell it." I thought briefly of my grandfather and all the sacrifice he put into that company and continued, "But…I don't want to lose it either. I want to see the Swan name carry on…even if I'm not a real Swan…I would want to honor grandfather."

Michael took a swig from his water and set the glass down on the counter gently, "I think you have a lot of thinking to do before the press conference then."

"Press conference?" I asked anxiously.

"Well…yeah, now that grandfather has passed, it's just a matter of time before the press inquiries about his shares and the official word of the future of the company and, since you are the future of the company, you will have to give official word of what your intentions are."

I think my fruit and cheese took a turn for the worse. I slowly sat the Camembert back down on the plate, with no intention of ever eating again.

"I hate public speaking." I replied unsteadily.

"Ah come on….I'm sure the kids you puked on that one time in high school deserved it."

I scowled as Michael mocked a story that actually did happen to me.

I remember doing everything I could to get out of the required class. I told that damn administration that no good could come from me speaking in front of a large crowd and that I promised I would make it my life's work to ensure it never happened but alas, I was forced and, like Sea World states, the first ten rows may get wet.

The next few days passed and Michael arranged for professional movers to go and pack up my old house. Even after the many times I told him I didn't want anything, he reminded me that even though I may feel that way now, I won't always feel that way.

I was content on never stepping foot in that house again. I remained in denial of what my grandfather's parting advice was and tried to ignore any thoughts of the Cullen subject.

Michael even took me to the official will reading at my grandfather's attorney's office. I didn't want to go but he told me that I should go and listen, because there could be important stipulations attached and I needed to be aware of them. I had hoped that the stipulations would help make my mind up for me but alas, there were no stipulations. Just an official document handed over to me, stating that I was the new official controlling owner of Swan Enterprises.

Which brings me to my…Charles Swan.

All week long movers were bringing over boxes of clothes and personal items to Michael's house. The furniture was going to a storage unit until I could determine what to do with it. I should probably be looking for a new place to live but, with so much uncertainty in my life, I didn't want to just pick any place.

The doorbell rang once more to alert me of more boxes. I looked around the guest bedroom, at the boxes, I already had and cringed knowing that Michael's attitude about his little sister staying with him might change sooner rather than later.

I left the room, hoping that it would make me feel better, and made my way over to the door. I practically swallowed my tongue when I saw that it wasn't the movers at my door. I felt my skin prickle up, my nerves were on end, and suddenly I wished Michael was home.

"Michael…isn't here right now."

"I wanted to see you, Isabella." My…one time father figure stated.

"Me?" I looked around, knowing that I probably should have expected this. "Really? Whatever can I do for you dear fath… Charles?"

Brazen.

He sighed, "May I come in?"

I stiffened but opened the door, giving him a strong stare.

He walked into the room, the same as ever. Completely gruff and unwavering, like he knew he was the most powerful person in the room and everyone else should yield to him.

"So…" I questioned pointedly

"So." He countered.

I stood a smidge taller, trying to relay to him that I wasn't scared of him but, to be completely honest, I was terrified.

"You're an intelligent girl. You were given the opportunity to go to the best schools and to have a privileged life."

There were so many things wrong with that opening statement. Where to begin? First, I noted that he called me an intelligent girl. Girl, not woman, a way to keep me inferior. Second, he reminded me of my fortunate upbringing which, of course, he claims responsibility for.

"I know you will do the right thing, Bella. Your grandfather didn't give you the company because he believed you could take Swan Enterprises and be successful on your own. You don't know anything about investments or the world of business. He gave you this company to give me a wakeup call….to make me realize that I haven't been the best…father to you when I should have been. I…see that now." He paused stiffly, "It's my job to take care of you…to always ensure that you have everything you need. This company should stay in the family…I know that is what my father would truly want, even if he told you otherwise. So what I propose is…that I remain doing what I do best and I will give you whatever money you need to do whatever it is that you wish to do. No more restrictions. You can go and shop till your heart is content. Go around the world without having a budget. Be whatever it is you want to be."

I could do a study on Charles Swan, I swear I could. He was a precarious creature and I'm sure he wouldn't even feel it if some scientist cracked opened his head to examine his brain. He noted my lack of business knowledge and used his next statement to try and bully me into giving him what he wanted. Then, he moved eagerly on to attempt to show me that he had learned the error of his ways and assure me that everything could go back to normal with his plan.

"I want to go to school." I stated with determination. "You once told me that I wasn't Yale material and, at the time, I…mindlessly believed you, but I know now that I am Yale material. I am Oxford material; I am…any college or university I want to go to material."

"If that's what you want to do with your time." He replied, with a minor hesitation.

"I want to…help poor people. I want to see Swan Enterprises give a good portion of profits to help the less fortunate."

"We already have some programs in place for charitable contributions." He waved off.

"Then I want to make sure that they are worthy of my money." I snapped.

"Your money?" he noted but I continued on.

"Yes, my money, because, like it or not, even though grandfather may have given me the company out of…stupidity or senility or as some great big gesture to wake your ass up, it is still in my name and I want to decide where the money goes."

He sighed and played with his fingers before responding.

"I could always…you could…be the…chief executive in charge of our charitable contributions. You would be given full reign and a staff that would help assist you in your position."

"And what would your position be in my company?"

"Well…I…I would remain in my position, keeping the company prosperous so that we could still give our share to…your charitable contributions. We could work together and build this company the right way…a Swan Enterprise, comprised of…Swans."

He was losing patience for my petulance, turning his hands into fists, while he waited for me to accept his offer. Just to recap, Charles would remain in his position, allowing me to head up some division out of the kindness of his heart.

"But, I'm not a Swan. You made that very clear to me…Charles."

And that was enough for him to lose any patience he arrived here with.

"Of course you're not, but you always do the right thing, and you know the right thing is to leave this company in the hands of the Swan family!" He barked, "Selling it would only demean my father's memory, and I know how much you respected the man, so are you honestly going to tell me that you plan on throwing all of his hard work down the drain just to get back at me? You won't do that Bella, so why don't you take me up on my offer and go do what you've always been so good at; spending money. Go buy yourself a new car or a new wardrobe and leave the business where it belongs."

I could feel my face warm with the blood rushing to it. Like so many times in my past, when my father would speak to me in this manner, I felt like a naughty child who had her hand slapped. I could feel my eyes begin to brim, and I saw the air of triumph come over Charles's entire body. I was stupid. I thought that I was strong and brave. I thought that I could actually take on Charles Swan and hold my own, but I was wrong. I could feel myself turning into a small little ball, wanting to back into a corner…until a memory filled my head.

"…if you're unhappy, then only you can change that. Your father may be an asshole but he's not responsible for your happiness. Search down inside and find what it is that you think will make you happy and then go after it."

The past couple of days, I did everything I could to stop Edward Cullen from popping into my head, but I had failed each and every day. But, today, I needed him.

"You're absolutely right, father." I breathed in and straightened my posture. "I am going to do the right thing. This company should remain in the hands of the Swan family. A great and powerful Swan who knows how to keep this company prosperous for years to come. It must never leave this family and I would only want to honor grandfather's memory by keeping it that way. Tomorrow, at the press conference, I will tell everyone of my decision and I hope you will be there to stand behind in support of it."

He breathed a sigh of relief, probably proud of himself, that he didn't need to say anything further. He came, he spoke, and he conquered.

"It's the right thing." He assured.

He made toward the front door, and Michael entered just as he went to leave.

"Michael." Charles acknowledged briefly.

Michael looked concerned, but nodded to him as his father left.

"What was he doing here? He didn't threaten you, did he?" Michael started immediately.

"He did…but it doesn't matter. He will get exactly what he deserves." I promised.

"If you…feel uneasy, I could hire security."

"Don't bother. After tomorrow's press conference, Charles Swan will never be able to hurt me ever again."

I walked toward the kitchen, needing a glass of water. Well, I needed something stronger than that, but a glass of water would due for the time being.

"Not that I'm not happy to have you here…but I went ahead and called a realtor and she sent over some listings, if you were still thinking of moving." Michael set a manila envelope down on the table.

"Thank you…I'm not offended. I have a lot of baggage and I really should begin the next phase of my life…I think I'm ready for it."

He nodded slowly with a smile, "I know you'll do great things with it."

The whole night I tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep, but there was still so much to think about. It had been the same for the past few weeks, in those first few hours, I would think about what I want and what my future could be. Then, it would turn into my past and how many mistakes I made and inevitably I would finally find myself thinking of Edward right before I fell asleep.

I hated that it would always end with Edward, but I couldn't help it. He was someone I had begun to turn to since I had met him. I would try to imagine what he would say of my current predicaments. I missed his council and perspective but, most of all, I missed him. Then it would always come back to the fact that the Edward I knew wasn't real. The homeless man I met, Edward Masen, was what was real for me. Edward Cullen, was just a man who wrote a newspaper article on me.

I awoke the next morning and spent extra time on my makeup, covering up the dark circles under my eyes. It was a good thing that Michael had sent for my things, otherwise I wouldn't have a thing to wear or any jewelry or toiletries. However, every box was filled with miscellaneous items, so for me to go through them was a pain.

I pulled open box after box to find the right bra to go with my top and faltered when I opened the next box. On top was the Oxford Dictionary that Edward had given me.

Come on, Bella…don't go all girl. It's just a dictionary. Close the box and remember to throw it out later.

My fingers slide across the cover, and I felt my breath catch as I went to open the book.

"You almost ready?" Michael nearly made me jump out of my skin. I turned to see him put the finishing touches on his tie.

"Uh…yeah…sorry. I'm coming." I closed the box up and left the book forgotten.

I felt my palms sweat as I tried to rub them on my skirt while we drove toward the Swan Enterprise's building that resided in downtown Los Angeles. My grandfather's lawyer, who was now my lawyer, would meet us in the atrium of the building, where the press conference was to take place. Michael was in the car with me and I'm sure Charles was already there in his spot, smug as ever.

I couldn't believe the amount of reporters and photographers who had littered the sidewalks as we arrived. I had been practically under a rock since my grandfather's passing, so this was the first time I would be exposed to the press since the fallout from the article Edward had written about me. At first, I was amazed that so many people would actually be interested in learning the future of the company, but it became evident the moment I stepped out of the car that they were not here for their interest in the company at all.

"Miss Swan, are you as cold-hearted as Edward Cullen stated?"

"Do you hate poor people?"

"Were you the one to give Jacob Black the black eye?"

"Did you force your grandfather into giving you the company?"

The questions just kept coming and, from what I could make out, each one was worse than the last. Our driver and Michael managed to push us through the throngs of people until security was able to make a path.

I felt like the worlds most hated person, and I couldn't even imagine what people must truly think of me. I needed to stay strong, but the press was vicious.

When we finally made it to the stage, my lawyer was already present and waiting to do the introduction. Charles stood behind the podium and off to the side, but still prominent. Michael went to stand on the opposite side of the podium in equal distance.

I could feel my mouth dry up and my heart accelerating even faster as I stared out over the sea of reporters. The flashes of light kept going off and I felt that at any minute a repeat performance of my high school public speaking course would be on the horizon.

"Ladies and gentleman, if you please. Ladies and gentleman." My lawyer, Ben Cheney, tried to call them to attention. "Miss Swan has prepared a brief statement and then we will not be taking questions at this time so, if you have any further inquiries, you may submit them to my offices."

Prepared a statement.

I cringed. I'm sure that was something I should have written out to ensure I sounded competent and controlled, but I hadn't. I had ideas of what I wanted to do with this company but, I had spent so much time trying to figure out what I wanted to do, I hadn't exactly sat down and prepared a statement.

I don't believe walking up to the mic and starting off with a "what up," would do, and now all that rolled around in my head was to walk up to the mic and say, "what up?"

I could feel the room getting smaller and yet the amount of people growing. I felt like I was at Angel's stadium with the stands filled rather than the grand atrium at Swan Enterprises.

I took a breath and stepped up to the microphone, hoping for some miracle that would swoop in and save the day. An earthquake would be excellent timing or some miscreant child pulling a fire alarm would be a welcomed gesture.

"Hello…" I started unsteadily. Thank god, it wasn't a, "what up."

"Uh…I know that everyone here…probably hates me right now…or you think I am just some…Richie bitch…."

I have no idea where I was speaking from. I just started and, like an avalanche, the words began spewing from my mouth.

"You're not a Richie bitch, Bella. You never were."

The miracle that I had asked for had come, but it was not exactly in the form that I was hoping for. The room went silent as Edward stepped out of the sea of reporters and photographers, and it took exactly two seconds for people to recognize who he was and turn their cameras on to him.

My heart, if possible, began to speed up, practically one beat away from a heart attack. Unconsciously, I waved off Ben Cheney as I saw him approach to dismiss whatever Edward planned on saying next, but I wanted to hear it. I needed to hear it. All it would require was what little faith I had left that Edward Cullen wasn't going to say something that would make my life worse. An ounce of faith in a man who nearly ruined me in every way a person could ruin another.

I exhaled one final breath and looked straight into Edward Cullen's eyes while I saw him take a breath himself and begin.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

There are moments in your life that will happen and you will stand there and watch the moment and know that you will always remember it. Every last detail, all drawn up in your head. Details that aren't even important, and yet they get implanted into your moment.

The water fountain in the center of the atrium and the noise that the drops made as they hit the pond beneath. The reporter who wore this strange tartan jacket, which I prayed he only did to set him apart from the rest of his peers. The silence that had come over the building while the world outside remained crude as ever.

But this wasn't my moment. However, I knew in that second that I would never forget this moment as the time stood still while Edward Cullen began to gather his courage to find his words; I knew that this was Edward's moment.

"I have something to say…" He started off a tad shaky as he drew another breath in, but Michael was already to the microphone.

"You are not welcome here. I think you've said quite enough."

"No…no…he can stay and say whatever it is he wants to say." I put a hand on my brother's arm and gave him a determined look. I didn't know if Edward had come here to divulge even more of my secrets and bad behaviors, but I still wanted to hear it no matter how bad it was.

"You may continue, Mr. Cullen."

I had hoped I didn't sound as sad and pathetic as I sounded in my own head. Ah hell, I had hoped that he would say at least one kind thing, as I don't believe I could handle hearing anything less from him.

Edward stepped forward a little more and the reporters gave him a wide berth wanting to pull back and ensure a great shot for their news factions.

"I met this girl a couple months back and she was unlike anything or anyone I had ever met." He began, and it was clear that he had worked to pick each word with such care.

"…At first I thought she was like so many girls I had known. I believed Isabella Swan to be an entitled rich little brat but…she just…isn't. She thought I was homeless…she met me and came to work at a soup kitchen with me. She braved the unknown streets of skid row because she was worried for me, and then she took me in. She brought a homeless man into her home when the weather outside was stormy, and she fed me and gave me clothes and was kind to me. This is the real Isabella Swan. The Isabella Swan I wrote about was a lie…I wrote The Ugly Duckling article because I wanted to hurt her….damage her because I was jealous and angry."

He turned to me, "Bella…I didn't want to see you with Jacob Black. You are so much better than Jacob Black, and you deserved more than what he could ever offer you. I'm sorry for how I hurt you and in the most pathetic moment of my life, I wanted to hurt you the way I felt you had hurt me by leaving with him, because the truth is that…I love you. I have loved you for nearly every moment I have spent with you. I was scared to tell you who I really was because I didn't want you kicking me out of your life. I know I can never make up for what I did…how I treated you…what I said…but I am sincerely sorry for how I hurt you."

He stopped, taking another breath, but I don't believe I had taken one since his first word. I saw him turn slightly to the press corps and begin once more.

"I lied…I have compromised my integrity as a reporter and I can no longer, in good conscience, continue on with the Los Angeles Times knowing what I have done. I have embarrassed my family and my apologies to them for all the ways I have hurt them with my actions. And I want to apologize to my peers because I know I have hurt the reputation of our profession, but Isabella Swan…is not the girl I painted in my article, she in no ugly duckling and does not deserve your harsh criticism. I'm the one at fault here….not her."

He finished and the only sound I could make out was the clicking from the photographer's cameras. Everyone had turned their attention back to me and was waiting to hear my response. I had felt the sting of a thousand nerves at the beginning of my appearance, but now I couldn't feel a thing. How much time had passed since Edward's last words? Not much, I imagine, since no one had prompted me.

It was an odd feeling, like I had heard each and every word, but all together couldn't grasp what he had said. Angry. Sorry. Love?

He walked forward toward the podium and held something up in his hand. Cautiously, I looked around before moving to take whatever he was giving me, but before he would let go of the small object in his hand he said softly, "You can do whatever it is you want to do in life, don't allow silly game rules to limit you. No one can tell you what you can or cannot do, except yourself."

He let go and the small plastic car from my Life game fell into my fingers. I looked down at the car and felt the weightlessness from the toy roll around in my hand. I straightened up and stood before the microphone with no prepared statement but the one that was going to come from my heart.

Somehow, Edward's moment had pushed me into mine.

"Mr. Cullen…wrote an article about me which I'm sure you've all had the chance to read by now…and everything he said in it…is true." I took a breath and swallowed while I heard a couple of murmurs from the crowd.

"My father, Charles Swan, never expected much from me. Even though I worked hard to try to do something positive with my life, I wanted him to be proud of me but…by not having his support after high school I became the Isabella Swan that Mr. Cullen wrote about. However even though Charles Swan never expected much out of me, I should have expected more from myself. I was an arrogant, rich, entitled brat who spent my days shopping and spending time with girls just like me. I would see a homeless person and not even think of them as a human being. I really did believe I was better than them. But Mr. Cullen's article was wrong about one thing, he said I hadn't changed, but that's not true. Edward Cullen forced me to open my eyes to reality and I can no longer be ignorant in the truths of our world and so, I know you have all come here today is to hear what my intentions are for Swan Enterprises but before I explain, I want everyone to know that I have given a great deal of thought to my decision. I have had the opportunity the past couple of months to learn what the ultimate definition of humanity means. I have learned what the definition of family and friends mean. I have been honored to now embrace my journey and know that there are great expectations of me and that I can make a difference. My grandfather was a great man. He managed to create this company out of nothing and I can't, in good conscience, see all his hard work sold off to the highest bidder. I want to honor him and his sacrifice for years to come and I know that the person who is capable to take Swan Enterprises into the next generation is Michael Swan. Financial investments have never interested me so it would be wrong for me to take over a company which business holds no importance to me. However, I want to see this company do great things. Not just make people money, which I know we're good at, but we should help out our fellow-man so I am making it my duty to ensure that a great percentage of profits go to guaranteeing that the less fortunate benefit from our success, because people should never be thought of as just another tax write-off. We should give contributions with our hearts and not for our gain. I don't want Swan Enterprises to just send money because it looks good to our clients and investors. And because most of all, people deserve a second chance and that is what Edward Cullen taught me, that I too can have a second chance to be a good person."

I took another breath and finally looked over toward my…Charles Swan. I could see his mighty hand in a fist, probably trying to keep him from doing or saying anything publically. Our eyes met and he had that look that I had seen many times over the years. A look that meant trouble. I turned back to the crowd for one final remark.

"My grandfather…was one of the best people I will ever know. He…saw something in me that no one else did. He had faith that I would do the right thing even when I was a horrible human being. In these past few months, he has given the best wisdom a person could ever ask for. He was a good man…but he failed. He knew that he failed my father and he failed my brother and I. He worked so hard to make Swan Enterprises what it is today that he wasn't the father he should have been to my father. He wished that he had spent his time more wisely and that is what he wanted me to learn."

I turned to look back at my father one last time, "Charles Swan…my father…you have given your life to Swan Enterprises. You have missed birthdays and recitals and nearly every single important event in Michael's and my life but I know why you did all that. You wanted to be successful and to give us a father to be proud of so…because of all your hard work in this company, I can think of nothing better than to honor you with an early retirement. I will make sure that you have all the funds you need to do whatever it is you wish with the remainder of your life. You can go shopping or buy a new car…don't worry daddy, I will take good care of you…just as you have taken care of me."

I had hoped that didn't sound as snide as I had intended it to be. I plastered on an endearing look so hopefully I hadn't taken two steps back for Swan Enterprises. I turned back to the crowd and didn't see anyone look appalled so I must have won this round.

"On behalf of Swan Enterprise I would like to thank everyone for their avid interest in our company and would like to wish you all a good day."

There was an eruption of questioning the moment I stepped back, but thankfully they didn't seem as scandalous as when I first entered the building. Mr. Cheney took over and continued our sentiments and Michael and I were whisked off toward the elevators with a pack of security. I tried to look back one last time for Edward to see his face, even once more, before we parted to never seeing one another again but he was already gone. The small plastic car in my fingers was all I had left from our time together.

I sighed and the elevator doors closed.

I imagined that we were heading up to the head offices and it was a funny feeling, as I had never stepped foot in this building before today, to finally see what all the commotion was for this company.

"Sorry to drop the bomb on you like that…I know you said you didn't want to become dad and I really hope you won't, Michael." I started.

"I hope not either."

"I really want to see this company stay in Swan hands…just not Charles Swan hands. I want you to have a better future then both of your predecessors. I really want you to be happy…if you don't want the company…"

"Bella." Michael turned to stop me. I waited for him to continue, but instead he gave me a small smile and then pulled me into a hug. I was honestly taken aback since we were never the hugging type of people.

"I will hire someone to help…a good right hand man to make sure that I never have too much work and that I don't become Charles Swan. I still get to do what I love and know that I can have a bright future for myself…my future wife and future kids."

"Kids…wow…I can't even imagine being an aunt. I'm sure I would probably fuck that up." I cringed just picturing it.

"I don't think it would be as bad as you're picturing, for starters you could always work on limiting the crass language."

I gave him an offended look and he laughed. He started to say something more, but then stopped and started again and then stopped again.

"Just say whatever it is you are dying to say." I huffed.

"Love…are you…in love with him too?"

I turned and stared back toward the elevators doors, trying to will them open.

"Of course not…I can't…he…I could never trust him and I…there is just not enough understanding on the planet to even try to comprehend love for a person who in one sorry jealous, man-child moment screwed me over in every way possible."

"He did give a good speech…I must say."

I gave him a warring look.

"Yours was good too." He added quickly.

"I just want to forget about Edward Cullen…good speech…dammit, it was a good speech." I huffed annoyed.

"So…do you still want me to pursue the lawsuit?" Michael suppressed a grin.

I exhaled frustrated. "I guess…not…I mean he did just quit his job…publically. I doubt we could do worse."

"Well, that is the…noble thing to do." Michael stated with a sense of mockery in his voice.

"Yes, we are being…noble." I crossed my arms over my chest, not wanting to look at his smug face.

"Yes. We are…just a couple of noble kids in charge of a billion dollar company…forgetting all about Edward Cullen…doing the right thing has nothing to do with any of our underlying feelings for the man…no feelings whatsoever here, right?" Michael stated rather playfully, irritating me even more.

"No. No feelings. Not a one." I replied adamantly.

"Good…good to know."

The doors began to open just as I was about to respond when we were interrupted.

"You bitch!"

A security guard immediately took defense, pushing me behind him.

"Father!" Michael exclaimed.

Another guard took a hold of Charles and pushed him out of the way of the elevator so we could exit.

"You think you can force me out of here? I will never leave Swan Enterprises. This is my company!" he began to rant.

I looked at Michael concerned and he looked back at me. I could see the state that Charles Swan was in. He was sweaty and, for the first time in my life, he didn't look so scary and threatening. He looked pathetic.

The guards were still holding him back as I lightly moved the guard standing in front of me aside.

"There will be an account set up for you. I will make good on my word and ensure that you are monetarily taken care of. It's over Charles…you are no longer a father to me and I'm sure that you will find great comfort in that until comes the day where you are sitting in a chair, all alone and reflecting back on your life, wondering where it all went wrong." I looked toward the two men holding him. "Could you please show Mr. Swan to his car."

"I will fight you. I will slaughter you and take this company back! Michael, you will do as I say, son." He struggled hard but was no match up for the men as they pushed him onto the elevator and the doors closed on that chapter in my life too.

"Was that what you had pictured?" I asked Michael, still staring at the elevator doors.

"Yeah…but now that I think of it, I should have wanted something more…dramatic. Like being thrown out in front of all that press…that would have definitely made for a better ending." He jested.

"I'll be sure to remember that when I write the screenplay."

"So…what is next for Isabella Swan?" he asked.

I sighed, "I would have thought that life would have gotten even a smidge easier after deciding what I wanted to do with this company but…I don't feel any weight off my shoulders. Even with Edward coming clean on the reasoning of his article, I don't feel any better than before."

"Well didn't you want to go to school? I'm sure you could literally go anywhere you wanted now?"

"I do. I do want to go to school. I think school would be a nice distraction from this feeling."

"And what about Swan Enterprises…whole new contribution efforts you announced? Are you going to be taking care of that?" Michael asked.

"No…not for now. I want to focus on school, but I want someone in that position who I know I can trust to always do the right thing so that the money goes to the right places. I have someone in mind…someone who could use a job upgrade."

"Well you should probably decide on where you want to go to school before you buy a new home…in case you wanted to go out of state."

Yale.

Oxford.

Ivy League was at my fingertips and yet, it didn't sound like the right fit for me anymore. However, Michael was right, I did need to decide soon so I could buy property in a respective place. I spent the next few days looking over different curriculums at various schools, but in the end I decided that Ivy league and out of the country was just not for me after all.

The spring semester would be starting soon and I could easily still apply…maybe having to use some connections however. I wanted to start back to school taking it a little easy since I had been out of school for a few years and needed to readjust back into that academic lifestyle.

By December I had made up my mind and enrolled at UCLA. In the end there was something about Los Angeles that made me want to stay. With being enrolled, I finally managed to find a place before Christmas to call home. A one story, two bedroom property with a beautiful majestic garden, and everything felt like it was finally falling into place…except one thing.

For the first couple of weeks after the press conference I had begun to throw myself into looking on toward the next phase of my life. Searching out schools and possible homes was what got me through not focusing on any residual feelings of resentment, hurt, and betrayal. Of course grandfather's words would creep up every once in a while, however I was getting rather good at finding distractions wherever I could.

At first it was what school to attend. My next distraction was finding a house to live in. Then, I went out in a moment of insanity and adopted a cat who was mighty fluffy so, of course, I had to name him, Fluff 'n Fold. Just one step closer to my hopeful future as a cat woman, I figured. Which brought me to my current distraction; moving.

Once more, the moving van had unloaded the boxes from my old house, which had been temporarily moved to Michael's house, and finally found a spot in my new living room. Box after box, surely this would be a tremendous distraction.

But as the night grew darker and I was once again alone with Fluff 'n Fold, I finally couldn't stop the voices and memories floating around in my head. I missed having friends. I missed having someone to talk to.

I sat down in the one chair that was empty and looked over at my television, which still needed to be installed. With no mindless entertainment, the voices I had been trying to shut out just got louder and louder.

You have the ability to give one of the greatest things that a person can give to another human being. The gift of forgiveness…you will never be happy until you can be free from the pain and the only way that will ever happen is if you suck all the poison out and forgive. Forgiveness...is...divine and one the best things we can give to another person."

I missed…Alice.

And just thinking that made me pissed off all over again, but I couldn't deny that I missed her. I missed Emmett and Jasper, but at least I hadn't gone insane enough to miss Rosalie, so that was a positive.

I wondered what they would be doing tonight? Were they all working at the kitchen? Out having fun? Saturday night was surely a long soup kitchen night. Was Edward there? Still grilling burgers in the back since he truly had no job to go to now?

I will admit that what pushed my car over to Horizons that night was that I told myself that I needed to come here for one purpose only. I needed to find the person who would head up the new contributions department at Swan Enterprises, ensuring that our donations were wisely spent.

It was near closing time when I arrived. I walked toward the entrance with great trepidation, wondering if I really should be here. I was even more nervous than the first time I ever stepped foot at this address. It took me a sold five minutes just to get within ten feet of the door.

What was I doing here?

Get back in your car, Bella. Get back in your car.

My feet were frozen to the sidewalk as my body kept turning toward and away from the Horizon's building. I finally placed my hand on the door handle and just right then someone pushed their way out of it.

I stiffened, afraid that I had just been caught in the act. The person I had come to see was now face to face with me. And it wasn't Alice.


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

"Bella." Angela smiled. "Wow…we've…missed you around here."

"Hi…I…yeah…" I didn't know what to respond with. "Where are the kids?"

"Inside with Alice. I was just going to the van to get Stephanie's jacket."

"Oh…well…hey…I actually came here to see you."

I was here to see her, but I also can't deny that I wanted to come here for other reasons as well. However, I had envisioned something different. I had hoped that I would have made it through the front door at the very least. Damn me and my noncommittal mind.

"Really? What's up?"

"Um…" I looked around and tried to remain discreet.

"He's not here tonight…if that's what you're worried about."

"What are you talking about?" I tried to act uninterested.

She stood there giving me that all-knowing motherly look. "Really Bella…you two…are like the star crossed lovers who can't get their shit together biggest story in Los Angeles right now. Edward has been running his free food truck on Saturday nights. I think he was headed out to Long Beach tonight."

"Food truck? He…did it then? He actually went through with that plan?"

"A free food truck that is run on donations? Yeah…he did it." She replied. "It's all the buzz…he cooks with a lot more flavor, so people will even pay for it."

"I just thought that was all a bunch of crap he made up to…add to his pile of lies." I shook my head, "Anyway, I don't care about Edward Cullen…I…never did."

"Sure. Whatever." She dismissed. "So how can I help you?"

"Well…are you still working at McDonald's?"

"Yep. They just promoted me to shift manager. I got a dollar raise and everything." She replied with faked enthusiasm.

"How would you like to come work for me…I mean for Swan Enterprises?"

She furrowed her brow and shook her head. "I don't know anything about investments."

"It's not an investment job. I want you to head up our charitable contributions department. You would be in charge of a staff that would determine the amounts to send to various charities and in addition any fundraisers the company throws. I want someone who I know will make sure that the money is spent wisely and sent to the right places…including here." I looked up at the Horizon's sign. "Children should always get a full serving of fruits and vegetables and you would have the ability to ensure that happens."

"I would…be able to do that and still maintain a decent hourly wage?" she asked cautiously.

"I think starting salary is sixty thousand a year, but that's negotiable if you would want more. Plus, Swan Enterprises has a great home owner deal that helps out employees, if you wanted to take advantage of that, and in addition your normal benefits…health, 401k, vision…dental."

"Oh my god…are you for real?" She started shaking and trying to hold back.

"I want someone who can make a difference and, with your background, I know you're the right person for the job. So…what do you say?"

It took a minute to sink in. She appraised me, almost waiting for me to tell her I was joking. However, when I didn't, she began to cry uncontrollably and, admittedly, I felt quite awkward at first. The awkwardness continued when she flung her arms around me and squeezed the living daylights out of me. It took me a moment to relax and then I couldn't help but tear up a little seeing her. It was the first time in my life I felt genuinely good about something I had done.

"YES! God, yes!" she cried over and over. People leaving for the night probably thought we were crazy as they passed.

"Bella…you don't know what this means…what this can do…my kids…you just…saved our lives." She gasped.

I gave her a small smile in response. What could I ever say to something like that without sounding condescending? I didn't want to ruin this moment so I said nothing at all. It was a real minute of personal reflection. This job was going to pay sixty thousand over the course of a year and she was happy and thankful for it. I used to have a credit card with a hundred thousand dollar limit and even then, when I went over it, it was all paid for. But this job meant a whole new life for Angela and her kids, and I finally understood what my grandfather had been trying to tell me all those times.

"Bella…you have to come in. You have to be there when I tell the kids."

"Oh…no…I can't…I…I just wanted to help." I started to back off from the doors. "You come down to the offices tomorrow and I will be there to walk you through. Get your HR paperwork all filled out and also some kind of advancement so you all can move to a hotel until you can find a new place to live."

"Bella. Please come in. I don't know what really happened between you and Edward but…he's not here, and this may sound crazy but this place hasn't been the same and I know that Alice and everyone would just love to see you." She took a hold of my hand, "Please."

"I don't know…what Alice did…everyone knew about Edward but me. It still hurts. I'm still angry…"

"But wouldn't it be less painful if you could just find forgiveness?"

Suck the poison out.

I stood there contemplating if I was ready to do this. Weighing all of my feelings took time, apparently a tad too much time because, finally, Angela took control and began to pull me toward the building.

"Angela." I protested.

"You did something great for me…now it's time I did something for you."

With her great determination, that would certainly be an asset to Swan Enterprises later on, she pulled me through the very doors to the place that, not long ago, I loathed.

It was quiet, as most of the people had gone for the night. I looked around at the kitchen and, for once, I didn't feel out of place, I felt a unique sense of normalcy. Like it had been any other day and I should go over to my mop bucket and begin scrubbing down the floors.

Inside, Rosalie and Emmett were already wiping down tables and trays. Angela's kids were sitting at a table and drawing and as we entered Angela didn't even have to say one word before all eyes were upon us.

"Just make sure to not tell your mom that I'm giving you this extra scoop."

I looked over to see Alice emerge from the back of the kitchen with a bucket of ice cream in her arms. She stopped in her spot seeing me.

"Bella." She acknowledged softly.

"You'll never believe what just happened. Bella offered me a job…a real job. I'm going to be helping with charities…and…we can afford a house…no more smelling of fish filets…no more van…" Angela trailed off, sensing the tension.

Both Emmett and Rosalie had placed down their cleaning products and stood in their spot, unsure of what to do next.

"So…I give out a whole banana to two kids and I'm a bad guy. Something nutritious. But you have extra ice cream and you own the place but, just remember Alice, you give more to one and then they'll all want more." I shook my head dubiously.

"Even I make mistakes…" She replied softly.

"Of course you do. You lie and hurt people….it must run in the family."

I don't know why I was being so combative, but just seeing her and all of them made me feel hurt all over again.

"Okay…um, kids…lets go finish the ice cream in the kitchen." Angela picked up her kids' plates and shooed them off toward the swinging doors to the kitchen.

"You know, you weren't the only one hurt, Bella." Great, now the blonde one had to throw her last cents in. "Yes, we lied but…have you ever even stopped to think how this effected our family as well? What you meant to Edward….all of us?"

"Rosalie." Alice dismissed.

"No. She should know." Rosalie argued. "He told you that he loves you and yet have you once thought about that? Can you really dismiss him and his feelings so easily? Yes, we lied to you and we're really sorry about that. We knew all about Edward's real identity, but it didn't mean that you knew him any less because he told you he was Edward Masen and not Edward Cullen. We lied to you but…how can you lie to yourself, Bella?"

"Do you even hear yourself, blond…Rosalie? I don't know anything about Edward Cullen. The man I knew was a homeless, self-righteous, amazingly stubborn, and an antagonistic person. He…made me believe in…" I stopped for a second, catching myself from going any further, "…everything was just one big lie so that he could write some big important piece for his newspaper."

"A newspaper he gave up for you!" she yelled.

"After he told the world about how disgusting he thought I was." I fought back.

"All right, would you all just shut up!" Alice screamed.

I wanted to start yelling at Alice but, seeing her look as miserable as she did, I couldn't. Jasper had appeared finally, but I could see him and Emmett hold themselves back; this was obviously a fight for the womenfolk.

"Bella." She sighed. "I didn't know….I didn't know I was going to…fall in love with you….to see you as not just a good friend but as also…a sister. Edward came to me and asked me not to divulge his true identity and, of course, because he is my brother, I said yes. But…then…we became more than just acquaintances and I wanted to tell you….I begged Edward to just tell you now before you got hurt more than you already did. I never stopped being your friend. I didn't laugh at you behind your back or make fun of the fact that you hadn't figured it out like you think. My brother was an idiot but I…I'm a bigger idiot, because I should have just come clean and maybe we could have avoided all this…but…can you honestly tell me that if…I had told you, that you'd be happy right now? Would you have not kicked us all out of your life knowing that truth? Because I think you wouldn't have given us a chance and, at least this way, we got to spend more time with you."

I stood there in silence looking at them. I wanted to throw things…some kind of tantrum was all that was racing through my mind, but how pathetic would that be? So instead, I just stood there thinking over the past few months.

"Your brother called me a mistake." I softly reminded her.

"My brother is an idiot. I think that is something we all can agree on here." Alice looked around and I could see some emphatic head nods.

"But…" She started once more, "I don't believe he ever thought of you as a mistake…I think…that he…was just the absolute worst at comprehending a situation, and you were just an innocent bystander to his stupidity."

"I'm not ready to…forgive him. I don't want to see him…have I thought about my feelings for Edward? Of course not, Rosalie. When I think about how I felt about Edward…how I saw some…thing for us and then…he just…threw me away so easily, if I think about those feelings, that's when I feel weak. I can't felt weak again…I won't."

I sighed and looked around one last time. How long I had waited to say goodbye to this place, to finally be done with it, and now all that remains is sorrow and hollowness.

"I think you should…give those feelings another chance. You both have worked so hard…much harder than most, to have what you have. Everyone can see what you meant to him and what he means to you. It's Christmas, Bella…don't you want to believe in some…miracle. What could possibly be better than to give the gift of forgiveness?" Rosalie replied.

I looked around at all of them. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice. I could almost picture what my future could have been like if Edward would have just told me the truth. I would have friends…I could have had a family. I could picture Edward dressed in nice black suit, standing at the end of an aisle, while I walked toward him. I could picture Christmas' with these people as we all sit around a tree like some Norman Rockwell picture.

"You're right. I forgive you." I whispered, looking at each one of them. "Merry Christmas."

And that was it. With a heavy heart for a future I could picture but never have, I left Horizons.

Fluff n' Fold wasn't bad company. I'm sure she could make a proper replacement for human beings. Plus, with school starting soon, I'm sure I could have friends by the butt loads. That was worrisome. Most of the people I would be in school with were going to be five years younger than I. Five years! How did I get so old so fast?

I pulled my cat closer to me and she let out a meow.

"I don't need any friends, right Fluffster?"

I could finally talk aloud and not look so crazy. At last I had gotten everything I wanted. I wanted to be a cat woman and now I was. Just me and my fluffy kitty…which caused my brother some problems when I asked him a couple of nights back to set a dish for Fluff n' Fold come Christmas eve.

"Bella, I am not setting a place at the table for your cat. I want you to meet Emily that night and I really don't want to have to explain my…crazy sister to her."

"Crazy? I am not crazy…it's my cat, Michael, and I wasn't asking you to set a place at the table, just merely on the floor near where we will be eating. I'll bring her special dietary meal with me."

"I really like this girl, Bella, and with our father…whatever. I just don't need to give her one more reason for questioning the possible genetic material future…failures that this family seems to suffer from."

"First of all, if she does think I'm crazy then…blame it on my father's side. Tell her that my father was institutionalized."

"Like Shawshank?" he asked.

"Like…One Floo Over…so, technically, I am not part of the genetic failure unless you really want to blame mom, our poor beloved cancer riddled mother who died. What kind of a son would you be to blame her?"

"Bring the damn cat, if you must." He huffed.

Christmas Eve came one week later, and I just wanted the stupid holiday to be over with so I could look forward to school. I was going to audit a psychology course come the beginning of January and I couldn't be more excited…and scared.

My house was finally unpacked, for the most part. I had just two more boxes to go through and, with my television finally all set up, I was able to pick right back up with my Kardashians. The last thing I wanted to take the time to do was to arrange my brand new work desk.

I had set a broad sturdy oak desk in front of my window that overlooked my garden. I had hoped it would bring me peace when I was struggling with concepts. I made an extra special trip to Office Max to find all the necessary supplies for my desk. I had new pens and highlighters. There was a perfect spot for my printer below and now all I needed was something personal to place upon it to christen it. I dug through the last couple boxes hoping to find just the thing.

However my last house was not riddled with personal touches or memories, so the first box left me empty. The second box caused my heart to stop as I finally saw the Oxford Dictionary that Edward had given me on top.

"I thought it could sit on your desk when you matriculated there. Never know when it could come in handy. There are a lot of really important things in that book."

Edward's voice from the past caused me to back up slowly to find a place to sit upon my desk chair. I ran my fingers over the lettering and, for a moment, pictured the book sitting on my desk. But would I really want that kind of reminder sitting there in front of me for years to come?

I had spent five years in my old house and had nothing to show for it. No memories or silly little mementos and yet Edward, who had stayed just a few days, had left me one. My fingers played absently with the pages until I finally made up my mind to see the book physically sit upon my desk. So I set it up on the edge and marveled at how perfect it looked with it.

I took a breath and sat back in my chair, proud that I had finally finished my desk. It was two seconds in to my admiring when the Oxford book took a tumble and landed on the floor. I swear, for a second, I wondered if I had a ghost in my room.

"Don't be stupid, Bella. It…just needs a book end is all." I exhaled and reached down to pick the book back up and out slide a piece of paper. Our friendship contract. I looked it over and shook my head at the absurdity of it, and yet it saddened me as well. I turned the paper over and there, on the top left corner, was printed in the perfect font, Edward M. Cullen.

"It's just the last page. Nothing interesting is ever on the last page."

Damn you, Cullen! It was right there all along, the truth written out plainly for me to see.

I held the book in my hands and flipped to the last page, because I wanted to see the page put back where it belonged, but as I was flipping I noticed that the book had been highlighted an awful amount of times. This must have been Edward's book when he went to college, I imagined.

My fingers halted on a page and I looked at a highlighted word.

Reparation. Noun. 1. A repairing or keeping in repair. 2. The act of making amends, offering expiation, or giving satisfaction for wrong or injury.

Seemed like an odd word to highlight. I flipped on and stopped when I saw another highlighted portion in the "S" section.

Sorry. Adjective: feeling sorrow or regret.

Okay, clearly Edward was intelligent enough to not need to know the meaning of "sorry." Why in the hell would he highlight such a thing? I continued to go back toward the beginning of the book and there were dozens of words.

Amends.

Apology.

Compassion.

Confession.

Future.

Grace.

Hope.

Mercy.

Need.

Please.

Truth.

And of course, forgiveness.

"Forgiveness. Noun: The action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Example; funny how we really learn to forgive when we need forgiveness ourselves."

Of course he would have to highlight that word. The word that plagued me these days. Why did this book seem to be highlighted for my benefit? Edward didn't know how to tell me the truth, so he spent his days at my house highlighting my peace-offering.

I placed the book down on my desk still open, like it was the Never Ending Story and I was afraid of what would happen when it ended. It was Christmas Eve and, if I had just found the forgiveness that Mr. Cullen highlighted, my cold dead heart might beat once more.

God, why was I tearing up at this? How could a stupid…dictionary make me feel so despondent? I sniffled, readying myself to close the book but my fingers couldn't find the reason to. A couple of pages I flipped through, and I couldn't stop searching for highlighted words.

Love.

I stared down at the offensive bright yellow ink and willed myself to not read the definition, but I lost that battle.

"Love." I whispered. "Noun; An intense feeling of deep affection. Example: We were slowly falling in love."

I shook my head and that simple highlighted word made me angry.

"Love?" I huffed.

"Love!" I yelled.

I picked up the book and threw it at the wall causing Fluff n' Fold to go diving for the underside of my bed.

"I can never be happy until I can find forgiveness, but how can I find forgiveness when I'm just so…angry? Am I just supposed to forget about it all? Forget the nasty things he wrote? Forget how he made me fall for a lie?"

I don't know who I was shouting at, but I'd like to think that maybe my grandfather could hear me. Hear how useless his parting advice was.

It was Christmas Eve. In just a few short hours, I was required to be over at my brother's house to meet his girlfriend. I would eat ham, Fluff n' Fold would have her gourmet chicken dinner from the can, and then Christmas day would come and go and I would be all alone, hopefully free from thoughts of love and forgiveness.

I looked down at the Oxford book, a little worse for wear now. Still angry and still without an answer that I needed. I fought internally with myself one more time before snatching up the stupid book and storming out of my house.

This will be the last time.

I kept repeating it over and over again as I made my way toward my destination.

This will be the last time.

I was hardly dressed for the cool temperatures that California was putting out this holiday season, but my mind didn't seem to think about that before I left the house. My car skidded to a halt in front of the dingy yellow building with the bold Horizons lettering on top. I grabbed the book and, this time, I didn't stop to think about whether or not I should enter the building.

The place was packed and it finally occurred to me that this was one of the soup kitchen's biggest nights. Just seeing all the people had pulled me to a stop and calmed me down a smidge. No need to scare them with my craziness.

I maneuvered myself through the throngs of people until I found Alice.

"Bella!" She cheered, upon seeing me.

"Is he here?" I snapped.

"Uh…who?" She cringed.

I gave her a short look and she sighed, "In the kitchen…but could you please not kill him around the food pans. We have way more people than last year and will need every bit."

I rolled my eyes, irritated that she had a point. My finer moments at the kitchen usually occurred when I would needlessly waste the food. I pushed my way back behind the counter and through the swinging door.

And there he was.

Edward Cullen.

I had not seen him since my press conference and now here he was. He had just finished pulling out a pan from the oven when he finally noticed me.

"Bella." He whispered.

I shook my head at him slowly, still angered from before.

He set the tray down and, at the first moment, I threw the dictionary at him. He easily caught it before it could do any real damage.

"What do you know about love?" I asked. "You had a fucking definition at your fingertips and still have no concept."

He looked confused.

"I know you must have highlighted that book before you decided to screw me over so Edward Cullen…what do you know about love, because it's obvious you didn't quite get the meaning."

Edward stood there staring at me with his mouth slightly ajar.

"Well? Aren't you going to answer me?" I demanded, trying to hold myself together.

"I…I have missed seeing you." He exhaled, "You're here. You're…really here?"

"Of course I'm here. I'm here because I'm angry at you. I'm here because someone told me that I could never be happy until I forgive you, but I don't want to forgive you. No matter how many definitions you throw at me of apology and mercy…I don't want to forgive you."

"That's okay….you don't have to. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"No, it's not okay. I'm the one who is plagued by it. You get to go on with your life, happy as a clam. What's it to you if I never forgive you?" I snapped.

"You think I'm happy?" Edward's eyes finally lit up, "Bella…I'm not happy. I think about you every god dammed day and how I…I fucked this up. I am miserable."

"No, no, no. You don't get to take credit for being more unhappy than I am. I had feelings for you long before you and your little highlighter marked up my peace-offering. My feelings were at least genuine. I fell for you regardless of your displaced situation. You couldn't even be honest with me on the most basic thing. So again, I ask you, what do you know about love? Someone in love would never have done the things that you did for such silly reasoning. Jacob Black. Really Edward?"

He stood there, staring once again. He slowly shook his head and ran his fingers through his messy hair, "I don't know what it is you want to hear from me, Bella…but I'm not going to lie to you anymore. So…if you came here to hear me say that I don't love you…it's not going to happen. I fell for you and I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life…and I was stupid. I let my…past with Jacob Black ruin my future. If it had been any other celebrity, I would like to think this would have turned out differently but…of course it had to be Jacob. Seeing you with him…made me incredibly angry. I was angry at you for being so…stupid. How could you just eat up everything he was telling you? How could you not forget that this was the man who ran past you when you were hurt? How do you get into a car with a man who put a girl…a child, practically, into the hospital? You can be angry with me for the rest of your life but…I'm angry at you too."

"What was I supposed to do? Jacob…he…made me feel wanted. After you bailed on me…running out of the house like my vagina had cursed you. What was I supposed to think? I was a mistake…I was nothing more to you then a mistake. I had finally experienced something real with someone and he called me a mistake." I cried.

"No…" He shook his head, "You were never a mistake. I…I wanted you so badly but…I didn't want you when I was drunk. I didn't want you when you still thought I was Edward Masen. I wanted our first time…to be transcendent, to be…the first and last…never a person to follow. I love you, Bella…I wanted to make love to you…not fuck you, because I was too drunk for it to mean anything else. I never wanted it to happen that way, and when I woke up…I was angry at myself for ruining what was supposed to be the best moment of my life."

He looked so sincere and I could tell that both of us were having trouble keeping up the fires of our anger to win out over the other.

"Best moment…" I scoffed.

"Don't belittle my best moment." He stated strongly.

I narrowed my eyes at him, preparing myself to continue to battle, but was having trouble finding an appealing argument.

I shook my head, "You and I…we never would have worked out anyway."

"Why would you think that?"

"We…fight all the time. Since I met you…hell our first interaction was a fight. What kind of relationship would that be? You can't be in a relationship with just fighting. We're both stubborn and both always think we're right. We would fail."

Edward placed the dictionary down on the counter and moved a little closer. I stepped back one pace, noting his advancement.

"I happen to think that we…don't fight…we are just passionately responsive. Besides, how boring of a relationship would we have if there was no fighting allowed?" He took another step forward.

"That's stupid. How can I be in a relationship with someone I can't even forgive? I can't even trust you. Tell you some dark secret and then you would just run off and tell the world."

"You and I both know that I don't do that anymore…I know my word isn't much, but I would never hurt you like that ever again. Tell me that you don't love me, Bella."

"I don't love you…I don't know really how I ever felt about you. I was just beginning to explore those feelings when you fucked up. I…I don't know how I feel, but how can there be love without trust?" I stepped back once more.

"Then…I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I'm trustworthy. I will…wait until you can find forgiveness for me. I will apologize every single day and never let you forget for one second why you and I are perfect for each other. Just give me that chance. Just one."

I finally reached the furthest I could go, my back hit the sink. My sink. I was cornered. Nowhere to run.

"I don't know if I can…I…" I stopped trying to shut my eyes tightly. "I…don't want to get hurt…you…I always knew you were dangerous for me."

"Bella…just give me a chance. I love you and I promise…no more lies. I am not homeless, but I am no different from the man you met. I am still Edward Masen. Why can't you see that? My hopes and my dreams haven't changed. My feelings for you haven't changed."

I stood there staring into his eyes while I made a decision that could change my life forever. I could see a hundred different ways that this could end badly. Everything about Edward and I seemed so wrong. We were nothing alike and yet the same too.

"You…really sucked at maintaining our whole basic friendship contract. The second party feels she was wronged and, according to that contract over there in that yellow highlighter soaked book, I own your ass. I believe I can do…whatever I…see fit to be…compensated."

Edward smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "I guess you're right. You can…own my ass…and anything else you wish."

He came closer, just mere inches from my face.

"You're…really not going to fuck with me, right? I mean…I…I…I will kill you Edward Cullen…Masen whatever the fuck your name is. I will…." I wanted to threaten him further but, instead, he shut my babbling up, pulling me into a kiss. I could feel the water from my sink seeping into my short navy skirt, but that kiss…oh that kiss was like finding a way to breathe again. Something I felt that I hadn't done in weeks.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, securing him in place. I didn't want it to end, because then more questions I feared would pop up into my head, asking me if I could really do this. I could hear cheering go on behind Edward and, for a second, it took me out of the moment, but Edward wouldn't let our audience ruin this for us as he pulled me closer and tangled his tongue with mine.

We had waited for so long and now we operated on pure instinct. I felt him grab my butt and lift to put me onto the sink. Our urges were taking over, but even Rosalie couldn't ruin this.

"Ew! How did that turn dirty so quickly?"

"Please…just….leave the food out of this. If you both could…." Alice tried. "Hello? Um…I said HELLO!"

"Lets…just not worry about the food for tonight. I'm sure they will be respectful of the hundreds of hungry people who are out there hoping for a nice Christmas dinner" Jasper tried to intervene.

"CHRISTMAS DINNER!" I exclaimed, pulling back from Edward and ending our moment. "Fuck me!"

I jumped down from my sink. "I'm sorry….I totally forgot about my brother's Christmas dinner."

I looked around, frenzied, for a clock to see the time.

"You should go." Alice replied.

"No…we…no…we just got back together. I don't want you to go." Edward grabbed onto my hand. He looked worried that me walking out of this kitchen would erase all that had happened in it.

"I have to go…it's really important to him. He…wants me to meet his new girlfriend." I sighed.

"Well then…how about he…meets your new boyfriend?" Edward asked.

I laughed. "No offense, but you're not my boyfriend. You are…on probation for the time being, and if you serve your time then maybe I will reconsider your position within my presence."

Edward picked up the dictionary and tossed it to me, "Then maybe you should be in charge of writing up the contract this time. Come on, Swan. You can dictate and I will write it up while we go and see your brother."

He started to push me out of the kitchen.

"You can't just leave the kitchen. You have people to feed." I commented.

"Food's done and there is no better place for me to be than by your side."

"You don't understand…my brother…he's not your biggest fan. I don't know if showing up with you, unannounced, is a good thing."

"Would you stop making excuses, Swan? I will meet your brother and tomorrow you can finally meet my family. Officially."

We arrived at the car and I huffed, smacking his hand away from my door handle.

"Let's get one thing clear. This new contract…if at any time I feel that you have breached it then I will…." I began to threaten, but he placed a finger over my lips before I could finish.

"Christmas is a time for miracles, Bella. Now would be a great moment for the miracle of peace. So…would you stop your complaining and just… get in the damn car."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fine." I snapped, "But I never agreed to meet your family."

I opened the car door and slid into the seat.

"What happened to the Mercedes?" Edward asked, sliding in next to me.

"I heard that this hybrid was more environmentally friendly. Plus, the Mercedes didn't really look right in my new garage."

"So you did move?" Edward asked. "I went…by your house so many times, but it never looked like there was anyone there."

"You did?" I asked softly.

"Of course I did. What, did you think I just tried to move on without even trying to find you? To beg…"

I nodded, "Well…yeah."

"Never Bella…I could never move on. I would…have nowhere to go if I did."

I smiled softly at his words and started up my car. Edward and I tried to rehash a new working contract for our confusing relationship that we were going to attempt on. Once again, something that would never hold up in a court of law. Some contract that I imagined both of us would fail at many times over, but the one clause I placed in, the honestly clause, was something Edward never failed me at again.

My brother was surprisingly excited to see Edward standing beside me rather than my cat. Our night turned out to be rather domestic. If that's what you could call rehashing some of the Swan family's finer moments the past week. I believed that both Emily and Edward must really love Michael and I, if they really wanted to be with us after hearing of our psycho family roots. Edward was rather shocked to hear all about the infamous Charles Swan.

After dinner was done, I made the decision to continue on the night with showing Edward my new home. I won't lie and say it was easy for me to welcome Edward into my home. For one, I really liked my new house and I was a tad worried that if this didn't work out then he would have tainted my perfect home. But…I needed to try to trust him if this was ever going to work, so with much trepidation I opened my front door and led him in.

"I like it. It's…much more homey." Edward announced.

"I know what you mean…I never had that with the last house and, for the first time, I can actually picture a future here. A…good one at that." I replied walking in toward the main room.

"So…" He started.

"So…" I replied awkwardly. "We…aren't going to…do anything tonight. Just so you know."

He smirked and gave a quick laugh.

"Of course not." He paused. "But…I could light a fire and maybe even you could handle making some hot cocoa."

"Hey…if you get a fresh start then why can't I?" I complained.

"Okay…Miss Swan. I am…completely ignorant to your kitchen plight. I will start a fire and be not amazed when you bring me a cup of hot steamy cocoa." He playfully replied.

I chewed on my lip for a second. "On second thought, how about we go back to what we both are good at? You in the kitchen and me on the couch."

I flopped into my big comfy couch and waited like the queen of Sheba. Edward shook his head and walked over to my smaller kitchen. He started to open up different cupboards searching out my new place for his supplies. It was nearly midnight and as I watched him look so natural in my kitchen, like he had been here before, like he would always be…it made me think of my grandfather.

"Edward…do you…think my grandfather will be proud of me? All my decisions...what I may become. Do you think I would have made him proud?"

Edward set the pot on the stove and looked over to me.

"I think…your grandfather was always proud of you and…he always will be. You have turned into quite a lady."

I do think he would have been happy with my decision of what I did with his company. I think he would have been proud of me finding the perfect person to run Swan Enterprises charities and I think he would have been proud of me for going back to school, even if I didn't know what I wanted to do yet, I know that my grandfather would be proud of me…someday. There was just one thing I knew he was waiting for.

"You think that having a house and clothes and a nice car is having everything in life? What about friends, Isabella? What about family? What about a boyfriend or a husband...children? What about the things that really matter."

"Edward…"

He waited for me to continue.

"I do love you…I…don't want to admit it because I'm scared." I stood up from the couch and slowly walked toward him, "What if this doesn't work? What if I end up even more miserable than I already am? I want to be happy but I'm terrified too…"

"Please don't cry, my love." He wiped my tear with his thumb and kissed the spot on my cheek where it had landed, "You and I will figure this out. We have…our whole lives to figure out being happy. I will tell you every single day how I love you. I will…apologize every single day for my past wrong doings. I will make it right. I promise, Bella."

I exhaled and nodded slowly, "I don't want you to apologize every single day. I…don't want my past to ruin my future. I forgive you, Edward. I'm…ready to forgive you."

And I meant it. I was ready to be happy. I was ready to forgive and forget in order to move on toward happiness. I wasn't naïve. I knew that happily ever afters aren't like the Disney films. You don't get your prince and get married and then have your happily ever after. Life doesn't work that way. You have ups and you have downs. Edward and I would encounter them all. There would be days I would want to kill him and days he would want to kill me but, even after the fighting ended and the smoke rose from our disaster, we would still have each other.

All of grandfather's lessons had finally been learned and that was the thing about the lottery of life, you sure could win it and be lucky enough to have it all but, as I've learned, it's what you do with your winnings that determine whether you really won at all.

-The End-

Now, of course, I couldn't leave you without telling you about how the next day went with meeting Edward's family. As you can imagine, we showed up to the Cullen Estate promptly by noon. True to my word, Edward and I were completely hanky panky free the night before. However, that didn't mean that we didn't want to spend our time with one another alone.

It was a perfect morning, with perfect pancakes, and I even managed to find a suitable outfit to wear when meeting the parents for the first time. Even now, I feel completely idiotic that it took me all the way to the front door of Edward's house to remember one small, tiny little thing.

"Oh shit on a stick…Carlisle Cullen." I skidded to a halt, causing my grip on Edward's hand to pull him back.

I trembled a smidge as I looked up at the tall oak door standing in front of me. Edward looked perplexed until it dawned on him as well. Suddenly, a viciously wicked grin graced his lips and he couldn't help himself.

"Oh…that's right. You once masturbated to pictures of my father. Won't that make for an interesting dinner topic?"

"Shut your mouth. Just shut your mouth." I demanded, trying to get him to close his trap before anyone heard. "Besides, I didn't really masturbate to pictures of him…a wet dream maybe, but that's as far as it ever went between me and your father."

"Me and your father what?" A voice from behind startled me as the door opened. I slowly turned and there he was, Senor Cullen. Thankfully not shirtless but hot damn he looked way better then any picture my laptop could produce.

"Father…mother. I am delighted to introduce you to…my girlfriend, Bella. Bella…these are my parents, Esme and Carlisle Cullen."

I awkwardly stepped back toward Edward, wondering if it would be too noticeable to just make a run for it. I took another step back and Edward placed an arm around my waist, halting me.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Bella." The woman with the perfect copper hair stated.

It seemed to me that Edward didn't only win the lottery of life; he also managed to win the genetic lottery. These people were flawless.

"Uh…hi." I so intelligently replied.

"Well, come on in you two. We have all been waiting for you to open gifts." Senor Cullen stated.

He opened the door wider and Edward pushed me toward it.

"So…isn't he just positively dreamy, Bella." Edward mocked quietly in my ear.

I waited for his parents to be a safe distance away before threatening, "One word, Cullen, and I will castrate you and place your dick in a shrine of shirtless photos of your father, and then I will picture the lewdest of acts for eternity."

Edward playfully cupped his junk, "All right. All right. No need to get violent…or…lewd."

"The rest of the kids are back here in the family room." Esme announced.

"Great, mom!"

We walked on for what seemed like an eternity. This house made my old home and my father's home look like it was made out of Duplo's.

There was something that had been on my mind for quite awhile now, but I wasn't sure how to tell Edward. I now wished I had informed him earlier as I was about to make a complete ass out of myself.

"Uh…Sen…Mr. Cullen…Mrs. Cullen." I stopped them from going further.

"You can call us Carlisle and Esme, dear." Esme replied.

"Oh…well…okay."

Edward looked at me curiously.

"I don't know what Edward's…told you about me but, as he found out last night, recently I was alerted to the fact that my father…isn't really my father. I know that this is going to sound absolutely bonkers but…"

They all waited for me to find the courage to finish my question.

I looked directly at Carlisle and cringed.

"Bella, what is it?" Edward prompted me.

"Uh…well…uh…"

"You can ask me anything you wish, my dear." Carlisle replied.

"You didn't happen to sleep with another woman twenty-three years ago?"

"Bella." Edward admonished.

"Or…have a brother that…slept around… twenty-three years ago?" I cringed.

Edward laughed awkwardly, "Would you excuse us?"

He pushed me straight into another room that looked like a study.

"What is the matter with you? Why would you ever ask my father that?"

"Look, I don't know where I come from. Who knows who my real father is, but what if…it's someone you're related to? We can't be together if we are, unbeknownst to us, siblings. That's like…totally creepy."

"Bella, we are not related." He stated emphatically.

"But what if we are?"

"Trust me, god is not that cruel. He would not make us go through everything we have gone through to just…do that to us in the end."

I huffed and sat down on the leather couch with my arms folded across my chest.

Edward sighed and sat down next to me. "If…we were…not that we are, but if we were…I wouldn't give a damn. You are mine and that's all that matters."

"That's…gross." I cringed, "We had sex…you and I. You could have had drunkenly sexed up your half-sister…or cousin?."

"You're not my sister or cousin, but if it really bothers you that much…then we will go and get a DNA test. Okay?"

I sighed and looked over to him. He picked up my hand and kissed it.

"Would you stop recoiling from my touch?" he huffed.

I sighed, "So…does this…Playboy Mansion have a back exit we can escape through? I would like to go die now."

"Don't call my childhood home the Playboy Mansion. And…we are not escaping. We have a family of people to go and greet." He replied, standing up from the couch.

He held out a hand to me and I took it.

"And here I thought I was going to get to embarrass you." Edward smirked.

I smacked him on the chest. "Oh shove it."

He laughed and kissed my head.

"Hey, until we can determine that you and I are not related, there will be none of that, mister. I heard somewhere that over seventy percent of married couples are related so it's not so farfetched."

Edward rolled his eyes and pushed me on towards the door.

"No…fun whatsoever? Somehow, I think I'll be able to break you before that DNA test." He confidently stated.

"Don't make me refer back to our contract."

"Contract. Your little contract is so incredibly small compared to the contract I have in mind."

I furrowed my brow, wondering what the hell contract he was planning on writing next. We had our basic friendship contract and that was followed by the basic relationship contract…

I gasped as I looked back up at him. I started shaking my head.

"You can't be serious….no…I mean…no…we…no." I shook with fear.

"Calm your skirt. I wasn't planning on asking you to sign today." He replied, a tad offended.

I tried to calm my heart that was beating erratically in my chest. This was so not the moment to be discussing such matters.

"Now, put a move on it, little sister, before I tongue kiss you."


End file.
